Ranma.exe has finished rebooting. Processing situation: Ranma is in girl form, butt naked. Akane is cuddling. Repeat. Akane is cuddling. Nabiki is taking pictures. Alert! Nabiki is taking pictures! Easily misconstrued pictures that will lead to misery in the near future!
"H-hey, cut that out!" Ranma yelled, breaking free of Akane's grip and lunging for Nabiki's camera. "You're gonna give people the wrong idea if they see that kind of picture!"
"Wrong idea?" Nabiki said. "Why, whatever could you be talking about?"
Then she turned around, a spotlight shone down on her, and she was holding a microphone.
"I only found my sweet little sister being held by the naked form of her fiance, right where everyone could see!"
Ah, but here came Akane to grab the microphone out of Nabiki's hands. She scowled at her sister, and then said "You really will give people the wrong idea!" The spotlight shifted to Akane, who said, directly into the microphone, "What really happened is that Ranma <i>begged</i> and </i>pleaded</i> for me to take her clothes off."
Nabiki took the microphone out of Akane's hand. "I see, little sister. So that's how it is," she said. Then, again into the microphone, said "Because it looked to me like Ranma was trying to pay you to do that, because she couldn't convince you any other way."
"Will you two cut that out?!" Ranma yelled, grabbing the microphone and tossing it into the horizon (incidentally, shattering the spotlight as well).
"That'll cost you to replace," Nabiki said. "I'll have a bill for you within the hour. Maybe I'll make it off you after I process these pictures?"
"Guh.. I need to get dressed," Ranma gulped as Nabiki swanned off. "If I go after her like this -"
"Here you go," Akane said, handing Ranma a clothes hanger.
"Thanks!" Ranma said, and dumped the clothes on herself without looking. Which goes to show Ranma's level of pattern recognition (outside of martial arts) is kinda, sorta low. "Hey, Nabiki! Hold up a minute!"
"What do you want now Sao- " Nabiki began, then came to a cold stop on seeing what Ranma was now wearing. "Oh, I see. That would be a novel way to make back your money."
The gerbils running the wheel in Ranma's brain picked up the pace a little, then screeched to a halt and yelled "Look at yourself, you fucking numbskull." So, Ranma did exactly that.
The outfit was far from anything Ranma would wear normally. It was, <b>theoretically</b> a maid uniform. But very unlike the one Ranma had used to disguise herself that one time she needed to prank Ryoga. The frilly black skirt ended just barely past her hips, with an “apron” that failed to actually serve that purpose in front. The bodice was sleeveless, showing off her cleavage and most of her upper body. Her arms had long white gloves oddly enough, going up to her shoulders. To top it off a frilly headdress, earrings, and lipstick. How had she put on lipstick without noticing!?
"Ooh la la," Akane whistled, stalking up in a matching replica of that same outfit. "It fits better than I thought it would."
The sight of Akane in a sexy maid outfit would cause most boys in Furinkan to start drooling. Never mind that she was quite obviously seductively posing, and that her body language was practically begging for attention.
"Guuuuuuuh..." Ranma boggled. Seeing her like this was so against type that Ranma.exe was on the verge of another crash. But... No, she shook it off. "You're still acting weird! Cut that out!"
Then Akane sniffed, whipped out a tape recorder and played a little line Ranma had said a bit ago: "I want you to take this stupid bunnysuit off me!" The sound of which made Nabiki fan herself down, and lean back against the wall.
"Whatever shall I do with this?" Akane asked. Nabiki promptly raised her hand. "Yes, big sister?"
Nabiki gestured for her to come closer, and Akane pranced over, bending down at the waist and causing that barely there skirt to rise up and Ranma.exe has crashed. Rebooting. Reboot concluded. Akane's panties. Sexy maid outfit. Ranma.exe has crashed.
Meanwhile, elder sister was whispering in younger sister's ear, the two of them tittering menacingly, then occasionally turning to look at Ranma. Eventually, the conspiring stopped, and Akane swanned off towards Ranma, plucking a feather duster out of nowhere to tickle the cute pigtailed girl's thigh.
"A payment has been decided upon," Akane said. "You may choose between two fates!"
"Y-yeah?" Ranma nervously enquired. This was bad. This was all kinds of bad. Akane was still behaving weird. Maybe the magic hadn't worn off yet? Or maybe just taking the suit off wasn't enough? "What are my options?"
"You have to call me a cute, sexy, desirable bride," Akane said. Ranma threw up an X with her arms. Nope! Not doing that! "Twenty times should be enough. And I want a cute genuine sounding compliment of my body each time. A different compliment."
“She’s hot enough you should be able to find a new thing each time.” Nabiki chimed in, “We’ll even count something like her different eyes being pretty in different ways.”
"Nope! Nope! Nope! Not happening!" Ranma said. "There is no way that's happening, forget it!"
"The alternative is coming up to my room, laying over my lap, and letting me spank you ten times."
"So, you're a cute sexy desirable bride, and I could watch your smile all day."
Ew, not that smile though! That was the same kind of smile Nabiki used when she had Ranma right where she wanted!
"Why could you watch her smile all day?" Nabiki asked, fluttering her eyelashes. Damn her!
"B-Because she looks so genuine and nice, it makes her whole face light up!"
"Ohhh!" Nabiki <b>loudly</b> continued. "You mean that her smile makes her pretty features more obvious, right?"
Crap she was going to do this for every single one! Worse yet, Akane was now staring at herself in a mirror like an idiot and practising various smi-
"You mean this smile?"
"Y-yeah, that's the smile I mean!"
Akane skipped over to Ranma and got right in her face. "Well, if you can stare at this smile all day, I guess that means I'd better stand right here, and you'd better look directly at me while complimenting me~"
"Th-That wasn't part of the -" Ranma began to protest, but Akane interrupted by bobbing her head forward to peck Ranma on the lips, then held up the tape recorder.
"I'm altering the deal. Pray that I do not alter it any further," Akane said. "Or you could take the easy way out and let me spank/grope you on my bed."
"This is the best day ever," Nabiki sighed. Again, with the eyelash fluttering. "So that's one. You have nineteen more compliments to go, Saotome. Better get to it, who knows what kind of misunderstandings might happen if you don't."
"You're a cute sexy desirable bride, and... You've got really strong arms."
The two girls looked at Ranma for a moment, blinking quite furiously.
"Well, she does," Ranma sniffed. "I like that."
"I'm altering the deal again," Akane said. "When you compliment my body, you have to either touch it or kiss it. If you touch it, then it counts as a compliment. If you kiss it, I knock off another compliment from the tally."
"Oooh, a two for the price of one deal!" Nabiki said, licking her lips. "Better get to it, Saotome."
Akane rolled up her sleeve, and flexed a bicep. Can't help but be a tomboy, huh? Alright, fine. A little kiss to the arms wasn't too bad a deal. Ranma's head bopped forward, and she smooched Akane's right biceps - then suddenly found her flexing the left one right under her nose.
"You complimented both arms, dummy," Akane said. Ranma obliged. Ugh. Fine, whatever. "Eighteen left. Nine if you go for the smoochies. Which we know you will because you can't resist my super hot bod."
In other words, that was a lucky one. If Ranma had said something about her legs or - or basically anywhere else on Akane's body but her arms, she'd have been screwed for trying to kiss it! At this point it was almost worth letting Akane run around with the recording to do with as she -
<i>"What this I hear about Airen want Akane strip naked? Tell Shampoo quickly or she get violent."
"Hahaha, Tendo do you hear that? Our children will be wed soon!"
"Did you hear about the dirty stuff those two were getting up to over the weekend?"</i>
"You're a cute sexy desirable bride and -" Ranma blanked. She'd have to touch or kiss whatever was complimented. "You've got a cute button nose!" She darted her face forward and kissed the end of Akane's nose, and dearly wished there was a rock that she could crawl into. Sixteen. "You're a cute sexy desirable bride and - and your cheeks are really pretty!" She kissed them too, going a little bit French there. Fourteen. "You're a cute sexy desirable bride, and you've got a nice forehead!" Another smooch, down to twelve. Easy. This was easy. She was getting there. Uh. Uh!
Before Ranma could say anything else, Akane put her finger to Ranma's lips.
"So, is there anything about my face you don't like?" Akane asked. Ranma gulped and shook her head. Oh hell, now that smile was back with a vengeance! Please compliment my body next."
Crap! Six compliments about Akane's body, and more if she didn't kiss that body part! This was teasing of the highest order! And yet, it was weird, but Ranma's heart rate was going through the roof. It was often said that Ranma Saotome couldn't turn a challenge down. Which was dumb. Of course Ranma could turn a challenge down. If it was a stupid chalenge. Which this was. Admitedly, it was a pretty dumb challenge.
Still, Ranma did have a strong competitive spirit. It felt like Akane thought she'd win, somehow. Which Ranma couldn't stand.
"You got a nice trim waist," was the next compliment, but rather than a kiss Ranma grabbed her waist with her hands. Nabiki booed. Screw her. "You got some real power in those thighs," Ranma went on, and again used hands rather than lips. Okay. Ten left. "I like wider hips," Nine. Alright, so if different compliments were used the same body part could be used -
"Why do you like wider hips?" Nabiki called. Crap. Too vague!
"Penalty!" Akane crossed her arms. "Now you'll have to kiss my hips. Your compliment was too vague."
"Q-Quit making up new rules..." Ranma grumbled.
"If people didn't keep trying to find and exploit loopholes, then people with power would stop making up new - often unfair - rules to cover them up," Akane said. "Now get to it, girl. My hips yearn for your lips."
Ranma watched Nabiki out of the corner of her eye. "If she pulls out a camera, I'm done," Ranma warned. Then got down on her knees, unable to believe what she was doing. Whatever was afecting Akane was doing a real number on her. She'd kill Ranma for this later on, if she remembered. Nonetheless, Ranma puckered up and -
"I love you."
Ranma froze in place, lips pressed into Akane's hip. Eh? Eh?! Hearing that said by that voice with such a genuine tone completely turned Ranma to stone instantly. It was a one shot kill. A supreme surprise attack, an impossible to avoid ambush, the ultimate blow that made Ranma's tummy feel funny, to the point that Akane had to haul Ranma back up to her feet.
"Tell you what Saotome," Akane said. "If you say 'I love you' nine times, and kiss me for nine seconds, I'll knock off the last nine. Then the recording is yours. No pictures, no tricks. How does that sound?"
"Y-You're out of your -" Ranma began, but Akane Tendo was a martial artist whose opponent had just given her an opening. Ranma's pigtail shot straight up. Nabiki made whooping noises. Kasumi, who had joined Nabiki at some point in watching, politely applauded. Nine seconds later felt like nine hours, leaving a very giddy happy Ranma Saotome standing there with her face inches away from Akane's.
"Say it," Akane whispered. "It'll make you feel better."
Say it...? Say something like that? When Akane wasn't behaving like herself? That sort of thing should only be said to someone in their right frame of mind, which Akane clearly wasn't in! But... On the other hand, if Akane decided to act out to spite Ranma, then the real Akane would get caught in the blowback as well! Which really wasn't fair!
Which left Ranma in an impossible bind. What should she do now?!
- Say it, get this over with.
- Don't say it. Steal the recording.
- Don't say it, continue complimenting her instead.
- Be surprised when Akane hears a bell, and then a new name.
- Deal with the new distraction that just arrived.
- Something else
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