Story: A Guy's Pride And Joy

Ranma would often claim that he wasn't afraid of anything. Now, that clearly wasn't true. Everyone fears something. Except for the absolutely unhinged. Thanks to Ranma’s upbringing which led him to find fighting fun, Ranma's fears tended to be more abstract. Things such as  cats, embarrassment, and emotional intimacy.

As such, we can behold a rare instance where Ranma was afraid of something quite specific and tangible.

"Waaah! Crazy horny tomboy with a blowtorch!"

It's not going to come up often, but it is quite a sensible fear. Hence, girl form Ranma fleeing through the Chardin mansion in a desperate search for a place to hide. Preferably a place that did not, in fact, involve any of the other extremely thirsty girls in high pursuit of her boy form's junk.

Eventually, she did manage to find such a place. A disused guest room. Ranma pressed back against the door, listening outside as Akane's heavy footsteps fell on the carpet outside, fearful that she might open this door and resume her mad attempt to remove this damned corset.

"Oh Ranma?" Akane sang, her voice high pitched and syrupy sweet, which made it all the more unsettling to hear. "I'm only trying to help. There's no need to run."

Her heavy, heavy footsteps went away after a little bit, thank goodness she was so heavy or else she'd never know it was Akane. Ranma stumbled into the room, and wound up leaning against a dresser for support.

"Man, what's gotten into those girls?" she asked. Then regretted the phrasing. "Alright, fine. My stupid magical monster dick ate their brains. That's the only way to explain it. I mean, the way they've been behaving lately is totally bonkers. What's the big deal, it's just sex!"

It's worth noting that while Ranma was complaining about that, she was unconsciously grinding herself up against the corner of the dresser she was leaning against. Don't blame her, she really can't help it any more than the other girls could.

"Dammit, this isn't working..." Ranma groused. Whether she was talking about hiding from the girls or the masturbaiton attempt was arguably unclear even to her. "Ugh, even in girl form I'm feeling pent up. If I don't fix this soon I'll wind up doing something drastic and stupid."

Speaking of something stupid, here comes Picolet Chardin, opening the door, while also opening his mouth as wide as a bowling ball.

"Ah, Madame!" he exclaimed, then scooted over, grabbed Ranma's hand and attempted to kiss the back of it. Ranma replaced her hand with a cushion, then tossed it aside. "So, this is where you have been hiding today? You are such a naughty scamp. I should put you over my knee... but then what would we have left for the honeymoon, no?"

Ah, how nice of him, how timely. Now she wasn't horny anymore! This guy was like a walking turnoff. That mouth, that tongue, that attitude, everything about him was making Ranma's libido hibernate.

"Let's not talk about the honeymoon," Ranma insisted. "Really. Let's not. Talk. About. The. Honeymoon".

"But of course!" Ew, ew, ew, that thing with the tongue where he licks his entire face, then licks her entire face, was the most disgusting thing ever. "You are most eager to learn the secrets of martial arts dining, yes?"

"Oh, yes," Ranma replied. Because it would mean breaking off this engagement, post haste. "Shall we resume our training where we left off?"

Ranma's stomach growled. She was famished. Not least because being hounded by a crazy horny tomboy first thing in the morning built up a hell of an appetite. Hehehe! Alright then, it was the stupidest martial art that she'd ever heard of, but Ranma still felt confident. She'd master it. She'd completely and totally master martial arts dining and then rub this idiot's face in it! Focus on that, it's the perfect, most ultimate distraction from sex!

Although... there was one thing that Ranma hadn't expected. Sure, the sight of her (ugh) fiance making food disappear was definitely going to keep her from getting horny for pretty much the rest of the day.

Why. Why, oh why. Oh why, oh why, oh why. Was all the food. All of it. The bread. The meat. The vegetables. Even the things where it didn't make any sense. Why did it all look like a penis?!

<hr>


Stop me if you've heard this one. A psychotic gymnast with emotional issues stemming from a absent and abusive father, and a manipulative murderous Chinese warrior babe who had developed warped ideas about how to earn the affection of another person due to the masochistic tendencies of this idiot boy that wouldn't take no for an answer were so thoroughly horny that, even though neither of them was gay, they had resorted to scissoring each other in a desperate attempt to get off.

Hahaha... That's not funny.

It certainly wouldn't be funny if either of them heard you laughing at their predicament. If you were heard laughing at the way Kodachi's too long legs made it so that the sole of her foot kept on grinding into Shampoo's nipple. Or that Shampoo's ridiculous strength kept causing them to move along the carpet.

"St-stop, stop!" Kodachi said, in between breathy moans. "My head's back up against the wall again."

"And... Shampoo about to cum again, so suck it up!" Shampoo snapped back.

"As- As if it matters at this point!" Kodachi replied, the frustration in her voice cutting sharper than a scalpel. "We've - both - cum, twice already, and - it's - not- <b>helping</b>!"

The two of them collapsed into an orgasmic pile, breathing heavily, and that should tell you something. These two could run a marathon or three and barely break a sweat, but here they were exhausted, panting and drenched in enough sweat to drown a lion.

"Hrmph. I expect you got a lot of practise with this in your backwards village," Kodachi sneered.

"Ah," Shampoo said. "I see that Kodachi like irony. Why else she invite Shampoo to tie her up with her own ribbons?"

Eye contact was made. Sparks flew between them. They hadn't got on since the day they met. Then again, the reason they even knew each other at all was because they liked the same boy. It tripped a deep rooted evolutionary instinct: Someone else wants that scarce resource you want? Be it food, water or in this case a mate? That's going to trip all kinds of hate.

It didn't help that these two were already extremely competitive. And used to getting their way. Sure. Following Ranma's Dickening of the lot of them, it had made them a little bit more aware of each other's emotional needs and, heck, they were even willing to share it (because man, they'd put up with a lot for the sake of that dick, competing with each other over it would only mean less dick for all of them).

None of this meant they had to like each other.

"Fuck <s>me</s> you," Kodachi hissed. Both of them heard the scored out part.

It didn't mean they couldn't start finding each other appealing as well. I mean, if you think about it, what they were doing was kind of crazy. Right? They weren't gay, but they were so horny they decided to hit each other up for some orgasmic relief. That's nuts, they're that desperate to get off that they'd screw someone they hated?

"No, fuck <s>me</s> you!" Shampoo tersely replied, and they could still hear the scored out bit.

They had to be at least a little bit into each other for that to fly, right?

"Now kiss!" a new voice said. Both of them turned to see their fellow member of Ranma's cock addicted harem (albeit the newest member) leaning on a couch with her chin in her hands, staring at them like she was watching a movie. She even had popcorn. "Come on, smooch already. It'll feel great to admit you're into each other."

"We are not into each other, Nabiki Tendo!" Kodachi protested. Quite the bold statement when her pussy was currently grinding against Shampoo's.

"That right!" Shampoo agreed, also feeling quite audacious in her claims. "We just too too horny from withdrawal from airen's too too big, too too satisfying dick!"

"In case you didn't notice, we were in the middle of an argument!" Kodachi added.

Nabiki took a long slurp from her soda while looking at both of them without blinking. "Right," she said on finishing. "Sort of the same way that Ranma and Akane argue all the time."

"Th-that different!" Shampoo sputtered. "That caused by airen's deep rooted psychological trauma stemming from stupid father stunting his emotional growth, leaving him mentally about ten years younger than he should be when it comes to opposite sex. Still at icky girls stage. Not to mention father combative and insulting all time anyways so Airen sees fighting as method of expressing affection.”

"Meanwhile, Akane Tendo has clearly lacked a mother figure for the majority of her life, and felt a compulsion to adopt martial arts as a way to bond with her father. Which failed as he never once considered her an appropriate heir, only wanting one of his daughters to marry the son of his friend. Then combine this with her inadequacy issues from comparing herself to Kasumi Tendo -"

"Shit, even Shampoo would feel inadequate compared to her..."

"- And my idiot brother's clumsy attempts at seduction by repeatedly challenging her to fights... it's amazing that she didn't rip our darling Ranma's penis off when he tried to put it in her."

“Question Kodachi, why the fuck do you know so much about my sister’s psychological state?” Nabiki said.

“Know thy enemy Tendo.”

Nabiki took a longer slurp from her soda, while narrowing her eyes. "You're aware that one archaic use of 'know' was as a euphemism for sex, right? I'd say you're knowing your enemy very well right about now."

"Fuck <s>us</s> you!" both Kodachi and Shampoo yelled, and all three of them did indeed hear the scored out part.

"Hrm, maybe later," Nabiki said, standing up and stretching out. "Fun fact, I was actually already bi before this kicked off, so a roll in the hay with the two of you..."

"Bullshit, you were not bi!"

"Ah... you got me!" Nabiki snapped her fingers. "I'm not quite horny enough to experiment yet, but give me an hour and I'll probably be back. You two psycho lovebirds have fun now, I'm going to try setting up Akane and Ukyo. For shits and giggles."

She sauntered off, leaving the two of them to resume where they left off, with Kodachi's foot not so gently rubbing Shampoo's breast.

"Damn that Nabiki Tendo," Kodachi huffed. "I... really want to see that chef hook up with her little sister now."

"Hrm... It tough to say," Shampoo mused. She grabbed Kodachi's foot, but instead of pushing it away she started to squeeze it in a very deliberate way, bringing out a deep moan from the gymnast's throat. "Wonder which would be top, and which bottom?"

It was left unsaid that the same thing hadn't quite been resolved between these two yet, either. Though. Let's be honest. If it came down to it, Shampoo would be the one on top here. Kodachi would try to cheat her way into that position, but Shampoo would cheat harder.

Ranma's martial arts dining training takes on a weird unintentional sexual tone that is driving her crazy.
Akane continues the hunt for Ranma, blowtorch at the ready.
Ukyo is busy penisising (I have decided to make that a word, deal with it) all of the food in the kitchen.
Nabiki's actually off to set up her reinforcement plan. Which should culminate in her having Ranma to herself for a day or so, if all goes to plan...
Something else