"Yahoo! This is so cool! A real, genuine supernatural occurrence unfolding right before my very eyes!" Yes, the sight of Haruhi in a hazmat suit jumping up and down with adorable excitement was the most unnerving thing about this. Haruhi Suzumiya had reality warping powers, so her discovering something like this was possible was really bad - "Now! Kyon! Even though you've become a hunk you're not allowed to lust after my cute face anymore! We can't have any of my precious SOS Brigade becoming full blown bimbos, now can we?"
"Kyaaa!" Mikuru squealed, tripping over her own feet, landing on her breasts, and then bouncing off the floor an inch because her breasts were frankly absurd. "Mmmf.. Kyon, come kiss my boobies better!"
"So much for Brigade Members not becoming bimbos," I said.
“Well, Mikuru was always a bit of a ditz and her boobs aren’t that much bigger..” Haruhi said, sounding like she was trying to defend the girl but not quite sure how to do so. “I mean, she should be fine! Look, you got hunkified and your brain is still working.”
"Yeah, but I am a lot hornier than normal," I said. Then, after a moment's thought I added "Also, I seem to be a lot more willing to talk about how horny I am in front of girls." now that I was thinking about it, that was kind of freaking me out. Especially considering tha tthe idea these very cute girls knew how ready for sex I was made me really want to follow thorugh on that. A lot.
"Ooh, now let me see you?" Haruhi said, rushing around in her hazmat suit poking and prodding at Mikuru's body. "Aha! Fascinating! Your body was already ridiculously lewd, but now it's become even more so!"
This seemed quite inappropriate. Also, sexy. "Ah, Haruhi... Shouldn't we be worried about her, too?"
There was a blonde haired bimbo leaning against the doorframe. She waved at them, coyishly, while her cheek was tenderly caressed by an errant tentacle. I feel no shame in admitting that there was nothing I liked about this, but plenty of shame in admitting that everything about this was making my balls feel swollen.
Haruhi Suzumiya, on the other hand... "So? So?" she said, rushing up to the fully transformed bimbo and poking at her body as well. "What was it like? How did it feel the moment you transformed?"
"You could, like, take off that silly ugly thing and totally find out!" the bimbo tittered.
"No, no, no!" Haruhia waved her finger around. "I have to retain my intelligence. Throwing it away to become a sex obsessed airhead isn't in my plans for the future. I mean, sex is a pretty mundane thing anyway when you think about it, I'd get really bored being obsessed with it all the time. Much more exciting to watch a bimbocalypse in action and take notes!"
The bimbo leaned in and kissed the clear cover on the front of Haruhi's hazmat suit. "Phooey!" the bimbo sniffed, and stomped her foot cutely. "You're keeping the bimbo out with this ugly thing? That's no fun, you should relax a bit more."
"Nom!" a tiny voice by my feet spoke up, right as I stepped towards Haruhi. Looking back, I saw Yuki, on her belly, mouth wide open. She stared at my ankle with an almost air of disappointment, then opened her mouth wide again and lunged for my ankle. Naturally, not wanting to be bitten, I hoped out of the way and she made a cute little "Nom!" sound again.
"N-Nagato, could you please not nom my ankle?" I said.
"Oh. You noticed me," Yuki said. "Teehee, please allow me to inject these nanites. They are totally for your own good."
It was unnerving. Speaking in that way, while adopting that same monotone as always. The girl didn't wait for my answer. She made another blatant attempt to bite my ankle, so I hopped away in a big circle.
"Oh hey, is that your super hot studly boyfriend hanging out with his twin brother?" Haruhi suddenly said, leaning out and looking off to God only knows where. Which... come to think, yes, she likely did know.
"Eh?! Kei-chan has a twin!" the bimbo gasped. "Keitaro! You and your brother can spit-roast meeee! I've always wanted to try that, like, for the last ten seconds!"
Off she went and - "Nom!" I hopped away while staring at Haruhi in utter disbelief. That really worked? "Nom!" Yuki tried yet again.
"Hrmph. Zombies have literally no intelligence at all, but that makes them a bigger threat than bimbos. What does that tell you?" Haruhi asked.
"Hello everyone!" said a certain smiling bastard that I really didn't want to talk to right now. He was wearing the same kind of hazmat suit as Haruhi. "Isn't this exciting? Miss Haruhi asked me to gather a few odds and ends. My goodness Kyon, you simply must tell me your new diet plan and exercise regime."
“Wait, when did you have the time to get anything? This crazy bimbo couple popped into the clubroom less than half a hour ago!” I asked, voice perhaps a tad hysteric while I hopped away from the ever present *Nom Nom* sounds Yuki produced.
Koizumi simply smiled knowingly. That was all the answer I was likely to get.
"I brought the extra hazmat suits you wanted," Koizumi said. He tapped the side of his own helmet and chuckled. "They do seem quite effective at keeping the bimbo out. Our leader truly is a shining example, is she not?"
A shining example of what, he wasn't saying, but I could think of a few things.
"Great work!" she said, in English. Because, of course, we're all speaking fluent Japanese normally. "Now we can set up our base of operations, from which we can watch the porn parody of the end of the world!"
"Eh? Just watch?" I asked, in surprise.
"Well yes, of course just watch," Haruhi said. "Do you really think there's anything we could do to stop something like this? Now, you boys go into the room over there while us girls put our hazmat suits on."
"Nom!" Yuki went yet again, but this time found her approach arrested by Haruhi's foot against her forehead. "Nom!" she tried again. "Nom!" she whined. "Nom..." she whimpered. It was adorable and pathetic in a single go.
"Yuki, please stop flirting with Kyon, you're distracting him," Haruhi said. "Shoo, shoo!"
Since when did she care about boys being in the room when the girls were getting... Never mind. I wasn't going to complain. Under the circumstances it would really make me sound like a creep. Besides which, I did want to talk to the smiling bastard a bit more, away from Haruhi.
Once we were alone, I asked the question "What the hell is going on?"
"Fine question, as always!" Koizumi said in his usual carefree way. "We're not entirely sure, but we do not believe that Miss Suzumiya is responsible for it.It does not fit with her psychological profile." Right. Of course they would understand her insane thought process well enough to tell that sort of detail. "Although, I believe it is thanks to her that you have not succumbed to this so-called 'himbo' effect."
"What does that mean?"
"It means that she is giving your mind protection from the effect," Koizumi said. "I was serious before, by the way. Haruhi Suzumiya treasures intelligence. Due to your unique connection to her, she has unconsciously put your mind under its control. Though... I am concerned with what would happen if she allowed herself to become a bimbo as well."
In other words, my personality was as intact as it was entirely because Haruhi Suzumiya didn't want me to become dumb as a bag of rocks. Well, on the plus side, I had a super fit body all of a sudden. I'd need to clear out my wardrobe, but moving around would be a lot simpler.
"You know, you keep going on about my special connection with Haruhi," I said. "To be honest, I just don't see it. What special connection do you mean?"
<hr>
Oh no he's hot. Oh no he's <i>stupid</i> hot. Not, you know, <b>stupid</b> hot as in a sexy idiot, but rather sexy to a stupid level. Does that make sense? Pft, I'm asking myself in my own head if something makes sense, if that's not a sign of madness then what is?
And good! Madness is much more fun than sanity anyway. Madness was... fuck, it was no good, I can't concentrate, I keep thinking about his body. Right now all I can do is lean against this wall and take deep, deep breaths. When he talked so carelessly about how horny he was, it knocked years off my life.
"Um, you know... If you took off that hazmat suit, he'd, like, probably be happy to fool around and stuff," Mikuru said. Oh, Mikuru. What has this done to you? That innocence, that naivety was a big part of your appeal. You can't go around suggesting a girl take off her clothes in front of the boy she l- has developed a psychological and emotional connection with that is tripping ancient evolutionary instincts for the purposes of reproduction and selecting a mate.
“We could help, it would be lots of fun.” Yuki added, still lying on her belly.. and her now ridiculously oversized chest. Was it irony that the one who had started the flattest was now probably the biggest in the club?
"Wow, this is different from the advice you guys normally give me when I start yammering on about that idiot," Haruhi sniffed. Yeah, wouldn't he and Koizumi be surprised if they learned that? Yuki and Mikuru had basically gone all in on trying to 'set them up' almost since the Brigade was formed, which resulted in quite a lot of girl talk. She was sure boys did it too, behave differently when girls were around. So why couldn't girls be different when there were boys around? "Normally Yuki would be all 'I noticed an elevated level of sweat when you wore a ponytail', while Mikuru would try to give dating advice but wind up stammering it out to the point that I can't tell what she was originally trying to say."
"Ooh, ooh!" said Yuki, whose borderline bimbo behavior was adorable beyond belief. "I have an idea! Close your eyes, and let me, like, modify a few things..."
<hr>
And so, our intrepid adventure began. We made our way to a bunker, avoiding bimbos and himbos and extremely phallic tentacles the entire while. Haruhi sent us ahead since she needed to see what people she could save before they got corrupted. Fortunately my little sister was currently on a school trip in Kyoto, so I didn’t need to worry about her getting bimbofied.
As long as this didn’t spread to the rest of the nation at least.
Mikuru and Yuki were taking things a bit more seriously. They'd stopped competing to try to bite me. It was a bit surprising actually, seeing how effective we were at this kind of nonsense. I suppose those so-called searching missions were actually useful training exercises for something like this, I felt quite aware of my surroundings at all times.
Well... most of the time. Every time <i>she</i> crossed my line of sight, it was a bit difficult to focus on anything else but her slender waist, her appealing hips, her healthy thighs, her slightly bigger than average breasts...
"Woooah!" Tsuruya gasped upon us saving her from a group of himbos that had cornered her in the cafeteria. "Can I have a hazmat bikini as well? That's sooo... Pffffthahahaha!"
Come to think of it, was it always set out like that?
- Naru figures out she was tricked and comes after the SOS Brigade
- Let's look in on another series getting hit with the outbreak.
- Future Mikuru is desperately trying to solve this mess.
- Adventures in the bunker!
- Something else
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