Story: Cursed Joketsuzoku: This is a Curse?

So, I saw this fatesplit yesterday and decided to do something with it.


Cologne was a very worried, very (very) old woman. And for good reason. She was no fool. She could see the writing on the wall, even if some of the others in her own age group held out hope.

“Has any progress been made on breaking this curse?” one of them asked.

“No,” another answered, sounding equal parts annoyed and frustrated. “Every attempt has failed in rather spectacular fashion. I do have an interesting idea about rumbleweed and horsehead mushrooms, but the necessary ingredients will take a week to get here.”

You could almost hear the hope rising from their breath, and it disgusted her. Ten years. Ten years they had been trying to break this curse. Ten years had passed since they had tried to figure out a way to overcome this spell, put aside all their differences and all of their politics, pooled together their vast resources… All for what? All for nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Perhaps worse than nothing. Cologne had a theory, a nasty little theory that she’d been keeping to herself. They all thought she was negative enough already without throwing this particular hat into the ring. She’d been taking notes, and a rather disturbing trend had arisen.

Every time they had tried to break the spell, it came back stronger than before. Not by much, but the amount was certainly measurable if you were looking for it. Trick was, none of these fools were. They were so convinced beyond reason that this was curable, a feeling she well understood and appreciated… But Cologne hadn’t lived as long as she had without knowing when she was up against a superior adversary. It hadn’t happened in decades, but she knew exactly when it was time to give up.

The meeting trundled on, and she said a few token pieces to keep them happy. Sort of like throwing fish to barking seals. She would do as they had decided, if for no other reason than it kept them busy while it gave her time to actually think about the real underlying problem.

It didn’t exactly take long for her to see that very problem once she was outside. Evidence was everywhere she looked. On the women: Necklines that shamelessly flaunted half the torso, skirts that would bear everything with the slightest raise of the knee. As for the men? Enough muscles to walk around, and little more than that. Not that any of them cared. Not with all the sex they were doubtless having. Oh, they could pretend they weren’t but she wasn’t born within the last fifty years!

“Welcome back, Great Grandmother!” Shampoo cheerily declared as Cologne bounced into the room atop her staff. Cologne regarded the girl carefully. Shampoo was the final straw, the very moment she knew the war against this curse was lost. Turned sixteen last month. Every day until that point she had - like all her age - worked as hard at her martial arts as anyone ever had. She could scale sheer cliffs, leap from tree to tree with grace and poise, shatter boulders with a finger and intimidate wild boars without a sweat.

Now look at her. The second she was old enough, the curse took hold of her in an iron grip. Her breasts swelled up overnight until they were bigger than her head. All that finely tuned balance disappeared without a trace, and it was all she could do to walk. Never mind jump. A kick would send her toppling onto her rear end. Any punch worth a damn would hit her breasts long before it hit anything else.

“Don’t worry, Great Grandmother!” she had said the day after her birthday. “I will regain my balance! I promise you! I will not become just like those other girls! I am a warrior now and forever!”

She had tried, Cologne had to give the girl that much. She really had. Threw her all into it, became frustrated but never gave up. She searched for ways around the balance issue, tried to incorporate her… enhanced figure into her martial arts style and came up with some rather innovative techniques.

Which she would never, ever use. As soon as Shampoo thought Cologne wasn’t looking, she was practising an entirely different sort of skill. Flirting. Seduction. What the girls in the village were starting to call “real power”. To see Shampoo succumbing as well told Cologne everything she needed to.

Joketsuzoku was in terminal condition. The village would not survive as it had done for so very, very long. The traditions would be ignored completely by the next generation, the laws would be cast aside and once the current elderly were all dead everyone would give up looking for a way around this curse. The old perverted witch who did this had dealt a slow and lingering death blow upon them. And for what? For following their laws? For striking down an outsider given the Kiss of Death?

“Hello, Shampoo,” Cologne said, hopping onto a nearby table. “How was your training this morning?”

“My training went very well, Great Grandmother!” Shampoo said, stretching in a way that would have every man in the village begging for her attention. Yes, Cologne had little illusions about what sort of training the girl had undergone.

The village was doomed. There was nothing else to do about it. But Cologne would be damned if her beloved great granddaughter would meet the same fate as the rest of these girls… So much natural talent! So much wasted potential! Even if it was only her, then she would find a way to save her. The only trick was how to do it?

What was really needed was something completely wild. Something really outside the box. A single catalyst that upon introduction would change absolutely everything.

<hr>
“Achoo!”

“Miss Customer is not coming down with cold, is she?”

“Less of the ‘she’ and ‘miss’, pal!” Ranma sniffed. “How much further is this village? It’s scorching today, and I’ve not had much to eat yet!”

“Is not far… But they have trouble of own recently. May be difficult for outsider to ask for help. Still! They know lots about spring.”

Ranma really hoped the guide was right about that. The thought of having to live in a girl’s body half the time sent a chill down ‘his’ spine every time it occurred to ‘him’.

1. Shampoo is reluctantly forced to give Ranma the kiss of death for some 
2.  Shampoo gives Ranma the kiss of marriage in exchange for a cure to the 
3. As soon as he turns male in the village, Ranma is 
4. The Joketsuzoku curse affects Ranma as soon as they enter the 
5. Something else