Story: Akane's Gift

When considering the question of 'what would make Akane Tendo happy' two things came to the forefront of Nabiki's mind. The first, a deep hard dicking from a certain pigtailed boy. The second, that a certain kendoist stay the fuck away from them. Now. In her view the former wasn't an especially evil thing to set up. In point of fact, they'd both definitely appreciate it. A whole lot of trouble causing sexual tension would evaporate in a puff of smoke.

As for the latter? Well. There was a fair amount of wiggle room for that. There were plenty of evil ways to make that happen. The simplest of which was: Dump him on someone else. Turning something troubling you into someone else's problem is a hallmark of evil. Which led to the next inevitable question of who to loosen Kuno onto.

Girls that they knew well wouldn't work. He'd be too dubious. Girls that actually liked him already - a rare breed, but there's no accounting for taste - were straight out as that wouldn't cause enough chaos to matter worth a damn. It would make Kuno happy and there was only one person Nabiki wanted to make happy. Has to be pretty, someone she can manipulate into playing ball...

"So, Nabiki Tendo? For what purpose have you brought me to this diner today?"

And then it hit her. The one person who would cause the most chaos out of anyone without actually bothering Akane in the slightest. A twisted grin fell upon Nabiki's pretty face, and then she held out her hand.

"I've learned that a pretty girl has fallen for you," she said. "Care to find out who?"

Kuno grumbled and handed over some money. "I feel as though I am being forced to pay to learn the sun will rise in the morning," he said. "It is only natural that a beautiful woman should fall for me. Still, I must stay atop gossip pertaining to my noble self."

Gag. "her name is Asuka," Nabiki said while pocketing her cash. "Asuka Saginomiya. An elegant beauty. If you wanted my opinion - "

"I do not."

"- Then I'd say she was perfectly your type. Want me to set up a meeting?"

Kuno gave her a pointed look, then rose to his feet. "I hardly need you playing matchmaker for me, Nabiki Tendo." By the time she'd finished saying this, Nabiki had reached into her top and pulled out a picture that she just so happened to have handy. The idiot boy glanced at the picture, and then said "On the other hand it would not do to leave such a frail flower to twist in the wind, pining for my love."

Feeling a spike of deeply satisfying evil Nabiki grinned up at him. Grinned like a demon. "So? Payment in advance and I'll let you talk to her..."

"I'm still not sure..."

"You can keep the photo as a freebie."

"Deal!"

Hah! Sowing some chaos, making some cash <i>and</i> making her wonderful little sis happy! The swagger in her step as she strolled out of that diner was built in from nothing but skill. It was so <i>good</i> To be <i>evil</i>.

<hr>

You know that old paradox, right? Don't think of a pink elephant. Well Ranma was swimming in that dilemma right now. He was telling himself to not think about what Shampoo had said before leaving, about Akane and Nabiki kissing. Don't think about it. That is a weird thing to think about. Don't imagine the two of them sitting on the edge of Akane's bed, arm in arm and lip to lip.

<i>Damn it!</i> he banished the mental image, and the cycle restarted. This was made more difficult than usual thanks to how well Ranma knew both young women. Akane, well, he had almost married her a while back and needless to say there were a bunch of tangled up emotions and attraction there.

Nabiki it was slightly more complex, in that she was more often a thorn in his side than but. But that didn't change the reality that she was hot. Damn hot. So hot touching her could scald you. Nabiki was easily top ten in hot girls he had met and he refused to say who he found hotter. So the mental image of two hot girls kissing kept slipping into his mind like some pop up ad that won’t go away. Especially since thanks to various incidents he was quite familiar with what both ladies looked like in lesser states of dress.

Hmmm Akane and Nabiki in their underwear, lips slowly-

But no. In spite of that he had to focus. Concentrate. Think about what he was actually trying to do right now, and put the idea of the sisters kissing one another to the back of his mind -

"Hrmph! Well, good riddance!" Akane huffed. "Shampoo can kiss off for all I care. Glad to see the back of her."

Kiss... kiss... kiss... kiss... The word echoed around Ranma's skull as though it were a vacant canyon.

Ahem! Time to change the subject. "So, what do we do about Nabiki?" Ranma asked. "I mean, she's possessed by that devil thing."

"It's fine," Akane said. "To be honest, I've been looking for an excuse to pop her in that smart mouth for a while now."

Gurk! Pop her in the mouth...

“We can still use the seals.” Ranma said, trying to banish the image.

“I know.” Akane said. "But remember last time? You got the lettering wrong. Can you make out what this says?"

Ranma stared at her, and he could almost feel his eyes glazing over as he did so. This was on purpose at this point. It had to be on purpose. 'Make out' indeed.

"Oh, goodness me!" his mother said, sitting up with the back of her hand pressed against her forehead. "I feel quite woozy all of a sudden."

"Yeah, that devil takes it out of you," Ranma said. He helped her to her feet. "It got into Nabiki. Anything we can do to make you feel better before we go after her?"

Normally he wasn't that nice. But this was his mother, so she had something of a transformative effect on his behaviour. Even Ranma noticed it, the mere fact that she was around made him want to sit up straight and stop goofing off.

Nodoka tutted and sighed, sounding truly exhausted. "Well... Ranma, could you please put your arms out wide?" Bit of a weird request, but he did so. "Now, Akane. Why don't you stand over there in front of me." Okay, now Akane was in between the two of them. "No, a little further back... Further, further- Now, Ranma. If you could show me your father's impersonation of a drunken priest?"

Oh right Ranma remembered how often Genma would try and get laughs out of people when he was also a little drunk. "Sure, mother! See, he starts by clasping his hands together - "

Ranma stopped. In this position, if he went about and did something like that, then he'd be basically embracing Akane from behind. Pulling her closer to him. It's worth noting at this time that Ranma had no idea that his mother and father had more in common than one might think.

"Well?" the tomboy said, stepping back so that her back was pressed right into his chest. He could smell her. Nothing but her. His heart skipped a beat faster. Not because he liked her! Because - because he was afraid of them thinking that he liked her! "Let's see this impersonation."

"M-Maybe later!" Ranma jumped away as though his un(?)wanted fiancee had suddenly caught fire. Not to imply that she was hot or anything! No way was she on his list of top ten hottest ladies he had met! "Ahem, we've got to find your sister before she causes too much trouble!"

"Count me out," Pantyhose Taro declared. That jerk, of course he didn't want anything to do with this! "I've had enough fun for one day. Or rather, I've had enough of being directly involved. I might hang about high enough to watch you guys chase her down."

He pulled out a water bottle and undid the top. THen, for reasons Ranma didn't understand, he gave Akane the once over, shook his head and said. "God you are such an idiot, Saotome. Do you even know what you're passing up?"

Huh? Eh? What was he talking about? Ranma looked around at the other two, his mother and his fiancee. Both of them seemed to have the same kind of expression on their face for some reason. Disappointment. Huh? Eh? What was that? Where did this come from?

"Come along, <i>dear</I>" Akane said, stomping past him and grabbing his pigtail on the way. "We have to go punish my sister."

D-dammit, now there were riding crops and leather involved! Nooooo! Damn you Hiroshi and Daisuke! Damn you for showing him those magazines!

<hr>

As soon as she was out of the cafe Nabiki began to rub her hands together like a stereotypical greedy little goblin. The horns on her head were tingling with anticipation and mirth. Ohohoho! It was perfect, truly perfect! Set up Tatewaki Kuno with his little sister's arch rival! All three of them would be miserable in no time flat, and make perfect use of one another to make the last in the trio miserable!

Not only that but it was also the perfect - the most ultimate distraction possible from Nabiki's little sister. That somehow made this even more evil. Because she was doing something selfish, something that she wanted to see unfold, and that something would cause untold chaos that she would derive amusement and wealth from! Delicious. Utterly delicious!

Ah she could imagine it now. While the Kuno’s bicker and gripe and cry Akane would look at her with such a bright smile. <i>”Oh thank you so much for getting rid of him!”</i> she’d say. And then she’d lean in close, her lips puckered and-

“Ohh… calm down girl. Don’t get ahead of yourself. That's not like you." Nor is fantasising about slipping her little sister some tongue, but hey. "I don't even know where that Asuka girl is, it could take me ages to find -"

"Ohohohohoho! This time, Kodachi Kuno! This time my vengeance will be complete! Ohohohohoho!"

When in doubt rely on comedic tropes to succeed. Nabiki looked down at the ground and saw a trail of white lilies scattered across the pavement. Tapping her lips, she smiled a devilish smile and her eyes flashed with malevolent power. Then off she went in the most evil of gaits: The skip and the frolic.

"Hello there!" Nabiki said, then ducked as the picture frame hanging around this pretty girl's shoulders nearly took her head off. "I couldn't help but hear. You're seeking revenge on Kodachi Kuno?"

"Do not speak her name!" Asuka said. Ah, now she had stopped laughing. For the best really. The girl was now standing in a more poised and regal position. Straight posture, pretty face, long flowing hair and a cute dress. She looked like a portrait of a noblewoman straight out of Victorian Europe. The elaborate picture frame she was carrying in front of herself helped add to that image.

"What name?" Nabiki asked, unable to resist the urge to troll. "Oh, you mean Kodachi Kuno."

Asuka shuddered, and the mask dropped for a fraction of a second revealing the murderous intent lying beneath. Oooh, but this was going to be <i>fun</i>!

"What business do you have with I, Asuka Saginomiya?"

"Well, it's about Kodachi Kuno," Nabiki said. Ohoho, look at those eyes! "You see, it just so happens that I also want revenge on Kodachi Kuno."

"Stop. Saying. Her. Name."

"You mean Kodachi?" Nabiki asked. "Right, okay. I'll stop saying Kodachi's name, since it clearly upsets you when I say the name Kodachi. So the bitch crashed my little sister's wedding and tried to steal the groom. If you want revenge then I have the perfect plan."

"Ohohoho, well why didn't you say so from the start?" Asuka tittered. She pulled out a fan and began to use it on herself. "My, my. It would be fun to put her in her place. What is this plan of yours? Let me hear it so I may judge its suitableness."

"The plan is simple," Nabiki said. "Date Kodachi's doofy big brother."

There was a sound that day, that echoed around Furinkan. At that moment a literature club happened to be studying the works of Lovecraft, and for a moment felt mortal dread in their soul that some eldritch being had awakened. Cats and dogs all stopped what they were doing, then looked to the skies in fear. Fish stopped swimming in their bowl. Plants all wilted a fraction, as for a moment they felt that winter was beginning because of how cold that had sounded.

"Me? Date a Kuno? Ohohohohoho! How ludicrous! How absurd!"

Nabiki pulled out a picture of the big lummox.

"How... Huh! Well, I suppose it couldn't hurt. Well, couldn't hurt me at any rate!"

"You'll find him at the diner over there. Talk about how great his sword is. He'll be putty in your hands." What was sad is that Nabiki knew that wasn’t even a double entendre. Hell, she hadn't even technically lied to the girl at all. Which actually made the whole thing that much more <I>delicious</i>.

"Eh... You think so...?" Asuka said. She stopped outside the diner. Inside, Kuno was sitting. Staring at a picture of her. "Goodness. He must truly be taken with me!"

"Yep. Go on in, he's served up for you on a silver platter."

... Why was she turning bright red all of a sudden? Why was she fidgeting like a little lost school girl? Wait... wait, it couldn't be. This wasn't possible. As annoying as Asuka could be, there wasn't a chance a face that pretty was the sort that didn't know how to talk to boys. Was it?

"I don't know how to talk to boys!" Asuka suddenly admitted.

Ah! No way! Even Nabiki facefaulted at that, and she almost never had to pick herself up off the ground! "You're kidding me!"

"No! I'm just... I'm much more used to more common pursuits. Like kidnapping boys, or locking them up, or extorting them... I've never once in my life actually seduced one before!"

That evil urge came back with a vengeance. Nabiki picked herself up and dusted herself down, while her eyes shone in true dark wickedness.

"In which case," Nabiki said. "If you will pay me a little fee, I shall play the role of your Cyrano de Bergerac. Except way better looking."

“Oh yes! Excellent, and then while that wicked woman watches me steal her brother away, chained up and sobbing.. Hah…” Her face became a little flushed, “Ohohohoho!”

Gosh, and Nabiki thought she was the evil one. Oh wait, she was getting a bit turned on by that as well, carry on.

1. Nabiki winds up giving both of them advice. Evil advice.
2. Meanwhile, Akane has started flirting with Ranma and he doesn't know how to even
3. Nodoka and Kasumi clean up, talk a bit about Nabiki
4. Shampoo decides that she needs another plan to nail her Airen.
5. Something else