Story: Guy's Pride and joy

On that day, Ranma Saotome learned a vital lesson. His future father in law was every bit the idiot as his own father. Getting suckered into a martial arts dining contest, of all things, without reading the fine print? Then having to put one of his daughters on the line? To this pompous, smug, arrogant jackass? Look at this guy, with his dumb blonde hair, European features and - what the fuck was wrong with his jaw?! Was it unhinged? How did he make his lips move like that, it was gross!

Still, Ranma looked to the two girls practically boiling with anger right next to him. HIs fiancee and his side piece. The idea irked him. No, it ate him up from the inside out leaving him hollow and numb feeling. The idea that this guy, this asshole could take either one of them away from him... His pride felt wounded at the very notion.

“To be fair!” Soun said, shriveling under the murderous gaze of his daughters, yes even Kasumi, “I thought I’d only have sons when I made that promise!”

"Gee, that worked out <i>super well</i>" Nabiki said.

"I would say it worked out extremely well," the pompous jackass said. "So, come now. I shall permit you the opportunity to volunteer. You are all such pretty mademoiselle. It is so difficult to choose only one."

There was only one way out. Ranma's pride as a martial artist flared up. He rose to his feet and crossed his arms. "How about I take you on instead?" Ranma asked. "If I beat you, the Tendo's debt is cleared and -"

"Ohohoho! No, no, sir!" Chardine laughed. "If it was yesterday, I might have enjoyed putting you in your place, but after beholding such beautiful morsels, it makes my tummy too hungry to say no." He licked his lips, and - gross, gross, gross, it was like watching a slug crawl around a wall. "Away with you, you are as a fly trying to spoil a fine meal, shoo, shoo!"

Ranma's eyes narrowed. Now he was pissed off. He could kick this guy's ass, but he'd have a copy of that signed contract someplace secure. Which meant he couldn't lay a finger on him. So, he reluctantly slunk out of the room.

"A sensible move from the muscular brute," Chardin said from within the room. "Now, do not be shy girls. I shall take whichever of you is most willing. Ohoho, no need to be shy, no need to fight either."

"Oh, sisters, whatever is going on in here?"

Enter Ranma Saotome, girl form, with her Chinese shirt tied up underneath her breasts and a damp look about her, but otherwise exactly the same as when she left the room. Do note that even though Ranma was in girl form, both Akane and Nabiki were staring at her with equal (maybe greater) naked lust than the pervy big tongued idiot trying to marry one of them.

"Hi there!" Ranma said, shyly waving in such an overexaggerated feminine way that to anyone who had actually spent time around women it would completely break the illusion that this was one. "I'm Ranma Tendo. What's this I hear about a marriage to a hunky foreigner?"

"Her! I shall take her right away!" Chardin declared.

And that's how Ranma Saotome wound up engaged to a fruity cocky swindler. Seriously now, is he just... collecting engagements at this point? It's quite ridiculous.

<hr>

This is the point where the action should cut to France, at the Chardin estate, where Ranma would wind up engaged in training to prove herself a worthwhile bride - or to break off the engagement as per the weird rules of martial arts dining.

Can we take a moment to really get to this point, because it's worth dwelling on. How the hell is this a martial art? A contest, certainly, but a martial art? You can't call it a martial art. There is literally nothing martial about it. Neither combatant makes any play for physical advantage over the other. At least in martial arts rhythmic gymnastics you were still trying to win something recognisable as a fight. It's pretty clear that this was just marketing to lure in the rubes, give it the name 'martial arts dining' and idiots from all over will come to challenge and get suckered into a contest so thoroughly unlike what they were expecting that really, how can they complain?

But, no, the events that were unfolding there currently were pretty much the same as the start of that part of the Ranma 1/2 manga, so go read that if you want a refresher. Instead let's focus our attention on the Tendo dojo, where five girls were sitting. Stewing in their own juices.

“Airen is goddamned <b>what!?”</b> Shampoo shouted, slamming her fist onto the floor, making a hole Nabiki would bill her for later.

"In France. Training to beat a clown. In martial arts dining. Because my dad is an idiot."

Shampoo nodded, then pulled her twin maces out of nowhere and made to march off to kill an idiot father. Luckily Ukyo had the sense of mind to pull her back down before she got too far.

"Can we at least kill this... Chardin guy?" Shampoo asked. "Please? It would make Shampoo feel better."

"No!" Akane firmly said. Then she bit her lip and considered it a bit... "No, definitely not. Can't do that."

"I could have them bankrupted instead?" Nabiki offered.

"No!" Akane said, crossing her arms. "No illegal activity! I'm pretty sure these clowns are loaded to the gills, their lawyers will tear us to shreds if we pull that stuff."

"Hrmph, no doubt," Kodachi said. "Definitely a scam, this martial arts dining. Lure in your victims, then fight in full fairness on your terms to get whatever you want. Ohohoho! Not bad, not bad at all!"


"I get where that's coming from in principle," Nabiki grumbled. "But since it means my pussy won't taste that dick, that sweet delicious penis, for a full month" She was sitting on her knees, which let her make an extremely lewd series of movements with her hips. "I don't like it much. I can't appreciate the artistry the same way I might like."

The girls all knew that feeling. They'd all masturbated at least ten times already this morning. It wasn't enough. Nothing could ever replace that feeling, that wonderful full feeling and they all knew it.

"Well girls," Ukyo said. "There's only one rational choice to make."

<hr>

Ugh, this sucked. This had to be one of the worst ideas Ranma had ever had in her entire life. Oh, sure, comfy bed and pretty great food but she was bored out of her damned mind. Then there was the company she had to keep. Spending all day around that fop had somehow, impossibly, managed to lower her opinion of him. By a lot. What did he like to talk about? Food. Himself. How darned pretty she was. The guy was as shallow as his mouth was big. Ranma had stepped in puddles so shallow they didn't change him into a girl, and they were deeper than this guy.

And she'd have to put up with this for a month. A whole freaking month! How could this possibly get any -

"Good morning Ranma!"

Five voices chorused out, and Ranma finally opened her eyes to behold... his five girls all wearing French maid outfits, curtseying while standing expectantly around her bed.

"Uh... good morning?" Ranma said. "Wait, don't tell me -"

"We all got a job, sugar!" Ukyo said. Really, Ranma had only recognised her because of who else was with her. Oh boy. Oh boy oh boy that was a girly look. He'd had sex with her twice now (well, once was a blowjob but whatever) and it still hadn't hit him how much of a girl she was until that moment.

"They were a little too happy to take us on for my liking," Akane said. Not cute! Not cute at all! Not a single thing cute about this, no sir! He was still going to put his dick in it at the nearest opportunity, but that didn't mean she had a single ounce of appeal to her whatsoever.

"But we're all in now, Ranma darling!" Kodachi cooed. "Oh, if I'd only known of this curse, it would have made things so much easier between us..." She burst out laughing. “Nabiki please take a picture of my brother’s face when he finds out! I will pay any price.”

"Enough exposition, Shampoo want other Ranma now!"

Huh? Oh hell, that was Shampoo with a kettle! Ranma immediately leaped out of the way of the hot water, falling out of the bed in the process... and revealing the metal corset she was having to wear because of this stupid family's stupid traditions.

Nabiki, for her part, helpfully poked the corset that was proving to be the bane of Ranma's existence. The other girls simply stared at it.

"Let me guess," Nabiki eventually said. "Let me take a fucking big brain guess. This thing is so tight on your girl body, that if you go back to being a boy it will crush your ribs and really, really fucking hurt."

“It’s like a vice making organ juice out of my insides.”

The girls all nodded at this in understanding, and you could practically see the realisation hitting them that they weren't getting laid anytime soon. In particular with Shampoo, who stood up, produced swords from somewhere, and started stomping towards the front door - up until Akane tackled her.

"No murder!" Akane hissed. "Remember the lawyers!"

"I can always put paralysis powder in their food..."

"You think they've not been poisoned before?!"

Why was Akane being the level headed one out of this lot. Actually, thinking about their personalities... Holy shit, Akane was the level headed sensible one out of this group. Including Ranma herself. That was the single most terrifying thing Ranma had ever thought in her entire life, Jesus fucking wept.

"I could get into the kitchen, find out what sort of food they're planning to serve at the contest?" Ukyo suggested. Aha! Uchan! Good old reliable Uchan, thank the heavens. "Then maybe if I make their dinner taste bitter, they'll let me ride your dick from dawn to dusk because a taste of heaven is hell's worst punishment and now I have to wait in hell for heaven's gates to open again. I mean. It would provide you with an advantage in the contest."

Actually never mind she was nuts too. Then again, Nabiki hadn't said anything for a little bit. She'd sort of hung back this time. Stayed quiet. A little too quiet, if you don't mind the cliche. Brooding. Thoughtfully. Thinking. Scheming.

Imagine what it is like if you have a bunch of raging hot candles sitting in a circle while a freezer lurks in the corner of the room, as if watching proceedings carefully and with extreme calculation. You're not really going to notice the freezer, especially if the candles are making a whole lot of noise. Right?

Well, maybe you should be. Because that freezer might be the most dangerous of the bunch. If only because by the time you appreciate the danger you're in, you're already neck deep in the rankest manure you've ever been near. While the freezer is the only one with a shovel (or nosepeg, for that matter) within miles.

1. The girls investigate the Chardins for weak points while suffering withdrawal symptoms
2. It turns out that the Chardins have acquired some Dragon's Whiskers. Oh no.
3. Ranma is trying to learn this Martial Arts Dining nonsense, but it turns out she’s also starting to miss sex.
4. Happosai picks now of all times to take his revenge.
5. Something else