The race began with the grace and beauty of a man trying to unlock his front door after coming home from a bachelor party. The racing teams did not so much rush forward as they performed organised, malicious anarchy upon the path directly ahead of them. It shouldn't be any surprise that the head of the pack were Ranma and Ukyo, alongside Akane and Shampoo. Two pairs of martial artists at peak physical condition working towards a common goal.
"Looks like you and Ukyo are working <i>great</i> together!" Akane yelled, while she and Shampoo landed on a log rushing down the river.
"Yeah, and you and Shampoo seem pretty coordinated too!" Ranma said back, from his place on the frontmost log. The two of them stuck their tongues out at each other. Ranma, meanwhile, was a bit oblivious to Ukyo squatting a little bit too close for comfort, and smiling at what she was feeling.
"Is okay! Shampoo no mind swap!" Shampoo called, leaping over to join them and dragging Akane with her. "Akane go along with Airen's too too butch friend, Shampoo take Airen!"
Alas, Shampoo's plans didn't go too far before a spatula that was too big to be of practical use got in her way, which was rather rude of it in her opinion. So she performed a spinning cartwheel overhead with the intention of kicking the crossdressing bitch right in the side of her dumb bishounen face. Unfortunately airen had noticed this and was able to jump across to another nearby log, causing it to seesaw up and land on the far end of the log they'd started on, which made it tip over. But Akane had noticed <i>that</i> and hauled Shampoo away to yet another log before she had to deal with a rather less useful cat instead. All this in the space of five seconds or thereabouts.
Meanwhile, back at the river's edge, almost every other team had stopped to stare at the martial arts on display and quite sensibly threw in the towel.
"I quit!"
"Me too, no way we can beat those monsters."
Alas, it was a bit too late for this because shortly after they turned away a large balloon burst overhead and released a large cloud of paralysis powder which meant some of them had to be rescued by the event staff. Not because they especially cared about the wellbeing of their competitors. No, no. If you were in the contest you were covered by their contract. But if you'd quit, and got hurt on their premises? Liability up the ass.
Meanwhile, Ranma was balancing on his fingers while performing a spin kick intended to get Shampoo to clear out. Alas this wound up putting his crotch right at face level, which meant the attack had all but knocked Ukyo out cold as well.
(“Seriously how is that even possible!” one ex-racer shouted.)
"You girls aren't beating me that easily!" Ranma yelled.
"Oh yeah? Who'd want to beat you off?" Akane yelled back. Then went quiet really suddenly, hoping that nobody had noticed. Luckily for her the sound of insane laughter provided a suitable distraction.
“Ohohoho to look at these poor girls thinking they even have a change with my Ranma darling!” Kodachi announced.
“Kodachi I swear to god if you don’t stop laughing I will ruin your bank account!” Nabiki said. She was in an unusual position, namely tied to Kodachi as is normal for a three legged race, but she was clinging to the shorter girl’s waist. While Kodachi bounced around like she wasn’t being weighed down by a young woman taller and heavier than her. "This is… agghh! I was expecting an ordinary obstacle course, not the raging rapids of the Amazon!"
Everybody turned to Shampoo as if expecting her to say something. "What? Is lousy translation of women warrior. Shampoo have nothing to do with Amazon."
"Suck it up, Nabiki Tendo!" Kodachi said. "One would have thought you were made of sterner stuff than this."
"I'm plenty stern," Nabiki said. "But in my experience, stern does shitall against an honest to goodness waterfall!"
"Did she say waterfall?" Ukyo asked. Everyone nodded and then turned - and noticed that yes, indeed, there was a sudden dropoff point where the water simply, uh, disappeared.
"Ranma!" Ukyo squealed, holding onto him.
"Airen!" Shampoo squealed, not one to let another have all the fun.
"You two get away from him!" Akane yelled.
"Alright girls, we've got to be careful about - Yipe!" Ranma yelped. All three girls had the same idea at the same time. Namely, grab for the strap around Ranma's ankle and make damned sure it was tied to their own. It was anarchy. It was chaos. It was the perfect chance for two of them to discreetly and 'accidentally' cop a feel.
"Harlots, leave my Ranma alone!" Kodachi demanded.
"Buzz off!" Shampoo yelled, left with the unlucky task of dealing with Kodachi because, well, Akane and Ukyo had their hands a bit full right now.
<hr>
Meanwhile, in a dark and shadowy room, the committee running this race was watching the monitors with care. Worth noting that they were not keeping the room dark for atmosphere, it was more like they were trying to keep their electricity bill down and running this many security cameras and monitors was a bit dear for them.
"The race is going well so far this year," one of them said. "All but three teams have dropped out before even trying the first hurdle. That's got to be a new record - and the remaining three haven't even got to the hard stuff yet! This is good!"
"Sir, the surviving teams seem to be comprised of martial artists!"
"That's bad." Those kinds of teams would be best able to get around the various obstacles in their path.
"They're also made up of really hot babes!"
"This is good!" At the very least they'd get to see some skin during the contest.
"Except one of them is a boy with a Jusenkyo curse."
"That's bad." Because it would make their boners feel weird, and also because they probably wanted to go to Jusenkyo which would be <I>really fucking expensive</i>.
"Also, that boy has a ridiculously huge penis, likely obtained by eating some Dragon's Whisker."
There was silence in the committee room. "That is... Good?" one of them volunteered. Everyone looked at him with a look of 'dude why?' in their eyes. "I mean, if you're one of the girls it's super good."
“Seriously it’s amazing. I’m so jealous.” He said, “You can see it through his pants, it’s like, something beautiful and terrible at once. An ancient god.”
Everybody just decided to ignore this revelation on their colleague's sexuality.
“We can’t afford to take them to China! We could barely afford to take them to a public bath! We must sabotage the remaining racers” They continued without him. A plan began to form.
<hr>
Have you ever looked at the bottom of a waterfall? It's chaos down there. The water pours down and churns it all up, causing a white foam to spill up. It's a mighty force of nature. It illustrates very well the raw power that water has. It can wear down the ground, a little at a time - or strike metal with enough force to cut right through it.
And yet it was as nothing compared to the chaos down there at that very moment.
"Ohohoho! Ranma dearest, let us win in all fairness!"
"Don't care so long as I win!" Ranma said.
Meanwhile behind him Shampoo had found herself paired with Nabiki, while Akane was paired with Ukyo. How did this happen? The same general way that cables left lying around will tie themselves into a knot that makes even Alexander say "shit, one sword swing might not be enough for this one."
"Listen mercenary girl," Shampoo said. "No mess with Shampoo now by slow down."
"Yeah, yeah. Just keep me out of trouble and I don't really care."
Meanwhile Akane and Ukyo were giving each other the side-eye.
"I saw you grabbing for it," Akane accused.
"Yeah, well. Saw you grab for it too."
Both of them pursed their lips and growled at each other.
"I wanted it first," Ukyo said.
"Well, technically I was engaged to him first," Akane countered. "That dick is mine, bitch."
"Hah! Yeah right! You live with him and you haven't made a move. If you could have got that hard throbbing rod inside of you already, thrusting deep into the deepest part of you, it was something you'd have... Uhhhh..."
"Hey! Quit perving out about Ranma's giant satisfying meatstick, which would doubtless fill any girl to the brink and leave her a quivering mess on the floor!"
Needless to say but both girls needed to stop for a bit to compose themselves, because <i>for some mysterious reason</i> their knees were about to give out on them.
Up ahead Ranma and Kodachi had reached the next obstacle. Ranma was all too eager to head on in, but Kodachi threw out her hand.
"I sense a trap up ahead," she said. "I've set up enough in my time to have a good instinct for it. One moment, Ranma darling."
Then she tossed a pebble in - and water burst up out of the ground.
"Ah, that's not so bad," Ranma said. "I think we can handle a bit of water."
"Yes, it's not nearly enough pressure to cause an issue," Kodachi said. "It's not even warm! Ohohoho! What sort of harm can a little cold water cause?"
One minute later Ranma was in girl form running through the minefield of cold water geysers at full pelt with Shampoo (cat form) in her hair, Kodachi yelling at her about 'bewitching away her beloved Ranma-darling.' While Nabiki bitched and moaned her way across while completely drenched from head to toe and looking very much like a drowned cat.
"Excuse me sis!" Akane said, while dashing by with Ukyo.
"Oh no, don't mind me," Nabiki said, voice dripping with sarcasm as surely as water was dripping from her body. "I'm enjoying the show up ahead a great deal!"
"Caaaaaat!"
"Return my Ranma-darling right now!"
"Meow!"
Ukyo and Akane quickly bounded by the two of them, taking a good lead. On noticing Ranma screaming at the top of her lungs, Akane couldn't help but look back at the scared damp pigtailed girl. She was really cute, you know? So friendly, so busty and nice... It would be a really good opportunity for her to get on Ranma's good side if she got rid of Shampoo and calmed her down.
So Akane did the only thing that she could do in that situation. She pulled down on her eyelid and stuck out her tongue, then continued running.
"Uh... Why did you do that?" Ukyo asked. "I thought for sure you were gonna help him out."
"I don't know!" Akane answered. "I want to fuck him so badly but I keep doing that stupid shit! Like I’m an elementary school student pulling his pigtail because I don’t know how else to say I fucking like him! What the hell is wrong with me?!"
"What's wrong with you?" Ukyo asked. "I just watched the guy turn into a girl cuter than I am, then run by with a cat in her hair while another girl yells at him to bring himself back, and I still want him to fuck me unconscious."
Akane could only nod at that. That sounded awesome. Yet at the same time she couldn't help but feel a little disappointed in the pair of them.
- Things get more hectic and less clothed once they reach the alligators
- Kodachi finally learns about Jusenkyo curses.
- Akane and Ukyo come to an agreement on the topic of sharing Ranma.
- There’s an explosive intervention by the committee!
- Something Else
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