Alright. So here he was. Standing outside of Akane’s room. His fist was raised near the door. Any second now he’d move to knock, then their fathers would show up, or maybe Kasumi, and say something to put him off. He’d yell at them to buzz off, then Akane would open the door and the entire mood he would be trying for would be completely ruined.
Happened a hundred times. Every time they seemed about to have a “moment”, someone would spoil it. What was one more? Answer: There was more on the line here than a bruised ego. Akane’s personality was on the line here.
<i>“What’s the matter? Stage fright?”</i>
The voice in his ear made him wince at the dripping sarcasm, so Ranma finally took the plunge. His fist moved, nobody interrupted him. He knocked exactly once and was moving his fist back for another tap when the door swung open. Showtime.
“Akane, can we taaaaaaaa-”
<i>“Damn, I should have fitted you with a hidden camera. If those things weren’t so expensive…”</i>
And yet Nabiki had managed to get a two-way earpiece, but Ranma wasn’t exactly thinking of that right about now. Not when Akane was facing him wearing an apron and, from the looks of it, absolutely nothing else. Unless you count the satisfied smile on her face.
“What do you think?” Akane asked, giving a cute curtsey. “I was going to make you some cookies. My man’s going to need his stamina for what I have in mind later on…”
Ranma swallowed, and he almost swore blind he heard Nabiki doing the same. Damn that traitorous part of him telling him to go for it. After all, the very idea was absurd. If Akane was doing this of her own volition, it would be one thing. Not that he would! It was just… You know, he was a bit of a romantic in his own weird, almost shy and not sure how to express it way.
<i>“Hmm, so this is what you meant… Don’t let her set the pace. If you let her set the pace you’ll be having sex in no time.”</i> A brief pause. <i>“Forget that last sentence; it’s the opposite of helpful. Just repeat after me and do as I tell you, and she’ll be back to herself and arguing with you in no time!”</i>
Right. It wasn’t often that he actually worked with Nabiki on something, now that he thought about it. The two of them were sneaky types in their own ways, but you could say they sort of covered each other’s weaknesses well. She was better at bluffing, he was… Well, he was a martial arts genius and capable of greater feats of athleticism. The two of them actually cooperating on something? Ha! If not for the fact they were doing this for their opponent’s benefit, he’d actually feel bad for Akane right now.
“I might need the help already,” Ranma said, turning his head away and resting just his fingertips against his head, while the other hand lay upon his heart. “I can feel it in my chest, just being in your presence makes my heart pound.”
“Hmm?” Akane asked. Ranma opened his eyes and saw her staring right at him, from far too close. He jumped back a little from the shock. “Did you… swallow Kuno or something?”
“N-no! Sorry!” Ranma said. Huh? What the - How the hell was this supposed to - Saying something like that? “It’s just I’m not any good at this sort of thing, you know? You know my stupid old man. He’s a decent martial artist but a complete dumbass when it comes to things like…” He swallowed nervously. Sure, Nabiki asked him to do it, but he wasn’t actually acting just now. Confusion and hesitation were in his body language, the timbre of his voice, and it was all completely real. “… Feelings.”
<i>“Good boy. Judging by your personality types, she’s more likely to buy it if you say it like that than spin her some poetry. Akane’s not the kind that’d fall for that anyway. Straightforward sincerity is the only thing that will work, as she’s seen everything else too much.”</i>
Right. That much he could understand easily enough. It would be like if someone attempted a jump kick: It looks cool when someone else pulls it off, but unless you know exactly what you’re doing you’re just gonna get dodged and hurt yourself. The best thing for any fighter to do is to stick to their own physical limitations, and flirting is the same: Don’t go ambitious. Go simple.
In essence, he was paying Nabiki to tell him to be himself. Wisest investment he might have ever made, or for that matter might ever make.
So he resumed following the instructions she was giving him, which again kept him from trying anything too fancy, and more importantly keeping him from putting his foot in his mouth. He had been a little worried she might try to screw him over, but she seemed completely on the level.
His next move was to take her by the hands and look her in the eyes. “Listen,” he’d begin. “Akane, I know things are a bit rough between us. But we’ve spent a lot of time together, and I think it’s safe to say that… That I…”
He trailed off at the crucial moment, but only because Nabiki hadn’t given him anything else. This much mystified him. If he was trying to seduce her, then shouldn’t he actually say the words?
“Oh, Ranma!” Akane sighed. “Why now? Of all times, why now?”
“Because when you were wearing that dogi earlier, I realised I would follow your perfect little butt into hell and back,” Ranma said with perfect deadpan delivery. He stopped. He blinked. He realised what he’d just said. And then he began to scream internally. Because, you see, the most masterful of trolls don’t spike the ball at the start of play. They wait until the opponent has lowered their defenses, are at their most vulnerable, then and only then strike with the fury of a meteor shower.
“Pffftt!” Akane was holding her hand to her mouth in a desperate attempt to keep the laughter in. But it escaped, in the same way an action hero might escape from a prison. Loudly, explosively, and letting out a hell of a lot more than just himself. “Hahaha, oh wow!” Akane guffawed, leaving Ranma feeling so thoroughly humiliated that he didn’t even notice Akane stepping close to him. Then again, she had been clever about it. Putting a hand on his shoulder as if to brace herself, leaning against him for support, then before he even knew it she was pushing him against the cupboard with their lips locked tighter than the skin on a drum.
<i>“I say go for it. She’s more fun this way.”</i>
And now he had the presence of mind to realise exactly what it was he was enjoying just now. He gently pushed Akane away by the shoulders and took several deep, deep breaths. Felt like he needed it. She puckered her lips and carefully maintained eye contact, and god help him he wanted more.
“L-Listen,” he said. “This isn’t you. It’s -”
“The dogi,” Akane finished, stepping away from him. “You think I didn’t notice? I think that’s what’s so cute about you. Sometimes you’re so clueless and sometimes you’re so nice.” She reached up and undid the apron strap around her neck. It dropped to the floor. And then… She was standing there in a tiny pair of shorts and a shoulderless shirt. Not naked. Still kind of… Dare he even think cute? But not naked. She playfully bit on the end of her index finger and stared with a gaze hot enough to burn him to cinders. “And I think that’s just. So. Sexy.”
<i>“Well. Sounds like you’re gonna get laid tonight, Saotome. Or maybe eaten alive. Maybe both.”</i>
No. He wasn’t beaten yet. Sure, he was flying alone now that Nabiki was just looking for chances to screw with him, but… “I want my tomboy back.”
“I’m right here, idiot!” Akane said, stepping towards him. But Ranma took a step back. She shrugged. “So. What’s the full effect it’s having on me? Is it permanent? Does it progress any further? All the facts, or I lose the shorts.”
“Permanent,” he said. “But I can undo if you get rid of the dogi. Akane, I want things to go back to how they were so we can spend more time together without that thing getting between us! I don’t want to have to watch you turn into some sex-mad bimbo!”
<i>“I think you’re the only boy that attends Furinkan High who would honestly say that.”</i>
Not the time, Nabiki! He was on the verge of a breakthrough, here. All he had to do was push a little bit more, and maybe he could make Akane see sense. Sure, she’d seen through him pretty much right away, but progress was progress. At least he wasn’t face down in the dirt. Right?
“Alright,” Akane said with a slight sniff. “Fine. We’ll play a friendly little game, and if you win I’ll get rid of the dogi.”
“So long as it’s not sex, or something like that.”
“No, nothing like that, stud,” Akane said. She reached forward and shoved him. Hard. He toppled back onto the bed and found her sitting in his lap before he even knew it. Now, he could easily power his way out of this position, but Akane’s next words stopped him. “Here’s the deal,” Akane said. “You have to convince me that you love me, without having sex with me, or pushing me off your lap. If you win, I get rid of the dogi. If I win… Mmm… You won’t regret it one little bit.”
<i>“Right, that’s it. Getting my camera. I’m not missing - Huh?”</i>
And suddenly the voice in his ear was replaced with static. Well. Great. Just what he needed. Alone with a burgeoning nymphomaniac, while something had gone wrong with his so-called support. Then again, come to think of it… Where the hell was that piece of shit dogi anyway?
Which is when Ranma had a really scary thought that made him suddenly quite desperate to win this “game” as quickly as possible.
- Nabiki is wearing the dogi against her will. Turns out Akane anticipated this, and prepared in advance. Now she has to figure out a way to get rid of it, when she can’t even control her body properly.
- Akane wins the contest.
- Ranma wins the contest.
- It’s a tie?
- Something else
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