You can imagine it very easily. A darkened room, with shadowy figures surrounding a table. Faces obscured by the absence of light, a clandestine meeting to discuss heaven only knows what.
"Can we get a new lightbulb in place for our next meeting?"
"Sayuri, that's supposed to be the punchline!" said a voice that didn't sound entirely unlike Yuka.
"Hey, it's so obvious it's best we get it out of the way now," Sayuri said. "Can we bring this meeting to order already, sitting around in the dark isn't my style at all."
The girl at the head of the table stood up, brushed back her mullet, and thumped the table in front of her. "I agree," she said. "Let's get this meeting of the Akane Tendo fan club-"
"By which we mean, 'girls who want to rock Akane's world'," added the last of the girls, a short haired girl with a quiet voice.
"Let's bring this meeting to order!" the girl at the head of the table finished, brooking no interruption. "Alright. So, the first order of business is, unfortunately, a fourth wall break. Why have the two of us not been featured more often? We want more screen time!"
"Y-yeah!" the short haired girl said. "And - and more distinct personalities, too."
"Forget it," Yuka said. "You two are anime only. The writer doesn't like the anime nearly as much as the manga. When was the last time you saw him use Sasuke?"
Never. The answer is never, and you never will. Unless I'm, I don't know, making him suffer or disappear from the thread or something.
"You're both lucky to get this much time here," Sayuri nodded sagely. "You can't call it a club if it's only two people, so there you go. I hear he was planning to pad space with Nabiki's flunkies."
The door flew open, and a girl with long orange-brown curly hair, holding an empty glass leaned in. "We're not flunkies!" the girl yelled, then another girl pulled her back out the room.
"Anyway!" Asami coughed into her hand. "Let's get down to business. The four of us have one big thing in common, and that is -"
A projector flared into life, lighting up a wall with the image of Akane Tendo, crouched over a collection of bricks in the process of being shattered by her fist. At her appearance, all four girls sighed as if they couldn't help themselves, that simple expression of emotion was too big for any of them to contain.
"She can shatter my bricks anytime," Sayuri muttered under her breath.
"Yes, yes, Akane is the one and only person that makes any of us thirsty," Hiroko said, squirming in her seat. "She's the most popular girl in Furinkan High for a reason."
Sayuri stood up, holding a ruler, and drew a circle on the image. "The reason is situated right around here," she said. Do note that she was running the ruler in a circle around Akane's butt. Which she then punctuated by drawing the ruler back and smacking it. The other three girls considered this, and then one by one nodded in agreement. It was a really nice butt.
"Anyway! In spite of our endless, searing thirst for that martial arts booty, we have been selfless here at the Akane Tendo Fan Club. While we have been careful to move ourselves into the position of her closest female companions -"
"Which isn't easy because holy christ is she a tomboy."
"- Our goal is not to aim so high as to tap that perfect butt for ourselves, or to feel her thighs wrapped around our heads, for we all recognise this is too much of a prize for us to be worthy of. Just as Lancelot was not worthy of the Holy Grail, while Galahad was, so too must we find a worthy holder of that prize."
Yuka raised her hand. "What's this Arthurian stuff all of a sudden?"
Asami kicked her bag under the table. A Fate Stay Night DVD could be seen poking out of it.
"Nothing, nothing at all," Asami said, twiddling her thumbs.
"Anyway!" Sayuri said, slamming her hands on the table. "The point is that our search is over! We found our Gahalad!"
"Galahad," Asami corrected.
"Whatever!" Sayuri yelled, raising the projector remote into the air. "Behold, Ranma Saotome!"
The image that appeared was split down the middle, with boy form Ranma on the left and girl form on the right. In both pictures, Akane was in the background staring at Ranma with such blatant lust that you'd swear she was about to push him up against a wall and <i>do</i> things to him/her.
"Until this slab of beefcake slash slice of cheesecake arrived, Akane Tendo had no interest in romantic affairs," Yuka said.
"Can't really blame her," Hiroko added. "I mean, he's not to my taste, but his boy form is objectively handsome and his girl form fills me with <i>so much envy</i> you guys, it's not even fair, how do you compete with a body made of magic like that?"
"We don't compete," Yuka said. "We push these two together. We get them going on dates. We get them to kiss and marry and have lots and lots of babies. The question is... how do we do that?"
Silence fell among them all. The thing was, these four girls... hadn't actually dated any boys before. Much like Akane had no actual sexual interest before meeting Ranma, neither had they any interest in dating until they met her. The only thing they had been doing that entire time was a frantic search for their Holy Grail, and now that they had it in the palm of their hand not a single one of them knew what to do next.
"I guess... we tell her to kiss him?" Hiroko offered. "Boys like being kissed."
"They live in the same house, right?" Asami asked. "Maybe... if we tell her to 'accidentally' walk in on him in the bath, he'll succumb to her clear irresistible charm?"
"Nah, Ranma's a bit too dense, he wouldn't fall for that..." Yuka said. She tutted, she rubbed her head, she tapped her foot impatiently. "Let's see... He's a martial artist. Maybe a martial arts dating challenge?"
"Come on, let's be realistic here, that's a stretch too far," Sayuri said. "The answer is easy. We tell Ranma that Akane has been kidnapped, then we tell Akane that Ranma's been kidnapped. We lead them to a room ready for getting down and dirty, and then nature takes its course."
"Ohhhh!" the other three girls clapped.
"C-Can we set up a camera to watch?" Hiroko asked.
"Hiroko!" Asami snapped. "Such a thing would be beneath us. We must take contentment in the idea that Akane is finally getting some. We do not need to witness it to feel satisfaction."
Sayuri pushed a folder out into the middle of the table. "My latest doujin," she said with a wicked smile on her face. "A threesome between both of Ranma's forms, and Akane in the middle."
"Gimme!" the other three girls yelled at once, making a dive for the folder so frantic you'd think they were wild beasts arguing over the last scrap of food.
"So, we're setting up that camera," Sayuri grinned, producing one from her bag as if she'd already known that she'd need one.
- Akane initiates Operation Dress-Up
- Nabiki hears the report about this meeting, and decides to have fun.
- Kuno makes another attempt to show Ranma his love.
- Ranma is told that Akane has been kidnapped. He calls the Police.
- Something else
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