Of course. Of course this had to happen. Of course she would visit the spirit realm with her friend and then a kidnapping would happen. It always seemed to happen. To her. To Ranma - Actually, it happened to Ranma a bit more than it happened to Akane. Her fiance really did have a habit of letting his mouth cut cheques he could not cash.
"I wish that idiot was here right now," Akane grumbled. "He'd be handy to have around at a time like this."
"Oh, but your <s>old</s> younger than you'd think Grandpa is way more impressive than some mortal!" her grandfather, Susano-O himself, said. Cracking his knuckles and making it sound like lightning striking the earth. "I mean, unless you were of a mind to watch the guy you like get all hot and sweaty."
"G-Grandfather!" Akane stomped her foot and - goodness me, that sounded like an earthquake. "It's not like that! Besides, if you're so great, why did you let Yuka get grabbed?"
She was met with silence. And twiddled thumbs.
"Ranma would have got her back by now," Akane sniffed.
"After causing a hurricane or maybe destroying a mountain..." Susano-O himself complained. As if he hadn't done either of those in the past sometime, probably. "Hey, wait up Akane! I'm glad to see you're taking initiative, but you should not rush on like this!"
"My friend is in danger!" Akane protested, quickening her pace while looking for clues. "Come on, there has to be some kind of sign around here somewhere..."
Susano-O let out a weary sigh. "Gets that from her grandmother," he muttered. Then looked around to make sure she hadn't heard that. He grabbed a passing bird and whistled at it, nodding towards Akane, then rushed on after her. "Now, listen. There are rules to this place. Rules that don't work the same as on the plane of existence you're more familiar with. Break those rules, and you could wind up making things worse for yourself."
"Well, that's fine, because the kidnapper broke a rule of mine," Akane said. "Kidnap someone I know - get punched."
“Not a bad rule, I’ll bring it up next time I get lectured by the Yama. Anyone that kidnaps an associate of my granddaughter is to be automatically punched. It'll go down a treat.”
That wasn't sarcasm either, the Yama's sense of humour of late had been a bit weird. Would probably find it hilarious that anyone who kidnapped an associate of hers wound up getting punched by a phantom fist. Or it would prompt further lectures about nepotism and abuse of power. Or worse, they’d expect <b>paperwork</b> for every punch. Given that Akane's associates included the Kunos, the Joketsuzoku and Happosai... Oh, the paperwork. So much paperwork! Those three groups alone had so many kidnappings under their belt it was quite ludicrous, never mind future enemies!
"Quit complaining and help me find where this spirit rushed off to. They have to have left clues behind somewhere."
"You still don't get it," Susano-O shook his head. "This is not Earth. Different realm. Different rules. You shouldn't look for physical clues. What you need is more like -"
Then he turned her towards the apartment complex that appeared in the middle of the forest like a camel sitting in the middle of the arctic circle. You wonder what the hell it's doing there in such an out of place spot, and why someone would go to all the trouble, and maybe we should get it somewhere better before it gets hurt worse than it already is.
"A magical lead, some strings pulled, the direct source of he culprit magically brought before your eyes," Susano-O said, patting her shoulder. "By the way, since space warps up here, that Hibiki boy would probably have an easier time finding his way around than you would. Chew on that for a second."
"Ryoga would - " Akane began. "Wait, you know about Ryoga?"
"Yep, and the fact he has a crush on you."
"Shut up, he's dating Akari. Ryoga would never cheat on her."
Ah well, can't say he didn't try to tell her about that. He held the door open for her, and let her inside. As for the inside, it looked like one of those MC Escher paintings, if he had also taken all of the LSD on Earth before putting paint to canvas. There were stairs everywhere, leading in impossible directions, most of them looping against themselves, some of them seeming to hang in mid-air. Every little move your head made, the walls and ceiling all seemed to shift colours ever so slightly across the spectrum going from red to blue, white to black, chequered patterns turning striped depending on what angle you viewed them.
And that was just from looking at it. Now try walking through it. Going back to that MC Escher idea? Imagine that you were walking through a room that looked like that at first, but each step you take makes it shift to another of his paintings, and you kind of get the idea of what this experience was like. Someone that wasn't mathematically knowledgeable might describe the experience as 'non-euclidean', but since that literally just means, for example, 'studying geometry on a curved surface rather than a flat one', Susano-O declined from using it.
And then, in the center of it all, was a completely ordinary looking reception desk. With a phone, typewriter, and a sign-in clipboard. And a very, very bored looking red skinned Oni girl, who was wearing a sign around her neck that read, in massive print, four little words that in English translated to.
"No, I'm not Lum."
That felt like the background to all kinds of stories that Susano-O would have to learn about when the friend of his granddaughter wasn't being kidnapped. For the time being though, Akane managed to navigate her way to the desk and slammed her hand into the bell.
The Oni that was Not-Lum simply yawned, showing off her fanged teeth, and paid Akane absolutely no mind.
"Hey, I think my friend was kidnapped by one of your tenants," Akane said. She waved her hand in front of the Oni's face, but she deliberately turned her head away.
“Yeah yeah, sure. Some mid tier kami whining about some errand boy, or a musician, or some mortal crush.” She said. “Or maybe you just got dumped and want to trash the room.” She tapped the clipboard, “Sign in, and if you’re approved then I’ll tell you our residents number.”
Akane glanced at her grandfather, who shrugged and gave her a look that said ‘You’re on your own for this one kiddo.’ Frowning, she took the clipboard and signed her name. A big red X appeared over it.
"Not approved, can't help you," the Oni said, fanning herself down and yawning again. "Ugh, why is it so hot in here today...? It’s like the sun is just hanging around outside or something…”
Come on, hamster wheels. Turn in that brain of hers! She wasn't like her fiance, she actually had some smarts in there. Real smarts, not just fighting smarts! Imagine a little P-chan running across said wheels to help visualize the process.
Then Akane lifted up the suitcase she'd forgotten she was carrying until right that moment, dropped it on the table, and in a confused tone said "Uh... would this help persuade you to let me in?"
She opened the suitcase and a bunch of snow blew out of it to land on the Oni, leaving only her head, which was much less red from the heat and - wow actually she really was the spitting image of Lum! Amazing!
“Is that an abominable snowman!?” The Oni said excitedly.
“Now so much abominable… we prefer to be called Yeti!” The voice form the suitcase complained.
"Gimme! I'll let you in for that!" the Oni said, reaching greedily for the suitcase. “There’s this one annoying tenant who carried in what looked like a human girl earlier. She had some holy powers, so was she like a priestess of yours or something?”
"Why do I feel like I just progressed in a video game?" Akane asked. "I mean, I happened to have the exact thing that I needed in order to progress?"
"You'd be amazed how much this realm works like a story," Susano-O said. “That's all video games are, in the end. Another kind of story. Anyway! Let's go beat up this strange tenant."
They crept up... down? Left? Right? Inwards? They progressed through the stairs the Oni had pointed to
“So, uh, will that snowman be OK? She’s not going to… eat him, is she?” Akane said as they walked… in some direction through the stairs. As much as she was annoyed by the monster she didn’t want him dead.
“Oh she totally is.” Susano-O said. “But don’t worry, he’ll live. I told you, it’s a lot harder to die here compared to the mortal realm.”
They arrived at the door with little other issues, aside from a little disorientation and dizziness that quickly faded. Akane puffed out her chest, knocked on the door, and Susano-O already had a good idea of what she was thinking.
No, he wasn't reading her mind, and it wasn't even because he knew her that well. |The girl was talking out loud.
"Alright, just think about what Ranma would do. He'd brag, he'd tease, he'd make them make a mistake, and then he'd tear them to sheds. Yeah. Yeah, that's what he'd do. Follow on that, and you'll be fine. Do what Ranma would do, and Yuka will be safe."
Aw, that was really cute. Trying to build herself up by going to what her cute, hunky fiance would do. Alright then! Let's see if she can emulate it! The door creaked open and -
"Mrrrowr! How nice to see you again!" said a giant goofy looking ghost cat. "Is that nice pigtailed girl around? Or perhaps Shampoo?"
Akane immediately began whirling her arms around in a circle, then screamed "Caaat!" at the top of her lungs, before her eyebrow twitched, the panic drained out of her, was filled with righteous fury, and then she spun around and clocked the kitty right on the nose. "You?! Not you again! Give me Yuka back before I kick your butt!"
Might have gone a little too deep into Ranma's mindset there for a second. Good to see her back to doing things the way that she would do them normally. Probably ought to warn her about the power of meditation when you're part Goddess.
“There’s a story there, and you’ll have to tell me it later.” Susano-O chuckled a little and shook his head, amusing himself with wondering what it could be. "For now though, we have to be careful. Our best bet is to be invited in."
"What, are we vampires all of a sudden?!" Akane snapped.
"Noooo, but that place is technically that cat's domain. We can't go in and wreck his day unless he invites us - without consequences. Besides, I get a feeling we've not seen his trump card yet. We have to work out what that is before we do anything."
“He doesn’t have a trump card. Ranma could deal with him and Ranma’s terrible at dealing with cats.”
"That might be in your realm, but things are different here," Susano-O said. Sure enough the ghost cat's aura was flaring up something fierce. Its fur was sticking on end, and it was hiding its face. Any second now it was going to... going to!
"Waaaah, you're soooo meaaaaaan! So uncuuuuuute!"
Bawl its eyes out like a little baby. Not what he was expecting. Oh dear, this might not be the best test of Akane's abilities after all.
"Hey, is that stupid cat crying again?!" A door opened and a giant floating eyeball peeked out
"Another cute girl rejected him!" Another oni said.
One of the doors opening had somebody dressed like a Heian era courtier, his eyes widened."Is that... is that freaking Susano-O? Oh shit, he's in for it now!"
"He always gets like this, it's getting old!" another called out, ignoring the last of them. "Constantly hitting on girls and trying to make them marry him, belegh, get a new hobby!"
Then the doors and windows all slammed shut. Akane slowly lifted her hands together, and started cracking her knuckles menacingly.
"Is it okay if I beat this guy up now?" Akane asked.
"Yeah sure," Susano-O sighed, a little disappointed at how this turned out.
"No! Don't!" the ghost cat yowled. "You're here for your friend, yessss? Well I have placed her under a dreadful curse! If you don't let me marry her, she'll be stuck like this for-"
Which is when Akane punched him and pushed her way in, heedless of the danger, heedless of potential consequence. Oh dear. For now, at least, he'd stay outside and keep in to be on the safe side. Akane made a beeline for a big obvious curtain at the back, and pulled it down to reveal Yuka in a cage.
...
"Mroowwww, hi Akane!" Yuka said, licking the back of her hand and then rubbing it against the back of her head.
"Yuka. What are you wearing?" Akane said. In a tone that managed to make it sound like not a phone pervert. That's surprisingly hard to do with that question.
"It appears to be a bright yellow leotard with a tail extension on the posterior, matching cat ears, and boots and gloves that emulate oversized cat paws!" Susano-O helpfully called from the entrance.
"Well, take that off, I'm getting you out of here!"
"Can't," Yuka sniffed, then scratched at her cheek with her hind leg. "It's magic. Once it's on, I can't take it mrooooowf."
"Kukukuku!" the ghost cat cackled. "Now you see the true extent of my curse! If you... if you dare lay another finger on me, I'll fix it so that she's cursed forever!"
"Quick, Akane! Beat him up!" Susano-O called. Huh! In the next instant Akane materialised next to him, grabbed him by the waist and suplexed him into a nearby tree.
"Pervert!" Akane yelled. "My own grandfather is a giant pervert!"
"Hey, if you suplexed me into a tree every time I did something dirty, there would be none left in any realm," Susano-O said to the one and only person he could think of that could and would suplxes him and get away with it. Well... maybe her grandmother too. But at least he'd get his revenge with a practical joke! Not so much with Akane. "So you don't want your friend acting like an adorable kitty? Shame, it suits her. Let's see what we can do to snap her out of it."
- What are the ghost cat's conditions for breaking the curse?
- Back to Ranma, who is trying to suppress what happened with Akane's grandmother.
- Something else
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