Story: Own Personal Shampoo

And so, the day of the contest arrived. Ranma fidgeted nervously. Tuxedos didn't sit well with him. He glanced to the side, and had to admit. Shampoo as a maid was definitely working for him. Oh boy, was it ever. Of course, he had no idea that Shampoo was thinking very similar thoughts about him right about then.

Of course, he felt a slight urge to start punching people. Because the cafe was a lot <b>fuller</b> than he had expected and a lot of boys were gawking at Shampoo. A long table had been set in the middle of the building, with all the audience members sitting on chairs at the edges. Ranma was sitting on one end with Shampoo by his side. Presumably his opponent would take the other seat.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" Kazuki announced to the audience. "Our challengers and representatives of our wonderful cafe today! Ranma Saotome, and his lovely maid Shampoo!"

“Wooo! Shampoo you look beautiful!” A voice called out in the cheers and whistles, a voice Ranma recognized. He looked down to the front row just slightly behind him.

“Wait a minute, Sayuri is that you!?” Ranma said to Akane’s school friend.

"Who do you think told Kazuki about Shampoo in the first place? Woo! You rock that uniform, girl!" Sayuri clapped, “I knew with the way she is all ‘Oh Master~’ and ‘Lady Akane~’ she’d look amazing as a maid.”

Was this a thing? Were people… interested in maids!? Like, as more than just a cute girl in a cute outfit!? Wait, wait, that was a stupid question, Hiroshi and Daisuke had already helped him understand that people can find kinks in the weirdest damn places.

"And now, introducing their opponents!" Kazuki continued. Huh? Where were all these flower petals coming from? Was that a violin playing? Why did everything seem much more... pink all of a sudden? Was that a strong smell of lavender in the air?

Outside the cafe a sparkling carriage arrived, pulled by two white horses. Madeleine exited first, curtseyed to the crowd, then opened up the door to let Gustav out. He took her hand and they strolled into the cafe, taking a seat - which Madeleine replaced even as Gustav was sitting down with an elaborate throne that made Ranma feel kind of inadequate. And poor.

"Madeleine, those two over there are an eyesore," Gustav said. "Have them removed at once, so I may see our opponents."

"Master, I believe they are our opponents today," Madeleine curtseyed. "Of course if you still wish it, I can still remove them for you."

“I think not. You might as well get a warm up before destroying this worthless cafe my dear Maid.” Gustav said.

"Master?" Shampoo asked, cracking her knuckles like a badass. "Permission to stomp a mudhole in the two of them?"

"Focus on Gustav and his stupid face," Ranma said. "He's the only one we need to worry about."

"Alright, everyone! As per normal in martial arts maidery contests at this level, the audience are also guests who have to be served!"

Both Ranma and Shampoo twitched in exactly the same way, at exactly the same time. Then, in unison, they turned to look directly at the announcer.

"Sorry, this was the perfect chance to make a little extra cash," she said. "A cafe like ours lives and dies on its bottom line."

"Fine by us!" Gustav laughed. "Let them enjoy a taste of heaven before we cast them down to hell!"

Shampoo stepped forward, making her skirt shake in a way that caught Ranma’s, and half the audience’s, eye. “I think being served by a frigid bitch and fop is Hell already.”

The crowd gasped. But then Madeleine got right up in Shampoo's face, smiling serenely.

"Aha, such a shame," she said. "A violent, uncute girl like you has no business wearing that uniform. When we're done shall I show you how a real maid cleans up? Or are you so dirty that you'd filthy it up again just by touching it?"

Shampoo’s fists clenched. “I am a good servant.” She said quietly, “Not worthless or filthy you stupid girl.”

"Only time will tell," Madeleine curtseyed. "Shall we begin?"

At that signal, the orders started coming in thick and fast from the 'customers'. Madeleine and Shampoo pirouetted away from one another with remarkably similar elegance and grace, gliding along among the crowd.

“Madeline, give that man a proper drink, then deliver our thanks to Saotome.” Gustav ordered.

"Shampoo, clear out the orders of those three tables and then give Gustav something to help cool him off!"

“Wow I read an article on these two in Maid Monthly.” Sayuri, now sitting on Ranma’s left hand side said. “They’re the top Maid/Master pair in Japan. These are the guys you’re fighting Ranma?”

"Feh, they're no big deal," Ranma said. "They're underestimating Shampoo and I."

Then a customer brushed his hand against Shampoo's thigh. Ranma felt a protective urge to pummel his face in, but Shampoo and the now empty tray she was holding beat him to it.

"Penalty! The only customer you're allowed to attack is Gustav!" Kuzuki shouted, “Apologize to the guest.”

Meanwhile, another pervert made an attempt to squeeze Madeleine's thigh in much the same way. The maid deftly spun out of harm's way, using the edge of the tray to make him instead grab hold of his buddy's thigh.

“Ah, I’m sorry for striking you Mr. Customer sir.” Shampoo said, bowing slightly, unable to do anything while Madeline twirled past her.

“Good.” Kazuki said, “Now, Tsukou?”

The younger maid then threw a burlap sack over the pervert, and with a shout threw him out the door.

“No touching the maids!” Kazuki announced.

Of course, while that little show as going on Madeleine had reached Ranma. “Pardon me!” She said, and Ranma jumped up with the entire chair to avoid the tea kettle she had been holding being hurled at him hard enough to go through the wall behind him. “Ah Mr. Saotome, you forgot your hat!” She had a top hat in her hands all of a sudden, and it was slammed down over Ranma’s head.

“Oh wow it’s made of solid steel!” Sayuri gasped.

"I noticed!" Ranma yelled. Then Madeleine picked up a broom and, while sweeping the floor next to Ranma, banged the end of it repeatedly against the hat on top of his head.

"Oohhhh! It's the dreaded Sweeping Bell attack! Madeleine's dreaded finishing moooove!"

You know something on consideration maybe Ranma had been the one to underestimate their opponents instead of the other way around.

<hr>

“Wow I didn’t realize my future little brother spent all that time learning to boss Shampoo around in a miniskirt was so he could get his ass beat by a different fetish.”

Sayuri looked to her right. “Nabiki? When did you get here?”

"I am always present, I am everywhere and nowhere at the same time," Nabiki said, wiggling her fingers around as if trying to hypnotise Sayuri. The damning part was, if she made the actual effort then Sayuri would've absolutely played along. "Anyway, want to place a bet on the outcome? It's currently... 20 to 80 that Ranma and Shampoo win.”

"You're on! Put me down for Ranma and Shampoo to win." A fairly thick wad of bills was slammed down in front of Nabiki. Sucker's bet!

"Kukuku... It's your money," Nabiki shrugged. She slipped the cash into the pot and noted down the amount.

“Never underestimate the power of love Nabiki.” Sayuri said.

"The only thing that's going to save them at this point is an idiot barging in to ruin everything," Nabiki said. "And Kuno has kendo practise, so they're out of luck."

Probably the one and only time in any of their lives that the idea Tatewaki Kuno was too busy would be considered bad luck.

<hr>

"This isn't working," Ranma said to Shampoo's exposed cleavage. She was sponging off the lump on top of Ranma's head. With warm water, to prevent the change. "Even when a customer is being difficult, she's using their behaviour as an excuse to get close and pound me."

"And these customers are big time perverts," Shampoo whispered. "They keep leering at me. Yes, exactly like that! It's disgusting."

"Huh?" Ranma grunted. Then shook his head and forced himself to make eye contact with the girl. “Right. Perverts ogling you in that outfit. What’s so different about that other chick that stops them!”

“Please step on me Miss Madeleine.” One customer said, while the maid seemed to almost oblige, mostly using his head as a springboard to try and drop-kick Ranma.

Shampoo blocked it with a tea tray. “I think she attracts different kind of pervert Master.”

"Dirty girls attract that sort of dirty boy," Madeleine said, bouncing off and retrieving the empty glasses of four tables in a row before landing deftly and neatly outside the kitchen, where she handed them off to a dishwasher in a maid outfit.

"Master? I think I hate her more than that Gustav idiot now."

Ranma took a deep breath. Alright. Alright! So this wasn't going as smoothly as he thought it should. That was fine. It was <i>fine</i>. He'd been in tougher scrapes than this and pulled it out in the end. He just needed some angle, some trick. Something to change things up.

“Wow you’re getting your butt kicked.”

“Akane!” Ranma said, his fiance now sitting on his right hand side.

“What’re you here for Lady Akane?” Shampoo asked.

"Lemonade will do for now," Akane smirked. She leaned back in her seat and flicked her hair back. "And after all that training we did to prepare you."

“That’s all you're here for?” Ranma asked incredulously.

“Well maybe some lunch later.” Akane said, “What? This is yours and Shampoo’s fight. I’m not going to interfere. It would diminish your pride as martial artists.”

“Awww and here I was hoping that you’d have some last minute trick to help them win.” Sayuri said.

“Oh hi Sayuri, when’d you get here?” Akane said.

“Oh I’m a regular.” Sayuri admitted.

Shampoo meanwhile was focusing her attention on Madeleine "Hmph! You two are looking down on Master and I," Shampoo said. "Just you watch! We'll win this fight before you know it!"

Then Shampoo turned around and noticed that a tray bent over his head and, on the table, his hands were laid out flat with forks and knives in between each of his fingers sticking into the table.

"Oy, oy, lemonade?" Akane snapped her fingers. "Honestly, the help you get these days..."

“Here you are Miss.” Madeleine dropped a tall glass in front of her.

“Hey! Don’t you dare serve Lady Akane!” Shampoo growled.

“Try and stop me.”

Ranma pulled his hands free, OK it was time for plan… what plan letter was he on again?

“I think it's time for Plan D Master.”

1. Ranma and Shampoo think up Plan D.
2. Actually, Akane has the plan. But she tells it to them in a way that makes them think it's their idea.
3. While this drama is going on what’s Ryoga doing?
4. Suddenly an idiot barges into the cafe
5. Something else