It was important to Ranma that it be understood, he was not jealous. He was not looking out for Akane because of something ridiculous, like the idea that he liked her, or thought she was cute in a maid's uniform, or something like that. It was because, you know, she was his fiancee. No man alive likes it when another guy creeps on their fiancee. It didn't mean he had feelings for her, it was just, you know, he was worried about her because of how uncute and reckless she could be.
It was still eating at him though. Why was she working at a place like this? It wasn't her usual style at all. If she needed money, surely she could work someplace else, and not a maid cafe? Not where just anyone could see her strutting around in that frilly outfit that absolutely did not suit her at all, and besides which the other staff members were way cuter and bustier than she could ever hope to be...
That's why he was hanging out near the entrance, of course. Concern. For someone he knew. Someone he was close to even if he didn't really want to be. She'd been acting all weird recently, and he couldn't let it be. The more she wanted to hide what she was up to, the more curious he was about it. That's just the kind of guy he was. Even though he was a girl right now.
"Airen!"
Oh, and speaking of annoying girls, here comes Shampoo for a flying tackle, complete with rubbing her cheek up against Ranma's.
"Hey Shampoo, I'm not in the mood for a date right now." And probably wouldn't be any time in the next century or so.
"Is for best, that cafe is too too dangerous," Shampoo said. Huh? Dangerous? Now she had his full attention. "Airen interested because Akane suddenly go work there, yes?"
"You know about this place?" Ranma asked. Wait, shoot. She was probably going to drag a date out of him or something in exchange for that information... Or so he thought. That was her usual method of operation. Instead she pulled out a leaflet which looked like an advertisement for this cafe and -
Bigger boobs? In a month?
"They our biggest rival in town," Shampoo said while Ranma stared at the leaflet in utter shock and disbelief. "Lure in pretty girls by promising to make them prettier, but Shampoo see some former employees. They not only have bigger boobs, they much too flirty too."
Ranma cocked his head and tried to deny the image filtering in, to absolutely no avail. Akane, dressed in a maid's uniform, with boobs that made even his girl form seem small. She struts forward, cutely curtseyed and winked at him, before twirling around and skipping off, leaving Ranma nothing else to do but follow after as she led him to her bedroom -
"You mean this place is brainwashing girls for some sinister unknown purpose, and Akane has wandered into their clutches like the uncute klutz she is?!" Ranma leaped to his feet, though not as quickly or as far as his logic leaped. "in other words, Akane is in danger!"
"Actually, Shampoo mean that she know she not as sexy as Shampoo and want to cheat to get Ranma's attention..."
Kukukuku... So that's how it was, huh? Akane had rushed in, and gotten herself over her head again, and was too proud to ask for help! Or... she had been lured in by the promise of a bigger bust because she was so insecure about her own body! Which was something he obviously had absolutely no factor in at all.
"Um, is airen in mood for date now, because Shampoo think this make Akane look too too bad..."
His next move was obvious, in that light. He should apply to work at this place as well! What better way for a martial artist to investigate this highly suspicious location! That way, he would be able to uncover their evil sinister and probably slightly sexy plans in a way that minimised danger to civilians!
The possibliity that this was Akane's true motive did briefly flit across Ranma's mind, but it was dismissed. After all, if Akane was going to do something that smart, she wouldn't have also done something really dumb in not telling anyone about it in case things went wrong. Of course, it went without saying that Ranma didn't need to worry about making the same mistake because he's much more capable of taking care of himself and wouldn't need the support.
"Oh darn... Maybe Shampoo should have gone with first instinct instead, focus on getting date instead of make Akane look bad..."
<hr>
Hi. My name is Ukyo Kuonji. You're probably wondering how I got to be here, staring at the burned down remains of a mysterious kunoichi cafe stuck out in the middle of the woods. To be honest, it's a question on my mind as well.
The best thing to do would be starting over from the moment I arrived here, setting foot through those doors wondering how on Earth this would result in me and Ranma hooking up. The statue had been adamant that it would happen sooner if I visited here, but this really did not seem like the sort of scene that Ranma would normally go anywhere near if he could help it.
I mean, "Sexy Kunoichi" doesn't exactly scream 'Ranma Saotome hotspot'. Maybe they were supposed to teach me something about seduction? Kunoichi were supposed to be well known for their seductive prowess, right?
"Hello and greetings!" said the creature birthed from the depths of my most horrid and repressed nightmares. "Welcome to the Sexy Kunoishi Cafe!"
"Ack!" I jumped nearly out of my skin. Yes, I try to blot out the memory - but it only does so much. This hideous creature must have left a scar across my memory. While the building itself fit the theme, the 'kunoichi' were definitely an example of false advertising.
"Let me show you to your seat," yet another abomination said, guiding me to a chair. "A young man like you must have travelled quite far to pay us a visit."
And then, what appeared next was surely proof that there are no Gods. Even a truly cruel one could not have come up with a figure like this, that seemed almost fractally ugly. The more you looked at the details the more hideous she became, and then if you tried to look at the big picture again to take the 'merely' ugly view you started with the knowledge of those details made it somehow even worse than before.
"Gug!" this behemoth, this monster said, slapping a menu down in front of me. Having initially extracted it from her endless gaping maw. Somehow, the menu was bone dry.
What happened next? That is where I stumble. I might have asked the statue if this was really the right place when they wandered off. It might have given yet another confirmation. Then, I might have looked up and seen -
"Behold, special guest!"
"Our one of a kind treat for handsome young men!"
"Glub!"
"The one!"
"The only!"
"Glub!"
"Sexy Kunoichi -"
"Trio Surprise!"
I don't recall exactly what the Sexy Kunoichi Trio Surprise was. Not exactly. I remember the rough edges of it. I remember there being some form of sweet smelling syrup adorning wrinkled ill cared for flesh. I recall fishnet stockings. I even recall skintight leather. All else was blocked from my mind, as a means of protecting my sanity.
From there, I suppose I must have pulled out some of my explosive flour and burned that hive of wretchedness to the fucking ground. I mean. Wouldn't you? As a restaurant owner myself, it almost felt like a responsibility to do exactly that.
So... I guess that leads to where I am now, slinking away into the forest feeling quite displeased with the statue sitting in my backpack.
"How the hell was that supposed to get me Ranma?!" Ukyo hissed.
"Have no fear," the statue said. "Continue on this path, and your true love shall lay within your bed within the next week."
That confidence... That certainty! It was hard to argue against. Even in the face of that, I almost couldn't disbelieve that somehow I'd wind up getting what she wanted.
Still, if following this statue meant more experiences like that, maybe it would be better if I gave it to Akane to look after for a while? Yeah, let her suffer a little bit... As she used it to finalise her seduction of Ranma! Grr! If only I had proof over whether this thing worked or not!
Though, as I would later learn... That wouldn't be a problem. Evidence would drop itself right into my lap very soon.
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