There's a certain bad habit among writers of fanfiction to 'pair the spares'. The idea is simple enough. You have your ship. You set it to sail. But! There is another side to that love triangle. What do you do with them? The answer: Set them up with another character who is currently single. Or invent an original character and set them up. Or, I guess, you could always go the polyamory route.
"Where the hell are you going?!"
"Ranma took Akane this way!"
"No, you lost idiot! That's not the way they went!"
Later on, Ryoga and Ukyo could both find themselves with other love interests. To give them a happy ending in this mess. But for now, there was nobody in their hearts but Akane and Ranma respectively. For some reason. Don't look at me, I'm not the one in love with them, I've just spent the last ten years of my life writing smutty fanfiction setting them -
Never mind, back to the story.
Ukyo could hardly believe this knuckle brained idiot. Dragging her through this narrow cramped part of the tunnel, when he knew this place was all set up to encourage lewdness. Set up to turn people on. Built to make them DTF by any means necessary. Close proximity between a buff martial artist like him and a cute girl like her was just asking for trouble!
Unless... that was his plan. Had he actually succumbed to their machinations? Was he actually looking to drag her into a private corner to let out some of the obvious sexual tension? Well, it wouldn't be any wonder, now that she had started reclaiming her femininity Ukyo had been getting a sense that boys around her were looking more -
"By the way, I meant to ask," Ryoga said. "You seem to be having trouble with this corridor." Uh oh, here it comes! He's going to start flirting with her - "Have you put on weight?"
Ah, shoot, she broke her battle spatula over his big dumb head. He probably didn't even feel it, what with all the especially stupid rocks he was storing in there. Ukyo huffed and pushed the idiot on ahead, turning around now wouldn't do any good -
Though she did not expect to wind up in a great big chamber full of ghosts milling about giving the impression that they were pretending to be working in case the supervisor came over. It felt like being backstage at Disneyworld except less lewd. Yes, less lewd.
"Hey, you there!" a ghost yelled. It was smoking a cigarette, heedless of the no smoking sign, and wearing a tophat and monocle. For some reason. It drifted over towards Ukyo and Ryoga before they could move a step, which is pretty impressive considering how quick on their feet the two are. "You must be the new guys! Not bad, not bad, more flesh than we usually like around these parts outside our paying customers, but I've done this job for a good two hundred years and I recognise talent when I see it. Come on, let me show you around."
"I think you have us conf-" Ryoga began to say, only for Ukyo to slam her hand over his mouth like she would slam her front door in the face of a Hiroshima style Okonamiyaki chef.
"Sure thing, boss!" Ukyo said, adopting her very best customer service tone. You know the sort, sickeningly cloy and completely artificial, yet its tone is the only thing capable of soothing an “I Want to See Your Manager” in the wild. The point is, this was too good an opportunity to take a look around this shady operation so they could figure out how to dismantle it from the inside. "Right, co-worker of mine," she said to Ryoga. He'd get the hint from that, right?
Wait, no, this was Ryoga Hibiki she was talking about.
"We are here to start our new job, and this ghost is our boss. He is about to show us around this <i>fine establishment</i> and this is a <i>really good opportunity to look around and see how it works.</i>"
“Why are you saying we wor-” CLANG.
It might have been broken, but she could still use it as a weapon.
"Stop joking around and take. This. Seriously!" Ukyo said.
"Alright, if you two are done flirting, this is where you'll be working."
Aha! Perfect, seeing a workspace up close and personal would give them a perfect vantage point to get more information! They might be able to find the shortcuts through this place, rescue Ranma and Akane before <b>something dreadful</b> happened (which Ukyo sort of half expected was already happening. She was right, of course, but no need to tell her), and then shut this lewd place down.
Then she laid eyes on it. The single biggest grill that she'd ever seen.
Huh. Funny. Out of all the lewd things they'd tried to get her motor going, nothing quite made her panties wet like this. A good worksman knows good quality in their field of expertise, and this was finer quality than Ukyo knew existed.
"We should've done this years ago," the ghost foreman said as Ukyo ran by him, stars in her eyes, and started dry humping the side of the grill. "Keep forgetting that customers, being human and all, do need food to keep on doing that living thing. So having some chefs on hand will do wonders for business. What do you think?"
"Mmmmmwah!" Ukyo had just air-kissed the grill. "All ready to start, boss!" Ukyo immediately got dressed, oh, she could hardly wait to crank this bad boy up! She checked the cupboard nearby and squealed. Prime ingredients, perfectly stored and in a reasonable order for any chef to immediately locate what they wanted without any cross-contamination! Within a minute she had some batter mixed up, chopped up some meat, some vegetable, some sauce mixed up -
"Uh, Ukyo?"
Oh! This range and quality of ingredients was giving her <i>ideas</i>. Some of these spices were usually outside of her range. She tasted some of it, and mentally adjusted the ratios in her head.
"Uh... Ukyo?!"
Kukuku! She had an okonomiyaki on the grill in no time flat. Ah, perfection! The perfect shape, the perfect colour. She almost wanted to frame it - but then nobody would have the delight of the most important part of the meal. True enough, the first bite is with the eyes, but nobody ever paid money to come into a restaurant to look at food.
"Ukyo!"
"What is it Hibiki, I'm kind of busy!"
Then something warm hit her back. She reached around to see what it was. Blood. Looking back, Ryoga was suffering from a really bad nosebleed and was looking up at the ceiling for some reason.
Hang on. Wait a second. That blood had hit her bare back. Ukyo blinked slowly and then looked down at herself. Two words immediately came to mind.
Naked. Apron.
Clang!
"What was that for?" Ryoga asked.
"Not!" Clang. "Telling." Clang." Me." Clang. "Sooner!" Clang, clang, clang! A thousand times, clang! "How long were you going to let me stand there in nothing but a - Where are my clothes?!"
"The ghost foreman took them away, he said something about 'nobody else wearing clothes' and - Never mind! Let's get out of here!"
A brave declaration from the mighty warrior. His stomach, on the other hand, disagreed loudly. Not that Ukyo could blame him. One whiff of this stuff would make anyone's tummy rumble.
"Mind if I have some of that first?" he asked meekly. Ukyo shrugged and took a bit for herself. "Hey, not bad."
"Yeah, it's pretty good," Ukyo nodded along. "Couldn't place what that one spice was -"
"By the way, forgot to mention," the ghost foreman said, popping his head through the grill out of nowhere. "On the suggestion of a staff member, we have no brought in Passion Spice, from all those crummy old fanfictions which forget that if Shampoo had access to something like that she'd be married to Ranma inside a week. Holy shit she would abuse the everloving hell out of that stuff, she wouldn't even bother erasing Akane's memories."
Ukyo chewed another bite of okonomiyaki and nodded along. This was really good.
"Say, that Passion Spice, it wouldn't be the pink stuff would it?"
"Yep! Oh boy though, that stuff is potent. Don't use more than a pinch though, that stuff packs a whallop when it kicks in."
He then descended, prompting Ukyo to grab Ryoga even as he was reaching for another bite.
"Hey, I'm still hungry!" Ryoga whined.
"Shut up! We're looking elsewhere before -"
<i>"Hey, Ukyo! This is your pussy speaking!"</i>
Huh? What now?
<i>”Sex please! Ryoga will do. He'll do <b>nicely</b></i>
Pardon? She wasn’t going to have sex with Ryoga just because her pussy had somehow started talking to her.
<i>”But he’s really cute! And his cock is big! And his muscles are yummy!”</i>
His penis wasn't - Oh, wait actually if that bulge was anything to go by it very much was. He wasn't even trying to hide it like she'd seen boys do at her old school, like he wasn't even aware of it. A shudder went through Ukyo's body. Uh oh. Uh oh! This was bad, she was going to lose track of herself and do something really fucking stupid. By which we mean, fucking someone really stupid!
"Oh, hey! There you guys are!"
Sweet rescue! Ukyo whirled around and glomped Ranma harder than she'd ever glomped before, which wasn't really that hard because she hadn't indulged in that many glomps before in her life. Still! She was eager to learn, especially if it involved him wearing less clothes!
"Ahem!" said an extremely fuckable girl that Ukyo distantly reme- Oh, that was Akane. Looking a little tousled in her hair, dishevelled clothes. These two must have had a really rough time getting through this tunnel without boning each other stupid. "We sensed a strong killing intent and came along to investigate. What's back here?"
"Akane!" Ryoga squealed, oblivious to his quite obvious erection in front of the girl he liked, but who didn't know that he liked her. Akane had the decency to not look at it. No, that doesn't quite express it... Not Look At IT. Yes, that does it better. "Ranma," Ryoga said with considerably less excitement.
“Ryoga.” Ranma said, sounding a bit more upbeat. Huh, Ukyo hadn't seen him smiling like that before. Nor had she seen Akane smile the way that she was before. Weird. Never mind!
"You guys, I've discovered something horrible," Ukyo said, barely restraining herself from massaging Ranma's chest through his shirt. "This place is run by pervy ghosts that want to lewd us!"
"We've, uh, figured that out," Akane said. She's taking that better than expected. “They wanted us to let go of all of our inhibitions and… and <b>fuck</b> like wild animals.” her face turned red, “Ah… but of course me and Ranma knew better than to give in.”
“Yup.” Ranma nodded quickly. And Ukyo and Ryoga felt relief that they hadn’t given into their insane sexual tension. "We certainly didn't give in, nor did we secretly agree to give in every Tuesday night for a secret rendezvous in the Tendo dojo."
"Anyway!" Akane loudly said, clapping her hands. "To prevent any hanky panky, why don't we switch things up a bit? I'll go with Ukyo, Ranma goes with Ryoga? Keep the girls together and the boys together, that way we'll be perfectly safe."
That... was a really good -
<I>"Nooo, make us the meat in a Saotome-Hibiki sandwich!"</i>
<b>Really good idea!</b> Damn, her spiced up pussy! It was a perfectly good plan, stick to Akane and her virginity stays intact. There was no way that Akane was into girls, so they'd be completely safe, and the idea that Ranma could be turned on by any guy was absolutely ridiculous.
Of course, Ukyo had missed one thing. Namely, en route, Ranma and Akane had happened upon a recently deserted grill with an abandoned okonomiyaki just sitting there out in the open. Ranma was not the sort to waste food. Especially when it was another person's.
Without thinking a second thought of it, Ranma wolfed it down, casually remarked "huh, this reminds me of that sweet and sour Shampoo once gave me." Then offered a bit to Akane because they'd just banged for the first time, were alone, and his sense of romance was wide awake for once.
So yeah, about Akane's plan, it wasn't going to last very long before more lewdness happened. But did you expect anything less?
- Akane and Ukyo are led to a strapon storage room
- Ranma gets splashed, winds up trapped with Ryoga.
- It turns out that even this was a setup to trick them, as the real backstage is overseeing things.
- Something else
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