Story: Three For One Deal! Kyon the Slider, Were-Perv and Curvy Sailor Moon

 So I decided to do a very strange thing: I made a spreadsheet detailing the last time that I made a contribution to a thread that is in the voting list.

And do you know, I noticed something funny. There are three threads (well, four after this week added RCM Succu-Milf) that I have never technically added to... Until today. Those threads are: Kyon the Slider, R+V Were-Perv and Curvy Sailor Moon.

So, I figured... you know what? I'm going to write all three of those. Do please enjoy.

 
Kyon the Slider
 
I woke up, and the day seemed perfectly ordinary at first. Then again, is that not a universal truth? The sample size for the day was as yet a small one, making it difficult to graph how unusual it might be as compared to other days. It might have been wiser to check around noon before making an estimation of this nature.

Regardless: Nothing was apparently out of place for the first hour or so of awakeness on this particular day. It was a little overcast, threatening rain. My little sister was as energetic as ever. She had, it seemed, acquired a new toy called a "Poke Glove." It was, in essence, a glove that one wore with an elongated index finger, with which one could torment one's elders at a distance.

"Kyoooon!" my little sister said while attempting to insert that elongated index finger up my nose. I batted it away and attempted to resume eating my breakfast. "Kyoooon!" she attempted again. "You got something riiiight there!"

Now, you may think 'yell at her to stop,' but you have to understand the little sister dynamic. If I yell at her for annoying me, that means she wins. The better reaction is to pretend to be unaffected by it so that she will get bored and do something else, which mercifully didn't take long.

That sort of thinking is important, you see, as boredom and melancholy play an important function within my everyday life. What sort of function? Well, along came my first indication that today was not an ordinary day.

"Good morning Kyon!" Haruhi said, standing just outside the front gate to my house. She spun in place, stuck her hands on her hips and gave me a V salute. "Are you ready for what we discussed last night?"

Last night...? Ah, now here I wracked my brain trying to remember what inane thing she came up with last night. Probably nothing good. This particular Goddess in human form had a penchant for getting bored and coming up with scenarios that bordered on the insane, then kept right on going until they  would make even a lunatic balk. There was no sense to them, no rhyme nor reason. It was pure randomness intended for one sole purpose: Keep Haruhi entertained at all costs.

"No," I said with full honesty. It would cause me a short term headache, but better that than a longer term one. There was no telling what I may agree to otherwise! "I don't feel ready yet. Run it by me again?"

Wag wag wag goes that finger, and I resigned myself to a stern lecture uphill. "Silly Kyon, this whole thing was your idea!" she nagged. Then dragged hold of my collar and frog marched me up that long, steep hill. "You humans are so forgetful! I swear, it's a wonder you invented the wheel, never mind the Internet! Come on, Yuki's already dressed up at the Literary Club, we're just waiting for you now!"

This was a lot to process all at once, you understand. "The Literary Club?" I asked. Something wasn't right here. Hadn't Haruhi just said 'you humans'? "Don't you mean the SOS Brigade?"

"The SOS Brigade?" she asked. "What is that? It sounds like some kind of earthling rescue team! Ooh! I bet that would keep Yuki's mind active so she doesn't accidentally destroy the universe. You're the best Kyon, no wonder we keep you around."

And now I knew for a fact that something weird was going on. Aside from everything else Haruhi had said, <i>she had just complimented me</i>! Hell hath frozen over, the devil himself is trying to wrap up warm. That thought left me in such a stupor that I didn't even notice when Haruhi quickly looked around to see if anyone was watching, snapped her fingers - and poof, there we were on the school roof quick as you like.

"Ah, it's so handy being able to rewrite space and time to your own whims," Haruhi said. She stretched out, apparently fully aware of her godlike ability. "Now, if only the Data Entity would allow me to have tits like Asahina! Then we'd really be rocking!"

Now, you see, here is my problem: I didn't know what the hell was going on right now. Haruhi was behaving quite strangely. She had just teleported me to the school roof, and the way she was talking made it seem like she wasn't actually human at all. Was it safe to ask her what was happening? I could hardly tell. The whole situation was entirely too confusing, and there was only one person I could think of to ask for answers.

That person, incidentally, opened the door to the school roof and ran out while cosplaying as Lum. If Lum wore glasses.

"Waaaaaah!" yelled Yuki-cosplaying-as-Lum. The tiger print bikini was a definite thumbs up on her petite figure if you asked me. More concerning was the bashful yelling, and also the part where she bowled me over without seeming to watch where she was going. "Kyon, help!" Yuki asked, looking up at me and blushing. "Asahina is bullying me again!"

"It's not bullying!" Asahina called, leaning confidently against the doorway while cosplaying as Dio Brando from Stardust Crusaders. "It's called forced cosplay! Someday you'll enjoy it, I promise. Kukuku... Young people today have no appreciation for the classics of anime and manga! I will teach you the joys of 80s Japanese media! ZA WURLDO!"

"Now, that's quite en-" Haruhi was saying, then to my eternal annoyance completely froze in place as soon as Asahina had 'activated her Stand'. She stayed still for exactly five seconds, and then continued moving. "-nough Asahina! Even your big boobs can't keep us distracted for long."

A hand reached out through the doorway, and the eternally punchable face of Koizumi followed after it. He tweaked Asahina's delightful ear, causing a very familiar facial expression and whine to appear on her pretty face. Much better, I don't think I could handle the idea of an evil Mikuru Asahina existing in my life.

"Good morning Kyon!" Koizumi cheerily hailed. "My, my! I do hope that these three have not troubled you this fine morning." He held up a uniform. "Yuki, I have found where Asahina hid your clothes. Please return to the clubroom and dress, we'll wait up here for you."

"O-okay!" Yuki said. Her arms were crossed over her chest as she ran across the roof, but half way there she peered back at me and made a rather poor attempt at covering her rear instead. Then she tripped, got back up and kept on running. Needless to say but this was not the Yuki I knew.

"Really now, Miss Asahina!" Koizumi said, matter of fact to the girl. "A time freeze ability like that is quite ridiculous. In order for that sort of thing to work you would need CLASSIFIED INFORMATION and your Esper powers certainly wouldn't allow for that!"

"Oooh, I just want to have a little fun..." Asahina whimpered in his grip. "I mean, that is what we're meant to do, right? Keep her entertained so that she doesn't get bored and blow the universe up!"

I looked between them and Haruhi Suzumiya. Aha, so I see what must have happened. This morning, when my sister put that toy's finger up my nose, the plastic at the end of it must have melted and was doing peculiar things to my brain. Everyone was... Off. No other way to describe it. They were all simply, not right.

"Well, to be honest it's not hard to see why she prefers fiction to reality," Haruhi scoffed. "You world is so boring, for the most part! It's no wonder we've not initiated contact before now, you just didn't have anything worth seeing until you became a universal threat."

"Question?" I asked. "Could one of you, maybe... Check me to make sure that I'm normal normal normal normal normal -"

And then I was alone on the school roof. I blinked and looked around in even more of a state of confusion than I had already been in, and that situation certainly wasn't helped when all of a sudden the door burst open and Mikuru Asahina rushed out, clad in a bunnygirl-maid combo outfit and for the second time this morning I was completely bowled over.

"Waaah!" Mikuru wailed into my chest. "Kyon, save me! M-Miss Suzumiya is on the cosplay path again!"

The cosplay path. Like a warpath, but miles worse. Sure enough I could see her standing there in the doorway with her eyes shining like a pair of stars in the night's sky: Two little pinpricks of light cast against a sea of endless darkness. Then she held up a sleeveless waiter's uniform. Now, at this point I may have screamed, I may have passed out. But who could really say? The only thing I really knew was this:

Today was not going to be a normal day.

1. Yuki notices what's up immediately.
2. Kyon has a second jump a few hours later, in the middle of a misadventure.
3. Kyon jumps without noticing while standing in an empty hallway.
4. Hold on there, what about the Kyon from that other weird universe?
5. Something else

R+V Were-Perv
 
We've all heard the legends, haven't we? The lone figure stalking the moors at night, hurrying home as his transport has broken down. He hears a howl in the distance and shudders with fear. It is a full moon tonight, and so the moors are better lit than usual. Still, that makes the shadows that do exist all that more threatening.

He senses that he is being watched and quickens his step. Yet his haste takes him not to safety but danger. A black furred beast leaps at him from nowhere. It is huge, fangs and claws gleaming in the moonlight. It tackles the man to the ground and scratches his chest -

Then a gunshot sounds, so the beast flees. It hurtles back into the underbrush, and the man staggers on with pounding heart. He feels thankful at his near turn... But yet that gratitude shall falter on the next full moon, for there shall be a new beast to stalk the moors ready to pounce and feast upon the lost and alone.

"Gin!" a resounding slap hits him square across the face. "Stop trying to peek up my skirt!"

Real life rarely reflects the legends. Gin shrugged off the healthy slap, internally rating it a seven. "Apologies, Miss Kurumu!" he said. "However, it is hardly my fault if you happened to step over that hand mirror."

"The hand mirror that you placed in the corner, you mean?" Kurumu growled. She harrumphed and crossed her arms, then turned her back to him. "You're hopeless. Unlike my Tsukune dearie!"

And so, Gin watched with envy and disdain as Kurumu dove across the room to glom onto that hapless human who didn't know how good he had it. Yes, Kurumu certainly talked a good game about perversion being wrong. Up until she was rubbing her magnificent chest up against that rather ordinary seeming boy. It was all rather amusing really, however he could hardly delay any further. There was, after all, business to attend to.

"Ah! Moka!" the werewolf waved. The vampire girl was, as always, standing next to Tsukune. What a dreadful waste it was. "Have you managed to finish that investigation yet?"

"I think so," Moka said, flashing her brightest smile. Oh, be still his beating heart! "I've finally found a lead on the mysterious cake thief!"

"Excellent news," Gin said. Then, with a much less cheery disposition he turned his attention towards Tsukune. "And how did the interview go?"

For that, Tsukune pulled a thorn out of his sleeve and rubbed some cream into a scratch on his face. "He still has a bit of a cold," Tsukune said, by way of explanation.

"Pardon me," intruded a voice, a beautiful and sexy yet also extremely cold voice coming from behind him. It was the stalker girl, whose ice cold grip fell upon Gin's shoulders. "But I could not help but feel as though you knew that in advance, and sent Tsukune to him to suffer just a little bit."

And here, ladies and gentlemen, is why it doesn't pay to be the sole other man in a harem club, the one that doesn't have all the ladies tripping over them. "Ah, now Mizore!" he calmly, smoothly said. Frost was starting to form on his uniform. "There's... Ahem, no need for that kind of frosty attitude! If I thought that Tsukune would have been in any sort of danger, I would of course have handled that interview personally."

The frost grew a little more. However! Mizore had not reckoned with the trait werewolves were most known for, the factor that made them S rank beasts. Dangers beyond compare, against which other monsters dare not stand. That quality being, of course, their boundless speed!

All the better to retreat with! "Pardon me, I have other things to do today!" he called out, making a beeline right for the door - only to learn that actually, Mizore <i>had</i> reckoned with his speed and put down a small patch of ice in the middle of the floor. Gin trod on it, slipped - and landed in a heap across Tsukune, bringing the both of them face down, with Gin on top and with his canine sinking into Tsukune's neck.

Then there was a flash of light. Yukari had just taken a picture. "Ah, no wait a moment!" Gin cried out while the sneaky little witch held aloft a truly incriminating photograph. "Give that back!"

Meanwhile Moka had knelt down next to Tsukune, who was rising to his feet and rubbing at his neck. "Are you alright?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Tsukune answered. "To be honest I'm kind of used to having my neck nibbled these days."

Indeed he was. However, that was by a vampire. Not a werewolf. And Tsukune would find all too soon that the legends were indeed wrong. It wasn't the form that was transmitted by scratch or bite. It was... something else entirely. Something many would consider worse.

And others would consider better.

1. Tsukune is normal until the first full moon. Then his inner pervert comes out.
2. Or it comes out immediately, with a vengeance.
3. It turns out that anything considered a moon can trigger the transformation: A picture can work... and so can a skirt flip.
4. Weirdly, Gin doesn't feel so perverted all of a sudden and, for a while, takes things seriously.
5. The opposite of above: Gin is super revved up on pervertedness now that he's infected someone else with it!

Curvy Sailor Moon
Usagi picked her naked body off the floor  and hauled herself to her feet. "I feel funny..." she groused, then rubbed the side of her head. She stretched her arms out above her head, and several blocks away Mamoru Chiba suddenly found himself with a rather throbbing erection without the faintest idea why. "Oof, that was a good night's sleep!" she yawned, glanced over at Luna still sleeping in the corner. Funny that. The little black cat tended to call her lazy.

She took a step across her room and frowned. For some reason her centre of balance was off. Usagi took another step: Same deal. She scratched her head and frowned, trying to work out what was wrong, then shrugged, giving up and figuring that either it would become obvious in the fullness of time or someone else would tell her. That's what usually happened when she couldn't work out what was bothering her! In the meantime, she walked across to her cupboard, threw it open and pulled out her uniform.

Then, just as she was turning away from the mirror on her cupboard door, Usagi did a double take that would have made any comedic actor jealous. Hell, just for good measure she threw a pratfall in there, causing her uniform's skirt to flip up over the top of her head.

"Oh gosh!" she exclaimed. "I'm naked! I must have kicked my clothes off in the middle of the night! Oh well, I guess that saves me a little time."

With that diversion dealt with she pulled out some underwear from her chest of drawers, slipped them on and then tried her very best to put her bra on. It didn't take. As in, you'd need construction equipment to get this thing on. Even then it wasn't a sure bet, not by a long shot!

"Must've... Gone up a size!" she seethed. Then the back of it slipped out of her grip and the undergarment flew across the room like a catapult, landing neatly on top of Luna's still sleeping head.

"Usagi... How many times must I tell you to resist the urge to 'bother that animal'?" Luna groused in her sleep. The cat's eye creaked open. "We don't actually like being petted that much and holy gazongas! You could put an eye out with those things?"

Just as Usagi was about to ask 'what things?' the door to her room flew open and water struck her down the back. "Haha!" her little turd of a brother, Shingo, laughed. "Wake up sleepy head, can't stay... In bed... All day?"

The younger boy stared at Usagi for a minute. Usagi stared blue murder at him. Then quietly, Shingo closed the door and beat a hasty retreat while making strong active attempts to resist the urge to beat something else.

"Why that little - Ooh, I'll wring his neck! Barging in while I'm getting dressed!"

"You may have other concerns to worry about just now," Luna said. The little black cat crept quickly across the room in that way that cats do, and peered at Usagi's body. In particular her curves. This took a moment as there was a lot to take on board. "Yes... No question of it. A body modification like this is clearly the work of an enemy! An extremely perverted enemy at that."

"What do you mean?" Usagi asked. "I don't see anything wrong with <b>my breasts! My butt! My everything!</b>" And the damning part of it was, even though half of that sentence was an interrupted exclamation upon catching sight of her body in the mirror once again, that sentence was still absolutely one hundred percent accurate. There was nothing wrong with her body. The curves were flawlessly proportioned, her breasts were the perfect size for her frame, her waist was trim, slim and fit and her butt was like an exclamation point at the end of a particularly badass statement.

"Yes, well..." Luna coughed. "This is deeply concerning and definitely merits careful investigation. Of course, our most immediate concern is finding you clothing that will fit this new - "

"Form of: Usagi Tsukino from twenty four hours ago!"

"Or you could use your transformation wand, that also works..." Luna trailed off. She nodded in appreciation, then her eyes shot open as wide as they could. "Did... Did Usagi just think of a clever solution to a difficult problem without any insight from anyone?!"

"Yeah, well..." Usagi huffed. The magic had done its work quite well. Usagi looked exactly like she had yesterday. No more flawless body or stupendous curves... She was perfectly normal. "I do have good ideas sometimes, you know!"


"Indeed..." Luna nodded. Perhaps... Perhaps it would be a good idea to check this wasn't some bizarre dream? She scratched the back of her paw. Oof, nope! Definitely real. "Although there is one problem with this plan. The disguise will only last so long as you are in your civilian form. Should you become Sailor Moon, then those curves will return."

"Huh?" Usagi grunted. She was ignoring Luna and posing in the mirror. "Sorry, I was just imagining all the dresses I was going to buy later on. Definitely going to need a new wardrobe!"

And to this, Luna let out a breath of relief. The universe made sense again.

<hr>
It paid to have an evil plan. In her case: Why go for a direct face to face confrontation with the Sailor Scouts when she could harvest way more energy by staying a distance and letting other, normal and human girls do it for her?

Oh, sure. Lust is a bit of a cliche emotion to feed on. But only because it works! The great and powerful Mistress of Lust, the Insatiable Pervosa did not get to have this position by being incompetent or foolish! Far from it! Even now she was sitting in her lair feeling quite pleased with herself. So pleased, in fact, that she felt the urge to indulge in a little exposition about something she was already perfectly aware of!

"So I randomly selected an ordinary plain girl," Pervosa said to nobody in particular. "Then I turned her sex appeal up to maximum." A small evil cackle, just to indulge herself. "Then I turned it to maximumer! She'll head out into the wide open world with a body that is bound to attract attention and then all the naughty little boys will feed their lust to me, through her -"

Which was right about the time she just so happened to glance into her crystal ball.

"Or her body could go back to normal, why is it back to normal? <b>What the hell is going on?!</b>" No. Breathe. Calm down. Obviously the spell didn't take for some reason. But that's fine! Maybe this particular girl had a high tolerance to magic, which somehow undid the spell. Also fine!

"Screw it, I'll just pick someone else," she groused. "Chalk it up to experience, maybe not pour so much energy into it next time in case it's a waste..." Pervosa sighed wearily. This great idea of hers was looking less and less good all the time! "That's the trouble with being a big bad with no Generals... Or youma... You've really got to get creative if you want to get things done!"

1. Pervosa picks a random civilian as a target.
2. Or she picks another Sailor.
3. Usagi goes about her day, but starts feeling really horny.
4. The disguise pen's magic starts to weaken as the day goes on.
5. A youma attacks! Usagi must transform into Curvy Sailor Moon!
6. Something else