Sunday, 14 August 2016

Story: Dojikko Ken


The next morning came, as it so often does. And in those small hours of the morning, many people were still asleep. Others were up, making breakfast, preparing for work or school and ensuring they were properly awake before leaving. Then there were people like Akane Tendo, who had a slightly different routine.

Oh, that makes it sound unusual. It didn't used to be. She'd throw on some jogging clothes, go around the block to wake up her muscles. A lot of people do that sort of thing, never mind those serious about martial arts training. In fact, many of them might even go on longer runs, carrying weights or go through an obstacle course. In comparison Akane's little jog was relatively normal.

Except that starting today, Akane wasn't doing a morning jog. Nope. She was doing something else, following her training routine as laid out in the book. It involved mastering something she had already been doing, understanding it. Comprehending that it was faster than walking, more efficient than running and cute as a button all at the same time. In short, Akane was not going on a morning jog, but rather a morning skip.

"One, two, one, two..."

Yes, the skip. An adorable little hop-step employed most commonly by precocious little girls the world over. An invaluable tool of anyone intending to weaponise cuteness, for consider: What is an opponent ready for unarmed combat to think when their opponent skips towards them unassumingly? Yes, exactly: This person is a fool, and this will be an easy win. They will underestimate their opponent, and then lose quite badly.

"One, two, one, two..."

There was just a single problem with this training. Namely, that Akane Tendo was still Akane Tendo. She was, shall we say, bullheaded, tended to reach out for the wrong end of the stick more often than she would the right. Couldn't shift an idea once it got into her head. Qualities that someone else, later, might describe as "uncute".

"One, two, one, two..."

Which leads us neatly into the current problem: That there are actually numerous definitions for the word "skip". It can mean a large portable storage container for a large amount of garbage. It can mean passing over a piece of information. It can mean bouncing stones off the surface of a large body of water...

"One, two... Gah! Stupid rope!"

And of course in an athletic sense it can also mean "jumping rope". One can almost see the stick being offered, smooth side forward, and then a certain girl reaching out to firmly grasp the thorn-ridden opposite end.

All of which leads us to here and now: Akane Tendo in the middle of a public street early in the morning with a length of rope tying her right arm to her left leg. No, don't try to think too hard about how that happened. That is the current state of being, and we're rolling with it.

"Guh!" the cute tomboy grunted in a distinctly uncute manner. "I'm overthinking it. Don't think about doing it, just do it." She struggled against the rope, trying not to use her rather above-average strength to tear through it. "If I practise every day, I'll get the hang of this in the end and it'll become second nature, and I'll be cute as -"

"Marianne, Francine, Katelyn, Muriel..."

Akane lifted her head away from the ropes and hopped just a little bit in place while she was passed by a girl with long, wavy brown hair. She was wearing the most girly, flowery dress that Akane had ever seen, which did seem rather inappropriate under the circumstances. After all, that pink rope she was jumping might get caught on it at any time. Yet it never quite did.

"Elizabeth, Suzie..." the girl sang, skipping rope while travelling down the street, crossing her arms every tenth jump. Then started skipping backwards, turned around towards Akane and tilted her head. Still skipping, but this time in place. "Pardon li'l Azusa, but do you know where Furinkan High School is?" Akane yanked her own rope a little, fell over and from her new position on the ground pointed backwards towards the school, or at least in the general direction of it. "Thank you so much! Gwennyth, Janice, Stephanie, Melanie, Judith, Ruth..."

Off she went, resuming her jump rope on the path towards the high school. Akane picked herself up and clutched her fist. Alright! That girl, she was the model of what Akane had to present on the outside: Cutesy, harmless appeal hiding a strong, athletic body! Right! This was it! She could do this! She would put her entire being into it! She would master the jump rope morning jog or her name was not Akane Tendo!


<hr>
So this was it. Today he would prove it, once and for all: Akane Tendo was a martial arts genius, masking her true strength behind a veil of a fragile, clumsy girl! Tatewaki Kuno, the Red Comet of Furinkan High was truly smitten! Her charming smile, her warm gaze, that healthy figure and a kick like a mule! All of these were truly attractive traits to a warrior such as he.

He was the first to arrive on this particular morning at the high school, bright and early as befitting a valorous student such as he. How could he sleep knowing no dream could match the reality of Akane's visage? Such beauty comes along not even once in a lifetime, never mind coupled with such strength. Alas, he must prove himself worthy before they could date. Even though his worth was rather self evident, even he knew one did not merely ask out such a fearsome soul without metaphorically slaying the dragon. Alas, in this case, the dragon to be slain was the maiden herself...

"Hi, ugly! Where is everyone?"

At first Kuno remained silent, believing the strange girl in front of him must surely be talking about someone else. Even though it was only the two of them in the courtyard. He took out a red rose and sniffed it dramatically -

"Marcel!" the girl squeaked, dashing forward to pluck it from his hand. "I'll save you from mister ugly! Marcel! Marcel! Marcel!"

"Return that flower, forthwith!" Kuno yelled, quite insistently. The speed of that girl to so effortlessly purloin that rose! Watching her movements he could tell: This, too, was a girl who masked a dangerous form beneath a cutesy exterior. Except something about her seemed a touch too sweet for his liking. True enough: Akane Tendo struck the perfect balance between sweet and spicy to tantalise his tastebuds! "That rose is for Akane Tendo, not for you!"

"Oh? Akane Tendo?" The girl stopped, tucking the rose in her hair. "Tee-hee! Oh, I guess Mariko-chan was wrong, Akane does have a boyfriend. A boyfriend uglier than Mickey, tee hee!"

"I am not yet her boyfriend," Kuno seethed, reaching out to retrieve the flower. "And I am not -"

"Marcel!" the girl screeched. "Give Marcel back! Now, now, now!"

Before Kuno could admonish the girl for her attitude, he found his throat a little constricted by the jump rope being wrapped around his neck in a rather disturbing display of violence unbefitting of a school courtyard. Or indeed anywhere and - cripes, this girl was strong! Left with no other recourse Kuno tossed the flower away and then caught his breath when the iron grip was released.

"Marcel!" the girl cooed over the flower like it was a baby chick. "I'll never let you go again, never, ever, ever! I have just the place for you." Then she kissed it. Right. So. Even Kuno was amazed! This girl was a complete idiot! A cuckoolander of the highest order! "So, um... Where is that Akane girl? Isn't this her school?"

"It is," Kuno choked out in between deep, sucking gasps for air. "Yet she is not due for an hour still."

"An hour?" the girl asked. She stuck out her arm, looked over a watch shaped like a butterfly and tapped it a few times. "Oh no, Lilian has stopped! Wah! Poor Lilian needs a change in battery-wattery! Now I'll have to wait around for an hour with mister ugly Marcel-thief before I can challenge that Akane girl to a fight!"


Now. One must understand the thought process of Tatewaki Kuno, much as we did the same for Akane earlier on. Of course he was perfectly aware that girls could be martial artists. Of course he was aware that martial artists regularly challenged each other to fights. These things are obvious, and conclusions can be drawn via logical intersection of these matters.

However. Tatewaki Kuno is a few sticks short of a stack. While it is true that Akane is prone to misunderstandings, when compared to Kuno she's practically a mind reader. Not only will Kuno tend to grab the wrong end of the stick, but he'll do so in such a way that he will thoroughly obliterate the right end of the stick, leaving him with nothing to hold onto but the wrong end.

A metaphor which becomes a trifle amusing on considering that he is supposed to be a kendo prodigy. One would think that the first lesson of anything to do with swords would involve learning which end to hold onto. But that's a digression. Let's return to the main point, which is -

"You intend to challenge Akane Tendo to combat?" Kuno warily asked.

"Yeppers!" was the reply.

Kuno tilted his head. Then, reluctantly, drew his bokken and prepared for combat. "I shall not allow this!" he declared. "A pervert like you shall never lay hands on the fair Akane!"

Yes, folks. The conclusion Kuno had inevitably reached was that Azusa was planning to challenge Akane to a fight with the intention of going on a date with her. Sometimes it feels like someone could describe these events, and then conclude by making a jazz hands motion and yelling "the aristocrats!" and nobody would even blink.

All the while, do feel sorry for all of those poor sticks. They didn't do anything wrong, but they'll be the ones catching the blame in the end.


  1. Kuno vs Azusa!
  2. Actually, Mariko arrives and immediately crushes on Kuno super hard.
  3. Meanwhile, Akane continues trying out her morning training regime.
  4. Yuka and Sayuri decide to give this martial art a try themselves.
  5. Something else

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