Story: Tainted Cube: Nothing Special

No options yet, for a reason that will become apparent later on. Probably tomorrow, or some point over the weekend. Looking forward to seeing reactions to this one.

So here it was, Kyon’s special ability would be more powerful. Except that he was but an ordinary boy in every way. Average looks, average intelligence, average athletic ability. What about him stood out? Not much, if anything. Someone like this hardly seemed like one that could, say, save the world or even inflict any particularly significant alteration upon it. This was a boy doomed to live an apparently boring life, or so he believed.

Except that he did happen to have one particular, peculiar talent that nobody could see. A peculiar power that he could not control and may never fully understand. Kyon may not realise it, but he was already the most important person in the universe long before he noticed that peculiar object sitting in his bag. But now? Now his importance was magnified considerably….
<hr>

Boring introductions all around. Boring. Dull. Unimaginative. Look at them. They don’t care how unspecial they are. They don’t care that they’ve never seen a ghost or an alien or a rampaging robot wearing a sombrero. Boring dull dull dull!

Which was exactly what they wanted her to think! Oh, sure, that was a little idle paranoid fantasy she was indulging in, but who cares? She knew all too well that catching out those abnormal, interesting people would require a little outside-the-box thinking. So far as Haruhi Suzumiya was concerned, the box was nothing more than trash! And what do you do with trash? Exactly! The only purpose trash has is to be thrown away!

The teacher began their first class of the year, but Haruhi was kind of tuning it out already. Boring stuff she already knew from last year.  Boring.  She couldn’t think of anything more mundane and uninteresting than another rendition of the economic consequences stemming from the discovery of Sakuradite.  Boring, boring, boring. Instead, it was time for her to consult her specially encoded super secret investigative journal to go over her plans for the year. Of course, the beautiful part of this was that it was a double-layered code. Half of it was gibberish while the other half were backward acronyms. After all, if an alien spy tried to steal her book they’d learn everything she was trying to do once they’d cracked the code. But hiding apparent gibberish in a pile of other gibberish? It’d drive them insane!

Alright, let’s see here… DTHT was Do The Hair Test. Simple enough trick. All eyes would surely be on her after an introduction like that, because the rest were all boring boring boring. They’d gossip about her hunting for aliens and espers and time travellers, and the people that would especially pay attention to her were more likely to be in one of those groups or affiliated with them in some way. Or at the very least interested in joining her hunt. Either way, good news to her! Next step was to establish a test of sorts. Add a braid to her hair each day of the week, resetting to zero with each new week. Anyone in class - or school - observing her would notice this particular quirk pretty much immediately and try to use it as a topic of conversation in an attempt to infiltrate and ruin her investigation. Whereupon Haruhi would immediately know where to investigate first.

JACOATO: Join All Clubs One After The Other. If Smith was on the level then there oughta be weird folk dripping from the walls in this place. She’d join all the clubs one by one to check out what they got up to, investigate the members, try to find something or someone interesting. Keep doing that until something - anything - comes up. It was bound to turn out something interesting sooner or later.

IAC: Investigate All Classmates. Now, she’d been discreet about this one over the page during introduction. Had a full list of all the members of her class, listed them all by name and position in the room. Over the course of the next few weeks she’d passively observe all of them one by one, make detailed notes about them (in a different but similar-appearing code) throughout the year and use this information to spring a trap upon whichever of them turned out to be abnormal and interesting.

Well, this was as good a time to look over that list as any other. Let’s see what we have here.

Ugh. Taniguchi. She could strike that name off the list for a start. Next!

Ryoko Asakura. Seems pretty cheerful. Might be something in there worth a look.

Reiko Hayama, Yui Nishijima, Masaki Uematsu… Nothing particularly special standing out about any of them. In fact, scanning the details on the introductions made it quite clear that none of them really did have anything remotely interesting to say. No strange hobbies, no peculiar or even amusing characteristics that marked them out for immediate investigation. None of them appeared to stand out, none of them appeared to… Wait… Something’s wrong here.

Haruhi’s head rose out of the journal and she stared at the boy sitting in front of her. Working studiously. No different from anyone else in class (save herself, of course), putting pencil to paper and listening to the boring reminder of things they had already learned last year. She squinted at him and tried to concentrate, drawing up memories of… not even ten minutes ago. She remembered it quite well. She remembered what the general reaction had been, remembered the inflection in Taniguchi’s so-called joke, remembered Akihiro Nakashima’s proclamation that he enjoyed playing computer games with people, and if anyone wanted to blah blah <i>blah</i>…

But she couldn’t remember this one detail. It alone was escaping her when everything else was clear as crystal. Like a blank area that her mind could not access. She stared back at the area designated to the person sitting in front of her in her notebook. Haruhi ignored the introduction, ignored the seating arrangements, ignored her speculation and concentrated on the only other thing written about him.

Because Haruhi Suzumiya sincerely doubted that this boy’s name was anything like Kyon. What, just Kyon? Really? Was that supposed to be his given name? In which case, what was his family name! Was he from a long line of Kyons stretching back through Japan’s history? In which case, what was his given name? No. This smacked more of a nickname, but who would introduce themselves to class with their nickname instead of their actual name? Though Haruhi would concede one point when she noticed he’d turned to look at the clock. The boy really did look like Kyon suited him quite well. Though he did look kind of familiar, come to think…

It was anomalous, is what she was thinking. After all, she’d been careful to be very deliberate in how she got all the details down. All of them. Every salient point, of which there were so precious few. There was not one single solitary chance she’d foul up on something like a name. Right then! This merited investigation!

For the first time that she could remember, Haruhi smiled a genuine smile. Though to most it would be more reminiscent of the expression of a tiger about to pounce.

<hr>
Class ended at last. The first day back to school always seemed to drag on so long, perhaps because the mind was so used to the simple relaxation it endures during the time off. You sort of have to relearn how to do school. It was only lunchtime. Could you believe that? Lunchtime! It felt like he’d been sitting here for months!

During all that time a single question had burned in his mind. Well. Two. That weird cube he’d found in his bag was one concern, but for some reason it appeared to have vanished. A figment of his imagination? Whatever. More interesting than a disappearing cube (that was at most a practical joke, surely) was the beautiful girl sitting behind him. She really did seem just like any other student in class. Any pretty student in class, at least. Given that, could anyone blame any boy for trying to use the seating arrangement to find out more about her?

“Excuse me,” he said. “But I was just wondering, were you serious about that stuff in your introduction?”

Her eyes narrowed, and suddenly he felt entirely as if the entire world outside the classroom had vanished. It was as if the universe’s entire focus was upon him and her and them alone. At least metaphorically speaking. The imagery would spring to mind later on, and be deeply regretted.

“Why do you ask?” she said, voice packed in a great big suitcase next to the biggest collection of suspicion in the history of the world. “I mean, you’re not saying <i>you’re</i> an alien, are you? Or maybe something else?”

She sniffed and flicked a stray hair out of her eyes. Her perfect, gleaming brown eyes that he couldn’t even try to look away from. God, she was stunning. All he could do was shake his head.

“Well, that’s a shame, isn’t it?” Haruhi responded, turning her attention away from him to stare at something else nearby. This seemed to break the spell, allowing him to remember how blinking worked. “Why even bother talking to me, then? Like I said, I’m not interested in normal people, so you should just shut up and leave me alone, Mister… what was your name again?”

He told her. Her eyes narrowed for a fraction of a moment, and he could swear blind she was about to say something but didn’t utter a syllable. Distractingly beautiful or not, this girl’s first impression appeared to be accurate. She really was that weird!

<hr>
They didn’t think she could hear them, or didn’t care. Well, to be perfectly frank she didn’t care either so they were all equal. Look at them standing over there, talking to him like he was one of them. Pretending to be normal, are we? Well! Haruhi Suzumiya knows better! She’d heard his name now. Twice. Paid super-extra attention this time, a special privilege for any loser boy that she should have gotten him to pay for. He’d said his name. Given name and family name. She’d heard them both. Committed them to memory, and then it slipped right on through like grains of sand through her fingers. All that was left was Kyon. Which he definitely did not say at all. Kyon Kyon Kyon. That’s absolutely all that was there. Some sort of memory trick to allay suspicion, or something he couldn’t properly control?

Either way, she could hear Taniguchi bringing “Kyon” up to speed. Even referred to him by that name as well and nobody flinched. So it wasn’t just her that was being affected, probably. That’s the trouble. Whatever he was could easily be manipulating her perceptions as well as her memory, but - Ah! Wait, if he was doing it deliberately then she wouldn’t remember anything strange at all!

Well, let’s see. What else could she maybe figure out about this Kyon guy? Either he was genuinely curious about her like any boy would be in the same position, or he was worried about the only one likely to figure out what he was. He had apparently normal looks, an apparently normal personality, and a really cute butt.

It took a fair bit to get Haruhi reeling, but that did the job rather spectacularly. How long had she been staring at his - Was this another of his strange powers? It made sense as a strategy, if nothing else. Seduce the threat to neutralise it. Some stories called it a honey trap. Well, if that was true then it wasn’t going to work on her! Hear that, handsome? Haruhi Suzumiya is not a slave to her hormones! All you’re going to do is make it more likely that the investigation will continue!
<hr>
Unseen, unheard and unnoticed there was a conversation between two very inhuman beings. Though our limited language could not properly comprehend the course that it took, it went something along the following lines.

<font color = red>You’ve noticed it, of course.</font>

<font color = blue>… Yes.</font>

<font color = red>Then what do we do?</font>

<font color = blue>Observe.</font>

<font color = red>Which one? Both? Surely this could interfere with what we are here to investigate! We should do something. Question the boy. He’s obviously more than he appears.</font>

<font color = blue>No. That course of action is dangerous. Furthermore, our target has been accumulating her own interest in the subject due to an unusual ancillary effect that is influencing perceptions regarding his designation. Any attempts to engage will be detected and observed, introducing further contamination to the observation.</font>

<font color = red>What sort of effects? I have not detected any such alteration regarding his designation.</font>

<font color = blue>Then state his designation.</font>

<font color = red>Ky- … No. That is wrong. His designation is - His designation is - You mean, it is affecting us as well? Then we really must do something! Two beings powerful enough to have this kind of effect on us, both in the same place? We can’t leave this alone!</font>

<font color = blue>Yes.</font>

<font color = red>You agree? Good. Then I suggest - </font>

<font color = blue>Observe. Our superiors have already been contacted. They have assigned you to observe the male target. You will receive your own backup upon returning to the apartment, and I shall receive a replacement.</font>

<font color = red>A promotion? How wonderful! Anything else?</font>

<font color = blue>No.</font>

<font color = red>Well then. I suppose I should get to observing him. Try to learn how to fake emotions a bit better, then maybe you could interact with these humans more freely than you allow yourself at the moment.</font>

<font color = blue>That is unnecessary for my function at this time.</font>

<font color = red>Whatever you say, Nagato. Whatever you say!</font>
<hr>
Did you ever feel like you were being watched? Old instinct left over from a time when any shadow in the jungle could be a predator on the prowl. About to leap out from the underbrush, or from the branches of a tree. A hidden instinct that sets the hairs on the back of your neck on edge. An awareness you are vulnerable. A sense that something else is aware of your vulnerability and is ready to strike at a moment’s notice.

Kyon had been having that feeling all day. It was… unnerving. Whoever it was, assuming he really was being watched at all, was pretty good at hiding it. Just paranoia, surely. That’s all. Why would anyone spy on him? He was nothing special.

Not that the thought made him any less comfortable. After all, most feelings are irrational and aren’t so easily calmed. Why, even now his instincts were telling him that something very dangerous was near, and that it might be wisest if he tried to flee right about -

“Excuse me, but is something the matter?” a girl asked. Kyon turned around. Oh yes, he remembered her! Taniguchi had mentioned her in an earlier conversation, after all. Specifically pointed her out as an alternative girl to be interested in, ranked as among the top beauties in their year. “Ah, no. I’m perfectly fine… Ryoko Asakura, wasn’t it?”

“Ah! You’ve already learned my name?” Asakura said. What a charming girl she was. So friendly and open. “Well, that’s wonderful. I hope it’s my name you’ll be putting in the ballot later on for class president! Right now, I’m running around trying to make sure I know everyone’s names, and I decided to start with you because you seemed sort of worried about something. Having a little trouble adjusting to school?”

“N-No, not really!” Kyon replied. “But thanks for your concern.”

“Hm, I’m not sure I believe you… I’ll let it drop until you’re ready to talk about it.” Suddenly she started to giggle. “It just occured to me, you know my name, but I don’t seem to remember yours. What was it again?”

Kyon told her and… her face sort of froze for a moment. Yes. Froze was a good word to use, because it sent a chill down his spine like he’d just gotten hit in the back by an avalanche. Even so, Kyon dared not look away from her momentarily ice-cold eyes in the same way prey can’t quite take their eyes off a reared cobra. They know for a fact that it could strike any time, and they’re wary of that fact, and they want to make sure they don’t startle it so they can maybe do <i>something</i> to stop it when it comes, no matter how futile the effort might be. Yes, her face froze into place after hearing his name and an ice age may have passed by before her expression became human again and she said the words “I see! I’ll try to remember that. Try to relax, and have a good day!”

The sad part was, given her opposition, Kyon was likely to vote for her even in spite of being scared out of his wits. Taniguchi as class president? Pft. Best joke he’d probably ever told.

<hr>
“You noticed, didn’t you?”

It hadn’t been easy isolating little miss popularity contest. Even her amazing talents were pushed to the limits on a task like this. It was like wrestling greased putty - whenever she saw an opportunity come up where the girl was alone, whoops, there she goes talking to someone else in a typical political move. Gotta gather the votes from the sheep! Gotta make those empty promises even before becoming fully aware of what sort of mess awaits you once you step into office. Then you realise nothing can be changed because of all the red tape and all the political opposition that’s still got just enough power to make their own political plays to try and make you look bad while building themselves up to look like heroes in the making.

In this case, almost certainly coming from the dastardly, evil, manipulative student council! Particularly the callous, self-centered, villainous president of the council!

… In which case, maybe she should be a little more sympathetic towards little miss popularity contest for her apparent blissful lack of awareness of what she was getting herself into. Alternatively, Haruhi could use this conversation as the launching pad to manipulate events from behind the scenes and usurp control from the council even as she searched out any and all signs of unusual students…

“Hmm, I notice a lot of things,” Asakura cheerily replied. “For example, I notice that I’m only the second person in class you’ve spoken to so far. You should consider opening up a little more if you want to make friends.”

“Friends schmends, I don’t care about normal people like them! But you noticed, right? Isn’t it weird how nobody calls him by his actual name? It’s always Kyon this, or Kyon that! As if that’s all they know to call him at all! Almost as if something’s preventing them from thinking of his real name!”

“That’s quite the interesting theory,” Asakura sweetly replied. Guh. You wouldn’t need to borrow a cup of sugar if she was your neighbour, just say hi and you’d be good for a month. “But if you’re really interested in Kyon, why talk to me about it?”

“You’re the only other one to notice!” Haruhi said rather insistently. “None of those others in class have the imagination to even care, but I heard you talking with him earlier and I know for a fact that you wouldn’t just forget his name and think nothing of it. You deliberately engaged him in conversation to try and find out what his name was! Then you immediately forgot it right as he told you, and it disturbed you so much that you broke off the conversation! Don’t lie! I saw the whole thing! You can be my assistant! Watson to my Holmes! Together we’ll crack this case, and work out what sorta person he really is!”

“You misunderstand my question.” Asakura sighed and shook her head as she pulled her gym shirt over it. “Didn’t you just say that you’re not interested in normal people? Well? Then shouldn’t you be talking to Kyon instead?”

“Huhuhu! Not so quickly! Clearly he has access to some sort of memory-erasing power -”

“Which he used to erase everyone’s memory of his name, leading you - and only you - to suspect him of being more than he probably is. In which case, he’s not particularly smart, is he? This isn’t a particularly well-thought-out story, Haruhi Suzumiya. If you wanted me to help you find out a little more about a boy you have a crush on, all you had to do was ask.”

“Crush?! Who has a crush? Love is a stupid concept invented by greeting card companies to manipulate people into buying their product! Come on, don’t feed me this nonsense! There’s something weird about that boy, and I intend to find out what it is!”

“Then if you want my advice? You could start by opening a more friendly conversation with him. Come on. We’re the last two ready for gym. I’ve heard you’re quite athletic, Miss Suzumiya! I can’t wait to see you in action.”

<hr>
<font color = blue>Explain.</font>

<font color = red>What is there to explain? Surely it explains itself.</font>

<font color = blue>…</font>

<font color = red>Oh, alright. Fine. Over the course of the day, I noticed several odd events. The first occurred during change from one class to the next, when the subject passed a girl in class a pencil she had carelessly dropped. During that instance, there was a clear - if mild and temporary - chemical reaction within her brain that released a miniscule amount of endorphins into her system for no readily discernable reason. Similar interactions with members of the opposite sex induced similar responses… But our other target appears to have an extremely heightened response. Hypothesis: Altering factor of secondary target desiring a potent mate, and the process induces pleasure responses in members of the opposite sex dependant on how powerful they are.</font>

<font color = blue>Hypothesis tested under controlled condition?</font>

<font color = red>Naturally. I produced a separate internal entity to act as a control that would ensure inappropriate action was not taken. I then encountered him, engaged him in conversation designed to extract useful information in a natural social manner, and observed the reaction of the alternative mind while protected from any possible influence.</font>

<font color = blue>Conclusion?</font>

<font color = red>The only thing that stopped me from creating a closed space around that room and riding the boy to death in every position I could find scattered across the primitive information storage that humans call the Internet was the careful precautions I had taken against that very course of action. And even then, I very carefully had to rein in what was supposed to be the protected mind from that influence.</font>

<font color = blue>Forty gigabytes of data has been produced by your conscious and unconscious mind pertaining to pornographic activity between yourself and the target. This effect must be analysed, understood and prevented from influencing interfaces in future encounters.</font>

<font color = red>I do have other observations to add.</font>

<font color = blue>Yes?</font>

<font color = red>I do not believe he is consciously or even unconsciously aware of the change. Something else is having this effect upon him, and he does not appear to either have control over it or awareness of it. Furthermore, there was a moment during our conversation where it is possible he perceived the slightest glimpse of what I truly am. Meanwhile! What do you make of my conversation with your target? Pretty interesting at long last, huh?</font>

<font color = blue>Yes.</font>

<font color = red>That’s it? Nothing else to say after that reaction? She actually came up and talked to me without prompting! We had a conversation! That’s pretty big, all things considered! Do you really have nothing else to say about it? You know, I have been considering… What do you suppose would happen if we allowed those two to mate? I doubt it would take much pushing to make it happen, eh? What do you think?</font>

<font color = blue>… No.</font>

<font color = red>You really are a joykill, you know that?</font>

<hr>
It was the next day, and Haruhi was starting to have some serious doubts about her discovery of “someone interesting”. Okay, sure, there was the name thing. That was unusual enough to merit looking into. But for it to be the boy right in front of her? In her year? In her class? Right in front of her. Right in front of apparently the only person in school even trying to look for the supernatural? Oh, she’d checked elsewhere. All the other students seemed as normal and boring as they come. Come to it, so was the supernatural studies club. Hah! What a joke! Just another typical bunch of occult freaks. The sort you could find at just about any school in the country and probably the world too for that matter. You know, the sort of people that are comparatively not that common, think they’re kind of special because nobody else in their local area is quite like them… While failing to consider that a larger sample is needed before they can understand how insignificant they really are, and how completely ordinary they happen to be in the grand scheme of things.

So she’d quit them pretty much immediately. Why shouldn’t she? Why should she bother when they didn’t seem to care much either? They were more content telling spooky stories than anything else. Ugh! So <i>boring</i>!

Which was having two contradictory reactions on her thought process. On the one hand, she should focus more on the strange boy sitting in front of her. On the other hand, wasn’t it possible that she was creating this mystery out of a psychological need of some sort? In which case, wouldn’t it be best if she found some corroborating evidence before moving in on the case?

Yeah right!

She’d spent the whole damn night coming up with a plan. Stage one was easy enough. Wait until lunch, then corner him with his friends. Challenge them to tell her his name, and when they couldn’t, well, they’d trip over themselves to find out why that was. Surely anyone would! Anyone except little miss popularity, that is. Too easily willing to pretend there was nothing wrong to bother with it, but oh, she was going to have a field day come lunchtime!

“Changed her hair… Huh… Suits her.”

What.

“Hey, repeat that!” Haruhi insisted. “Repeat what you just said.”

“Huh?” Kyon turned around in his seat, apparently quite surprised. “Oh, I was just thinking out loud. I’ve been told I do that sometimes.”

“You said something about my hair,” Haruhi said. She peered at him through narrow eyes. Had he noticed already? She hadn’t even gone through the full cycle yet! “I want you to repeat it.”

“Oh, I just thought the ribbon suited you well,” Kyon replied. His head tilted in further confusion. “That’s all. Why do you ask?”

“Hmph! No reason. Why don’t you tell me why it’s so interesting, Mister… What was your name again?”

He said his name. She knew for a fact he said it. But once again it slipped through her fingers as her memory tried to keep hold of it, and the second he’d finished saying it she couldn’t bring it back. Like a blind spot in her recollection. She knew it was there, but couldn’t get around it no matter what she did.

“How do you spell that?” she asked. Time for a different approach. Okay. So he spelled it out, she wrote it down, looked down at it, and:

K-Y-O-N.

So much for that test.

“You know, there’s this rumour going around that you dumped every guy you ever dated.”

Why that cheeky little - Wait! Opportunity was knocking down the door, and here she was worried about how rude he was being. Well then! “What’s it to you?” she snapped. “What gives you the right to ask that sort of question? Unless, of course, you were thinking of asking me out.”

“What? No! I was just wondering why -”

“Because they all took themselves so seriously. That’s why! None of them was an alien or a time traveller or an esper or a robot or anything interesting, so I dumped them just like that!”

“So… your perfect man would be one of those things?”

“Absolutely! See? If you want to go out with me, you can’t just drag me off someplace boring like the movies or a picnic in the park. It makes the guy seem dull and unoriginal, which was the other thing all those idiots had in common. Ha! Half of them even asked me out over the phone instead of face to face! How pathetic is that?”

“Pretty pathetic,” Kyon agreed, though Haruhi was left with the lingering impression that if this were a cartoon there would be obvious swirls of confusion around his head.

“So I guess you’ve made a good impression so far, asking me out face to face like this! Meet me after school, let’s say by the school gates since that’s a place we both know. And you’d better show up or it’s the death penalty!”

Kyon opened his mouth to say something, but given the determined expression Haruhi knew she was wearing… Oh, that probably didn’t seem like such a good idea, now did it? Come on, Mister Kyon. Let’s see what happens when you have to go out on a date with Haruhi Suzumiya! Let’s see what makes you so special!

<hr>
“… Tensions continue to rise.  The Empire’s ambassador, Lord Leicester, has declared the Mifune Government’s embargo a ‘hostile act, a violent strike upon the economic life’s blood of the Britannian People…’”  Kyon’s eyes glazed over as he waited for Taniguchi to finish retrieving his books from his locker, the dry monologue from the teacher’s radio in the next room providing little distraction.

“Kyon, do you happen to remember what we talked about yesterday?”

“Yes, Taniguchi. It was a rather memorable conversation.”

“And you decided to ask her out anyway?” Taniguchi shook his head and patted Kyon on the back. “I wish you luck, but your heart is about to be stomped on. You poor, poor fool.”

Kunikada chuckled a little bit and made a similar friendly gesture. “Well, knowing Kyon, you probably only encouraged him. He has a bit of a reputation for hanging out with the weird girls. Remember Sasaki? The weirder the girl, the better. Right, Kyon?”

“I wish everyone would stop calling me by that nickname already,” Kyon sighed. He did not notice the glassy quality on either of his friend’s eyes as he said this. “And I do wish you’d be a bit more careful about saying that sort of thing. Goodness knows what the rumour mill is saying after this morning.”

“If they’re anything like me, then they’re hoping your date goes well tonight,” Asakura said, appearing just behind Kyon as if out of nowhere. Goodness, but the girl could move quietly if she had a mind to. Damn near scared him silly, appearing like that! “If you would, please try to get her to open up a little bit.”

“Sorry for asking this, but how exactly do you think I should try to do that?” Kyon asked. “I mean, it hardly seems likely that she’ll start talking to other people just because I-”

“Oh, well, I wouldn’t worry too much about that. After all, yesterday we got into a conversation, and she specifically brought you up. I think she’s more interested in you than she pretends.”

“… D-… Dammit, Kyon, how did you do it? What magic spell did you use to make Haruhi Suzumiya gooey eyed over you?!” Taniguchi composed himself a little after that particular rant, tried to behave as if he hadn’t said anything at all, then sidled up closer to Kyon and said, much more quietly, “And will it work on other girls too? You gotta teach me how to do this, man! I’ll pay anything!”

“Now, now, Taniguchi!” Asakura said, stepping between and separating the two of them. Oof. Quite a bit stronger than you look, it seems. “I don’t think whatever Kyon has can be taught so easily. In fact, I don’t even think he knows what it is himself, do you, Kyon?”

“Not a clue, I’m afraid.”

“That’s a shame,” Asakura said with a twinkle in her eye that sent chills down his spine. “I was really hoping you might know something.”

<hr>
<font=blue>This is unexpected.</font>

<font=red>I am aware. You will also notice that I did not participate in causing this event to unfold. It occurred naturally.</font>

<font=blue>Agreed.</font>

<font=red>It will be interesting to observe their social interaction. Neither of them appears to be aware of their data-manipulating abilities. Perhaps this is what has drawn them to one another? Perhaps they are in some way similar in more than a coincidental manner?</font>

<font=blue>Unlikely.</font>

<font=red>Hmm, I see your point. Oh well. It was a nice thought. Whatever the outcome of this date, the information we get out of it should be very interesting.</font>

<font=blue>Yes.</font>

<font=red>Ah, but what sort of date will they go on? Look at the boy, he’s so obviously thinking about this so very hard.</font>

<hr>
The school day dragged on and on and on. Waking up this morning, he had not expected to have to worry about a date. Never mind a date with the admittedly drop-dead gorgeous weirdo sitting behind him in class. It was one thing worrying about what clothes to wear, whether his hair was alright, whether he stunk or not, where to go and what to talk about…

Those were the problems he’d probably have with a normal girl. But Haruhi Suzumiya? Who knows what sort of expectations she might have for him. Once she determined he was nothing special, she’d ditch him and run. Hell. Maybe he shouldn’t show up at all? That would be the smart thing to do. That was the sensible course. Surely. Which was why he wouldn’t wind up taking it. He could already feel his feet betraying him later on in the day, marching him off towards the date regardless of any other escape plans they might have made.

Which made his pride, his damnable pride speak up and insist that he at the very least make the attempt to stand out. Make the attempt to be something different. Don’t just take her to the movies, don’t just take her out and chat over a muffin in some cafe. You’re nothing special. Which means the only way to impress her is to show her a good time that is anything but normal. Which means… what, exactly? He wracked his brains over the course of the afternoon, and came up with… absolutely nothing! Nothing at all!

Come on, the bell had rung and Haruhi had already dashed off towards the school gates ahead of him. Come on. There must be something you can do here, it can’t be that hard. Kyon sighed. Nope. Nothing at all. Nothing but Haruhi Suzumiya, standing in the school gates with arms folded and foot tapping.

“You’re late! Fifty points off for keeping a girl waiting! So, where are you taking me?”

Something inside Kyon snapped at that moment. He didn’t even realise he was doing it until his hand and feet were already in motion. He reached forward with an open hand, which Haruhi stared at for a moment and then took cautiously.

And the next thing he knew he was running, with Haruhi trailing a little behind him. Though given what he’d seen during gym class, she was only doing that through choice alone.

“Hey! Where are we going?” she demanded.

“I haven’t the faintest idea.”

At which point something odd happened. He heard a sound. A siren’s song that made his heart beat a little bit faster and his feet fly a little bit further. Laughter. Laughter from behind him. Laughter that made his heart soar. Laughter coming from Haruhi, who was even now overtaking him and dragging him along behind her, and goodness she was fast and strong! It felt as though she was about to lift him off his feet through sheer velocity, but after a moment of listening to her laughing it was all he could do not to concentrate on that enchanting sound or on the strong, tender grip her tiny hand had over his.

They ran. They ran through the streets, they ran through the park, they ran by a lake, they ran into the forest -

At which point Kyon’s foot caught itself on a root, causing him to stumble, causing him to drag Haruhi down on top of him, which was the exact explanation he would surely use on anyone asking why the two of them were lying down like this. Him on the ground. Her straddling his waist. Her hands on either side of his head. His hands somehow comfortably on the small of her back. Her lips inches away from his…

<hr>
It would be so easy. Just let gravity take control, and blame exhaustion. Why not, right? He was interesting. Easy on the eyes. A little goofy. Weirder than he thinks, by any measure. So why not just give him a bit of a kiss and then -

Mmmm, yes, even better than she thought. Haruhi’s hands went around the back of his head, and she was easily able to guide him into a seated position. Yes. This felt much better. The grip he had around her back had tightened as well, forcing their bodies to press together through their school uniforms.

“Who said you could stop?” Haruhi scowled at Kyon as he pulled away.

“Isn’t this a bit far for a first date? I mean - We don’t even know each other all that well, so -”

Haruhi rolled her eyes, tugged on his tie, and used her tongue to win the argument. Whatever other complaints he might have tried to make were soon forgotten.

<hr>
<font=red>Well, isn’t this an interesting development? Again! No interference on my part. They’re just, well, you can see for yourself.</font>

<font=blue>…</font>

<font=red>Hm, interesting that she initiated their coupling and he seems reluctant. Given observations of data about typical human mating procedures, I would have expected something closer to the other way around.</font>

<font=blue>…</font>

<font=red>Then again, given who that female is that can’t be particularly surprising. When she wants something, she takes it! By human terms she’s very aggressive, and - And is something the matter? You’re being even more quiet than usual.</font>

<font=blue>… Something is wrong.</font>

<font=red>Something? That isn’t very precise. Could you please elaborate?</font>

<font=blue>… Unknown. Interface data is corrupting at an exponential rate. Suggest returning to physical form and - Ugh! Ah! Ah!</font>

<font=red>Oh dear. I think I’m starting to feel it as well. It is… more intense than the last time. Goodness, I think it’s happening in reaction to them. It seems to be matching their rhythm and - Oooh!</font>

<font=blue>S-Setting probes to analyse outcome of coupling. L-Leaving area and returning to ph-physical form until corruption is - is isolaaaaated.</font>

<font=red>I th-think I have a few ideas on that particular subject. I will, ah, visit your apartment to express a few possibilities.</font>

<font=blue>Yesssss.</font>
<hr>
So that was sex. More to the point. This was the afterglow. It was a pleasant experience, if unexpected. Which was probably why he had lost all control over the muscles on his mouth.

“As I lay there with Haruhi in my arms, I couldn’t help but wonder what god I owed a lifetime of service to. We are both likely aware that we should probably consider putting our clothes back on before we are discovered or catch a chill, but right about then was the moment I realised I was monologuing. How embarrassing. I’m not sure I can stop.”

“Can’t stop monologuing, huh?” Haruhi said with a twinkle in her eye. “Perfect opportunity spotted and seized! So! Why is it that no matter how hard I try, the only name I can think of to call you is your nickname?”

“I stared at her in bafflement, wondering what on Earth she meant by that. I was also loosely aware that I ought to be a little offended or annoyed by the question, but having just gotten laid my brain was too flooded with endorphins to properly access those emotional values. I also realised I’m a lot more verbose internally than externally. Go figure.”

“You mean that? You really don’t know why I can’t remember your name?” Haruhi asked through narrowed, suspicious eyes. She blinked suddenly and narrowed her eyes even further. “Or for that matter why you appear to be <i>glowing</i>?”

“Glowing? I thought perhaps she was speaking figuratively, and so thought little of it when I reached up to scratch my nose. At which point I saw it. My hand was lit up like New Year’s night. The other as well. Now the endorphins weren’t enough to keep back the mounting panic, and - Aaargh! What the hell is going on?! Why am I glowing? This can’t be happening!”

“Kyon, calm down!” Haruhi barked at him in a manner quite reminiscent of a drill sergeant. “Listen to me! We’re gonna find out what’s happening to you, got it? Being a panicky little coward isn’t gonna help anyone, got it? I mean, this is so cool, and… See? It’s already fading.”

It was indeed, but the sudden experience of seeing your skin become luminescent for no good reason was hardly any sort of time to relax. His heart rate must be through the roof, and it was a wonder he hadn’t keeled over of heart failure by now. All that running, then sex with Haruhi, now a panic attack. Quite the active day for his ticker! Were he an old man, he really would be dead after all that, wouldn’t he?

Haruhi’s hand grabbed his chin, lifted his head, and once again their lips met in a searing kiss that almost seemed to suck the panic out of his body and mind.

“Better?” she asked. He nodded, not entirely feeling up to speaking all of a sudden. “Good. Then let’s try to work this out. After all, something this interesting doesn’t just happen to anyone, does it? Did you see or hear anything weird in the last couple of days?”

“Cube. There was a weird cube in my bag first day of school. Right after introductions, I checked and saw it. I didn’t put it there. Next time I checked, it was gone. Thought it was a prank.”

“It’s not much, but it’s a place to start! Come on, let’s get dressed and head home. We’ve got a lot of stuff to think about before tomorrow. If anything else weird happens, let me know. Got it?”

It was all he could do to nod and watch her get changed. She seemed to delight in catching him out, but didn’t really seem to mind otherwise. What a way to start the year! How much more interesting could things possibly get for someone with nothing special about him?
 <hr>
To free everyone from tyranny.

Much as it did with Tsukune, a second desire slipped through the cracks. The world was changed once again, retroactively. With the first of the Black Prince’s desires, Kyon’s innate ability to fascinate the supernatural grew and twisted into a perverted form. Now, the second of the Black Prince’s desires made manifest for Kyon.

But Kyon’s world was a rather reasonable one when said and done.  There was no mad god twisting fate and history toward its darkest end.  No cruel jester toying with humanity’s hopes and dreams only to dash them with ever more implacable destinies.  No world war.  No thoughtless genocide.  No heartless ideologies triumphant.

Oh there was still evil. There always would be.  Pointless deaths.  Aimless little wars.  Wreckless murders.  Just the normal balance of man’s morality.

Certainly nothing terrible enough to sate the depths of the Demon Emperor’s craving for redemption and absolution.

So the Cube made up that lack. Tyrannies now astride Kyon’s world, skewed reflections of those tormenting Lelouch’s.

Kyon was just another ordinary person. A face in the cloud. Nothing special.

To free everyone from tyranny.

Kyon had that kind of power.

1. Kyon realises he wants to keep his new girlfriend interested, and wanted to be something special. 
2. Stop calling me by that nickname!
3. Kind of wish the world was interesting enough to have things like Haruhi was talking about.
4. To know what to do on a date.
5. To understand what's happening to him.
6. Something else