Sunday, 25 June 2017

Story: Own Personal Shampoo


"Maybe he has an allergy?"

"If it's to inane suggestions, then we're already set!"

Despair! Hikaru Gosunkugi was in the clutches of despair! At this point the girls weren't making serious suggestions anymore, more like accusations being bounced back and forth. He wasn't even paying attention to who was saying what, because at this point it had all coalesced into a grey smear of misery.

"Well! It's good to see that you're so self aware. Admission is the first step to recovery."

"Why you - Alright smartass! What do you think he might be allergic to?"

"Well, there's the old standbys: Pollen, peanuts and - "

Suddenly a cat landed on Gosunkugi's lap. The boy stared down at the cute little kitty through his baggy, tired eyes. It rubbed its head up against him. How sweet! Of course he knew intellectually that the feline was merely marking him with its scent, but that at least meant he was wanted by something in this dreary world.

"Where did you come from, I wonder?" he asked aloud, turning up to see the open window to the clubroom they were gathered in. The cat nuzzled against his stomach, as if jealous of the attention. "Ah, you're a nice kitty aren't you? At least someone wants my attention."

"Ew, President! You're being really gross right now!"

"I feel like I just watched the origin story to a creep old cat owner..."

It was at this point that Hikaru's attention returned to the two girls arguing in front of him. He turned his baggy, exhausted eyes up towards them. Kyoko peering down with eyes full of disdain, Alice rolling her eyes. The put-upon boy sighed for a moment, then noticed that both girls were rather resolutely looking directly at the cat rather than at him. Their fingers were twitchy. Their breathing just a little too deliberately steady.

It kind of gave off the impression that they both dearly wanted to pet the cat, but didn't want to admit to it in front of the other. Gosunkugi felt no such shame and pet away. Point of fact, he felt precious little shame as it was! Perhaps his only advantage over the two of them.

"Um..." he said while scratching the top of the cat's head. It seemed to like this. "It doesn't seem useful just standing around arguing about it. We, uh, need more information about him before we can work anything out. What are his hobbies, what does he do after school?" The two girls twitched a little as the cat purred contently on Gosunkugi's lap, then rubbed its head up against his stomach. "We need to change our tactics, and really think outside the box. His weakness isn't just going to jump into our laps. "

Suddenly the cat jumped out of his lap and made a mad dash for the door. It pawed desperately at it, prompting Alice to skip across and slide it open - Just at the same time that a new presence entered the room via the window. A purple haired bombshell landing on all fours directly in front of him. Shampoo, the mystery foreigner, had arrived!

"Found you," Shampoo said. The cat peered back towards the girl, and he could swear it had a sweat bubble behind its ear. Shampoo crawled forward, keeping her body low to the ground. The club members stayed resolutely silent and still, as though a hypnotic spell had been cast over them all.

And why not? Shampoo's body was extremely easy on the eyes and that qipao she was wearing was very, very tight fitting. Combine that with the rather particular muscle movements required to properly crawl so close to the ground and you have a formula for success. That is, if success means "thank you divine spirits for this bountiful blessing." Even Kyoko was mesmerised, and that girl hated Shampoo with as much intensity as someone can hate the character interfering in their OTP. As anyone that's spent time within a divisive online fan community can tell you, that's enough hate to drown the sun.

"No be afraid kitty," Shampoo whispered while crawling forward. The cat elected to ignore this advice and backed off nervously. A difficult feat to do on four legs. "Shampoo not hurt." Crawl forward, step back. Both at the same pace. Not that any of the three of them were paying too much attention. "Shampoo just want take look."

She pounced, and it was off like a rocket. Shampoo bounded after the cat, still on all fours and then the two of them were off down the corridor towards heaven only knows. Once she was out of sight it took a full minute before the three of them were able to shake off the lingering effects of warrior babe booty induced mesmerism.

"Why that cheeky bitch!" Kyoko yelled, stomping her foot. "Who does she think she is, coming in here like that and - What the hell are you drawing?"

"Huh? Oh nothing!" Alice chirped. Gosunkugi risked a glimpse over her shoulder. It was a sketch of Shampoo, Akane and the mystery pigtailed girl all dressed up as catgirls. "Just entertaining my muse, never mind me! The yuri must flow!"

Kyoko snatched it out of her grip and scowled right into Alice's eyes. Weirdly, for a second there he had this weird impression they were about to kiss... But that might just be Alice projecting yuri thoughts into the atmosphere again. Which was why she was given her own changing room for gym class, much to her annoyance. And was also forbidden from having access to honey, syrup chocolate spread, jam or any other kind of sweet tasting spreadable foodstuff at lunchtime. These are stories for another time and another place, but not right now.

"I said the yuri must flow!" Alice hissed. But Kyoko didn't flinch. Most others would have, but she met that yuri gaze with one of her own fierce determination.

"Pigtailed girl and Akane, wearing catsuits, on all fours and licking milk off each other's faces."

<b>"Yuuuuuriiiiii!"</b>

Well, that should resolve that dispute at the very least. Alice was now scribbling away on a fresh sheet of paper while Kyoko stared over her shoulder. Steam was shooting out from both girl's nostrils as Alice sketched, and at this point Gosunkugi knew well enough to let them get to it. His attention returned towards the still open door. Oh dear. He did so hope that exchange wasn't heard by anyone... Actually come to think he did have one question tickling at the back of his mind...

"Why on earth was Shampoo after that cat?" he pondered aloud. That didn't make any sense to him, but for some reason the two girls shot bolt upright as soon as he asked it. Had he said something strange?

"You know, that was a little odd wasn't it?" Alice asked Kyoko.

"Yes, that was very strange," Kyoko agreed. "I don't think it was her cat, that's not the impression I had. You don't suppose she was trying to eat it or something, do you?"

Alice grinned. "Shampoo eating pussy? Yow! Mind the elbow! Ugh! No, I don't think that was it either... But I know how we can find out!"

<hr>
The  thing to remember about cats is that their default setting for speed and dexterity is much higher than a human's. Shampoo is an extremely good example of a human at peak performance from a lifetime of training, but a simple housecat was proving quite the problem for her. Its smaller size let it fit into areas that she could not, and its instincts were truly top notch.

Right now though it was licking its back, getting rid of some scent or other that had clung to it. Shampoo herself was watching from a distance, hiding in a tree nearby. She'd attended classes this morning, then immediately set about her hunt. The trouble was this was prey she intended to take alive rather than dead. If not, this would already be over.

She thought back to earlier in the morning, on the way to school. Her Master had screamed like a little bitch at the sight of this simple, ordinary housecat. It had left her baffled at first. Confused beyond all measure. Why would a martial artist of his calibre be so terrified of a cat?

Then all at once it hit her: That was no ordinary housecat! Of course! Her Master must have a much higher level of training than Shampoo that let him notice the frightening truth. That cat... Was a Jusenkyo curse victim, just like him! Airen was afraid because he subconsciously noticed it was a fearsome foe in deep disguise, sneakily watching Master from afar and waiting to strike like devious dog. Or cat, whatever! Normally Shampoo would have no problem merely killing such a dangerous enemy, but right now her real goal was to capture and interrogate.

"You is good at pretend to be kitty cat..." Shampoo whispered. "But no fool Shampoo. Shampoo catch you too too soon! Make you talk." She mused  this over. "Make you meow for mercy."

Ah! It was being approached by someone now. A young girl with blonde hair. Looked familiar. She approached the cat with something in her hand. Some kind of leaf? She held it out to the cat, which sniffed at it and wobbled a little in place. It rubbed its face all over her hand, and then she left it on the wall and stepped back. To Shampoo's utter amazement, the cat then continued to sniff at it and rolled over onto its back with its tongue rolling slightly out of its mouth.

"Miss Shampoo! I caught the kitty for you!" the girl waved at her, jumping up and down excitedly in the process. "Tee hee!" She scooped it up into her arms and cradled the cat lovingly, scratching at its neck. "Bad kitty, you caused Miss Shampoo all kinds of mischief, didn't you?"

"Nyaaaaaa!" the cat answered, squirming as if trying to get comfortable. The girl responded by putting the leaf on its nose. The cat's eyes rolled up in its head. "Prrrrrr!"

Huh. This girl looked familiar... Wasn't this one of the strange girls from this morning, with strange sense of humour? Shampoo hopped out of the tree and dashed forward. The cat was totally docile.

"Isn't catnip amazing?" the girl asked, handing the enemy cat over. "Here you go! High as a kite. Not going anywhere now, are you kitty?"

"Rooowr..." it cutely whined and snuggled up against Shampoo's breasts. Well, it seemed like this enemy was not only good at behaving like a cat, it also had good taste!

"I'm Alice, by the way!" the girl curtseyed. "Pleased to meetcha! I'm part of the Occult club. You hopped into our room while going after that cute little kitty, so we decided to help you out!"

"Thank you?" Shampoo more asked than stated. That was very... expositional of her.

"Don't mention it!" Alice bounced up on her toes. "Say, why were you after that thing anyway?"

"Ah... That secret!" Shampoo answered cheerfully. Really now, she didn't quite feel comfortable talking with the other students yet. A few of them had tried to make friends, but it was pretty obvious what they were all really interested in. Alice was probably no different. "But thank you for help, is too too nice! Bother Shampoo all lunchtime."

"Really now, don't be silly! Just remember, if you need help the Occult Club is where it's at. See ya! Buh bye!" And off she frolicked around the corner.

"Bye bye!" Shampoo waved her off, cradling the cat in a carefully tight grip with the other hand. She waited until Alice was gone, then counted to ten and pulled out the little device Alice had slipped into the cat's collar while she thought Shampoo couldn't see. Then she set it down on the wall, reached into her tight fitting dress and pulled out an airhorn that really, if you get right down to it, her dress would not have been able to hide at all because it would have made a really, really obvious bulge. And not the kind of obvious bulge her dress normally causes. Ahem.

Regardless: Shampoo took a deep, deep breath and aimed the airhorn at the device, then let loose with a mighty honk. Curiously, at the same time this happened a blonde girl jumped a clear ten feet in the air, and landed in a heap behind a wall a little off in the distance.

"The Occult Club..." Shampoo mused. "Hrm... Is likely they may know something about kitty. Shampoo maybe investigate later on."

Meanwhile, off behind the wall, Kyoko let out a low whistle. "That was easily ten feet," she observed. "Are you alright?"

"Sure," Alice answered while straightening out her hair. "Lucky me, something soft broke my fall."

"You're welcome!" whimpered a boy's voice from underneath her.


  1. Shampoo pretends to join the Occult Club while really looking for information.
  2. Shampoo takes the cat to Ranma so they can interrogate it.
  3. Shampoo takes the cat to Akane instead. No need to scare Ranma again.
  4. What have Ranma and Akane been up to in the meantime?
  5. Something else

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