Friday, 5 August 2016

Story: Double Trouble


By this point Ranma was pretty used to the weird things that kept on happening to or around him. Curses, magic, bizarre martial arts styles, ghosts and freaky enchanted items. All that fun stuff. Well, none of that could hope to compare to the rather odd realisation that his first martial arts pupils would be a younger version of himself, and a younger version of the girl he lo- was having sex with on a regular basis.

It really set his teeth on edge, looking at the two of them sitting on their knees. Each wearing a gi. Not only were they not looking at each other, but they were making it a point that they weren't looking at each other. It sort of gave the impression that if asked they'd pretend, oh yeah, that person was also in the room.

"So? So?" his younger self asked with great enthusiasm. "What're you going to show me first?"

"Show <i>us</i>," the younger Akane corrected. She still didn't look at the Ranma from her own timeline, instead peering up at the future version with that same wide-eyed expression his own Akane would use when she wanted to fool around with his girl side.

"Bleh, as if a violent chick like you could pay enough attention to pick up his tricks."

Well, now. That certainly did leave the older Ranma in a bit of a predicament. It was like watching an old home movie; you can hardly believe that's how you behaved. Was he always that immature? And as for the past Akane, she was clenching her fists, trembling just a little bit. Trying her best to remain the calm martial arts student, trying to impress her teacher. But still being driven to her very last nerve.

"Maybe I ought to start with the soul of ice," future Ranma suggested. "It might keep the two of you from tearing strips off each other."

"That sounds very wise, sensei!" past Akane cooed. "Anything that will help me bear his hot air."

"Hot air?" his past self scoffed. "With a tongue like that, it's a wonder you need protecting from anything! Open your mouth and the baddies will run before you can clench a fist."

"Yes, hot air!" past Akane sniffed. "It's the only thing hot about you." And then she did this weird thing with her eyes, sort of fluttered them at future Ranma. Weird. He'd never seen Akane do that before, was there dust getting in her eyes or something?

"Hey now!" his own Akane called from the doorway. "That's quite enough, the pair of you! No fighting in the dojo!" All three of them looked at her blankly, and so she cutely twirled her thumbs and looked up to the ceiling. "You know what I mean! You're here to learn, not argue."

The two of them huffed, turned their heads the other way, crossed their arms and that was that. Oh, gods help him. He was starting to feel a modicum of respect for their fathers actually being so blasted persistent in trying to get them together. Almost anyone else would've given up right away!

Or maybe the two of them were just bullheaded idiots. Then again, he was starting to feel like you could take any random two people they interacted with regularly and apply the same description. So, anyway!

"There are three main new techniques I learned since getting here," Ranma patiently began. Soul of ice, you are a calm centre. "Everything else is derived from these three. The first is a speed technique. The second is an advanced, powerful, destructive attack that we don't have the tools to learn, and the last..." He trailed off and frowned.."We're sticking to the speed training. I think that'd be simplest, probably?"

"Are you sure?" his Akane asked. "I mean, teaching them both the soul of ice would be immensely helpful for these two. Right?"

"Hey, butt out! You're not the teacher!" his past self scoffed. The past Akane scooted across the floor and gave him a nice hard elbow. "Hmph! Jealous! Bleh!"

His past self stuck out his tongue. So future Ranma grabbed it between index finger and thumb and gave it a squeeze. Heh. Kuno had told him enough times to hold his tongue, so why not just this once?

"So fast..." the past Akane gasped. "I could barely even see..."

Heh. Well, he did love showing off. His own Akane was rolling her eyes a little, but the past one was clasping her hands together in front of her mouth, awestruck by how awesome he was. Sure, sure, it seemed to annoy his past self quite a bit. But hey, kid. You wanna get cocky, better be able to make the walky. Or something? Ranma was never really great at that sort of thing.

"You want to see how fast I can get?" he asked. Then released the tongue, put his right hand behind his back and stepped three paces away from the younger him. "I'll only use my left hand. Akane, did you find a pen?"

She tossed one across the hall, and he not only caught it but twirled it in between his fingers like a mini-baton. Right then. Now that he'd seen firsthand what sort of little snotty punk he used to be, it was time to take himself down a peg or two. Once he got by that arrogant streak they could maybe set up their past selves way sooner than they would've hooked up otherwise. Get them happy, get them to grow up a little before anyone else shows up to complicate things... It was a brilliant plan he'd just this second come up with, if he did say so himself!

"Here I come!" he yelled, then waited a second. He recognised the stance his younger self used immediately. Against a normal opponent he'd stand in a relaxed posture to draw in their attacks, but against someone he knew was a threat? He'd shift his weight, keep his hands in a guarded position by face and chest to make damned certain he was ready for anything!

Well. He wasn't anywhere near ready for chestnuts roasting on an open fire. It was a little weird doing it one handed, but one hand was all he needed. Ranma pierced that defense a hundred times in ten seconds. By the time his past self had moved an arm to block an attack, it had already been, gone and left a smudge on his face about six hits back.

The last strike was a large black dot right to the forehead, which sent the younger Ranma sprawling back on the floor like he'd been struck by a bullet. On that note, the older Ranma twirled the pen around, blew on it, then twirled it right back into its cap in a single fluid motion. He then noticed the younger Akane staring up at him with a slack jaw. Heh. Impressed, huh? He winked at her and didn't notice the blush forming on her cheeks.

"Whoa..." the other Ranma gasped. "That was awesome! A hundred hits with just one hand! Even though I could see them all coming, I couldn't move fast enough to block! That was amazing, I can't wait to learn how to - The hell are you laughing at?!"


"Insert foot here," the younger Akane read aloud in between guffaws, chuckles and belly aches. "There's an arrow and everything! Oh, my sides!"

"Well, since you think that's so funny?" the older Ranma coughed. "Maybe you can help him clean it off. If you hurry the ink won't dry, and that'll make it easier."

Fufufufu! All according to plan! Ranma really was a genius! Look at the way the younger Akane helped the younger him back to his feet and guided him off towards the bathroom. It wasn't quite as devious as Doctor Tofu's little "now your legs don't work, she has to carry you" trick, but still! The two of them would have to look each other in the eyes. Sit there. Face to face. Close, intimate contact, even if it was something as simple as washing ink off someone's face. He didn't expect them to start kissing on the spot or anything like that, but he was being a little more patient than their pops ever were. Yes, this training was the perfect excuse to -

There was a harsh tug on his pigtail, and Ranma was suddenly bent backwards so he was looking into the upside-down face of his fiancee. She didn't look happy, and not for the first time, he wasn't entirely sure why.

"What I do?" he asked.

"What did you do?" she repeated. Uh oh. Not a good sign. "Nothing yet. I'm more interested about what you're planning on doing."

"Speed training," Ranma said.

"Uh huh," she tugged his pigtail a touch harder and scowled. "Speed training that involves setting a fire, and trying to grab roasting chestnuts from it. Are you an id-" she stopped mid-word, let go of his pigtail and rubbed her forehead in frustration. "Correction. You are an idiot."

"Aw, come on! I managed it!" Ranma complained. "Eventually. And I'm sure we'll get your past self up to speed in no time! All we need is the right training and -"

"And the right motivation," Akane interrupted. "Like the phoenix pill? Not to mention having an experienced teacher around like that old, manipulative monkey? Honestly, this is insane! It's like you're trying to teach them how to multiply before they can count! You need to slow down!"

"... When I'm trying to teach them to speed up?" Ranma considered that for a moment. "Ah! That's irony, right? Did I get it right that time?"

"Yes, dear, you got it right. But I am wondering what your lesson plan is, here. Because -"

"Hey! Watch it!" yelled a familiar-sounding girl's voice. Sounds like a certain someone just got transformed. "Are you trying to drown me or something? And this water's ice cold, too!"

"Well, that's good then!" the other Akane yelled back. "Matches your attitude!"

Which left the future versions of the arguing pair staring at each other with quirked eyebrows and a strangely exhausted feeling settling in on both of them. It was becoming more and more clear that this, this was going to be a lot more work than either one of them expected.


  1. The lesson continues.
  2. What are the sleeping arrangements going to be?
  3. Next morning, the past pair are off to school.
  4. The rest of the family has their own thoughts on the situation.
  5. Something else

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