Story: Ataru's Kingdom

Some foolish peasant might have described Shutaro Mendo's daily school entrance as showy or flamboyant, yet in so doing they only revealed their own ignorance and envy. How else should someone of his stature and wealth make an entrance? Were he to walk in such as the rest of these plebs, what sort of message would it send them? How could they aspire towards greatness if they were not demonstrated the breadth and furthest reach available to the human condition? True that they would not attain it themselves, but they should at least aspire and dream.

This was why he descended towards the school by parachute, arms folded, eyes closed. He had done this too many times to be concerned for personal safety. As he always did he would land exactly in his seat to the muted amazement of his classmates. Then the school day would begin in earnest, and -

"Appears to mildly more windy than expected," he said aloud, and then all of a sudden he was finding himself blown quite severely off course. "Not a problem!" he calmly announced to nobody in particular. "My expert skills shall ensure a safe and secure landing no matter where I am blown off course -"

Which is when he landed directly and perfectly inside of a portable toilet that was, for some reason, being pushed around just outside of school grounds. Ah, how unfortunate but all he'd have to do is - Notice a passing tree branch nudge the roof of the contraption so it was properly closed off. Ack!

"Wah!" Mendo yelled. "It's dark! It's cramped! It smells like death! I'm scared!"

This cry repeated for approximately two and a half minutes, until mercifully the door was opened and he was standing in front of the class, with one of those ridiculous prancing creatures holding open the door and giving him a rather exaggerated bow.

"You know!" the creature said in its usual singsong voice. "There was no reason to scream and yell. The door was unlocked."

"Yes," Mendo said, straightening himself out. "And let that be a warning to you next time that maybe you should have some sort of sign up to remind people of that fact!"

"Love your new personal transport!" Moroboshi yelled. "Only the best for a Mendo, right?"

"Correct," Mendo said, deliberately choosing to ignore Moroboshi's sarcasm for the sake of dignity. "Only the best for a Mendo," he said as he took his seat with full poise, full control, and then one of the chair legs snapped out from under him, leaving him toppled on the floor.

A polite cough, there there. Nothing wrong here. A quick snap of the fingers, and the attendants had brought along a new, much sturdier chair. Yes. Much better. The chair legs aren't loose. This was the make of a real craftsman. Now he could calmly take his seat without concern or delay, and even the little bit of seat sticking into his side didn't bother him in the slightest. Why, that was how you knew it was the finest quality work! An artistic touch like that wasn't the sort of thing any old chairmaker would do.

Although it did now occur to Mendo that something in the air felt wrong today. He couldn't place it. Almost as though he was feeling unwell? Whatever it was, it would not get the best of him! Nothing could shake him. Why, look there now. That girl had just dropped her pencil. He very nearly dove out of his seat to politely retrieve it for her, not expecting any thanks from the pretty face, merely doing it because of course it was polite to do for such a beautiful woman -

"Ack!" they both yelled as their heads collided, sending Mendo reeling backwards in shock and surprise. "Ooof! Ah, I'm sorry! From a beauty like yourself, pain is a gift, but please do show greater caution in the future lest you risk causing greater and more lasting damage."

Hrmph! That girls' clumsiness bordered on cute, but only barely. Oh dear, a bruise was forming on his glorious forehead. Now Mendo's mood really was turning sour. Somehow, he felt, this was all Moroboshi's fault. Look at him over there. With the adorable alien Lum sitting in his lap. How irksome! How irritating! That inane, goofy bastard being given a "sitting partner" when the glorious Mendo was not? How was that fair? How was -

"Mendo!" the teacher yelled, throwing a piece of chalk that landed directly in the centre of the swelling atop his head. "You have a seating partner! Where are they?"

Ah? He did have a seating partner after all? How strange. He couldn't quite recall... Which girl would it have been? While Lum was far and away the most exotic flavour in class, she was by no means the only desirable one around. Perhaps Ryunosuke? Or Moroboshi's ex-girlfriend? Either were rather attractive, but which one would it -

A shadow loomed over him out of nowhere, and all of a sudden Kotatsu Cat perched its considerable fuzzy weight down upon Mendo's lap, pinning him quite thoroughly to the seat and leaving his face completely covered with fur. Ah! He couldn't see! He couldn't move! He couldn't-

"It's dark!" he yelled. "It's cramped! I'm scaaaared!"

"Quiet down!" Onsen Mark yelled, tossing another piece of chalk with perfect precision, somehow managing to still strike Mendo right on that swollen part of his forehead. Ah! What had he done to deserve this cruel fate?! "Alright, class," the strict teacher yelled, randomly tossing a piece of candy towards Ataru as he spoke. Whereupon Lum unwrapped it, popped it in her mouth and fed it to her Darling using her tongue. "First lesson! Porn mags out! I wanna see you all looking at them bare tits right away!"

1. That tears it for Shinobu. Something really weird is going on!
2. Meanwhile, Ran's class is also pretty weird.
3. Sakura's supernatural senses are screaming.
4. Ataru rolls with it, all is good and well.
5. Something else