Monday, 19 September 2016

Story: Shampoo's Understanding

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Understanding is not the same thing as knowing. You can know the five-times table by heart, but unless you can understand it you cannot properly apply it outside recitation. By that same reasoning Shampoo had known Ranma, but never understood him before.

The change was striking. She had always seen him as a cocky, hunky and strong martial artist who was hung up on some clumsy girl who pretended at being a warrior. Well, now she was looking at her most hated rival with new eyes.

Akane was pretty. Not the exotic kind of beautiful Shampoo had going for her. It was more understated, yet no less potent. If anything it kind of crept up on you. Snuck up from behind and bashed you around the head.

Not that, you know, Shampoo thought she was cute or anything. She was still a very uncute girl with a wicked temper, with a tendency to grab the wrong end of the stick. She couldn't cook, she couldn't do housework, her martial arts skill wasn't even a shade of what it could be. Also, Shampoo's body was better built to boot.

That said. Nice legs. And she was fun to hang out with. Not - not date or anything like that, just hang out with and chat. About stuff. And it did kind of bother her when other people spent time with her. Especially boys.

"Shampoo should talk to Akane," she decided, giving a quick nod. "Shampoo treat her badly... Not apologise, but maybe try make nice friends? Shampoo just wish Akane not hide desires so much, can tell what she want."

There is a vital difference between knowing and understanding. Unfortunately it seems as though Shampoo understands a little too well.

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It was like clockwork. Whenever he was about to work himself up to asking her out on a d-date, or had convinced himself that yes, he did like her and that he should probably tell her right now before he talked himself out of it or anything like that, something weird happened. Usually their fathers jumping in to celebrate a "happy union".

In this case it happened just as he was reaching out to take her hand. That's all. A little gesture of affection to test the waters a little. No sooner had his fingers brushed up against hers when the weirdness factor struck. Inexplicably. And hard.

"What the...?" Ranma asked, blinking as he stared at it in disbelief.

"Something wrong?" Akane asked.

The answer was yes. Behind her head there was a large, round, white bubble with a series of much smaller bubbles trailing off towards Akane. It looked sort of like a thought balloon in a comic. And it was showing chibi versions of the two of them, Ranma and Akane, walking down the street hand in hand.

"Where did that come from?" Ranma asked aloud.

"Where did what come from?" Akane asked, turning to see. The thought balloon turned with her, and then smacked Ranma right in the face. "I don't see anything," Akane continued, turning back and the balloon hit Ranma on the other side of the face. "Huh? What are you ducking for?"

"The sake of my handsome looks," Ranma explained. He looked up. The balloon was now showing a big throbbing question mark. Ranma scowled. "Say, has anything weird happened today?" Akane tilted her head, then shook it. Now the balloon was showing the chibi versions of them leaning together as if they were about to ki- "It's just that there's something weird following you around!" Ranma interrupted, preferring not to dwell on it. No, sir, not on that!

"Following me?" Akane asked. She whipped her head around again to look for it. Ranma frantically hit the dirt. "Where? I don't see it. You're not just messing with me again, are you?"

Right. That just about did it. Ranma had a vision of the future. He'd try to tell her about it, she'd misunderstand him, the whole thing would blow up into an argument. Which would set back all the closeness they'd been experiencing recently, and he'd have to start up from step one if he ever wanted to steal those lips - Not that he did want to! Unless she wanted to, of course. Then he'd be okay with giving her what she wants.

So, he reached into that special little place where they usually got things like hammers for whacking people, or microphones when they wanted to make an over-the-top announcement - usually embarrassing someone in the process - and instead pulled out a mirror.

"See there?" Ranma said. He held the mirror up so Akane would be able to see behind her. "It's completely bizarre. Never seen anything like it before. It's kinda freaking me out a little, and we should maybe get rid of it before it causes trouble."

Huh. Weird. Now that thought balloon was showing a cartoon of a volcano erupting, which then slowly morphed into chibi Akane bending the chibi Ranma over her knee and spanking him. Weirdly, the expression on her face flipped between annoyance and enjoyment. Weird.

"Kinda perverted too..." Ranma trailed off. Huh. Weird that. Was it his imagination or was it suddenly a lot hotter around here? There hadn't been any clouds in the sky all day - and believe him, he kept an eye on that sort of thing - so the sun hadn't suddenly come out from behind one. So why was the temperature up, and of rising importance, why was his danger sense also starting to buzz like an angry bee?

"Ranma!" a demon growled. No, wait. That was Akane. Now, given how often he upset her, Ranma had developed a bit of a sliding scale for Akane's mood. He had, quite by accident, become something of an expert in these matters. Right about now she was somewhere in between "Called her handmade cake a brick" and "Went on date with Shampoo due to unknown extenuating circumstances." In short: Pissed, but not as bad as it could be. For some reason.

"Are you trying to say there's something weird about my face?" she asked.

"Huh?" Ranma asked, genuinely confused. "No, I mean this weird -" Then he looked in the mirror. No sign of the thought balloon. Oh. Well. Of course there wasn't. What was he even thinking, that it would have a reflection when it didn't even cast a shadow.

Incidentally: The thought balloon was now showing Ranma, in girl form, wearing a skimpy devil cosplay. You know the sort. Blood-red leotard, little devil horns on top of the head, twirling around a forked tail with one hand, resting her other hand hand on her hip and occasionally flicking out a forked tongue to lick her lips. Weirdly, this version of Ranma seemed a little more, ahem, detailed than the cuter chibi versions.

Well. Akane's was cute when she wasn't doing that spanking thing, at least. Not that Ranma was dumb enough to externalise that thought!

"Nihao!"

Oh, good! Just what he wanted. An enthusiastic, annoying chick who would delight in nothing more than stirring the fires hotter just to make sure she got a chance to try to lure him into bed - which, by the way, was not happening in this or any other lifetime.

"Poor Akane, is Ranma tease you again?"

After a moment of silence, both Ranma and Akane slowly turned towards the perpetual pest. The argument was pretty thoroughly dropped at that point. That response was a bit like a slap in the face, or a dash of cold water.

"What are you up to?" Akane asked. Above her, the bubble changed to show chibi Akane stepping in between a chibi Shampoo (with more cat features than Ranma felt comfortable with) and chibi Ranma, who was standing with his back to both and seeming especially smugly handsome, even if Ranma did say so himself.

"I bet you're responsible for that thought bubble," Ranma groused. Wait. Hang on. If it was a thought bubble, and it was pointing at Akane, did that mean...?

"Thought bubble?" Akane asked. "What do you mean 'thought' bubble? What is that?"

"Never mind!" Shampoo cheerily declared. Her body tensed and then she leaped forward, glomping onto Akane's arm and guiding her off down the street. "No want spend time with nasty, mean Ranma. Akane come spend time with Shampoo instead!"

Akane looked between them, brow furrowed and lips working as if trying to say something but not quite finding the words. Eventually she did manage, with a loud "Fine then! Come on, Shampoo! Let's go somewhere else to talk."

Well, then. Now Ranma really was well and truly confused. He felt like he should probably object to this for some reason. It felt like when Akane spent time hanging out with Ryoga. Then again, maybe this was a psychological trick? Like with the reversal jewel. Make him think she wasn't interested so he chased her instead. Or some other freaky ploy that old ghoul concocted.

"Hehehe!" Ranma chuckled, while the two girls strolled off. "I'm not falling for that same trick twice. Whatever's going on, I'll let you two chicks sort it out while I go on my own merry way!"

So off onto the rooftops he hopped. On his own merry way. Oh, darn. Would you look at that? He was intending to head off to the arcade, and wouldn't you know it, the girls were heading in the same direction? Off to the left he went, casually, not rushing things, taking his time. Not looking down at the girls down there, not especially worried about Akane's well-being while spending time with a genuinely violent psychopath who was twice the martial artist she was and had a devious mind to boot. Nope. Not worried in the slightest.

The girls took a right, away from the arcade, coincidentally just around the same time Ranma realised that he didn't really feel like heading there right now. Maybe instead he'd turn into a girl and get a parfait, or hang around in the cafe soaking in the sun? Of course, it was a sheer coincidence that the girls were heading the same direction he was planning to go in, but he wasn't concerned with what they were up to. Not at all.


  1. Akane gets weirded out when Shampoo starts behaving like Ranma.
  2. Shampoo makes another wish.
  3. Shampoo dropped the wishing rock, and Ranma finds it.
  4. Akane also thinks Shampoo is up to something, is trying to work it out.
  5. Something else

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