Story: Urusei Yatsura First Impressions

Sakura was at the end of her rope. As in, she was quite literally holding the end of a rope. The rest of it was tied up around Ataru Moroboshi and the chair he was sitting on, while he inanely smiled at her and mouthed the word "Kinky!" while holding his trapped fists with their thumbs up.

The perpetually ill priestess chose to ignore the perverted connotations and set about what she was trying to do, while that irksome little imp sat on the sidelines eating popcorn. Where did it get - Never mind that! Since coming to this house she had encountered distraction upon distraction keeping her away from her true purpose.

Which was... Either to purify Moroboshi or get rid of the imp. Either way! She was going to tackle everything one step at a time. And she was going to start with these disease spirits!

"Settle down, Moroboshi," Sakura scolded. "Fufufufufu! This won't take long!"

Her fingernail twinged and suddenly became ingrown, so she pressed that finger against Ataru's forehead - and a disease spirit popped right on out! It worked! Like a charm. Sakura's reaction time was immediate, tagging the thing with an ofuda and making it go poof. A perfect exorcism.

Off in the side of the room, the imp held up a scorecard reading 7.5. "Points off for a lack of professionalism."

"Lack of professionalism?!" Sakura yelled back. "What do you mean - My robes! When did they come untied?!"

"You untied them yourself," the imp said.

She had? She didn't remember - Why on earth would she do something like that? No, never mind that. It was obviously a trick by the imp to try to throw her off. It had probably untied her robe while she was focusing on the disease spirit, and speaking of which... Back pain! Sakura grunted and sat in Moroboshi's lap, then threw her head back while looking for the spirit... There! Another ofuda, and it too was gone!

This time the imp held up a 10.0 scorecard, and Sakura felt herself buzzing with pride for a moment before noticing the source of it. As if she gave a damn what that imp thought!

"That seems to be the last of the hangers on," the imp said. "So? Now are you going to send me back to my home dimension?"

"Not yet," Sakura seethed. She nodded at Ataru. "This boy’s incredible aura of misfortune is clearly the result of his overwhelming perversion -" And I just gave him a lapdance. Her eye twitched a little at that realisation, then a little more when she noticed her hips grinding back into his lap and how good that sensation felt. She'd never stood up so quickly in her life, partly because it used to be that doing so would give her a dizzy spell.

"With your assistance, it should be possible to purify him of these thoughts," Sakura suggested. "We may save him from the filthy erotic images that must plague him constantly, tempting his soul down a dark and dangerous path."

"Don't listen to her!" Ataru begged and pleaded. "I don't want my lust sucked out of my body! Not when I've finally started getting a harem of my own!"

Delusions as well. The poor boy must be beset by lust demons in numbers greater than the disease spirits inhabiting her. That realisation sparked her determination anew.

"Drain his lust away?" the imp asked. "I could try, but at this point I'll be asking for more than a way home."

Sakura scowled at it. "I'm not making a deal with a devil. Even an untrained civilian knows those do not end well for them."

"Oh, I don't want your soul or anything like that," the imp said, attempting to give her the puppy-dog eye treatment. The effect was somewhat ruined by its beady pupils and buck teeth. "Would you... Let me sit in your lap while you pet me? No strings, that's all I want!"

"That.. That seems reasonable."

"If you're draining my lust you should let me sit in your lap while you pet me!" Ataru complained, but Sakura tuned him out. It turned out he wasn't the only source of lust in the room. How strange, she wasn't used to being so... Desired. It made her feel nice, in a strange way.

"No strings?" Sakura asked. "You get in my lap and then I pet you, and that's all the payment you want? That won't have any effect on me at all?"

"Nothing supernatural of my doing ..." the imp said. "No spells, no enchantments. No tricks."

That was all it would take, then? Get rid of the imp and get rid of Moroboshi's perversion in a single move... It seemed like a no-lose situation. Certainly, the deal would be a touch uncomfortable but a priestess must be willing and able to cope with uncomfortable things to get rid of wickedness wherever it might be found. So she nodded her agreement.

"By the way," the imp asked, eyeing her carefully. No doubt sizing up her lap for later on. "Have you ever heard of vacuum replacement?"

Oh? That old theory? Yes, Sakura had heard of it. Obviously she had. That old fool Cherry had gone on and on about it, as a matter of fact. Although... After a moment she could see his point.

"A recently purified location or person is at greater risk of attack by demons or spirits, unless care is taken to maintain the purity." Sakura shrugged. "Then I suppose we shall have to keep an eye on Moroboshi to ensure he is not corrupted further."

The imp stared up at her with its big, stupid-looking, beady eyes, then shrugged. "Oh well," it said. "To start us off we're going to need a little bit of perverted imagery to get the spirits to show themselves. When Moroboshi loses his cool and shows his perverted inner feelings, I'll be able to suck the thoughts out of him immediately."

"No!" Ataru complained, going so far as to close his eyes and thrash around in his restraints. "I won't let you! No matter what you show me, no matter what you do, I won't let you drag my passion out of me! Do your worst, you won't get anything out of -"

He cracked an eye open and got an eyeful of cleavage. It almost seemed to Sakura like his eye grew three times as big as normal in an attempt to get it all in. The priestess bit her lip, relishing her new state of health, and tugged her robes open just a touch wider. And wider. She wet her lips. So good. Off to the floor the robes went. So healthy! Her arms clasped behind her head while the pervert goggled helplessly at her splendid, healthy tits.

"And there they are!" the li'l devil yelled. It pulled out its mirror and aimed it at Ataru, and started pulling out a stream of spirits, debauched forms that flaunted the aspects of their sick, twisted and erotic nature. Or if your prefer, supernature. It was actually rather breathtaking, watching them all spilling out of him and into the mirror.

At least, it was for the first minute. Not so much for the second. Or third.

"What's going on?" Sakura asked. "Were there really this many perverted spirits inside him?"

"Nope!" the li'l imp replied. "He’s just so perverted that spirit mitosis produces more as fast as we can drain them.”

A mind so perverted that it can create perverted demons? Sakura gulped. That was bad. That was... Impossible, surely. A mind that could create spirits?! This boy was much more than a central point of extraordinary bad luck, he was something else entirely!

"Switch it off," Sakura instructed.

"I've been trying since the first minute!" the imp replied. Oh. "I've never seen this before. It’s supposed to shut off at full charge,  I think he’s overloaded the-”

The stream turned bright, bright pink and all the spirits flowing out of Ataru at that time seemed to gel together so tightly that the whole thing seemed like running water. Then there was some tremendous force that sent Sakura back, where she struck the wall and experienced -

"Oh god, yes!"

Her very first orgasm. For an amount of time she wasn't sure of at all she was left completely numb through all of her senses, including the extrasensory ones. They were all being overloaded by... Something else. Something new. Something glorious. Something wonderful. Her eyes cracked open and she wet her lips while blinking in the light.

She still couldn't see, but it wasn't anything to do with light sensitivity, nor was it connected to that incredible (healthy) pleasure. There was a bright, shining pillar of pink light right where the imp was standing. For a moment Sakura actually felt a twinge of concern for the little pest: Had its own device exploded and killed it? If so, she couldn't help but feel a little guilty. It had tried to help, after all, and all it had asked for in return was something almost... Innocent..

"Whoa..." Ataru gasped in disbelief at the pillar. He could see it too? Yes, she supposed it must be quite the sight to one not used to supernatural occurrences. In fact, it was so surprising that he wasn't even looking at her exposed (healthy) chest - which on second thought she quickly pulled her robes over.

Then the pillar started to shrink, and a gigantic clawed hand that seemed to be made of the stuff of darkness shot out of both sides of the pillar. Sakura sucked in a lungful of air and pulled herself onto her shaky legs. Shaky because of that healthy pleasure, not because she was scared!

"Damn that imp!" Sakura seethed. "Stupid of me not to realise. It was draining Moroboshi's energy into itself, letting it recharge! That overloading thing was a pretense, wasn't it? This is your true form!"

"Mwahahaha!" a deep and echoing voice laughed throughout the house. A tall, hulking form appeared within the pillar. Its horned head scraped the ceiling, and its dark red eyes focused down onto Sakura. "Yes, priestess! You are about to behold my true and final form!"

... Was that the sound of someone letting air out of a balloon? Whether it was or not the demonic entity Sakura had been preparing to do battle with had started... Deflating before her very eyes. The towering, imposing form became much less so. The darkness receded, the figure dropped to its knees with its head low so that the only thing Sakura could see at all was the top of its head, which had short black hair covered up by a red and black hat with two square tops that resembled the little imp's horns.

Sakura watched it closely. Ataru even more so. She had to approach this carefully. At full power this thing could cause all sorts of mischief. The figure raised its head - revealing a pretty feminine face with cheeks dotted with freckles. Then she stood up while sliding her hands down her impressive feminine curves.

"Oh, this is so much better!" the imp said, while both Sakura and Ataru took in this surprising sight. "If only I hadn't spent so much energy trying to fight the initial summoning, I could have had so much more fun in this form."

Fun, indeed. Moroboshi was drooling and might actually break free from the rope tying him up. In this form she wouldn't even need magic of any sort to cause mischief! A bright red halter top that seemed to almost point directly at her exposed neckline, a pair of darker than black shorts that looked like they were almost painted on, and a sash around her waistline that might well cover up her navel, but still drew the eye rather naturally along the healthy, so-fit curves of this fine, feminine figure.

"Oh, wow! Oh, wow, wow, wow!" Ataru gasped. "Name, number and address!"

"Sorry, little boy, I only like to play with women," the imp said, running its... Her hands all across her healthy, healthy body while staring quite pointedly at Sakura. Who nervously gulped. "Now... I believe someone owes me a petting?"

<hr>
The silence was deafening. To the point that the loud fighting down on the ground below was completely uninteresting to the two girls. Girls. This was her sister, not her brother. Every time she looked at Ryu she had to remind herself of that. Because - and this was speaking from a purely objective standpoint - Ryu was a handsome stud.

"Behold, Kamen Rider! My newest attack! Idiot Sentry Beam! Hahaha! You've gone soft!"

"At least I'm not soft in the head! Uppercut of Marital Bliss!"

There was a trio of explosions that Ran really didn't want to see, and in fact was deliberately pretending weren't a thing either. What she really wanted to do was to figure out what to say to her twin bro- twin sister.

"So, how has life been on Earth?" she asked, trying to make it seem nonchalant. This is difficult to do when hearing your estranged father perfectly imitate the Wilhelm Scream amidst the sound of rampant destruction. "What are your interests?"

"Martial arts," Ryu answered bluntly, while staring in awe at things Earth probably wouldn't have for at least a few more decades, yet Ran herself found relatively mundane. Oh dear, oh dear. This was a clear case of nurture over nature. "And you?"

"Oh, I have a few interests here and there..." Ran answered. "I make dolls, I invent things," I plot revenge against a certain Oni, but there's no need to bring that hot bitch up quite yet. "You know. If you grew your hair out a bit, and we dressed up the same... Nobody really would be able to tell the difference. At all."

"Your hair's pink," Ryu pointed out.

"Oh, that's right. You don't know about your alien heritage, do you? Our kind's hair colour depends on how long it is. That's why I keep mine at a cute pink level."

There was yet more silence, amidst the sound of breaking glass, bloodcurdling screams and... if she wasn't mistaken a fighter jet. Now Ryu was looking her over.

"So... If I grew my hair out and wore that kinda dress, I'd be as cute as you?"

Connection established. New mission priority. Dress up twin sister in all the cute dresses. All of them. In the universe. Take pictures of the two of them posing cutely together. Ran being the confident one, Ryu being shy. This pair would take the modelling world by storm, become stars overnight and make so, so much space cash it wouldn't be -

Ryu snapped her fingers in front of Ran's face. "Hey, snap outta it! You're freaking me out here."

"Oh!" Ran gasped. "S-Sorry... Would you like to try on one of li'l Ran's dresses? I'm sure you'd look... Divine..."

"Yeah, I'd love to," Ryu groused. "'Cept my old man's bound to charge in the second we try, and get in the way. It's always the same old deal whenever I try buying chick's clothes. It's like he's got some sorta fancy radar or something, there's no way he'd let me -"

The front door to the UFO was opened from the outside, and standing in the doorway was their mother, with their father slung over her shoulder. The twins blinked in unison, and tilted their heads in the exact same way at the exact same time.

"Ran, Ryu sweetie," their mother pleasantly, cheerfully said. "Your father and I have... made up, after a fashion. We've agreed to allow you to live here on Earth, and have enrolled you both in the same school Ran's best friend Lum is apparently applying for. While we catch up, the two of you are to live together and get to know each other better. Right, dear?"

"Yesh, mah luv."

The two of them giggled in a highly suggestive and naughty way that would not be haunting Ran's nightmares for the next few years because it didn't happen, no sir, no ma'am, no how. The twins gave a mute farewell to their parents, neither noticing how they both had the same expression of shock, nor that their hands were moving in synch.

"... So... Those dresses?" Ran asked.

"Might as well..." Ryu said. "Uh... That Lum chick... Isn't she the one tried to take over the world through a tag race or some bullshit?"

"Oh, believe me!" Ran said, firmly gripping her sister around the shoulder while leading her off to her... Their room. "That is the least bullshit thing about her! Let me tell you some tales...."

The sisters bond in Ran's huge closet.
Ataru watches helplessly as the Imp takes full advantage of Sakura’s promise (among other things).
Benten and Shinobu have been having their own misadventures upstairs, due to Benten's lousy luck.
Meanwhile, Lum and Oyuki's application proceeds.
Something else