"It be clear, Mrs Saotome, what de students be needin'" said the ridiculous man who had clearly conned his way into this position of authority over impressionable young minds. "Dey be needin' a good haircut! Den, dey be learnin' da proper levels of respect!"
Nodoka stared a hole through him, or maybe that was just wishful thinking. A hole in this man's head could only improve his disposition. She politely coughed. Politely. Because she was a sensible woman, a mother talking to her son's Principal.
"To be quite honest Principal Kuno, I don't think your ideas for discipline will have quite the desired effect," Nodoka said.
"Oh no, dat not be for discipline!" he said, brandishing shears in one hand and scissors in the other. "Dis be my suggestion for da date's theming!"
"... A haircut themed date," Nodoka slowly repeated. The Principal nodded with great enthusiasm. So Nodoka turned to the left to address the more normal looking man standing next to him. "Mister Okamada, your suggestion for a cross-dressing theme is carrying more weight moment by moment." He politely bowed. "However... I was thinking there would be no need for anything that unusual about the contest. Something more rooted in Japanese culture would surely be more -"
"Wahahha! Nodoka! I've got the food!"
Headache incoming. Migraine inevitable. Hinako had returned from the trivial task that Nodoka had set her. Had it really been ten minutes already? Too short a time to be rid of her. The little pest tugged on her sleeve and bounced up and down. Tell anyone this was a mother of three and the police would surely be called. Then again dwelling on the happy marriage between Soun and Hinako was a mental pretzel she'd rather not get herself tied up in...
"Pardon me, Principal. Vice Principal. I must consult with my... partner on the competition's committee."
"Okay dokey, wahinee! We be seein' you real soon!"
Why did it feel like she'd leapt from the gaping maw of a lion into the reach of a ravenous bear? One fate was surely no better than the other. "Hinako, I can't help but notice that you are sucking on a lolipop," Nodoka said.
"I've been good! I finished my veggies!"
You are the mother in your own household! No, never mind that. Let's focus on the real issue here. Nodoka took a deep breath to brace herself to ask a question she was dreading the answer to.
"Please tell me that the food you got wasn't just lollipops."
"No, no! What kind of slob do you think I am?" Hinako answered. Nodoka let the breath out, and the two of them turned a corner. "I also got ice cream, chocolate, gum drops, cookies, cake, and more cotton candy than can fit in a truck!"
Nodoka felt herself turn an interesting shade of purple as soon as she saw all the junk food lying there in various crates and containers. Out in the open. Out in the sun. Where it would spoil.
"How - "Nodoka began, then carefully composed herself. What question first? How did she arrange this? How did she get it into her head that this was a good idea? No, this was the best to start with. "How much of our budget did you spend on this?"
The priorities of a poor martial artist's wife.
"None of it!" Hinako said. She held out something, fanning it around herself in a quite immature manner before handing them to Nodoka. "I have coupons!"
These were massage coupons. Nodoka pocketed them. She was going to need that later.
"Sweet, who left all this cotton candy out here?" a student asked.
"I dunno, but they surely won't miss -"
"Happo go yen setsu!"
Ah, at the very least she's an adult now. From immature brat to immature woman. At least now she'd have the appearance of taking this seriously. Except that Genma had taught her one lesson quite well over the course of their courtship and marriage: Appearances were extremely deceiving.
"Let us put the issue of the food aside for the time being," Hinako said. "I have also taken the liberty of arranging chaperones for the event."
Chapterones. Oh yes, that... actually was a really good idea. The judges could not strictly speaking double duty as chaperones, it would distract from their ability to judge as well as their ability to be impartial.
"Especially since my daughters are all so pretty, and sometimes your son is as well," Hinako went on to add, which Nodoka decided it would be smart to ignore for now. "To keep the chaperones from interfering too obviously, I have sought out the assistance of ninjas."
"Yes, that makes sense," Nodoka nodded. "Ninjas should be able to keep an eye on the events without - Hold on. Where did you find ninjas?"
Ever say something and immediately regret it?
"Oh, I found them while wandering around in the forest near Furinkan last night!" Hinako said. "There was a cafe in the middle of the forest, and on discussing with them they suggested being hired for this role."
That was setting off alarm bells for Nodoka for some reason. "Why were you in the forest in the first place?"
"There was a really cute kitten with the biggest, brightest eyes -"
"I get the idea," Nodoka interrupted. "So, who are these ninjas? I would like to appraise them before entrusting such an important duty upon them."
"Of course," Hinako said. "They are standing right behind you."
Nodoka turned around. There was nobody there. Aha, she nodded in understanding. As ninja, they must be adept in the art of not being seen. If she were able to see them simply by turning around, then it would rather defeat the purpose.
"It's quite alright, I only wish to talk," Nodoka said. Goodness, where could they be hiding? "There is no need to hide from me."
A finger tapped her shoulder. Nodoka jumped a bit. Then turned around. "Hinako, this is no time for childish games." Her cheeks were puffed out, in that way she did when barely restraining laughter. "So? Are there even any ninja here at all, or are you simply playing around again?"
"No, no!" Hinako said. "It's more like... they have been stepping behind you whenever you turn around! See?"
She produced a hand mirror from somewhere - and heavens knows where because Hinako's dress really didn't have anything close to enough space in it to contain such a thing - and held it up for Nodoka to see, and she nodded in understanding.
Yes. Yes. Of course. She saw them now. There were three of them there. THree of them in all. Three of the ugliest people she had ever laid eyes upon. For a moment she thought this was a scene from a horror movie where a character sees something in their reflection that wasn't there in reality, but this was probably something much worse. These people were probably actually there, in actual reality, and by god you'd best bear in mind that she had once walked in on Happosai in the shower so her scale of beauty was a tiny bit skewed.
"Hey there Mrs Saotome!" one of them said. The short one said. "So, you're the straight laced woman that's number one on her 'if I was gay' list. Yeah, I can see it, you're definitely on mine too."
“Her what list?”
“Never mind that Nodoka. Just something I filled out when drunk once.”
What adult would even give her alcohol!? Genma might, actually.
"So it would be the three of you acting as chaperones?" Nodoka asked.
"Nah, it's four of us," the apparent leader of this group said. "Konatsu will also be assisting. But it's best if you don't meet that one. She's really hideous, definitely put you off your lunch." The other two then nodded solemnly.
That left Nodoka stock still like a statue for a little bit as her mind took the chance to betray her. It conjured up the inevitable question of what this Konatsu could possibly look like if these creatures believed her to be 'hideous'.
In her mind she was picturing something more akin to a collection of derormed blobs than a human being. Something inhuman, vomit inducing, and above all completely unlovable. Something in the vein of Cthulhu, perhaps, where to gaze upon its vizage would drive one insane? Or Medusa, whose hideousness could turn a person to stone? The mind boggled, and as it so often does when it boggled it sought out the answer no matter how unpleasant.
What sort of creature <i>was</i> this Konatsu?
<hr>
"Grk... Too cute!" the fifth man passing by said, clutching at his chest before staggering off. "It's... too adorable... Can't stand it!"
Goodness, how dangerous. Konatsu decided to keep a lookout. Whatever it was, it must be dealt with before it truly hurt anyone. Ah, but after dealing with this current situation.
"You give the bestest hugs, Miss Konatsu!" the young busty girl said while giving Konatsu a great big cuddle. "By the way, is it true that you're gonna chaperone the dating contest?"
"It is indeed young miss... I'm sorry, this lowly serving girl did not catch your gracious name?"
"It's 'Biki!" the girl giggled. "Gosh your skin is soft! So, what's a martial arts dating contest anyway?"
Aw, how precious. She was trying to milk Konatsu for information. Well, as an experienced kunoichi she was hardly new to such obvious seduction techniques. She'd used this a few times to work out their competitor's secret recipes!
"I'm terribly sorry Nabiki, but I cannot share such information with anyone," Konatsu said. "It would be most improper to tell you about the arcade machines rigged to shock two player game losers. Or the bags full of insects set up in the cinema to drop when a certain word is spoken by the person sitting on that seat. And I definitely cannot tell you about the sleeping drug that will be put in the drinks during lunch, that would be quite disastrous."
"Okay!" Nabiki chirped. "Guess I'll stop asking then!"
"Grk! My heart! They're too adorable!"
"Now, young miss, if you excuse me, I must find the demonic entity conspiring to give these good men heart attacks. It is my sacred duty as a kunoichi!"
- Akane and Ukyo are practicing for the match. For some reason this makes Ranma mad when he finds out
- It’s time for the contest to start!
- Nodoka's suffering has not yet ended.
- Mikado meets Konatsu, tries to get info out of 'her'... and also steal a kiss.
- Something Else
No comments:
Post a Comment