Monday, 10 August 2015

Story: Urusei Yatsura Authority Badge


Well now. That was... A little more vivid than Sakura had been expecting. The quiet, self-professed normal and average girl was the sort to have that kind of fantasy? It really should not have surprised her that much. After all, someone with her training typically recognised that what lay on the surface often did not match what lay beneath. Still, it was such a shock that before she even knew it she was sitting there in her office completely naked.

"Ah!" she gasped, crossing her arms across her breasts. Normally being naked in the same room as another woman wouldn't bother her, but the revelation that Shinobu was as much - Rather, almost as much of a pervert as that boy was having quite the psychological toll.

"Alright!" Shinobu said, clapping her hands in the same way a teacher might upon giving her class a new assignment. "Let's get started. I want to see you cumming right away."

All of a sudden she was assaulted by feelings of uncertainty and fear. Doing something like that? in front of Shinobu? Right now? The normally fearless nurse felt a little twinge of it there and then. How embarrassing! She couldn't do something like that on command! No matter what that man with the badge might say, no matter what authority he might have it wasn't something she could do at the drop of a hat. She wasn't ready, she wasn't even sure how to be ready!

"Well?" Shinobu sighed, impatiently tapping her foot and crossing her arms, staring her down in complete disapproval. "What are you waiting for? Get yourself off."

"I don't know what to do!" she said in desperation. Anything to stall for time! "Could you maybe show me what I'm supposed to be doing first?"

"Oh," Shinobu quietly said. "Well, that makes sense. Hold on a second..."

Oh no. Somehow she'd made the situation even worse! Now Shinobu was dumping her uniform on the floor, while Sakura could do little more than watch. The girl, the surprisingly perverted girl then lay back on her bed, taking off her panties while giving Sakura an extremely pointed look.

"I want you to watch carefully," Shinobu said, licking two of her fingers. "You shouldn't really need a lesson on anatomy, so... I guess I should skip that part and get right to the part you need to learn. Start by rubbing your fingers - Mmmn! Ri-Right there! Don't be shy, keep watching!"

She was. In spite of herself, she was. With a nervous swallow she realised that Shinobu was expecting her to duplicate that motion, which meant... Sakura licked her fingers, and then traced the outline of her labia, feeling quite silly about - ohgosh! Suddenly her hips bucked as if a spark had shot clear down her spine.

"Wh-what was that?!" she gasped.

"Oh dear," Shinobu sighed. "You must be really repressed if that felt that good. Once you're nice and wet, try putting them in just a little bit. Like this."

This was silly! This was insane! This was soooo goooood. Sakura had never imagined this kind of pleasure could be possible. It was like she'd spent her entire life hungry, but never knew it until she ate her first meal.

"Careful," Shinobu warned. "Not too much too quickly or oooh! Y-You should take your time to really savour the feeling, or it won't last very long. Try fantasising about your man."

Fantasising? Yes, that made sense. Hadn't Shinobu been talking about fantasies she indulged in before while doing this - Gosh, no wonder people were such perverts - Maybe she should give it a try as well? Ah, what sort of thing should she imagine...?

All of a sudden Sakura was sitting at a desk, surrounded by students who were busily writing away as the teacher droned on and on about something she couldn't quite make out. She wriggled in her seat just a little bit, then looked down to see a face eagerly smiling up at her while his fingers worked their magic touch.

"Hi, Miss Sakura," Ataru said -

The fantasy shattered like glass all around her. Ataru?! No, no, no! She refused to have a sexual fantasy about that! Except, wait a minute, that sounded familiar? Wasn't that the same kind of fantasy Shinobu had mentioned earlier on, when -

"Oh, Ataru!" Shinobu moaned, thrusting her hips up to meet her fingers, which seemed to be working so hard it seemed to Sakura they were but a blur. "That's right! I've been such a naughty girl, please punish me!"

Think about something else. Think about anything else! Anyone else. Don't indulge in that idea of being dressed up in an abbreviated schoolgirl uniform with a skirt as brief as a breeze and a tied-off top that may cover up the breasts but also drew a hell of a lot of attention to them, and certainly don't imagine Ataru Moroboshi of all people is bending you over a desk and - And -

And it was no good. The more she tried to fight it, the more it came into her head. Little fantasies involving Ataru and her. Shinobu had planted the idea in her mind, and her own masturbation demonstration was giving it water and sunlight. The more Sakura tried to fight it, the more her unconscious mind rebelled by giving her exactly the kind of thoughts she was trying desperately not to have. Combine this with her own stubborn nature, and before long there were two women in that room masturbating furiously while helplessly moaning Ataru's name.

Though Sakura could, at the very least, understand what the big deal about masturbation was from now on.

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While that was going on, Ataru himself was casually strolling off with his hands in his pockets, smiling that smile of genuine knowledge that he had delivered astonishingly stellar assistance to someone that didn't even know they needed it.

He glanced back towards Ran, who gave him one of her cheerful smiles and waved goodbye at him. Oh yes. That poor girl was in a psychologically messed-up relationship that had absolutely no opportunity to give her the physical satisfaction nor the emotional affection she so desperately craved. Now, with his advice she could move on past that and find someone else. She was cute. She was smart and cheerful. Now that she had a better understanding of what properties were worth looking for in a man, she'd find a worthwhile one in no time at wait a damn minute.

Wasn't he trying to make himself that perfect man in the first place? What happened to that?

"Ohohoho!" he chuckled, pulling out the badge and staring down at it so darkly that demons and angels alike would run in abject mortal terror. "You're a sneaky one, aren't you? Making me go all professional and suchlike? Trying to make me, of all people, behave responsibly? Sneaky sneaky! Now I'll just turn around and give that poor girl a little more direction in the ideal man for herself - That's not what I meant to say, stop that!"

He ran his hand across his face and sighed. It should be an easy thing to work out, right? How to make Ran fall for him instead of Rei or someone else using this damned badge... Except every time he did, it was like his thoughts were being diverted. In spite of himself, Ataru Moroboshi was slowly transforming into an actual, professional and responsible representative of the National Department of Sexuality.

Responsibility was about as natural to his state of being as suddenly trying to inhale lead. Just a solid block of a heavy metal, right into the lungs. It was making him choke about that much as well, but in spite of his attempts to chuck the badge away he could already think of a couple other people he knew quite well that were in desperate need of assistance. Ryunosuke's gender issues were a case of no duh. Mendo's superiority complex which was obviously rooted in a deep-seated need of parental approval. His sister Ryoko's perpetually unsatisfied sadistic tendencies. Asuka's fear of men. And of course Lum -

If Ataru's brain was a factory, then the very thought of Lum's sexual issues passing through it was as if someone had convinced the workers to strike, then set about pouring salt into all the machines. Something broke. Something important.

You could see it in his face. Ataru straightened himself up. Smoothed back his hair. His face became almost handsome, but on the other end of the scale from normal - As in to say, calling it handsome might even be an insult. Gorgeous might be better. His eyes were shining. His expression of the utmost professionalism. In that moment Ataru Moroboshi had completely transformed into the one thing he hated perhaps even more than Shutaro Mendo.

An honest-to-goodness professional, responsible adult that butted his nose into everyone else's business. God help them all.


  1. The new professional Ataru Moroboshi has a word with Mendo and offers genuinely beneficial advice.
  2. Cut to later on, at five PM when the badge loses power.
  3. Shinobu's lessons for Sakura continue.
  4. Ran reflects on the advice she was given.
  5. Something else

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