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Fantasy Seduction Conquest

To call this an off-putting situation was putting it mildly. Everyone was acting like they'd successfully brainwashed her into being a pervert - but Shirley felt perfectly normal. She tried thinking about dirty things for a little bit, felt herself heat up, and - That was the end of it. Sure, she found her gaze lingering a little on Miya's chest a little longer than normal but under the circumstances that wasn't really all <i>that</i> unusual. Not after what the girl had been doing to her.

She was pretty sure that a pair of breasts <i>shouldn’t</i> feel that good just rubbing on her naked skin. So while Shirley was a little sceptical about the whole thing regarding the perfect boobs, there was clearly something to it. And while it hadn’t apparently corrupted her, there was no way to know if further.. <i>playtime</i> wouldn’t have side-effects. So.. she needed to get out of this without any more perversion being thrown at her. Trouble was she was surrounded by girls in skimpy swimsuits, and the door was still locked.

"Alright girls," Miya clapped. "Let's celebrate Shirley's newfound perviness by having her show us what she's made of! Go on, girl. You do whatever you want."

Uh oh. This was a problem. If they realised that she hadn't been turned into a pervert, then they'd resume their attempts to corrupt her! Now, Shirley was a fairly honest girl at the best of times. Straightforward. Felt guilty if she had to lie. However, under the circumstances there was only one path open to her!

Grab hold of Kallen and start making out with her.

What, she panicked and it was the dirtiest thing she could think of on short notice. Probably helped by the fact that they had already been making out for a little while now. It's only natural it would be the first dirty thing that would come to mind.

She was still quite caught off guard by how strong Kallen was. Their body types were pretty similar, though Shirley's was more built for stamina and flexibility, while Kallen's felt more sturdy and powerful. If she didn't know better, if she didn't know that Kallen was a sickly girl she'd swear this was the body of an athlete. Her fingers trailed down Kallen's abdomen, feeling powerful muscles there, it seemed absurd that someone like this could be sickly all the time.

Shirley was dimly aware of strong hands gripping her hips, the fingers spread out to gently squeeze and knead her flesh. They trailed up and down the sides of her body, and despite her anxiety about being caught she found her breathing slowing to a natural pace, as though Kallen's touches were reassuring her in some way.

"Oh wow, they're really going at it," she heard in a hushed whisper.

"Mmph, if they show up in Lelouch's room there's no way he can resist," another voice whispered.

"Damn, if I'd known Shirley was a repressed bi, I'd have made a move for her sooner," another voice piped up, a little bit louder than the rest.

Huh? Repressed bi? Was there really anything so special about what she was doing? It felt like she wanted to crawl under a rock and die due to being watched while making out with Kallen. Oh gosh, talk about embarrassing. Even if it was to throw them off and trick them into thinking she'd been broken into being a pervert. I mean, sure, she'd pushed Kallen up against a locker, wrapped her left leg around Kallen's right and, when Kallen opened her mouth, had plunged her tongue in like she was fishing for kelp.

But it wasn’t like it could be avoided! She needed to not show any hesitation, no matter how embarrassing it got. If they saw through her, they would probably just start again with that perverted torture and she would be stuck here until she turned to the lewd side of the force.

Which meant she was doing her absolute darndest to convince them that she was a dirty girl, throwing her full weight into slaking lust that she didn't feel on Kallen's surprisingly appealing body while that weird music continued to play in the background and... what was that weird smell? It was sort of like incense.

"Alright, I think that's enough celebration," Kallen said, pulling away from Shirley's lips. "Time for you girls to have a shower, to wash the sweat off. Right?"

Right, of course. Some might view it as counterproductive, but a post-swim shower was absolutely vital. You could have come into contact with contaminants in the pool, or chlorine, chloramines, bacteria. It was vital that you shower to help avoid catching recreational water illnesses. Whatever state of mind or situation that Shirley was in, that much remained true, and it would give her a chance to think about her next move. How to keep up the appearance that she was a pervert.

She and the rest of the team went into the showers. It felt completely normal. You would never know they'd all been corrupted into becoming sexual deviants. It made her feel a little bit shy, much more than usual. But she couldn't risk showing it. Otherwise they'd know. They'd recognise that she wasn't a pervert.

Shirley had never thought she would ever ask herself <i>what would a pervert do in this situation?</i> Never mind trying to follow that train of thought. But hey, beggars can't be choosers.

"Shirley, could you please help wash my back?"

The question was loaded with innocence, or more accurately, it was loaded with anything but innocence but had enough of a layer on top to make it seem that it was innocent all the way down.

"S-sure thing," she said, soaping up her hands. Huh, was this a new brand of shampoo as well? It sort of smelled like the incense, very fruity and fun. She reached out her hand, and barely grazed the girl's shoulders, when out of nowhere the girl let out an extremely erotic moan.

It was only natural that Shirley would freeze upon that unexpected reaction. Anyone would. However, she had no choice but to continue, because now other girls were watching them. Think. Think about this. What would a pervert do here? What would... what would Milly do?

"Oh, did you like that?" Shirley asked, doing her best Milly impersonation. She hoped the steam was making her red face look like it was from the heat, and kept on rubbing the slender shoulders in front of her, then began to rub down her back. "Sensitive, aren't we?"

Was that good? Did she need to add some more flirtiness to her tone? Oh god, Shirley had no experience in this sort of stuff. What if she was messing up totally and everyone already knew she was faking it because she couldn't pull it off right? All she could do was rub down her back normally, throw in a few Milly-esque remarks - and that was it!

"Feel free to go lower," the girl suddenly said, and Shirley realised she'd reached the bottom of the girl's back. "We're all perverts here, right? Nobody will judge you for it."

That's right. Nobody would judge her if she started sudding up that butt. The trouble was they sure would judge her if she didn't! Shirley closed her eyes and got onto her knees, sudding up and groping that booty like she was divinely ordained to do it. Grope. Squeeze. Firm. Very firm. Much like you'd expect from a swimmer. Since they have to use their legs so much, it's only natural swimmers develop some nice glutes.

Then out of nowhere a pair of soapy hands grabbed hold of Shirley from behind. "What's the matter?" Kallen whispered in her ear. "Did some soap get in your eyes? A pervert would be staring at the other girls, you know."

“Eh?” The squeak that escaped Shirley’s lips was a momentary throwback to her normal reaction, but she quickly tried to squash her embarrassment. Right.. You got to perv on others if you are a pervert. At least if you can get away with it.. Wait.. she had no idea how to perv on others.. Argh.. right go back to the good old <i>what would Milly</i> do tactic.

"If it's just the soap, then don't worry. It's the brand new 'no tears' blend. You can keep your eyes open and stare All. You. Want."

That meant she really didn't have an excuse. That was what she was going to say if someone noticed her eyes were closed, so - So she had no reason not to open her eyes. Shirley creaked her eyes open, and then Kallen gently nudged her head so that she had to look directly at the other girls.

"Oops, I dropped my soap!" one girl proclaimed, and bent at the waist to retrieve it. No sooner had she done so, than another girl ran her fingers up the first's inner thigh and then -

Woah! Her - Her fingers went right inside without hesitation! Index and middle finger, slowly pumping in and out, like they wanted to go faster but were restraining themselves to deliberately draw things out. Shirley quickly looked away after she realised she'd been staring - and then her eyes immediately fell upon another two girls, their backs turned to her, sudding each other up while lying on their sides, and for some reason they had their legs split apart so that they were p- push- pushing their crotches right up against each other l-like a p-pair of scissors!

She couldn't look away. She dared not look away. It was taking all of her concentration to not look away. If she looked away it would be the same as admitting that she was a pervert. So she had to kneel down like this. While Kallen sudded up her breasts. While Shirley sudded up this other girl's butt. And watch. Watch one girl finger another. Watch two other girls scissor on the floor.

It suddenly occurred to Shirley that even though she knew every girl in the club, she hadn't actually noticed which girl was which.

Had she really been so distracted by.. By all of this, she had lost track of their faces. Staring at butts and breasts and legs and all these other.. body parts? God, she was starting to go with the flow a bit too much it seemed.

"Thanks, Shirley!"

"D-Don't mention it," Shirley said, wobbling out of the shower like her legs were made of rubber. "N-Next time, you can do me. Okay?"

“Oh, I would looove to!” Kallen answered, her voice sounding almost like a cat purring in pure delight. She wrapped her arm over Shirley's shoulder. The girl practically pounced the moment Shirley was out of the showers. "But today, why don't you get dressed? Then we can talk some more about how to get you into the vice-president's bed."

"R-Right, can't stay in here forever," Shirley said. Gulp! This was it. Once she was dressed, they would let her leave. Right? She'd be able to slip out in the corridor, then warn Milly about what the Fantasy Seduction Club was up to. Even she wouldn't go along with...

"Huh?" Shirley gasped as she held her uniform. "This fabric feels a little different than normal." Not thinking much of it, she slipped it on. The snug fitting blouse, the way too short skirt. "Yeah, this definitely feels different -" Better felt like a good word to use. " - than normal."

"Of course it feels different dahling," Bella said. Ah, she was wearing her uniform as well. In fact, so were the other girls. They all reached down and pulled out a series of well concealed drawstrings. Some at the stomach, others around the collar, some in the hem of their skirts, and they pulled... And material retracted.

It was like watching a commercial for one of those weird boys toys that changed into something else, except in this case it involved transforming a sort of borderline sexy girl's uniform into a definitely erotic one. Skirts seemed to split apart to reveal a lot more thigh, the bottom of the blouse pulled up to reveal their tummies, or came apart at the cleavage, somehow not breaking buttons. Shirley didn't know much about design, but she could tell right away that a lot of hard work went into this.

Her trembling hands searched around her collar and soon found the drawstring. She pulled it tentatively - and then felt a pressure on her breasts release. Shirley's eyes rolled up into her head, and her breath hitched. For some reason that felt kinda... nice.

"Here we go, dahling, strut your stuff," Bella whispered in Shirley's ear, nudging her forward while her hands firmly gripped Shirley's hips. Her head lolled about helplessly, and she soon found herself walking across the locker room floor, under Bella's guidance, as though she was a model on the catwalk. Weird. She felt groggy. Shirley looked around herself at the other girls. They were all posing, different poses, each of them. Some leaning forward just a little with their hands on their knees. Others bent forward much more as if trying to show off their butts. One girl was sitting down, hugging her knees while there was a slit down her skirt. All different. All emphasising different parts of their body.

"By jove, I think she's got it!"

Huh? Oh. Bella had let go, and she was naturally walking like this now. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. She should probably stop. The other girls were looking at her. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. She... She should probably pose like they were, otherwise they would know that she wasn't a pervert. She had to think. Think of a way. A way to flaunt her body. Her body had to be flaunted. Flaunted for these perverted girls.

So she put her back to the wall and leaned back with her arms in the air, only for Kallen to grab her arm and spin her out, dipping her in front of the other girls.

"Hrm... I give it a 4 out of 10 for performance," Kallen said, briefly kissing her on the lips. "You really don't know the first thing about pretending to be a pervert, do you?"

"Y-You knew?!" Shirley squeaked, trying to free herself from this weirdly strong girl.

"No, duh! Of course we knew!" Miya said. "As if that would ever be enough to turn a girl like you into a pervert."

"It was necessary to push you into this behaviour of your own volition, dahling," Bella said. "You were not forced to pretend to be a pervert at any time. You did it to fool us."

"So be honest with yourself," Kallen said, her face close. Too close. Way too close and - And now Miya's breasts were pushed into the back of her head again. Ahhhh, this softness should be illegal! And now Kallen's fingers were heading up Shirley's skirt, j-just like that girl in the shower! She should stop this, she should protest... but she didn't. "How did it feel behaving like a pervert?"

How did it feel? How did it feel?! Right before the moment of penetration, Kallen let her go, and so did Miya while she reeled from that question. Then, they did something quite unbelievable. Kallen dropped her skirt, revealing a bright pink g-string that oddly suited her, and then Miya got onto her knees and pushed her stupidly large breasts right into Kallen's fine <i>fine</i> ass.

"I-Is this one last attempt to corrupt me?" Shirley said. For some reason she was drooling. And still watching. "Ugh that's so dumb. How can pushing those breasts into that butt possibly be the finishing touch that would drive me over the edge?"

It was true enough. This felt like it was getting more and more ridiculous as time went on. The lengths they were going to, the things they were willing to do... And yet, she couldn't stop watching. It was so, so stupid, and yet...

"You're going to give in now," Kallen firmly stated. Weirdly, her voice was in time with the music that was playing in the background. Almost like it was synching up perfectly with a little voice she could barely hear. "Just like Lelouch would give in if he saw this."

Lelouch...seeing this... would give in? Shirley blinked. Heh... Hehehe... Imagine that. Imagine him walking into his room and seeing this, Shirley on her knees pushing her breasts into Kallen's butt. It was silly. It was stupid. But, it was easy for her to imagine him getting hard at the sight. Really hard. Super hard. So hard he'd have to do something with it. Something like use it. On them. Both of them. One after the other.

"How does it feel to be a pervert?" Miya asked, suddenly behind her, knuckle deep in Shirley's pussy. Huh? When had they swapped positions? Now Shirley was the one on her knees behind Kallen, instead of Miya! Pushing her breasts into Kallen's fit, toned butt.

"It feels fucking awesome!" Shirley burbled, and planted a kiss at the base of Kallen's spine. Was she pretending again, or had she actually given in this time? Honestly, with the way her head was feeling, even Shirley wasn't one hundred percent sure right now.

"Let's get her up to our 'training room'," Bella said. "That way, we can be certain that her training has fully taken hold..."

1. Kallen and Shirley are now members! Time to plot out what to do with the rest of the council.
2. There's not enough time for working over more council members today. Kallen has a meeting with the Black Knights tonight.
3. One of the Fantasy Seduction Club notices C.C. and immediately falls in love.
4. Something else

These Horny Aliens

Headcanon is an interesting thing, isn't it? It often leads audiences to the thought process of "that's not in the original work, but when you put it like that, it might as well be." For example, the idea that Shinobu and Ryuunosuke are a couple is really not in the work at all, but it's also totally in the original Urusei Yatsura if you know to look for it. A certain pair of writers do have their own quirky headcanon pieces in place for the series (including that), but everyone has them.

One of the more blatant things that is clearly not the author's original intent, but is also super in the work if you know what you're looking for, is that Ran wants to bang the shit out of Lum, but is so messed up by her atrocious, abusive mother that she can't act on her true feelings and wants to take it out on Lum by 1: stealing her boyfriend, then 2: proving that she can have a stable relationship with the boy that Lum dumped. I mean, come on, it's <i>right there</i>.

Well, if this thread is going to do anything it's take that kind of subtext and make it into text.

Ran's bedroom was made of Lum's cute face, Lum's sexy body, and Lum's slutty bikini. She was everywhere. On every surface. The room was a shrine to the devotion of Lum as though she were some great fertility Goddess. The bedsheets, the wallpaper, the design on the light, the wardrobe, all had Lum all over them. The table legs looked like Lum holding up a giant naked Lum who was lying down. The little dolls that were cleaning and dusting the room were designed like Lums in slutty maid uniforms.

But heaven help you if you imply for a second that Ran even slightly liked Lum, or anything about her. She'd gut you like a fish and <i>then</i> get serious about torturing you. This is what happens when you cross a yandere with a tsundere. Not even the fun parts of either, only the parts that maximise misery.

"I will ride you like a fucking saddlebag," Ran said while mounting a cushion shaped and proporationed exactly like Lum's face. "Kukukuku!" Ran cackled, smacking her own butt loud enough to make it sound like she'd cracked a whip. "You think you can escape me by breaking off with that handsome oaf Rei?! And shacking up with some human on a backwater planet?!" Another spank, this one made the first seem like a pin had fallen by comparison. "I'll fucking break you! You'll apologise for alllll the trouble you got me in, just for a taste of my pussy! If only I got that earthling idiot's name..."

In frustration, she grabbed her remote and switched on her recording of the event itself. The race wherein the Oni were <i>supposed</i> to conquer Earth. She listened closely. She listened carefully. The announcer would say the boy's name -

But then Lum drifts into vision and ass was all she could behold. Tiger print covered ass, sculpted by a divine hand. Find a person who could focus on literally anything else when such a sight passes their vision, and she'd show you a damned liar. Also, a person she was liable to make <b>suffer</b> for staring at Lum's booty. That was Ran's, all Ran's, and she was a jealous bitch at the best of times.

Alright, so that was the one hundredth time she'd tried watching the recording, maybe this tactic wasn't going to work? Hrm... Best make sure by watching another hundred times, then if she couldn't remember the human's name after that, she'd come up with something else. The fact that this would mean staring at Lum's butt on the recording didn't have anything to do with this course of action, not one little bit of -

Bzt! Ah! She was receiving a call! Ran hit an emergency button on the wall, and in an instant a holographic effect was played out over the entire room, hiding all the Lum stuff and replacing it with a nice, pink, frilly, normal girly layout that would completely conceal the extremely blatant and obvious perverse sexual lust she was feeling towards the Oni Princess.

I mean, a paper thin layer of obfuscation was better than nothing at all, right? It would be too embarrassing if she just up and announced all the nasty, filthy things she wanted to do to Lum's filthy, nasty <b>insufferably straight</b> body, right?

"Oh, hello Benten," Ran sweetly said, though with a slight taste of bite to it, as always. She put her hands together and lay the back of her right hand against her cheek. "So nice to speak to you. What is it you want this time?"

<i>"Straight to the point, huh?"</i> Benten asked. <i>"Must've interrupted you in the middle of perving out on Lum. Not that I can blame you. I'd give my left arm for another night with...</i>

Ran twitched. Not her eyes, mark you. Not her fingers. Not her nose. All of her. Twitched. At once. Every follicle of hair, every tooth, every skin cell, every major organ, every nerve cell and even the blood in her veins all... twitched, at once. Oh, she knew intellectually that Benten was teasing her on purpose. It didn't negate the fact that Lum had tested her sexuality using Benten <b>and not fucking her</b>.

"Always a pleasure," Ran said, making to end the communication right there -

<i>"Hold up, wait a second!"</i> Benten said in a bit too much of a hurry. <i>"You know, I'm surprised I caught ya. Thought you'd be on your way to Earth by now."</i>

"Oh, my goodness, why would I do something like thaaaat?" Ran asked, leaning her body forward while smiling brightly, yet also without any substance behind it.

<i>"... You got distracted staring at Lum's butt, didn't ya</i>"

"Noooooo!" Ran protested, a little too long and a little too obviously. "Li'l Ran would never, ever stare upon the last proof of God's existence, for no force of nature beyond the divine could surely create something so perfect and righteous in this or any universe with something so base and -"

<i>"I can see your monitor by the bed."</i> Benten interrupted. <i>"Look, I don't got a whole lot of time before Lum comes back, so do me a favour and check out this Ataru Moroboshi guy. I think he's got something over Lum besides this victory, and since Oyuki ain't answering my calls that means you gotta check it out while I keep her busy."</i>

<b>"I swear to fuck if that's an innuendo for laying her, I will fucking end you, Lucky God!"</b> Ran yelled, showing her true face: That of a pretty befanged bitch who would, in fact, end the very existence of anyone that fucked with her. Except Lum. Duh.

<i>"Huh? Did I just hear Ran's voice...?"</i> Lum's offscreen voice said - and then the monitor went dark.

For once Ran didn't mind that. Kukuku. Ataru Moroboshi was it? Well then. Time for her to pay a visit to this little backwater planet. There can't be that many Ataru Moroboshi's on the planet, right?

<hr>

There are times when you hear a thing, and you're pretty sure you didn't hear the thing correctly, so you kind of ignore it because nobody would ever say that and mean it. Things like -

"I want to be a slut."

Yeah, exactly like that. The best thing for Shinobu to do right now was continue to ride Ataru's dick. Not just because she could literally do this the rest of her life and still not have enough of it, but also because it was a really good distraction from the fact that this pretty priestess had just requested to be made into a slut.

"If I become a slut, then I shall surely be able to obtain true enlightenment."

Okay, at this point it was kind of hard to ignore. Shinobu turned and made eye contact with her most hated enemy: Ataru's mother. They both nodded. A silent agreement. An affirmation that this time they were on the same side on an issue. It didn't happen often - if ever before - but for now they would set aside their differences and save Sakura's purity.

"Oh, you don't want to be a slut," Mrs Moroboshi said. "It's really quite shameful."

"Probably stressful too," Shinobu quickly added. "After all, if you're a slut then everyone will find out really quickly, and they'll look down on you for it."

"People will judge you," Mrs Moroboshi said, deftly picking up her cue. "People will shun you. The wrong kind of people will flock to you, like flies to shit."

"You can't call that enlightenment," Shinobu added, nodding sagely. "It's a dangerous pitfall that - Holy fuck, another new technique?!"

Without warning she was flat on her back, writhing in newfound ecstacy. How. How does he do this? Every time she thinks he's reached the end of his bag of tricks, he goes back to it and pulls out some new way of completely blanking out her brain. She wasn't even sure what he did that time, he just sort of sat up and lay her down while driving into her from above, and it wasn't like they hadn't done that a hundred times before.

"Miss Sakura!" Ataru firmly said, in a surprising (and hot) serious tone of voice. "Are you quite sure you want to be a slut?"

"Positive," Sakura said.

"Are you <i>truly</i> certain?" Ataru asked. "Once you've begun this path, you can't walk back from it. Let me tell you, as a manslut it can be quite difficult needing to constantly sleep around. I can tell at a glance, your average man will become a slave to your body. They'll crave it. Need it. They'll come crawling to you on their hands and knees for the slightest taste. There are times when you'll wonder if it's really okay to share this pleasure with people as you watch them do absurd things, or come up with insane justifications. So, I ask again. Are you sure you want to be a slut."

"So cool..." both Shinobu and Mrs Moroboshi whimpered. Which, really, was only the case if you were in deep lust with this horndog. Luckily two of the three women currently in the room were and Sakura was sheltered enough to believe them.

"Mister Ataru," Sakura said, grabbing hold of his hands and looking into his eyes with all the seriousness she could muster which, all truth told, was a hell of a lot of seriousness. "When I was little, I couldn't play with anyone. I was always in poor health. Whether short of breath, experiencing muscle spasms or suffering any of a hundred maladies. I would not mind, but it has inhibited my ability to perform my duties as a priestess. My only contact with the opposite sex for years was family members or a really strange man who only wanted to show me magic tricks. I wound up engaged to him, incidentally... But I feel as though, if I become a slut then I shall finally be free of sickness, be capable of living a healthy life and therefore able to help others! Won't you help me? Help me become a slut, I beg of you!"

"Waaaah!" Ataru bawled. Note that he hadn't stopped railing Shinobu into the floor. "Of course, Miss Sakura! That's the most genuine, tragic appeal that I have ever heard!"

"Are you fucking serious...?" Mrs Moroboshi grumbled.

"That... That's the most porny, stupid thing I have ever heard," Shinobu moaned. "The most blatant stupid porn logic yet!"

Well yeah but if you're taking this thread even remotely seriously you're <i>super</i> lost right now. Shouldn't have taken that right turn at Albacurky.

1. Ran comes down to Earth. Finds that Ataru Moroboshi is a super common name.
2. Benten tries to keep Lum occupied. Then Oyuki shows up...
3. It's time for Sakura's slut training to begin!
4. It’s Setsubun time!
5. Something else

RCM Crossdresser's Familiar

There's something to be said for waking up after fainting. That something was normally 'fainting sucks', and this time was no exception. Consciousness came to Annalise kicking and screaming like a spoiled toddler. Yet come to her it did.

In no small part due to the stick being poked into her sides. On opening her eyes, she found herself looking up at a kind of pretty girl with a witch hat on. Blonde, curly hair peeking out from under it. Bright blue eyes, and a stern expression. She was pretty easy on the eyes, not a terrible thing to wake up to.

Then she spoke, and something in her tone was setting Annalise off something fierce. Couldn't understand a word, but her tone and body language was really haughty and arrogant. She turned to address the onlookers, with some weird sense of expectation. Kind of gave off the impression of a brat trying to show off how clever they were.

On consideration, Annalise decided that she did not like this person. Not at all. Funny how can develop that kind of impression of someone when you couldn't make out a word they were saying.  Seeing her was making oblivion more comfortable all of a sudden. So she tried closing her eyes, but then she felt something tickle at her nose, and her eyes opened up again.

“The hell!?” A snake was looking right up in her face, leaning off the stick the blond was poking into her.

The bitch then kept on talking in that same arrogant tone, then gave a weird curtsey and looked over Annalise's shoulder - she turned away from the snake reluctantly, some prey instincts are hard to get around - to where Nevil was standing.

"Ah, Annalise? This is my cousin, Gabrielle," Nevil eventually said. Gabrielle curtseyed and said something else. "Uh, she says that she doesn't need an introduction, and you've probably already heard of her."

Annalise slowly shook her head. Then she had an out of body experience, where her spirit wanted to punch herself right in her stupid face.

Before Gabrielle could blow her pretty little top, another girl sort of slid right on in, putting her hand on Gabrielle's shoulder and giving her a nice comforting pat. She laughed, it sounded really fake, and then she stepped forward to Annalise as if sizing her up. Well, give it a try, mate. She had this person pegged right away: Typical bully attitude. Trying to intimidate her. Which was a bit hard to do when you had a mouse sitting on top of you head.

Looking at this person it was obvious they'd heard of shops like Hot Topic and decided to venture into a cheap knockoff of one of their cheap knockoffs. Wiry body, long bony fingers and her hair was hidden behind dark bangs with purple tips. The smile was the most you could see of her face, and that was the smile that promised you'd get a kicking later on if you let your guard down for a second. Honestly she looked the most like what one would expect a “Witch” to look like.

Again, except for the mouse, which was just too cute and completely spoiled the look. Aw, look at it rubbing its little nose!

An argument nearly broke out between Gabrielle and this witchy girl.

"Um, that's Sabine. She's a bit of a prankster."

Nice euphemism for bully. With a body like that, probably the sort that had a bunch of friends to back them up. Or... Since this was a magic school maybe they used magic to bully people instead?

Before she could really nail down this person, something else unexpected happened. There was a loud yet dignified sound that seemed to draw everything to a close, and then -

Annalise fell in love. How could you not? Stepping forward was a genuine, honest to goodness Princess. Or maybe a Goddess. She couldn't help but kneel, this presence was that pretty.

The Princess looked confused for a moment. She said something to Nevil.

“Uh, she wants to know why you’re kneeling?”

“Err…” OK. How to say you were struck dumb by how beautiful she is without sounding stupid? "I think my leg went to sleep while I was unconscious. Pins and needles."

Nevil said something that she didn't quite catch. Then Sabine made a sort of scoffing noise and rolled her eyes. The conversation went on from there, but honestly Annalise was too drawn in by this Princess's beauty to focus on anything else. So pretty! It almost wasn't fair how pretty she was!


<hr>

His familiar up and fainting like that was not something he had expected. Then again, a human being being a familiar was also wildly unexpected. So, maybe this was normal? Hard to say.

"Um, could someone please help my new familiar?" Nevil asked.

And then, the worst possible thing happened. His cousin stepped forward with her hand raised in the air.

"I'll help!" she said, trying to show off as always. "I've been studying medicine for the last hour, and so I am <I>obviously</i> going to be a master of it."

Ever have those moments where you're paralysed by indecision? You're about to see someone you dislike make a fool of themselves, and you know you should intervene, but you also kind of want to see where things go? That was Nevil right then. What was Gabrielle going to do this time?

It turned out she was going to cough into her gloved hand, pull out a wand, and start poking away at Annalise's body until she got up in a manner reminiscent of the time they woke Uncle Jean from a drunken stupor, after he accidentally got locked in a wine cellar overnight.

"You see?" Gabrielle said, addressing the other witches present. "My brilliant medical expertise has revived my cousin's familiar from an untimely demise! Thank you, thank you, please feel free to form a line in praise of me."

"Ah, Annalise? This is my cousin, Gabrielle," Nevil eventually said. Gabrielle curtseyed.

"Thank you for your kind introduction, cousin of mine," Gabrielle said. "Though there are two issues: One, you were not formal enough. Two, one such as I does not need an introduction. Quite obviously, I am so thoroughly amazing that she must have already heard of me."

... Wonderful. And since his familiar didn't recognise the local language, that meant it was up to him to interpret.

"Uh, she says that she doesn't need an introduction, and you've probably already heard of her."

To his endless amusement, Annalise slowly shook her head as if in disbelief. Oh, how lucky Ja-Pan was, to not have heard of Gabrielle de Chapelle. How unlucky they were to be in the blast range of her incoming petulant rant -

"Hahaha! That was pretty funny, telling a joke like that," Sabine said, patting Gabrielle on the shoulder. "Not knowing who <i>you</i> are. The way you brag, there are folk that have been dead millenia that know who you are!"

"W-well of course there are people in the afterlife who know of my reputation," Gabrielle said.

"A rep for bragging! Hah!"

"Um, that's Sabine. She's a bit of a prankster."

Best to warn his familiar away from this girl. Sabine was always like this. A prankster who played psychological games with people. Any second now she'd turn her attention towards...

"Of course, having a Familiar that faints the second she sees other witches, that would explain why it's human," Sabine said. "Gotta be weak as a newborn, this one. Huh? Same stamina as a wet paper bag, does that sound about right? Constitution of a feather, am I in the right ballpark?"

“You’re human too.”

“Yes and there’s a reason humans developed magic and technology my dear Nevil.”

"Ahem! That is quite enough bickering, thank you very much."

That voice... Nevil gulped nervously. A certain figure strode out through the crowd, making her presence known with an aura that was practically divine. Not <i>actually</i> divine of course, but with her looks you'd be hard pressed to tell the difference.

“Nevil! I came over as soon as I heard something strange happened with your Familar summon!” Her voice is the picture of worry, “Are you well? Did a demon hijack it? Or did it drain your magical reserves? I’ve heard that can happen.”

"Princess Lucienne!" Nevil squeaked out. "Th-thank you, for your kindness. This is my Familiar, here."

The Princess looked down at Annalise and asked a very good question, to which Nevil already knew the answer.

"Why is she kneeling?"

Nervous gulp. He asked her. Pins and needles? Such a blatant lie, and yet his brain was already not firing on all cylinders.

You see, the problem here is that everyone in this academy who is attracted to women has a crush on Princess Lucienne. Everyone. It's hard not to. Some whisper that she's using some kind of magic to make herself look pretty, but if that is the case - hot damn, why hasn't she passed yet? This made it quite difficult to deal with her at the best of times.

In Nevil's case though, it made things... hard. It was taking all of his willpower to keep from <b>getting</b> hard, you see. Which was making it pretty much impossible for him to lie to her.

"She's overwhelmed by your beauty," he honestly answered. Not what she had said, but in his heart of hearts he didn't buy that excuse for an instant. Looking down, it seemed that Annalise was too enraptured to notice. Thank goodness.

“Hmm, strange, Emurans tend not to kneel like that.” Lucienne said, but clapped her hands together, “But I’m flattered she finds me so lovely!”

“I don’t think she’s an Emuran. She says she’s from a place called Ja-Pan.”

“Hmm? That’s a place I’ve never heard of.”

"M-Me neither," Nevil admitted.

"Very well then. Why don't the three of us have a nice long chat about it? Oh, but I think you'll have to serve as our interpreter, won't you? It seems she doesn't speak our language, and only understands you through your Familiar Bond..."

Perceptive as always. Ah, wait a minute! If they spent an extended conversation with each other, then Nevil's willpower would surely run out! If that happened then... then he'd get <i>hard</i> in front of her! The smart thing to do would be to refuse. Invent an excuse. Say anything at all to get out of this before he humiliated himself!

"We'd love to." 

Dammit! He’d never been able to say no to her!

1. Gabrielle insists on joining this meeting as well.
2. Nevil's willpower breaks almost instantly, when the Princess wipes something off his cheek.
3. Elincia is spying on this little meeting.
4. Sabine is intrigued that Nevil summoned a human, decides to cause trouble.
5. Something else

Pretty Boy Ukyo

There's a thing you've got to realise about someone like Konatsu. You see, Konatsu had this weird sense of what was fancy, what was eaten by the affluent and this could lead to all sorts of misunderstandings. Case in point.

"A hot dog," Konatsu gasped, holding it aloft in the same manner one might the Holy Grail. Or a jar of really good okonomiyaki sauce. "I've heard the rumours, but never before have I beheld its glory. M-Master Ukyo, is it truly alright for me to consume this?"

Ukyo nodded. And her hell began. You see, someone like Konatsu is used to scraps. Hot dogs aren't exactly high cuisine, but all things are relative. You live your life eating dog food and something like a hot dog will seem like caviar in comparison. Wait no, bad example... Caviar is kind of gross... Filet mignon? That's a bit better, right?

The point is that you can't just dump a hot dog onto her and expect her to eat it like a normal person. I mean really, think about it. You're given a fancy sports car for a day, you're not going to really try it out? Get it going fast, see what it can do, savour the experience. Well, that's what Konatsu was going to do as she parted her lips and gently, slowly, pushed the hot dog into her mouth until the very end of it was all that was left on the outside... Then dragged it back out every bit as slowly.

By this point Ukyo had already finished her hot dog. Not that she had noticed. It was kind of hard to look away. I mean, really. Think about what this looks like. Cute girl (even if physically it was only a Jusenkyo made girl) fellating some meat right in front of you. Ukyo had half a mind to point out that this is not how you eat a hot dog, but the other half was pitching a fit and demanding to see what she did next.

To her shame, Ukyo listened to the latter half of her brain for a little too long. Come on girl. You actually are a girl, don't drool over something like this. Ukyo opened her mouth to speak up - and then Konatsu rubbed the end of the hot dog around her lips and began to bob it in and out of her mouth, sticking out her tongue to run it around the meaty cylindrical <i>phallic</i> foodstuff. Her other hand was even holding the bread in the same manner one might fondle a pair of testicles while her mouth got to work on the meat.

"Buuuuuuh..." Ukyo burbled unintelligibly. There was a flash to her right. Someone had taken a picture. Actually, looking around there were a bunch of people staring.

"Oh, I'm gay," a random woman said. "That makes so much sense all of a sudden. Wow, how did I not see it before?"

"... You came to Shinjuku ni-chome and didn't already know you were gay?"

"I thought this was Akihabara!"

Then, as a finale, Konatsu simply pushed the entire hot dog into her mouth, swallowed the entire length of meat without triggering her gag reflex, then - the part that actually hit Ukyo's libido the hardest - smiled brightly and brilliantly while cutely saying "yummy!"

Okay. Okay. So, technically this wasn't gay. Ukyo was a girl, yes, but she could easily become a boy with a bit of cold water, and Konatsu was actually a boy who was technically physically a girl. Therefore there is nothing gay <i>at all</i> about wanting to go boy and sex that. Sex that super hard.

Still! It was no use in reminding herself of that fact! What mattered was showing it to the whole damned world! She's not gay, dammit. Not gay at all!

<hr>

Revenge is a dish best served cold, and you won't find anyone colder within Furinkan than Nabiki Tendo. She was going to get her revenge, make no mistake about that... But while plotting that, there was no reason she couldn't get a little extra cash on the side.

"Ah, Nabiki Tendo! As always, your pictures are of the highest quality."

Pictures of her sister working out. And of Ranma in girl form behaving like a boy. Plus one picture of Ranma not wearing visible pants, nothing showing of course, but the <b>implications</b> were there. Wasn't it amazing the things you could get away with when you didn't give a fuck?

"Always a pleasure, Kuno-baby," Nabiki lied. She pocketed her money. Let him drool over the pictures of girls who would only willingly touch him if it meant hurting him and then walked out of the cafe, leaving him with the bill.

Alright, that made her feel a bit better. Now. Revenge on Kuonji. How best to do that. Turn them against her business? It shouldn't be too hard to arrange some health code violations. Right in time for a 'random' inspection. Or perhaps find some girl that he liked, and use her as a weapon against him. She clicked her tongue, deep in thought. A weak point. There had to be a weak point to exploit. If only she could think of -

"Was that mailbox always there?" Nabiki wondered to herself. Weird. She didn't remember seeing it earlier. Or ever before. "Probably nothing." She shrugged and continued on her way, turning the corner and -

The mailbox moved. She could swear that it moved. Nabiki stopped mid-step and looked back. Not moving anymore, but definitely in a different spot than it was. A closer spot, at that. She continued on her way, turned another corner -

And that mailbox <i>definitely</i> wasn't there before. Nabiki took a deep breath, scooped up a rock from the ground and walked over to the mailbox - then peeked inside the slot.

"Hello," she said to the girl sitting inside. The girl waved up at her. Then Nabiki put the rock in through the slot, dusted her hands and walked away. Honestly, if you're going to stalk someone at least be subtle about -

"Chaaaaaarge!"

And now she was being chased by a vending machine, which had a girl's face sticking out of it. A cute girl, if not for the obvious bump on her head. Aha. Right. Nabiki watched the incoming charge - then deftly stepped to the side, leaving her foot out. The vending machine tripped over, bounced off the ground and landed on its back, whereupon Nabiki put a foot on it and leaned over the would be stalker.

"You're not the first person to try following me," Nabiki said. "Though usually it's a horny boy or a furious girlfriend. They're usually more subtle about it, too."

“Excuse me!? You’re trying to steal <b>my</b> Ukyo and you think I’m just some random stalker!?”

Oh wait. Suddenly Nabiki realized that she had seen this girl before. In a tree. Molesting Ukyo. Ding ding ding. We have a weakness. Now, how to exploit it...?

<hr>

There was a perfectly rational reason for everything. Every step along the way had been a fully logical choice in the moment, and yet it had led to this moment, so could you really say it was based in logic?

"Ah, Master Ukyo. Please forgive me for using your lap as a seat."

Ukyo gurgled in response, and felt extremely glad to be in girl form right about now. However! She was regretting having changed into this sundress. The idea was <i>meant</i> to be that the two of them would hit up this bar, hang out, and prove that she wasn't gay by being two girls hanging out and doing things that straight girls do when they hang out. Which, according to all the movies she'd seen, meant talking about cute boys.

Bechdel test, what's the bechdel test? (author's note: A thought experiment designed to make you think about how women are treated in media. It's <b>not</b> intended as a litmus test for whether or not a work is inherently sexist or feminist. Though there are a few people that seem to use it that way, it's just because they don't understand the overall point properly- which is also true for a bunch of other feminist terms, e.g. toxic masculinity The more you know!)

Of course, in hindsight this plan had some flaws.

Like how this seemed to be a <b>lesbian bar.</b> Maybe Ukyo should have gotten back on the train, but she had no idea how to tell Konatsu it was time to go home when she was having so much fun. You try saying no to that smile.

"Oh, the girls in here are so friendly, they always buy me drinks," Konatsu said with an extremely girlish, slightly tipsy sounding titter.  In fact, one drink was placed in front of them as she said that. "They're so generoush."

Did Konatsu just slur her words? Why was that so damned cute?!

"Aww, you two make such a cute couple," another patron at the bar said. Looking at her, Ukyo saw the butchest of butch lesbians. Like, if you took the platonic ideal of a butch lesbian and made it flesh, this would be it. And hanging off her arm was the embodiment of the stereotype of a lipstick lesbian.

Worth noting, the lipstick lesbian's outfit was a match for Konatsu's, while the butch lesbian's matched Ukyo's from earlier in the day. Weird that.

"Alright girls! It's kissing hour!" the barkeep called out, ringing a bell. "Down your drinks and snog the girl nearest! Anyone left over has to chug a bloody mary!"

"Wait, that sounds made -" Ukyo began to protest, and now that she was looking a lot of the patrons in the bar looked pretty similar to other people they'd been meeting all day. There was the hot dog vendor, there was Irisu making out with... a shadow clone of herself. Kinky. Oh, and there was also Konatsu currently frenching her and -

Not gay. Nothing gay about this. Just a couple of girls sitting in a gay bar kissing. Not a single thing gay about it.

1. It turns out that the locals super-hard ship Ukyo with Konatsu, and have been manipulating the date all day to that end.
2. Ukyo wakes up the next day in bed with Konatsu and three other lesbians.
3. Nabiki torments Tsubasa for info on Ukyo.
4. Ranma and Akane not-a-date continues
5. Something else

Carry the Ten

Ever since she was little Akane wanted to run the family dojo. Daddy always looked so cool when he was running through a kata, she wanted to be just like him when she grew up. Well, she grew up and she was nothing like him. After all. Daddy never filled out a gi quite the same way that she did.

Akane looked at herself in the mirror in her room. This. This was her favourite look for herself. A clean white gi, properly tied up. It fit her perfectly - that is to say, it wasn't too loose and it wasn't too snug either. It allowed mobility without her having to worry about it coming off her body. She walked out of the room with her head held high, and went off to the training hall -

"Hikaru, if you take a picture of my butt I will judo toss you across town so hard they'll need an archaeologist to dig you out," Akane said in a singsong voice.

"Sorry, ma'am!" Hikaru Gosunkugi said, popping out of his hiding place and running for the hills. Akane didn't bother looking back. That was, unfortunately, one of the downsides. She looked <i>too</i> good like this. Sure, it was loose fitting but it was just about right to give a pretty good idea of her body shape. So, she managed to look like a total badass that could kick your ass more ways than you could count... and also like a really attractive woman.

In all honesty she kind of would prefer to just be the first one. Most of the time.Last month she'd had to fend off... goodness, a dozen or so kidnapping attempts from assorted weirdos. Including but not limited to: A time traveller from the future. An extraterrestrial named Rupa who kept calling her Lum for some reason. A giant talking gorilla. A cyborg from a parallel universe trying to discover the meaning of love. The list goes on and on. It was like she was cursed to have weirdo guys fall in love with her or something.

"Hi Akane!"

Or, on occasion, weird girls. Akane looked around the room, there were a bunch of girls in gis standing around the entrance looking at her, all starry eyed, and... Oh no, some of them were wearing cheerleader uniforms.

"What are you doing?" Akane asked.

"Akane! Akane! She's the boss! If you face her, it's your loss!"

Akane slowly tilted her head to the side. "Don't tell me. Mariko Konjo kicked your school's asses last week in an athletic contest, and then fell in love with a boy you all like, so you're challenging her to a cheerleader martial arts contest to try and put her in her place?"

"Oh, wow! She's so amazing!"

"She knew! She knew right away!"

"Even the bitch's name!"

Akane could only grit her teeth. It wasn't the first time. Wouldn't be the last. Next up, one of them would tell her that -

"A-Akane? A guy wants to marry me to dodge his engagement to a monkey."

Okay, that was not in the same universe as she was expecting. She'd been expecting something more like -

"And the only way out is if I learn the martial arts tea ceremony style!"

There we go, that's more like usual. Akane raised her hands into the air and clapped, which got all the girls to shut up before she got a headache.

"Alright girls, you've wound up getting yourselves into a bunch of assorted mischief," again. Like every other class she teaches. Every. Single. One. Of. Them. "So we're going to deal with this the way we always do. Which is?"

One girl raised her hand. "Ask you to kick someone's ass while we're secretly checking out yours, because you haven't figured out that your gi trousers <i>really</i> leave less to the imagination than you'd think?"

As one, the other girls surrounded that one and started doing unpleasant things to her. Another girl stepped forward and coughed.

"What my friend means to say is, you're going to have us engage in esoteric, slightly dangerous, and highly effective training to further enhance our martial prowess so that we can deal with the problem ourselves, and then Miss Kasumi gives us cake."

Then one last student raised her hand.

“Yes Himiko?”

“Can I help Mommy make the cake?” Akane’s adorable niece said.

“Of course you can.” Akane said, and the rest of her class nodded. Yes, that was an absolutely vital part of the process. "Now, onto our esoteric, slightly dangerous yet effective training..."

<hr>

You know, it's weird. Normally when Ranma made a teacher cry, it was because he found a way to balance all the desks in the room on the end of his nose. Or they were putting on a show to make you drop your ground before kicking you in the face. Or something like that. At the very least he knew <i>why</i> they were crying.

Making a woman cry, though... that felt wrong. In the pit of his stomach, it felt really rotten. Man, feeling guilty and not knowing what you did wrong <i>sucked</i>. It was all he could do to scarf down this bento as fast as he could before the panda snuck out of nowhere to steal it like usual.

"So, I hear you're staying at the Tendo house," Hiroshi said, sidling up next to him and sitting down.

"With those three hot sisters considered the jewels of Furinkan," Daisuke added, sitting on the other side of Ranma.

“So spill. Why are you staying with those milfs?” Hiroshi asked.

“Dude.” Daisuke elbowed his friend. “Don’t say things like that!” He paused, “Miss Kasumi’s the only milf.”

"She's enough milf for all three of them," Hiroshi said, arms crossed and holding his head high as if he'd said something sage and wise. "Still! What's the deal with you staying there?"

"My old man's a friend of theirs -" Ranma began.

"And you've been arranged to marry one of them! You lucky swine!"

Actually that was all he was going to say, but Daisuke got a little too enthusiastic there and correctly guessed what was really going on.

"What? No way? You lucky dog," Hiroshi said, grabbing Ranma in something you could call a headlock if you had no conception of what one was, and then rubbing his knuckles into Ranma's scalp. "A handsome guy like you'll have all three wrapped around your finger in no time flat! Share one with us, your new best friends!"

Ranma slipped out of Hiroshi’s grip so fast he fell over, “What? No. They’re not wrapped around my finger. I barely know them!”

Daisuke coughed. "Kasumi Tendo, twenty nine years old. Formerly Kasumi Ono, divorced three months ago. Akane Tendo, single. Seventh Dan for Kyudo, Kendo, Kenjutu, and Sixth Dan in Judo and Indiscriminate Grappling. Nabiki Tendo, single, math teacher here at Furinkan High. All three graduated from Tokyo University. Kasumi with a Nursing Degree, Nabiki with a teaching Degree, and Akane with a Physical Education Degree.”

Ranma stared at him for a long moment. How did he...?

"My dad has a big construction business. He's on the local council alongside Mister Tendo. They go drinking a lot and- Wait, holy shit. Your dad isn't Genma Saotome is he?"

"Never heard of him," Ranma automatically said, a response born from years of former victims of his scams catching up with him.

"Ah, man. The stories Mr. Tendo told my old man about that idiot!" Daisuke said. "Did you know their old master used to train them by making them steal girls' underwear?"

“OK. Mr. Tendo was bullshitting your dad.” Ranma said. “My Old Man’s done a lot of stupid stuff for training, but panty theiving isn’t one of them.”

"...Where would I meet this master, by chance?" Hiroshi asked, nonchalantly and suddenly holding a pencil and notepad. "For completion's sake, the public must know."

Ugh, Ranma threw his hands up in the air. Honestly now, that was so dumb. What kind of training do you call that, anyway? Panty thieving? Really? Next thing you'll tell him that stealing a cake is training.

"Come on girls, if you want your slice of cake you have to steal it from me!"

Ranma looked up and saw... a bunch of girls in gis and a couple in cheerleading uniforms rushing across the rooftops chasing a very pretty woman that he <i>really didn't want to be pretty</i> who was carrying a slice of yummy cake.

"The things I'd do to be trained by her..." Hiroshi muttered under his breath. Daisuke nodded, and Ranma half nodded, not noticed by himself. Look at her up there, smiling brightly, running backwards while carrying a cake overhead...

"Yay! Momma's cake!" an adorable little kid in a gi yelled out, bouncing on the rooftop like a tightly wound spring, easily clearing each of the girls' heads. She leaped for the cake - only for Akane to snatch it away. Then she landed and tried again at lightning fast speeds, with Akane barely seeming to stay ahead at a given moment.

“Himiko Ono, Miss Kasumi’s daughter.” Daisuke said "That little girl once had me in an armbar, you know,"

"She once accidentally punted Kuno over the school. I shudder to think what she'll be like when she's grown up."

“Big deal, my old man was making me do that sort of thing when I was half her age.”

"I dunno man, she's a little wildfire. From the way Mister Tendo talks about his granddaughter, she's some kind of prodigy."

"That good, huh?" Hiroshi asked.

Daisuke turned to look at him. "Oh yeah, he gushes about how she picks up things on the drop of a hat. Super hyper, super cute, super quick on the uptake. You could really do that stuff when you were half her age, Ranma?"

Ranma was holding a cake now. In the time that Daisuke had looked away at Hiroshi, he had zipped forward to steal it from Akane and got back to where he was.

"Ranma Saotome!" Akane yelled, hands on hips while Himiko was hugging Akane's leg and bawling her eyes out. "That cake wasn't for you!"

"It was embarrassing watching you almost lose to a kindergartener," Ranma said, sticking his tongue out.

"I was holding back to my student's level! You'd better be ready to pay for that cake!"

"Blegh! Whatcha gonna do to make me pay for it?" Ranma pulled his eyelid down. And then Himiko landed in his lap. Gripped onto his lapel, and cried right into his shirt. "Uh, hey kid, cut that out. Stop it. Stop crying."

"Momma's caaaaake!" Himiko bawled.

"There we go girls, now we get to see a really esoteric training regimine," Akane sniffed. "Let's see if Ranma can figure out how to stop a little girl from crying."

More and more people were looking over at Ranma, and their gazes became darker the longer Himiko was crying. As for Hiroshi and Daisuke, they were starting to whistle, putting their hands in their pockets, and nonchalantly walking away.

Now Ranma must deal with a bawling Himiko. The pain, the punishment!
Himiko's faking it to get under Ranma's skin.
Unexpected assist from Hinako! Himiko likes her!
Nabiki and Kuno talk about Ranma.
Something else

Shimoneta: Twin Snow


This is a world without dirty jokes. Fifteen years ago, they were made illegal. Completely illegal, to the point that the government monitors what people say and do through mandatory peacemakers - that is, collars around the neck that automatically live monitor what is said and what movements are made with hands. Should any lewd action be detected, the police will come and - upon reviewing the evidence - arrest you for ero-terrorism.

This is the story of a young boy, who was the son of a prominent ero-terrorist. For most of his life, people had looked at him as if he was unclean. Inherently dirty, by the sins of the father. His old man was accused of intercourse with a high school girl - which was probably not even true.

Still though, that boy had been saved. Rescued by a beacon of innocence and purity by the name of Anna Nishikinomiya. She had stood by him when nobody else would. She had shown everyone that he was a decent, good person and not at all like his father. And now, after several years apart, he would get the chance to meet her again. The girl he had... feelings for.

Not dirty feelings. No, no. This was love. Pure and honest love. As he approached the train that would take him to that school, he wondered if he might meet her there, would she remember saving him. She had probably saved countless others, just the same was she had saved him, so it's entirely possible he would be just another face in the -

"Penis!"

Earlier, he had thought he might buy a soda from a vending machine while waiting for the train. He had not done so. Nonetheless, he did spit take, blasting soda all over the platform. That's right, he had been so surprised that he spit out soda that he had been drinking in some parallel universe.

There were people screaming, running away, and tripping over their own feet. Oh, and there was a middle aged mother who was holding her hands over her pre-teen daughter’s eyes. Tanukichi's eyes went up, and up, and up... Until he beheld a sight that truly boggled the mind.

There was a girl up there. No doubt it was a girl. She was wearing underwear around her head like a mask, and was wearing... damn near nothing. Just a sheet, and so far as he could tell, nothing at all underneath.

"Hey, did you all know that a train going into a tunnel is a metaphor for sex?" the figure asked everyone below. "You're all getting aboard a penis allegory! Enjoy your trip!"

"You there! Stop that!" the police yelled, reaching the rooftop where this mystery ero-terrorist was lurking. "You're under arrest -"

And then, the ero-terrorist jumped. No, you couldn't call it jumping. That would imply she put effort into it. She just sort of took a step, and was suddenly a good twenty feet away from where she'd been before, leaving the police flummoxed.

"Aw, am I playing hard to get?" the mystery girl asked. "What are you gonna do when you catch me? Put handcuffs on and spank me?"

"Wh-Who is that?" Tanukichi asked.

"Blue Snow!" a voice snarled from next to him. A dark haired girl, wearing glasses, crushed a soda can in her grip. She looked <i>pissed</i>. "You won't get away this time!"

"You say that every time, Miss Ayame," Blue Snow sneered, looking down at her with disdain. "But let us see if you can catch us this time? Ohoho! It's not often that a girl gets to be premature!"

Ayame had already retrieved a ladder from somewhere, and had set it up to climb up after Blue Snow. The police backed off, seeming to defer to this girl, who rushed towards the half naked criminal like a rampaging bull. But, again, Blue Snow jumped. This time to another rooftop.

"You won't escape that easily!" Ayame yelled, producing a grapple gun and aiming for the nearby roof.

Blue Snow cocked her hip. Er. Poor phrasing, good thing he didn't say it out loud... "My, my. Are you hitting on me?"

"I'll be hitting you in a minute!" Ayame yelled. "I've been wanting a piece of you for a long time!"

"My my," Blue Snow sneered, putting her hands over her head and - gulp - doing something approximating a belly dance. "If you wanted a piece of my ass, all you had to do was ask."

The grapple gun was fired, and a moment later Ayame was ziplining over towards that rooftop. She headbutted what looked like a walkie talkie nestled into the crook of her shoulder and spoke loudly.

"Anna, she's heading south towards you! If we're quick we can pincer her!"

Anna.. it couldn’t be.. No of course not... there was more than one Anna in Japan, this was just his brain touching upon the connection.

Tanukichi stared dumbfounded at the roof where the two girls had vanished, while around him parents wept and those in authority tried to reassert themselves. The event had been so surreal that he hadn't fully caught onto it - right up until the two figures reappeared once again.

"Get back here, you perverted menace to society!"

Except that was not the same pursuer as before. Now Blue Snow was being pursued by a very different girl with distinctive silver hair. Since presumably, the hunter hadn’t suddenly paused to dye her hair a different colour.. this what? Had she been taken out..?

And wait, did the terrorist now have a different body type as well? She had been a bit bustier before, hadn't she?

Ah! That was his father talking through him! Of course, Tanukuchi was a bit odd among his peers - he actually understood a whole lot about sex that others didn't have the faintest clue of. Because it was illegal to tell them. He had no actual idea how the next generation was going to function, but he had been pretty sure Anna's parents had a good idea in mind for -

"Ah! Look out!"

Huh? Tanukuchi had been watching the chase. Blue Snow had managed to use the same zip line she had used before, while the silver haired girl was in pursuit... but when the ero-terrorist was half way through, the rope broke and she fell down.

Then everything went dark. And warm. And weirdly moist.

"Ohohoho! That's the spirit! You two have fun, see you next time!"

"Blue Snow! You - You perverted rotter! Corruptor of the innocent, teller of dirty jokes! You'll get what's coming to you one of these days!"

Huh, weird, their voices were kind of muted. It was also kind of hard to breath. Though not for long. A pressure on his face was lifted, and suddenly there was a really pretty silver haired girl staring down at him, eyes full of concern.

"Ah! Oh dear, this poor boy!" she said, eyes shining with sympathy. "I may need to resuscitate him..." Then she puckered her lips and leaned in close -

"No, no need!" Tanukuchi sputtered, gripping her shoulders and - eventually, goodness she was strong - pushing her back. "I'm awake, and I'm breathing normally."

"Oh," the girl said. "Oh! You wouldn't be... Tanukichi Okuma, would you? It has been so long! Do you recognise me? I am Anna Nishikinomiya!"

It was her. Oh, heavens above, it actually was her! He felt his face turn red, but before he could speak up one of the policemen approached.

"There's no sign of her," the policeman said. "That troublemaker Blue Snow has escaped once again."

"Pardon me officer, I can see my colleague approaching now," Anna said, suddenly serious where she was gentle before. "Ayame! Did our perimeter hold?"

The glasses-wearing girl approached, nearly out of breath. She shook her head. "I don't know how she does it, but she vanished. Again." A big gulp of air. Her eyes flickered over towards Tanukichi for a moment, then back up to Anna. "We'll get her next time."

"Indeed we will," Anna said. "Pardon me, officer. I will leave clean up duties in your care. We should, at least, take solace in the fact that we chased her off before she did any more damage to those pure, innocent minds."

"Um! I think there might be two of them," Tanukichi said all of a sudden. Trying to be helpful. Both girls froze in place. "I mean, it sort of looked like they had different body types, from what I could tell, so, maybe there's more than one of them running around?"

"Now, now, that would be completely impossible," Anna said, though for some reason her voice sounded... strained? "There wasn't a single moment between their arrival and escape that one of us wasn't watching her. She would have no chance to switch places with another person."

"Not without one of us noticing," Ayame said, her eye twitching quite menacingly. "Pardon me Anna, could we have our debriefing? The ladies room should be sufficient."

"Yes, let's make sure we're not disturbed... We'll talk more after that, Tanukichi. We have a lot to catch up on."

Huh? Had he said something wrong there? He was just trying to be helpful, but he suddenly had the distinct impression that he'd said something wrong. Never mind. Whatever it was, he could work it out later and apologise. What really mattered was... he'd finally met up with Anna again after all these years, and she was even more pretty, cute, and nice and innocent than she had been back then! Oh, how happy that made him feel. Now he could firmly plant his feet in as a happy member of this society, where dirty jokes don't exist!

<hr>

"Clear," Anna said, opening the last of the stalls in the ladies room while Ayame locked the door. The two girls nodded at each other. Then Anna pulled out a laptop, while Ayame pulled out a phone. "Security cameras in the ladies room... honestly mother, what were you thinking?"

"She was thinking about keeping you from becoming a dirty whore," Ayame said.

To that, Anna merely smiled. The security cameras would show a loop of the two of them talking until she deactivated the program. Having access to government level tech really was handy, wasn't it? She then blinked - and her eyes were suddenly full of hearts.

"Well, she failed there, didn't she?" Anna said. Then leaned forward, sticking out her tongue, and kissing Ayame right on the lips. Ayame smiled, and wasted little time in kissing back. "Fuuuck, you were so hot out there, running from me while telling those dirty jokes."

"Hrmmm, you're not too shabby yourself," Ayame said, reaching behind her partner to squeeze her butt. "Ugh, when I was chasing you I almost burst out laughing more than once."

"When Tanukichi said that, right at the end, I thought I was going to die from stress," Anna said. "Mmm, he's every bit as cute as I remember."

"No, he's more cute than you'd been telling me," Ayame said. She pulled back, and anyone looking would see hearts in her eyes as well. Not as many as Anna's, but they were still there. "But... fuck, he's sharp. Noticing the difference between our body types."

"I was thinking, we should bring him in," Anna said. Drooling a little bit, and not just from her mouth. "I have this pesky virginity thing that I'm looking to dispose of, and he's just the man to do it."

“We could use a boy in the group to add to the perversion. There is only so much we can do to spread eroticism in straight girls.” Ayame answered, nodding to herself. “He would probably look good in something more.. ahem, revealing.”

"Ooooh, my pussy is flowing like a waterfall," Anna gasped, her knees buckling. "Ooh, <i>fuck</i> I've got it bad for him Ayame, even you don't get me this wet."

"Oh?" Ayame asked, grinding her knee into Anna's crotch. "Wow, you're not kidding. You didn't get this wet, even on the day I corrupted you."

"You mean the day I realised my parents were despotic, short sighted puritans, and the society they were building was an aberration to human nature, freedom, and common fucking sense?" Anna chuckled. "Because I got pretty wet on <i>that</i> day as well."

The two of them reluctantly parted their bodies. They checked each other out in the mirror, then Anna pulled up her laptop, checking what part of the loop the camera was showing. She was at the part where she was pulling out her laptop, tilting it to the camera to show an overlay of the city. She waited, tilted it away a little, and gestured for Ayame to get into place. They were both presentable. Both model members of society once again.

"By the way, I should have mentioned," Ayame said. "I can get at least three peacemakers giving false data for about an hour now, thanks to your access. In another week, I can probably make it four. A month, I can get one permanently off."

"That's what she said," Anna smirked. "And, action."

'Ooh, where?' Ayame mouthed. The camera was rolling again. "Come on, let's go... meet up with that boy. I think we can stand to give him a debrief."

"Oh yes, most definitely. A thorough, deep, debrief..."

1. Tanukichi is five minutes away from losing his virginity, and doesn't even know it.
2. Actually, the two girls take a slower approach.
3. Anna's mother is frustrated with Blue Snow, and hired a bounty hunter to bring her down.
4. Another character suspects something is off about Anna. Not that they dare voice it aloud... Without evidence.
5. Blue Snow has attracted the attention of a certain girl with penis shaped hair. Why has she not been arrested yet?
6. Something else

Shimoneta Titnosis

The problem with banning wrongthink is - and do note that we are talking issues aside from morality here - that the population at large finds it much more difficult to recognise what wrongthink looks like. Take young Anna, for example. While her parents were the developers of the current system, that only meant that poor, poor Anna had to deal with matters like 'sexual arousal' without knowing the remotest thing about what it was. And if she did ever find out, then...

Well, it's a well beaten path, this explanation that is. Girl was thirsty and didn't know it was illegal for her to take a drink.

And fact of the matter, this was a girl who had discovered that she in fact absolutely loved drinking. Thirsty didn’t even describe her, she had basically been dying of thirst all along and had only recently found out how to satisfy her urges. Oh, she was not perfect, a lot of things were basically her blindly grasping in the air trying to understand these <i>desires</i> she was having. Even now, she still believed her insatiable lust for a certain young man was.. mere innocent love.

All of which might help explain why, instead of reporting her friends for digging into lewdness, Anna was instead weeping tears of joy at their resolve. Being willing to look into such matters for the sake of ensuring dirtiness did not, ahem, dirty up society... So admirable! Such good examples!

Yet she could not allow them to continue alone. This is why she was sitting on her bed, in her room, staring intensely at this image. With her top off. Her bra as well.

"Hrm. This does seem quite a bit larger than it should," she said, in reference to the picture. Compared to her own, she seemed fairly small. How strange. She'd never thought about such matters before, but she was quite large for her peer group.

She had seen the images, the pictures revealing various attractive young women in tantalizing white t-shirts. Wet shirts that showed off everything, that clung to their curves and made her understand.. <i>tits are the best!</i>

How strange. How peculiar. To her limited understanding the biological function of breasts on a mammal was to provide their young with food. How the mother's body knew how to produce the milk was a mystery to her - and a mystery she had no intention of digging into, as if she was meant to know it then she would be informed. Still, though. This picture had made it clear to her. Tits were supreme. Tits were glorious. Tits were <i>wonderful</i>.

And if she'd had a normal upbringing she would have recognised how dirty such thoughts were. Not that it would have saved her from falling under the power of titnosis, but at the very least she'd have struggled against it a <i>little</i>.

She returned to her initial thought process: Her friends were so mindful of the need for society to be free from dirty thoughts that they were actively seeking out things that ero-terrorists like Blue Snow might use, and sealing them away for the betterment of all. While she admired this bravery, this selfless unsung heroic action she could not let them confront this dirtiness alone (especially since tits were supreme). On the other hand it would injure their pride if they knew she was onto their secret mission, so she too would embark upon a secret mission to support their secret mission! Secretly!

That was all perfectly sensible and logical. To the mind of Anna Nishikonomiya. To almost literally nobody else.

Anna bounced to her feet, her own magnificent (yet not titnosiserific) bare bosom bouncing along with her. "Oboro!" she called, stating the name of her, ahem, maid. By maid we mean "boy that was brainwashed into thinking he's a girl, who dutifully serves Anna like a puppet on strings." Actually, that isn't even a fair comparison, some puppets have more autonomy than Oboro.

He appears and bows, then says nothing of her state of attire. Or lack thereof. "Yes, Mistress Anna?" he says in a void devoid of emotion beyond unwavering loyalty. So loyal was he that he would stone cold stop anyone from doing anything dirty to this young lady... but would gladly assist her in doing dirty things to others, with such devotion that it didn't even trip his peacemaker. "How may I assist you?"

Anna produced the photograph and held it before him. "What do you think of this?" she asked.

For a moment, the boy's eyes flickered when they behold the row of tits soaked under t-shirts. For a fleeting moment there is something akin to arousal - but it is thoroughly squashed by the more enduring hypnosis planted in him by this family over many years. "What do you want me to think of this?" Oboro asked.

Anna mused over this, casually swinging the picture to and fro, back and forth, while Oboro's eyes dutifully followed. This was the trouble with having a servant like Oboro. You can't ask his opinion on anything because he's simply incapable of forming an opinion of his own. He followed instructions the same way a computer did, without thinking or feeling, only doing what he was told.

As anyone versed in computer science would tell you, that's not a great quality to have in a servant.

"They're magnificent," Anna said while trying to parse her own thoughts on the matter. "They are wonderful. They are absolute perfection, and it is our duty to share their glory with the world."

"Yes, Mistress Anna," Oboro said blankly. "How shall we proceed?"

Another fine question. How do you investigate lewdness without becoming dirty yourself? It is akin to throwing yourself into the pigpen to learn how to stay clean. Ah! But wait! There was one possibility!

"A wet t-shirt contest," Anna said. "We shall arrange one, immediately. See to it, immediately!"

<hr>

Ten minutes later, Anna was striding forward in front of a row of wet t-shirts. Oboro had left them soaking in a basin of warm water, then hung them up on the backs of chairs. Anna studied them carefully, as if trying to solve a tricky puzzle. Hrm. No. This wasn't right. This wasn't right at all!

"Mistress, judging from this photograph the contest involved several other participants," Oboro said while carefully studying the picture.

Aha! There we go, that was more like it! Clearly they needed to find some volunteers. People she could trust, who would have to be carefully screened to make sure what they were doing did not leak out -

"I have already taken the liberty of locating some volunteers from the Decency Squad at school."

Oh. Well, that should work out fine, then. There were, indeed, a few ladies present in their Decency Squad uniforms, standing smartly at attention and looking at the wet t-shirts in confusion.

"I would like you all to take off your clothes, and please put these shirts on," Anna said. "As we are all girls here, there should not be any problems. Right?"

"Yes, Miss Nishikonomiya!" the Decency Squad members immediately answered. You see, Anna was a well trusted member of the prudish society, a noted enemy of perverts wherever they walked. Anyone else giving them this instruction would have been detained on suspicion of lewdness, but not her. Never Anna.

And so, they took off their clothes - bras included - and put on shirts that had been soaking in warm water. Not exactly the most comfortable they've ever been. Yet they stood at attention nonetheless, awaiting further instructions.

Anna, for her part, strode up and down the line like a Drill Sergeant inspecting the new recruits. She frowned. Something was missing. Something... intangible. She pulled out the picture and took another look.

"Oh, they're using a hose!" Anna gasped. "Oboro, if you could please find a hose?"

While Oboro was gone, one of the Decency Squad members raised their hand into the air.

"Yes?" Anna asked. "Is something the matter?"

"Miss! You seemed confused by something!" she said. "If we know what is troubling you, we would be glad to impart any assistance."

Of course. Of course they would. Such devotion to their new and better society brought a tear to Anna's eye. She beckoned them to come forward, and then held it out for them to look at. The picture of the wet t-shirt contest. Their eyes went wild with shock, but then after a moment some colour came to their cheeks, and their breathing turned funny. Huh. Anna sort of envied them, being able to experience looking at the glory of tits for the first time.

"That's right, be sure to take them all in," Anna said. "Look at them, in all their detail. Look at how the cloth sticks to their skin. See how big they are, how perfectly proportionate, how healthy and firm they are. This is what we are doing. We must replicate this. We must copy this exactly, so we can better understand it."

Anna felt a warmth pass through her own chest at that moment. How strange. She felt so... inadequate. She looked down. Not big enough. Must make them bigger. Somehow.

“Miss Anna.. I don’t th-think I can compare to.. to such perfection.” One girl said, her pupils shrinking as she looked at the pictures. As if they were some kind of bright light and her brain had trouble taking it all in. Anna held it closer so she could take a better look.

"Also, doesn't the text at the bottom seem strange to you?" Anna said. "It said that t-words are the best. Repeat that, everyone."

"T-words are the best," the Decency Squad members repeated in unison. Little realising that they were on the path to making 't-word' into a dirty word.

I hope it's clear by now why exactly the banning of wrongthink is a futile endeavour, yes? No matter what you do, those who engage in it will simply change the language they use to fly under the radar. It's like trying to hold onto a pile of sand in your fist, the tighter you squeeze the more slips through.

But in this case... in this case that sand might turn into an avalanche before too long. Especially since Anna's peacemaker was actually just for show...

1. Blue Snow heads out to cause mischief with her newly enhanced tits.
2. Anna continues with her wet t-shirt contest.
3. Ayame arrives to 'assist' with the contest.
4. Tanukichi wonders why his peacemaker isn't reacting at all.
5. Something else