Try to imagine an alien world. The sky isn't quite the right colour, the people wandering around sort of look human but there's something a little off about them like fangs or horns, and everyone is wearing a weird tiger print on all their clothing. That's even before we get to the technology! Well, right now we aren't focusing on anything quite that interesting. Let's look in on a sulking young Oni girl by the name of Shinobu, who was sitting on the edge of her bed and trying to scowl her way through a locked door.
"He finally asks me out," Shinobu grumbles, "And they're off taking him to some backwards primitive little planet which barely even has reliable space travel. Typical!"
She'd been really looking forward to this as well. She'd been playing coy whenever they hung out, embarrassed that he was looking at her rather lovely fit body. Teasing him a little. Making sure he knew what he was missing out on. "Then, boom, he asks me out and I'm all set to rock his world and make him forget about that stupid harem dream!"
"I think it's more likely you'd become his first conquest," said a familiar teasing voice. "If you ask me!"
"Ryunosuke!" Shinobu cheered, drifting across to her lucky god best friend and giving her a great big hug. "Oh, thank goodness you're here."
"Hey, hey now! There's nothing to be upset about," Ryunosuke said, hugging her back and incidentally causing quite a lot of skin to skin contact. Lucky gods tended to wear a kind of red metallic two piece bikini which didn't quite cover the cleavage, and in Ryunosuke's case the bottom half was rather high cut today, showing off a lot more leg than usual. "You can finally put that loser behind you and find someone else. Okay?"
"Not okay!" Shinobu scoffed and pulled out of her best friend's tender embrace. "After all the work we put in? After all the training you gave me in kissing and how to touch a man? Do you really want all of that time and energy to go to waste?"
"Oh trust me, that wasn't a waste of time or energy at all," Ryunosuke said with a dreamy quality to her tone. Not that Ryunosuke was into girls, you understand. She was just very glad for the chance to help her good friend out. If that chance to help out involved more scissoring and more finger use than a janken convention, who was she to say no? "Look. Calm down already, you know what happens when you get mad. You want me to give you a deep massage? That always makes you happy."
"I don't want a massage," Shinobu sniffed. "I want Ataru!"
"But why though?" came another voice from the door. It was Sakura, the Ice Princess of Neptune! "That worthless waste of a man is surely beneath you. Believe me Shinobu, as your teacher I worry about you sometimes. Putting all your interest in a man purely because of his rock hard abs, winsome smile and mischievous gleam in his perverted visage..."
All three of them shuddered in unison at the thought. Not entirely out of revulsion either. Ataru Moroboshi was an Oni with a corruptive influence on women around him.
"But his looks is all he has going for him," Ryunosuke said. "Other than that, what is he?"
"He's a womaniser," Sakura said, counting off on her fingers. "He's a bit of an idiot. Definitely below intelligence at any rate."
Unnoticed by Sakura, Shinobu twitched while sitting on her bed. Ryunosuke noticed, though. And the lucky god scootched back a touch. "Uh, Sakura...?"
"He's a born troublemaker, has a totally one track mind. He can't multitask, wouldn't know how to clean up if you put a laser pistol to his head..."
"Sakura! Cut it out!" Ryunosuke pleaded, but Sakura was not paying them any heed.
"He rarely bathes so he smells terrible, he failed basic arithmetic every year he was in space school and he has absolutely no job prospects coming in down the pipeline. In short he'd make a very... bad... Husband..."
Sakura had trailed off for a very good reason. You see, Oni all have a unique trait. Some can shoot lightning. Others create water. Some might breathe fire. For Shinobu, her power was a bit different. You see she could, at will or when angered to the point that she lost control, undergo a total transformation into a wild untamed beast that is broadly best left to your humble and horrified imagination.
"Shinobu... Want... Ataru!" the beast normally known as Shinobu snarled, towering over both Ryunosuke and Sakura by quite some distance. "Hungry for Ataru dick! Want Ataru dick now!"
"Y-Yeah, yeah! We get that!" Ryunosuke gulped nervously. "But, you know, not an awful lot we can do about that, is there?"
"Quite so," Sakura agreed. "I mean, what are you going to do? Invade the Earth, kidnap his new girlfriend?"
"Turn her into your love slave?" Ryunosuke continued. Sakura elbowed her. "Ow, hey! Look, she's turning back to normal and, uh... Shinobu? Where you heading?"
"Where else?" Shinobu asked while leaving the room much like a hurricane might leave a china shop. "I'm off to conquer Earth!"
<hr>
Meanwhile, back on Earth in a wholly different bedroom there was a beautiful young maiden with bright pink locks, a pretty face, an equally pretty dress and a series of ornate pins, a hammer and a beautiful, nearly flawless haired doll with bright green hair.
This was Ran. She's one of the wealthiest people in Japan. Her family sold high quality dolls worldwide, and right about now Ran was punishing a few defects which happened to look like a certain romantic rival.
"How dare you steal my beloved Rei?!" Ran snarled. She threw the doll against a tree, lifted a hammer and threw it against a pin pressed up against the doll with all of her righteous fury behind it. Then the tree fell over. Ran sighed, snapped her fingers, and a quartet of handsome buff Rei cosplayers - still not a patch on the original - arrived on the scene to replant the tree and properly hammer the doll into it.
"Ooh, that Lum!" Ran hissed, stomping her way around in a circle on the grass. "No matter what type of revenge I try, her own bad luck one ups me! Every time! It's so... frustrating!" It was true enough. For all of her family's ridiculous wealth, for all of her plots and schemes and plans it seemed as though the best source of Lum's suffering was still her own bad luck! How do you take revenge on someone like that? It was maddening!
"Excuse my interruption Lady Ran," a soon to be ex-employee said with a deep bow. "It seems as though That Hateful Bitch has discontinued her relationship with Future Husband on the basis of his perpetual appetite."
Ran stopped. She stared at him, quite hard for a moment. Then the scowl fixed onto her face slowly yet surely transitioned into a bright and sunny smile. She jumped, she screamed "whoopee!" She cartwheeled through the grass while giggling carefree and happy. She skipped, she frolicked, she twirled around. Eventually her cavorting brought her back to where she had been standing, where she coughed into her hand and said "In that case please invite my future husband over for dinner. Then instruct the chef to bake cupcakes with my new original recipe."
"Yes, m'lady at once," the servant about to get a raise bowed again. "I shall ensure the viagra is crushed personally."
With him gone Ran rubbed her hands together in manic glee. Ohoho! How sweet it was! Lum, you have made a grave tactical error in letting go of this handsome boy. Now Ran would scoop him up and never let him go. Never, ever, ever... But just for good measure, she might as well indulge in a little further revenge and humiliation.
"Keep an eye on her, just in case," she instructed another servant. "I want to know the very second something comes up that I can use."
<hr>
The roles reversed so far!
Ataru is an Oni.
Shinobu is also an Oni.
Sakura is a Neptunian
Ryonusuke is a Lucky God
Ran is a wealthy human.
Lum is a human with bad luck.
Benten is Lum's biker best friend.
- Ataru and Lum begin their new relationship.
- Shinobu arrives to conquer Earth.
- Ran learns of the hunky alien Lum is now dating, and decides that she'll steal him for herself.
- What's the deal with Mendo, then?
- Something else
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