There's nothing quite like a sunrise in paradise. Akane and Sakura were both up to greet the dawn, while pretty much everyone else slept in. The two of them stretched out, one touched her toes while the other sat on her bed for a time in the lotus position and took deep breaths, then the former absently floated off towards her wardrobe and the latter slumped off like a grouchy ape trying to pretend she was an elegant swan. Sakura really was not a morning person, though she liked to pretend that she was.
Akane threw off her pajamas, let out a big yawn, then reached inside her wardrobe - finding only a strapless tiger print bikini with a high V cut bottom hanging inside
While Sakura found a white slingshot bikini which looked like it had been made of tied together ofuda.
"What -"
"The -"
"Actual -"
"Hell?!"
Both of them screamed that, or something to that effect, quite loudly, then realised they were naked and turned to put on their pajamas... which were now also missing. Leaving them nothing to wear but the scandalous swimming apparel. They rummaged through drawers, they checked their suitcases, they even checked under the bed just on the off chance. Nope. All gone. Every scrap of wearable cloth had vanished from the room, save the swimsuits.
Their attention was then seized by a loud "Get back here!" followed by a blur going by their windows, then another slower blur. On looking out, they found Shinobu wearing an unusual bikini cut out to look like a giant heart. Needless to say, not much was left to the imagination by such a design. Think about it. "I know you stole my clothes, give them back!"
Needless to say, but the two of them had the same approximate thought at pretty much the same approximate time: Pervert smash. They reluctantly grabbed those swimsuits, put them on and rushed on outside -
"Hi Miss Sakura - hot damn!"
And immediately ran into the unluckiest boy on the face of the earth.
"Yooooou!" Miss Sakura hissed. "You did this!"
"I've got him!" Akane yelled, grabbing Ataru's hands and holding them behind his back. "Give back our clothes!"
"Your clothes?" Ataru mused. "Huh? Something happened to your clothes?"
"Don't play dumb!" Sakura said, violently tapping his forehead. "You're the only one stupid enough to pull a stunt like this!"
"Ataru Moroboshi!" Shinobu yelled, turning a corner. "I should have known! I'm sure I saw the thief come this way, and here you are!"
"I didn't steal nothing!" Ataru protested.
"Darling, doesn't that mean you stole something?" Lum asked. All eyes then fell on her.
Lum had on a dark blue bikini top that modestly covered her chest, and a sarong that draped over her legs and revealed only the lower half of her left leg. Everyone stared at her. “What? This isn’t the swimsuit I brought over! I feel really exposed like this.”
<i>It covers more than your usual bikini</i> was the thought everyone had, and the girls all felt a twinge of jealousy at her figure. Except Sakura, because if Lum was a nine then she was a ten.
"Darling, did you steal all of our clothes?" Lum pouted. Ataru quite deliberately turned away from her.
"I don't know what you're all talking about!" Ataru sniffed. "Oh, wait. I get it. You're all dressed like this to show off for me, aren't you? I accept your thoughtful gift graciously!"
Akane then took a deep breath and shocked him. "Hahaha! You'll have to do better than that! Lum's electricity is much more -"
Lum put her hand on Akane's back, and then Ataru screamed.
"Serves you right," Shinobu sniffed. "Now, what did you do with our clothes?"
"Oy, oy, you girls sure he's the right culprit?" Ranma asked, stepping out of his room and yawning, stretching. "I mean, he doesn't have - " He stopped, as Akane was directly in front of him. His eyes misted over, his cheeks turned red, and then he turned to address Sakura instead. "He doesn't have anything to carry all your clothes, right? So, if he'd just run off with them, shouldn't they be somewhere nearby?"
"Alas, this unwelcome brute does show a sign of intelligence," Shutaro Mendo said, reluctantly sheathing his sword. "A shame, it would be a fine opportunity to punish him for his transgressions."
"Hmph! Fine!" Akane sniffed, letting the boy go. "Ranma, you'd better be right about this, or so help me..."
"Don't worry Shinobu, I know what I'm talking about," Ranma said to Shinobu. Yes, to Shinobu. Not to Akane. His brain had encountered a runtime error called Akane != Hot, that was forcing him to pretend she wasn't there. "My gut feeling tells me someone else is behind this. It's way too well organised for this idiot to pull it off so well."
"Yeah, it's way too organised for an idiot like - " Ataru began. "Hey!"
"I think you're clever and brave enough to pull it off, Dahling!" Lum said, all but draping herself around him, running her hand up her leg while directly floating in front of his face. The boy was much more interested in observing Shinobu's interesting movements in her strange looking bikini than the complete babe obviously hitting on him, proving Ranma's point about his intelligent stat. "Dahling! Look at me!"
"In a minute Lum, I'm doing something important," Ataru said, moving on to memorising the shape of Sakura's breasts. "Mankind depends upon this knowledge to survive."
"Hmph!" Lum pouted, then turned away and landed on the floor, stomping her foot and turning up her nose. The instant that she turned away Ataru's head snapped around so that his eyes could take in her exposed thigh, leaving the boy licking his lips like he was left starving for days and offered a leg of roast duck. Almost as tasty as Oni thighs, some say. Then she turned back, and his head went to stare at Akane's butt.
Gotta tsun that dere, which is a statement that doesn't actually make sense if you know what those mean, but to hell with it I like that turn of phrase so much I'm leaving it in. Which explains a lot about my writing style.
Anyway.
"Gee, can you be more obvious?" Ranma said to Ataru. "If you like that alien chick, you really ought to say something, you're just making yourself look like a dummy."
"It took a whole year for you to hold my hand," Akane interjected.
"Hahahaha! Don't be silly, Miss Sakura! We've never held hands!"
Still in total denial about Akane == Hot. Naturally, this got Akane's eye twitching, and she started taking a cue from her cousin, putting her hand behind her head and floating in front of Ranma to make sure he got a really good look at her body, which only prompted him to start laughing and foaming at the mouth.
"Spirits and Gods, Grant me your wisdom!" Sakura suddenly yelled. Everyone jumped, and then her mouth twitched into a nasty scowl. "Now!" she impatiently demanded. "Ah! Wisdom befalls me!"
"The poor thing, that's a terrible thing to befall anyone," Ataru said, moving to rub her shoulders. Cue a three way strike from Akane, Shinobu and Sakura, resulting in Lum catching him from behind and trying to cuddle the back of his head into her chest. Which Ataru, naturally, pretended to not be enjoying while staring at other girls.
"Ahem! I know not who the culprit is of this insidious, insipid crime," Sakura said. "However, the spirits were kind enough to warn me of their intentions."
"After you threatened them, probably," Shinobu said. Sakura ignored that comment.
"Our foe is a horny buffoon who has somehow acquired a perception altering magic, for which they intend to enchant our articles of clothing. If he succeeds, then we shall forevermore be compelled to unknowingly wear more revealing versions of our usual clothes. Regular skirts would become miniskirts, miniskirts would become microskirts, sleeved shirts would become shoulderless - you get the idea."
"Oh," Ataru said. "So what you're saying is that this guy is a hero to all mankind, and we should do all we can to assist him?"
If it was Ataru's intention to get the girls to dogpile him again, he'd have to be disappointed, for he instead had to grab hold of Mendo's sword while Ranma ground his elbow into the top of the pervert's head.
"You total idiot, do you have any idea how quickly I'd die if that happened?" Ranma asked.
"Indeed, at least pretend to have some decency!" Mendo said. His eyes flickered over to the girls, but only so briefly that only a martial artist could see it. "Of course, nobody's life is actually technically in danger, so we can take our time in figuring out a solution to this problem."
"Oh, Mendo! You're so good at taking charge!" Shinobu said, taking her cue from Lum and Akane to try to flirt with the boy she liked. Alas, Mendo gently stepped around her to blatantly ogle Lum and Akane.
Yes, all three of the boys present were really this stupid. If anything Mendo might be the dumbest one of the bunch, though he had the advantage of being able to hide his perverted attitude a bit better than Ataru. Oh, and the bottomless reserves of wealth, can't forget that.
This made Ranma the smart one out of the three, by the way. Heaven help them. Luckily, he was smart enough to put one thing together.
"There's only one force evil and horny enough to try something like this," Ranma said, and the shadows seemed to draw in around him, growing darker still when he said the name: "Happosai."
"No,no,no! He can't be here!" Akane yelled. "We sent him to the fifth dimension last month with that Phantom Projector Lum gave me!”
But Ranma shrugged. "Since when has that kind of thing stopped him before? Dude's a cockroach, actually worse than a cockroach."
"Except for the cockroaches in Ryugenzawa," Akane said, trying to slip in a quick hug with Ranma "They do grow to the size of double decker buses."
"Well yeah, but... that's besides the point," Ranma said to Lum, still pretending Akane wasn't there and hot.
Obviously, Shinobu thought that Ryugenzawa was an alien planet populated with freaky giant insects, but that should go without saying at this point.
"Happosai? Happosai..." Mendo said. "The name rings a bell."
"It should," Akane sniffed. "That old man is a bigger pervert than this idiot right here. Worse, he's really dangerous in close combat, and you have to watch out for his fingers at all times."
Shinobu nodded along, and her imagination conjured up a beast clad in a tiger print leotard, with tentacles for fingers and Ataru's face - but older and with fangs. Naturally, this led to a completely sane response. She marched outside, picked up a boulder over her head and crushed it while steam shot out of her nose.
"This Happosai must die!" Shinobu yelled. "I will not allow him to corrupt the Earth! Come on girls, let's find him!"
- They soon find Happosai, and must retrieve their swimsuits
- It's not actually Happosai to blame, it's someone else.
- They get swiftly sidetracked into another misadventure, and forget all about the clothes theft until they're already back home.
- Meanwhile, back at the Kuno residence something nonsensical is going on.
- Something else
No comments:
Post a Comment