Story: UY Authority Badge

 

 Most would panic upon seeing their significant other using the magically granted opportunity to torment them by touching the butts of other men. Alternatively others might decide that they should make the best use of their opportunity, abuse their own iteration of this power as soon as they could before dreaded Responsibility made them take this new made up (and frankly, utterly ridiculous) role seriously.

Ataru Moroboshi was in the last group. The stupid group. The petty and spiteful group that couldn't plan ahead if you gave them all the time in the world and a roadmap. His focus was on the fact that Lum was groping the behinds of several other men. It brought to mind what had happened yesterday at lunchtime, and it could so easily turn into a repeat of that. He didn't want that to happen again.

However... Instead of apologising, or offering some kind of bargain to make her reign it in, that immature pettiness (the same thing making Lum go for the butts of other men, incidentally) was pushing Ataru into a whole other direction. If Lum thought she could make him stop by doing this, then she had another thing coming!

No, there was nothing rational about this. No, there was nothing sane about this. However, dear reader, are you not familiar with these characters? Since when did 'do the easy, sane, reasonable thing' ever come up first on their 'to do' list?

To that end, Ataru turned his attention away from Lum, turning his nose up, and then looked upon a wholly different vision of beauty coming down the corridor. Ryuunosuke Fujinami. Wearing the ballroom dress-like uniform. The perfect candidate. He approached her right away.

"Pardon me!" he said, showing his badge. "Booty inspector. Please Miss -"

"What did you say?" Ryuunosuke interrupted. "Could you say that again?"

"Booty inspector?" Ataru repeated. Had he said something wrong?

"No, the part after that! Say it again!"

"... Please, Miss?" he repeated. That must have been it. Ryuunosuke clasped her hands together and smiled, letting out a sigh that seemed absolutely genuine. "If you don't mind, I have to inspect your butt. Please lean up against the wall."

Lum was shooting daggers at him, while squeezing the rumps of two boys at once. Such malicious, threatening groping! Hmph! Don't forget which of us is the assistant and which is in charge around here! Ryu-chan leaned up against the wall, and Ataru brought his hand down upon - Extremely toned and firm butt, my goodness. Ataru's attention shifted hard to it right away, no more leering at Lum, he was all business now.

"I see, you probably want to build a more feminine posterior, right?" Ataru asked. Ah, wait! Not yet, he wasn't going to slip into 'responsibility' quite yet thank you very much.

"You could tell right away?" Ryuunosuke sounded disappointed. Alas, it was true enough. It wasn't a bad ass, but...

"It's a pleasant enough rear end," Ataru said. "The sight of it would surely drive most men wild - but probably women as well. Oh, dear assistant, if you would please?"

"Yes sir?" Lum asked.

"Please allow her to feel what a woman's butt feels like."

And so, we have an odd little conga line that left Ataru once again aware of how completely daft this situation was. He was behind Ryuunosuke, who was behind Lum, who was still insistently behind some male student. Grr! She was doing that on purpose!

"Yeah, now that you mention it I can feel the difference," Ryuunosuke said. "It's so much softer than mine! So, you're the expert. What do you suggest?"

Yes. That's right. He was the expert on the feminine form, here. Wasn't he? Focus on enjoying yourself, Ataru Moroboshi! Grind Lum's gears later on!

"I can recommend several exercises," Ataru said. "Furthermore, if you permit Ataru Moroboshi to massage your cheeks any time he asks, your butt will become more feminine in no time at all."

"Tsk!" Lum said, twitching very obviously. She knew she couldn't override him there - and any stunt she tried to pull could be easily overridden by his 'greater experience'. Hah! Pulled one over on her!

Or so he thought. Suddenly, Lum drifted off with a shit-eating grin on her pretty little face, as though she'd thought of something truly wicked. Yet instead of a boy, she was approaching a girl? Ran? What was that sneaky Oni up to now?

"Pardon me," Lum said. "You look like a young maiden in need of help seducing her one true love."

"You could put that more delicately!" Ran yelled back. Then immediately, with a sweeter tone "But yes, you're quite right! The one I love won't look at me at all! Oh, how tragic!"

Ataru knew who she was talking about right away, of course. Rei. The dumbest man in the universe. In place of a brain, he had a stomach. In place of his stomach, he had a black hole.

"Well, it's your good luck!" Lum said. "My superior was about to give this charming, yet quite masculine young lady some advice, which I am sure you could also benefit from. Isn't that right?"

Just like that, the trap snapped shut. The weight of responsibility landed hard on Ataru's shoulders. It was such a devious, insidious thing that she'd done to him. By introducing Ran as having a problem that only his authority could solve, it acted like a lure for Responsibility. Dumped it on him out of nowhere, and now he could feel it creeping into his hands. His feet. His head. His voice... It was all getting swallowed up in... In Responsibility! Already?! He'd not even had the chance to do anything much fun with this yet! A little more time! Let him meet Miss Sakura before plunging him back into that hell!

<hr>

So, long story short, Lum was in hell. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Make Ataru look at what he was doing, and face consequences for screwing around with this magic badge of his. Alas, it seemed that today it was Lum's turn to suffer.

Because, really. What does it mean to be a 'professional booty inspector'? Of course he'd summoned Ran, Ryuunosuke and Shinobu to the gym. Of course he'd handed out leotards. And, of course, he'd asked her to take notes on the exercises that he was having them perform to help them achieve their life goals.

Now they were all working with hula hoops. Spinning them around their waists, while their hands were on top of their head. "A little more action in the hips," he would say to Shinobu when hers fell down. Then, when Ryuunosuke caused hers to go up her body, he'd use his hands to gently slow her down, get the motion right so she had it totally under control. There was something oddly erotic about watching them go like that, and.. If Lum was being perfectly honest there was also something kind of making her feel a little bit turned on.

Not the girls, mind. Ataru. He was so... serious in his expression that she couldn't help but find it attractive. Normally he would eventually let that goofy side of him come out, but when he was like this he was so much more handsome.

"Alright, you've got the hang of it now," Ataru said. "Next, I want you all to walk a straight line."

"Eh?! That's impossible!" Shinobu yelped. Indeed, she was having trouble just staying still and keeping it going.

"Hohoho, a trivial matter for meeeee!" Ran learned once again the folly of false pride.

"Ah... like this?" Ryuunosuke asked, taking tiny delicate steps forward while flicking her hips around, to and fro. You know... she actually did look sort of feminine like this. Was this the power of Authority at work?

"Very good Ryuunosuke! You'll be girly in no time at all!"


Ran growled, because she had a mean competitive streak and hated being shown up. Then she rose to her feet and made a good effort at copying Ryuunosuke. A failed effort, but a good attempt. Lum, of course, drifted over to help her out, knowing full well that Ran wouldn't accept this sort of help from her normally. Not that knowing this ever stopped Lum from offering...

"Try to think about the one you want to show off to," Lum said. "The one you want to attract. If you do this while thinking about them, you'll shine all the brighter!"

"Excellent suggestion, assistant!" Ataru called out across the room. "That goes for the two of you as well. Think of the one you want to appeal to, and your appeal will come through! That, I promise you!"

"Ooh, the one I'm wanting to appeal to...?" Ran whispered to herself. "That woudl be... But they'd never look at me like that!"

Honestly now, this girl's self confidence was all over the place! Lum sighed, and pulled out her notepad. A little encouragement should go a long way here.

"If you try these exercises, the one you want to attract will not be able to take their eyes off you," she wrote on a slip, passing it over to Ran.

"Ah, really?" Ran muttered under her breath. "Right! In that case, I'm fired up! Just you watch, you'll be unable to tear your eyes off me! The experts say so, therefore it must be true!"

Actually experts can be wrong about things if they have incomplete data, or if their model is not perfect, or if they talk about areas outside their own fields - but oh well, never mind, at least Ran was going back to her -

Strut, strut, wiggle wiggle.

To her exercises, being more confident in rolling that hoop around her hips and -

Wiggle wiggle, strut, strut... And then she fell over.

"You can do it, Ran!" Lum cheered and clapped, eyes still affixed to her pleasant posterior. "You can do it if you try!"

"Hah! Who said I couldn't!" Ran yelled, rolling back onto her feet and trying again. For hours and hours. With Lum unable to stop watching for even a second.

<hr>

Lunchtime rolled around sooner than Lum was expecting, and it was a blessed relief. Not being able to control your own body and being made to help other girls act sexier was very tiring work! The badge wasn't willing to let them rest, and it was truly forcing them to take their duties seriously. Even if that duty was something as patently ridiculous as 'ensure a girl has a sexy ass'.

Still, she could take some pride in her work so far. After all those hours of exercise, she had to admit that Ran's butt was very nice. Very, very nice actually. Like a juicy peach, shimmying and shaking as she left the room. The other two girls were probably also very sexy, but for some reason Ran was definitely hotter than normal. That was good. - Oh, Ran was bending over to tie her shoes, nice, very nice...

A hand fell upon her ass. The sound of the smack echoed through the gym. "Lum. It's lunch break," her Darling whispered into her ear. "We have thirty minutes. To blow off some steam before Responsibility takes over again."

Thirty minutes? Lum leaned back into him. She was still angry at him for taking this dumb authority but... Thirty minutes? She could use that. She could definitely make use of that!