How frustrating. How annoying! No closer to her smoochy yet. Ohhh! That boy! Akane punched and kicked and lashed out at the punching bag in front of her with all her fury. Okay, not so much fury as it was sexual frustration that she had no other outlet for. How could he miss the hints? No seriously, that wasn't a rhetorical question, she was genuinely trying to figure it out.
The trouble was, this was all new to her. She'd never felt anything like this before. Ever. Now she was feeling it with a thousand times the intensity as she assumed others felt it. Actually it was about 99% at this point, Akane only thought it was that much more intense because she had no experience in controlling herself when it came to such hormonal issues. You know. Being unbearably horny for someone.
What, that's hormones, there's nothing sexist about that. It applies to both men and women, shut up.
Beating up this punching bag was helping a bit, she had to say. Working off some tension. Getting her body doing stuff it was already used to doing. Letting off steam. Calming her down. That's right, she was calm, she was rational, and now nothing would distract her from doing what she should have done in the first place. Sit his ass down, then sit her ass in his lap, and then -
An arrow sailed by, hitting the back of the dojo. There was a note attached to it. A challenge? Akane unfurled it and scowled, whoever was challenging her right now couldn't have picked a worse time -
"We have your fiancee," she read aloud. "This handsome slab of beefcake is being held at the Hold Me Tight Hotel. Come alone, or we'll cut his pigtail off and tickle his feet. Signed Sayuri scored through, not actually your friends trying to get you laid but actually an evil baddie."
Now, normally Akane would see through this. In fact, there were some species of particularly deep ocean fish, who are never exposed to even a glimmer of light who could see through this. Hell, there was a boy in China at that very moment wondering where Shampoo had gone that could have seen through this.
Actually, never mind. He's too stupid to see through this. And right now, as horny as she was, Akane was kind of too stupid too.
She crushed the note in her hands, and flames practically leaped up around her. Ranma had been kidnapped? Her martial artist's instincts flared up, her eyes filled with determination. She rolled up her sleeves, grabbed her shoes and stomped out the front gate. How dare they! How dare they grab her man and take him to what was obviously a love hotel! How dare they!
"Hey Akane, wanna work out?"
"Not now Ranma!" Akane said, picking up pace. "I have to go out on urgent business!"
Yes, she ran right by the boy she was heading out to rescue from evil kidnappers threatening his pigtail. Frankly at this point she'd better get her some soon, or she's likely to become a danger to herself and others.
To her surprise, it wasn't that hard to find the love hotel. She stormed up to the front desk, folded her arms and said "Where is my Ranma!"
"Ranma Saotome?" the receptionist said. She looked up at Akane, standing there in her gi, looking every bit the martial artist that she was. "Room 2-A. Try not to break anything, you martial artists tend to get pretty intense."
Well of course they did, that's the nature of martial arts. If you're not intense, you're not generating any kind of battle aura, meaning you're leaving yourself defenseless. She went up to the room, not really thinking about why she'd be expected or why the room was actually registered in Ranma's name until she pushed her way inside and - Oh god she was in a love hotel. Oh god! Oh god was that bed shaped like a butt? No, no, wait it was meant to be a heart.
"Akane!" Sayuri said, suddenly in front of Akane holding a slinky dress.
“Sayuri you kidnapped Ranma to sex him!?”
"Simmer down, young and restless," Yuka said. "We brought you here so that you could sex him."
"God knows you weren't going to do it yourself," Sayuri quipped.
Huh? Huh? What was this? What was going on?! The penny finally dropped. The girls had been trying to help set her up with Ranma. This was another of their ploys? In no time at all, they were whirling around her, removing her gi and replacing it with this snug fitting dress. It really wasn't her style at all, hugged her body a little too much. Restrained her movement, kept her from entering into a battle posture.
Though, looking at herself in a mirror when they were done she did look kinda... nice.
"So here's the plan." Akane was guided to a seat. "We lured you here by telling you that Ranma had been kidnapped. Now we'll do the same to him."
"He comes to rescue you, finds you all helpless and stuff, then you smooch and smooch and smooch to your heart's content."
"I don't think he's going to smooch me just because he rescued me," Akane said. She felt a bit parched after marching all the way up here, so she took a sip of water. Ooh, fancy and sparkly. "I've rescued dozens of people, not kissed any of them. Like last summer, when I saved Sayuri from that werewolf."
"Yeah... You didn't kiss me then, did you..." Sayuri griped. "But never mind that! See, we'll leave this note explaining that you've been poisoned, and put into a sleep from which you shall only awake when a prince charming kisses your lips. There's no way he'll say no to that."
"Where will you get poison like that?" Akane yelled.
"Oh, we have something like that at our shrine," Yuka tittered. "I put it in that bottle next to the..."
All eyes fell upon the glass Akane was holding, and then she toppled over.
"Yuka! We didn't need the real poison! She could have just pretended!"
Perfect plan as always for a denizen of Furinkan.
<hr>
"Your fiancee has been kidnapped," Ranma read from the note. "If you wish to save her, we are holding her at the Hold Me Tight hotel. Come alone."
Ranma nodded, feeling his heart burning up with the determination of a martial artist discovering one he cared for was in peril. Not like, 'loved' cared for. More as if... friendship? A good buddy who smelled nice and made his tummy feel weird when he was around her. Ah, now he knew how that sounded, it sounded like he liked her, but he didn't like her, he just felt this gradually increasing urge to spend as much time in her company as he could get away with, that's all.
Anyway, the point was that he crushed the note in his hand, his soul caught fire, his eyes lit up with determination, and he was ready to do all he could to save Akane from the mysterious kidnappers.
"Hello police?" he said at the Tendo family home thirty seconds later. "I would like to report a kidnapping."
Because this is the responsible thing to do when you learn someone you know has been kidnapped. You don't go there yourself, for god's sake, you call in the cops and get them to back you up. What kind of idiot would rush in to deal with someone that a martial artist of Akane's calibre couldn't handle by herself?
Still, he couldn't help but pace around worried about what might happen next. He'd done the responsible, mature thing as a citizen of Japan in reporting a heinous crime. If only there was something he could do about it himself!
<hr>
"Shit!" the receptionist at the police station said the moment they hung up the phone. "Shit, shit, shit!"
"Language!" her boss said. "What was that call?"
"Kidnapping," the receptionist said. "Martial artist."
"Shit," her boss said. "Shit, fuck, damn, piss and hell. They want me to send out some of my boys to deal with that bullshit? The insurance won't cover it. What are us mere policemen meant to do against that, don't they know we're only here to deal with lost kids and animals, and warn people about litter?"
"We are pretty useless, sir," the receptionist agreed. "We'd better do what we usually do when a violent mysterious crime is committed within Furinkan."
<hr>
"Man, what sort of mess did that uncute girl get into..." Ranma grumbled. He'd tried to take his mind off it, but the thought persisted no matter how hard he tried to train. Akane was in danger. There was nothing he could do about it. Yet her face flashed through his mind every time.
It was strange. Whenever they sparred, his heart beat a little faster than usual. She wasn't as strong or skilled as him, but he wanted to spar with her more. Grapple with her more. Try out more of her freaky techniques. Like martial arts making out. It sounded goofy and stupid at the time, but now he might not see what that entailed. Ranma felt regret for that. Why was that? Dunno. Probably because he was missing out on a weird martial arts technique. Yeah, that was it.
"Oh man, I'm such a dope," Ranma knocked the side of his own head. "I oughta tell her old man what's -"
"Ranma!" Soun Tendo yelled, seizing Ranma's shoulders. "My baby girl has been kidnapped! Your fiancee!"
Huh, guess he'd found out already. "W-wait, Mister Tendo, where are we going?!" Ranma yelled.
"Quiet, boy! The two of us will head to the Hold Me Tight Hotel!" Soun yelled while dragging Ranma through the busy street.
"Oh, I always suspected that about Soun..." one random person whispered to another.
"Yes, it makes perfect sense. After his wife died, he was the most eligible bachelor in Furinkan, but never looked at another woman..."
“Isn’t he a little young looking though…”
“Tendo must be his sugar daddy…”
Ugh, his reputation! What did it do to deserve this?!
- Yuka and Sayuri have to somehow get Soun away from Ranma so the smooching can occur
- Because this world is a comedy of errors, a rival martial artist comes looking for Ranma just as he and Soun reach the hotel.
- Somehow Kuno hears about Ranma getting “kidnapped.”
- Something Else
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