Story: Friendly Hentai Tome

Normalcy is a pretty relative term when a major facet of your life involves looking out for water at every turn in case you suddenly switch genders. You develop routines where you can, try your best to stick to them and roll with the flow. For Ranma Saotome his usual morning routine was rather straightforward: Spar with his father, breakfast with the Tendos, then off to school while walking a fence, and his unwanted, uncute fiancee Akane Tendo -

Akane suddenly stifled a laugh for no apparent reason. Ranma looked down at her. "What's so funny?" he asked. Not that he really cared. Just making idle conversation.

"Nothing," Akane said. Then broke out into an even bigger laugh than before. "S-Sorry, you wouldn't get it."

"I wouldn't, huh?" Feh. None of his business. If the tomboy wanted to laugh at 'nothing' then let her. He turned up his nose. Nothing at all cute or pretty about that smile. It certainly didn't put a spring in his step, brighten his day, and her laugh wasn't the melody of angels or - "Try me."

"Try me?" Akane stopped, suddenly bending over clutching at her stomach in an outrageous burst of laughter. "Oh, that's just what he said before she - Hahaha!"

He didn't care. It was none of his business. Her behaviour and thinking was utterly mysterious to him, so if she wanted to act like this all of a sudden then that was her business. Not his. She wasn't in danger or needed his help or anything, so he should simply forget about it. Walk to school, ignore her for the duration of the day while the boys around him fawned over her and told him how lucky he was to be engaged to a chick with no figure and -

Little did Ranma realise, but he was making the exact same facial expression the <i>Blushing = Heroic</i> protagonist made whenever he was thinking something really stupid and funny, usually right before something humiliated him. Needless to say, but she was pounding on the wall to her left because laughing was no longer sufficient to express how funny she found this.

On the other hand, Ranma was rather less than amused. "Not that it bothers me or anything," Ranma said tersely, utilising a lie so blatant even Ryoga could have seen through it. And that boy fell for any lie you threw his way! "But what is so hilarious all of a sudden?"

"Y-You're just like...Hahaha, just like...Pfffhehehehe!"

His eye twitched. Now he was pretty sure she was doing that deliberately. Ranma hopped off the fence and stomped over, making ready to get right into her face to drag it out of her if necessary.

"Nihao!"

Only to be toppled over by an amorous, busty Chinese ditz riding a Ranma-seeking bicycle. The two of them toppled to the ground with Shampoo quickly and efficiently wrapping her arms around his head and nuzzling her cheek up against his.

"Airen go on date with Shampoo?" she asked. "It would be fun time plenty!"

"N-No thanks," Ranma replied. He tried to pull his way out of Shampoo's grip, but she was like an anaconda. Squeezing the life out of him with absolutely no escape. "Not today!"

"But Shampoo much, much more fun and pretty than boring kitchen destroyer!"

And a beat passed. Both Ranma and Shampoo stopped, furrowed their brow and turned. That had been at least, what, ten, fifteen seconds of Shampoo tightly pressing her curvaceous form up against Ranma with Akane standing right there. What they saw there was absolutely frightening. Akane was, indeed, standing there. But there was no anger in her eyes. No battle aura blotting out the sun, no grabbing hold of a nearby blunt object to smack them both, no protestations that she didn't care at all what Ranma got up to.

No. Instead it was so much more unsettling. Akane was standing there, with eyes wide open and sparkling, hand over her mouth and shoulders going up and down like a pneumatic drill. Laughing into the palm of her hand.

"J-Just like when her rival tried to... That's so funny!"

"It finally happen," Shampoo whispered. She put her index finger up to the side of her head and made a twirling motion. "Akane go loco. Plum loco!"

Yeah, maybe that was it? Akane might well have snapped. She never really struck Ranma as the most emotionally stable girl. Always seemed to have her emotions on her sleeve, her thinking process was beyond his comprehension... This was way outside his area of expertise. Maybe he should take her to see Doctor Tofu?

Before Ranma could do much of anything at all, Akane reached down and patted Shampoo on the top of her head. "I'm not crazy," Akane said. "Crazy would mean trying the same thing over and over, expecting different results. For example: Throwing yourself at the same boy over and over and expecting him to suddenly want to go out."

"Ah, Akane!" Ranma yelled. He could already sense Shampoo's fighting aura spike. In fact, more than that she was disentangling herself from his body and - And how the hell did she get her leg there? He hadn't even noticed! No matter! Shampoo rose to her feet and stalked towards Akane.

Before anything could kick off, Ranma got to his feet and in between the two girls. "Now, let's not fight!" he said, putting up his hands in between them to keep them apart. "Akane, stop acting weird. Shampoo, uh..."

It was then that he realised exactly where his hands were. By sheer chance he'd accidentally groped both of them at the same time. Ranma looked nervously between the two girls and pulled his hand back like he'd touched a hot stove. Crap! Shampoo was bound to take that as an invitation, and Akane would think he did that deliberately! One of them was bound to pound him, and the other was going to try to get him to pound her!

But... That didn't quite match the expression on their faces. If anything, Akane seemed amused, and Shampoo was the one that was annoyed.

"Huh, come to think this stuff happens all the time..." Akane mused. "How did I miss it before?"

"Shampoo no mind airen touch Shampoo! But touch Akane like that at same time? Shampoo no like! Airen no baka!"

<hr>
There were two points to Daisuke's plan, at least at this stage, and when both of them walked in through the front school gate he and Hiroshi watched their body language with intense interest.

Ranma was confused. Akane was practically skipping.

"So, what now?" Hiroshi asked. "We keep the pressure on Akane, become besties with her?"

Daisuke elbowed him. "Dummy," he said. "We're opening up Akane to a whole new world of perversion. You don't think Ranma's going to stay oblivious for long, do you?"

"Well, he is pretty oblivious about their mutual attraction..." Hiroshi mused. Earning him another sharp elbow.

"Starting to regret getting you that word-of-the-day calendar," Daisuke said, rolling his eyes. "It's messing with your vernacular."

Hiroshi gave him a flat look. "Oh, do please continue to complain about my expanding vernacular instead of explaining what we're doing next."

Daisuke smirked. "Well, that's easy! I'm going to talk to Akane, while you keep Ranma busy."

"In other words, 'I will talk with the babe, you talk with her boyfriend.' Seems fair."

Daisuke pushed the book into Hiroshi's chest. "Dummy," he said. "Remember what we're trying to do here? Akane's the harder sell, but we need to get both of them on board with this. Use the techniques in the book to persuade Ranma to -"

1. "Spend the day as a girl."
2. "Be okay with us hanging out with Akane."
3. "Try dating Akane."
4. "Become a pervert like us."
5. Something else