Friday, 29 January 2016

Story: SBO Naruto


"So let me get this clear," Ino said to the lazy genius that was dragging her along, probably because he couldn't be bothered doing all the work himself. "You went to talk to Naruto at his house."

"Yeah," Shikamaru sighed. He stuck his little finger in his ear and twirled it around.

"He really wanted to talk to you about something or other, but Hinata was also there and she wouldn't let him leave."

"You just gonna repeat everything I told you?"

"Just making sure I understood correctly," Ino said. "Go, Hinata! If you're going to like who you like, you might as well go all in for it. Right?"

Shikamaru was a genius, but somehow he missed the incredibly obvious look that Ino gave Shikamaru, even though she was drilling it into his brain as hard as she could without resorting to a jutsu. She was all but saying the words "Temari likes you, you dumbass genius" and had been trying to set the two of them up every time they were both in the same general area. No dice. Trying to manipulate a pair of master strategists like those two was, to say the least, an irksome challenge.

"If it was something as simple as young lovers fooling around I could leave this alone," Shikamaru said. "But it doesn't seem like that at all. It bothers me. I think they might be under some kind of jutsu, but I need more information to be certain."

Which didn't really explain why she was being brought along. Ino was hardly an information retrieval expert, and the situation didn't really seem to especially warrant body switching for any real reason that she could see. Now she was really puzzled. What possible reason could he have for bringing her along for something like this? Because she was a girl so it would seem less creepy if they were caught by the pair? Some broader tactical consideration that she wasn't aware of, but would be at the critical moment?

Then Shikamaru yawned, and she realised it was probably because she was the first person he happened to encounter and he decided that was good enough.

"So here we are," the genius said. "We should head around back. Pretty sure I heard them piling furniture up against the front door."

"Right," Ino said. "In that case, we need to be careful. A ninja is unlikely to leave their abode prone to invasion from an obvious alternative - Wait, this is Naruto we're talking about. What am I saying?"

"Something more insightful than you realise," Shikamaru sighed. He picked up a pebble from the street, pinged it backwards so it bounced off one roof, rolled off another and then all of a sudden paint cans and debris flew up over the back of Naruto's house.

"Wow! I never would have guessed Naruto would go to this much effort to protect himself!"

"He didn't," Shikamaru said. "I'd bet those are old pranks he worked on, then forgot about and chucked outside when they didn't work the way he wanted. Come on. Just mind your step and we should be able to get inside the back way."

Pranks? These were all practical jokes?! How on earth did he manage to find all these springs and - What possible practical applications could a rocking horse with an umbrella tied to it have in the realm of practical jokes? Ino stared at it for a moment. The faded paint of the rocking horse's eye stared back. Weird. Whenever it bobbed its head forward it almost seemed to be winking at her. A knowing wink. As though it were looking right into her soul and knew every single one of her secrets.

Then she and Shikamaru crept inside the building, found Hinata's naked body pinning Naruto's up against a wall, and suddenly the creepy rocking horse seemed like exactly the kind of thing Ino would rather be staring at right now. A plague upon you, Shikamaru, for bringing her here to witness the sight of Naruto's bouncing ballsack while his hardened shaft penetrated Hinata's dripping mound. It was not sufficient that you would also have to bear this memory for the rest of your days, although that was admittedly a heavy punishment that fit the crime. Even so! Satisfaction demanded that you suffer, yes, you must suffer much greater than this.

"Ah! H-Hinata, we're back to normal! Y-You can stop now!"

"Ohhhh, Naruto, take me!"

"It means people can see us! Ah! Cut it out!"

Ino angrily tugged on Shikamaru's sleeve and pulled him out of the back door. Honestly now! Whatever conclusion he'd come to was clearly as wrong as it could've possibly been wrong. So what if the two of them were engaged in a little fetish play? That was fine. The two of them were cute together. When they had clothes on. And weren't thrusting into each other with great (or from her view, terrible) enthusiasm.

"Ino, you are crushing my wrist."

"Good!" Ino yelled, squeezing as tightly as she could. "I am turning beetroot, here! Walking in on the two of them like that, on your say so? What were you thinking?" No answer right away. Shikamaru was staring at the ground. "Hello? Mister supposed genius? Maybe try reading less patterns into things so we don't humiliate two of our colleagues and -"
"'We're back to normal,'" Shikamaru said. "'That means people can see us...' Didn't you find those words strange, Ino?"

"Huh?"

"I think I understand a little of what's going on. They're definitely under some sort of influence, and we need to separate them so I can question them."

"I'm not body switching with either of them."

"That's fine," he said, stepping back into the doorframe. "There are enough shadows in there for me to grab both of them -"

"- And make them put some clothes on."

"Well, yes. Obviously."

Ugh! She couldn't believe this. He was really going back in there? What kind of influence could he possibly mean? If he just meant hormonal influence, then he was more of an idiot than she could have possibly believed. Then again... If something was capable of influencing both Hinata and to a lesser extent Naruto? That was probably something worth worrying about. Maybe she should give him a little more benefit of the doubt and walk right in on Hinata pulling her heavy coat over her head and giving Ino a great, great deal of unexpected boob envy to contend with on top of everything else. She'd never really noticed how big and perfect and - Anyway!

"This had better be leading to something," she warned while the two of them stood, dressed (barely) in imitation of Shikamaru's lazy stance and sweating bullets. "Otherwise -"

"Hypothesis: The spread of ideas is often analogous to a viral outbreak," Shikamaru began. "Like gossip. You tell one person. Then they tell someone else and it gets all spread around from person to person telling each other. The right kind of gossip can change a person's viewpoint. It can change a person's perspective and outright alter their behaviour. If either of you doesn't understand why I'm saying this now, please ask. Otherwise don't say anything."

Neither of them spoke up. Although Hinata did seem to be pouting a little bit.

"So, hypothetically speaking... Who else might know about this gossip?"

"Sakura might," Naruto suggested.

"Then we have to find and contain Sakura before she tells anyone else. If I release the two of you, will you please dress properly so we can find her quickly?"

Ino looked around the room at the three other occupants. Huh? So... He'd been right that there was really something else going on here? What was all that stuff about gossip and viral outbreaks? Sakura as well? The pretty young blonde simply scratched her head in utter bafflement: What in blazes was going on around here?!



  1. Sakura manages to keep quiet about what's going on long enough to get proper help from Neji.
  2. Sakura struggles against her other self, who wants to bang Neji and Lee at once.
  3. Lee blurts out the truth.
  4. Hinata feels ashamed of her behaviour. Runs away at first chance.
  5. Hinata got a taste, but wants a bigger meal. She plots and plans to get herself alone with Naruto again.
  6. Something else

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