Story: FGI Akane

 

Akane didn't know what she was expecting, exactly, when she finally caught up with the two idiots, but... Mousse jerking off Ranma's dick was not on that list. Not that she'd put together a list of things to expect, but if she had then that wouldn't be anywhere near it.

"Haha, Saotome! This voodoo doll is clearly leaving you writhing in pain!" Mousse declared, enthusiastically wanking Ranma's detached penis, in public, for all to see. "It seems as though I shall not need my most cunning plan to lure you into a trap after all! You're already at my mercy."

"You... Asshole! Put that down and fight like a - Oh god!" Ranma buckled over, cross eyed.

"Oh, my pigtailed goddess, how you writhe in my touch!" Kuno said, in the sort of voice that he probably thought made girls swoon and feel their urge to toss their underwear at him. Well, it made girls feel like tossing something, alright. "Come, let us be together!"

"No, no, no!" Azusa whined, also clinging onto Ranma. "You leave Francoise alone!"

... You know, if Akane was half the bitch Ranma seemed to think she was, then she'd be teasing him about this for years and years to come. As it was, she could barely stand to watch this for a moment longer. As such, she stepped forward, intending to put good use to the obvious solution to this issue. Her badge. She could order Mousse to drop the dick at a moment's notice... though it would require her to yell 'hand over the penis' in public. Could she bring herself to do that?

"Will you... guys... get off of me?!" Ranma yelled, tossing both Azusa and Kuno aside in a display of strength that made Akane feel funny in her tummy, and then leaped out towards Mousse in a display of bravado that she could already tell was doomed to fail. "Give that back, you creep!"

Mousse leaped away - and then, inexplicably, a rake appeared underneath Ranma's feet, sliding in from out of nowhere and coming to a perfect stop right where Ranma had landed. It bounced up, whacked Ranma in the face - but she was undaunted! She continued on anyway!

"As if a rake is enough to -" Ranma yelled, stepping forward and putting her foot in a bucket. "Hey! Where is all this bullshit coming from?!"

"Hahaha! You shan't catch me, Saotome!" Mousse yelled, pulling out an array of nasty looking weapons. "Have this, while I use this voodoo doll to keep you from fighting at full strength!"

Oh no! Ranma clearly wasn't going to be able to fight like this! For some reason, right now, Ranma had the worst luck of anyone alive, and Mousse could easily throw her off by rubbing that magic lamp! Akane's instincts as a martial artist kicked in, wanting her to jump in to help out, but - But she knew she wouldn't be any good either. There was only one thing for it, she had to knuckle up and yell, in public - 

"Akane Tendo, Federal Genital Inspector!" she yelled, whipping out her badge. "Mousse of the Joketsuzuko! Hand the penis over, now!"

Alright. That should do it. Mousse grumbled, nervously looked around and adjusted his glasses. "Hrm...? Federal Genital Inspector? That badge looks legitimate, I guess... Do I really have to?"

"That is a direct instruction," Akane warned. "You must hand over the penis immediately, or face a hefty fine. If you cannot afford it, we shall have to be in touch with your home village -"

"Alright, alright!" Mousse yelled, and then... reached inside his own robes and tossed his own dick at her, which Akane caught on reflex. Wait, no that's not what she - "I'm out of here! Don't want to tangle with the feds if I can help it."

"Oh no you don't!" Ranma yelled, only to have a watermelon land on her head, fully encasing her in juicy, succulent fruit which she promptly ate her way out of. "Dammit! I just want my manhood back already!"

That got a few people looking at Ranma funny, which isn't all that surprising after an outburst like that. Honestly now, she was embarrassed enough as it was without Ranma making that kind of a proclamation.

It also left her with the question of what, exactly, she should do with Mousse's penis. Uh... Throwing it away felt a bit wrong, and she wasn't going to torment him the way that Mousse was Ranma... Actually, she'd better hide it away before Ranma got any ideas. Somehow, she doubted the powers that be would appreciate it if she used this penis improperly.

<i>Affirmative! Further, it is your duty to return Ranma Saotome's penis to him - or issue him a new one!</i>

Issue him a new - Oh! She hadn't thought of that. She could just, you know, do that. Right? Although, would that create problems? If Ranma was still feeling through the old member, would this mean he'd wind up feeling through both of them at once?

Not for the first time, Akane sighed wearily at the situation she'd found herself in. What a thoroughly messy life this had turned into, it was honestly quite exhausting.