Story: Magical Girl Conspiracy

 

 For a fleeting moment Francis felt a twinge of shame in going out and about in the costume she'd thrown together. Even in a fit of sarcasm, wasn't it a bit too much? Was she really going to do this? The answer was - yes. Yes, she was. Think of the money. Think of the money. Your'e a struggling out of work writer, take whatever you can get coming your way. It would just be for today, then it would be over and tomorrow you could -

"There's no time to explain!"

"Huh?" she grunted, just in time for her hand to be grabbed by... Herself. Wearing the same dumb costume. Hauling her into a storage closet and slapping her hand over her mouth.

"Alright, so, this is going to sound completely insane," said her doppleganger. You don't say? "Yes, I do say as it happens! Don't give me that look, I know how we think. If this had happened to me, I wouldn't have believed it either! I'm you, from a potential future, come back to the past to warn you about this studio!"

Her brain was full of ellipses at that. So, what. Had they hired a lookalike, carefully watcheed the kind of costume she put on and then sent this actor out to fuck with her? Was that it? "I know that look, you're not buying this at all are you?" What was your first clue?

"Time travel? Really?" Francis asked, shaking her head at this so called twin. "You guys could have come up with a better scenario than that."

"Urgh! I was worried you'd react that way!" the lookalike threw up her hands. "Time travel is so overdone, right? Everyone has their hand in it, and the rules never make sense!"

"You said it, not me," Francis rolled her eyes. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a contest to win."

"No, wait! You have to listen!" the lookalike insisted, diving right into her path and barring her exit from the room. "This studio, it's even worse than you think!"

Oh, really? Okay then. Francis decided that if she was going to be so insistent about it, then the best thing to do was to go even further into the lowest form of wit.

"Even worse? Nooo, impossible!" she gasped. Then, in her best valley girl impersonation, she continued. "O-M-G! They must be, like, super totally evil or whatever. Is it up to me, and only me to save the day, and the future too?"

"Was I really that sarcastic?" the doppleganger groaned. "Look, they're brainwashing people with very potent subliminal effects to keep them compliant."

"Gosh, subliminal effects are that powerful?" Francis twirled her hair around, enacting her best vacant gaze. "Golly! I'd better watch out for -"

Suddenly, the actress playing her got hit by... something really bright. And loud! She crumpled to the ground in an instant and... Uh? Another actress? Wearing the same getup? Wait, hold on. Francis could see it. This was their backup plan, right? They hired two actresses who looked like her, and sent in the second one to act as a convincer.

"Don't listen to her!" the new actress said, aiming her wand squarely at the one twitching on the ground. "She's from a timeline where we get brainwashed by the Dark Empire!"

"I-It's the st-studio doing the br-brainwashing!" the first one insisted. "Y-You're the one that's brainwashed!"

The wands they were holding sparkled ominously. Okay, great work guys, nice special effects. But there was now way-

"Starlight Burst!" the two of them yelled, and all of a sudden she was watching a beam struggle from way, way too close. Oh, what?! How were they even doing this?!

"We're too evenly matched!" one of the doubles yelled, but she couldn't tell which one.

"You have to pick a side! Help me! Or the future will be ruined!"

Okay. Okay! This was getting kinda weirdly realistic now, but sure! Sure, she obviously wasn't going to be allowed to go anywhere if she didn't at least play along. Right? Right?!

"St-Starlight Burst!" Francis yelled. Honestly, she didn't really give a damn what direction she was firing it in. It didn't matter, it wasn't as though - "Whaaaaaaa-?!" The kickback from this thing! She actually had to brace herself! It was as if she was firing a revolver that was firing a shot every half second! Her energy beam shot out, striking one end of it - and leaving one fake Francis down while the other was still standing.

"Phew, thank goodness," the still standing Francis said. While the real one was left staring at her wand. How did they - ? That was impossible. With something so lightweight? That looked so cheap and felt like painted plastic?! How?! What mechanism was in this thing? "You made the right choice. Now, you're actually the reincarnation of the Princess of the -"

Before that could go any further, another blast of... something struck the other... her? It struck her right in the back, accompanied by a cry of "Order Oblivion!" After which she plain vanished into the ether, as though she'd never been there to start with.

"C-Cari?" Francis gasped. "Hold on a moment, where did she go?" She crouched down. "No trapdoor, no hidden exit... There'd be seams on the carpet. What's going on here?!"

"Enemy eliminated," Cari said, then aimed what looked like a gun right at her. "You will accompany me, Princess! This timeline will not -"

"Starlight Burst!" another Francis yelled, striking Cari in the side and sending her flying into the side of the room. "Come with me!" the other her yelled. "We're going to another time!"

"... You know what, screw it! Sometimes reality is poorly written too!" Francis yelled, grabbing the other her's hand and vanishing to who knows when.

<hr>

Cari was by far the most confident in her costume, but that was largely because of how little actual respect she had for this kind of girly franchise. Something fresh like what she had put on would probably wow them, right? Hah! Throw out something like 'appeal to a new demo' and they'd probably be all over the idea! At least, that was what she was running off of...

Well, that didn't matter for very long because almost as soon as she left her changing room she saw something genuinely surprising. An actual, honest to goodness General. Not a fake. Nope. She could tell the difference right away. Those were real stars. That was a real uniform. Not some cheap flimsy costume made to look good for the cameras, but the sort an actual General would wear. Walking around these corridors like there was nothing weird about it.

But... You know, there was. An actual General? Here? That was <i>interesting</i>. Super interesting, actually! How was she supposed to not follow along with something like that? Cari crept along the corridor, watching at a distance, trying to guess at why someone like that would be here of all places. Perhaps visiting a family member? Or were they going to be doing a shoot involving military equipment? Quite often militaries will allow studios to use those, so long as they portray the military in a positive light. That was quite a common arrangement.

Soon enough, the General entered a sound stage that had a bunch of guys in labcoats wandering around. Oh? Seemed a bit more sciency than she was expecting? While the door was open, Cari slipped in and hid behind some crates so she could watch a little. What sort of scene would they be shooting today?

"General," one of the scientists smartly saluted. "I'm surprised to see you in uniform, given the top secret nature of the operation."

"Given all the costumes, I don't stand out at all," the General smartly replied. "Just another face in the crowd. I passed at least two other 'soldiers' en route, and had to resist the urge to insist they salute. So, status report."

"The incursion is inevitable at this point," the scientist said. "General, we really should evacuate this studio. They could come through at any time - "

"A panic like that only feeds the enemy, and would broaden the gap further. We have discused this," the General said. "At the very least, the magical girl shows we have been broadcasting should put the public in the right frame of mind to endure the upcoming struggle."

Before the conversation could get any further, there was a rip in space directly over Cari's head. She looked up, and everyone around her turned to see as well. And then... something dropped out of it. Landing on Cari's head.

"Ah!" she screamed, reaching for it and trying to pull it off. In vain, it turned out. "Get it off!" she screamed. "Get it off!"

But to no avail. It had too tight a grip. Worse yet, it was almost, sorta... bnding with her? She couldn't feel a division between her flesh and its already, and its mass was much smaller than it had been when it had first landed on her. "Help me!" Cari screamed, then collapsed to her knees, taking deep sucking breaths.

"Well, it seems as though a civilian managed to wander where she wasn't supposed to," the General said. Everyone was hurrying over to her. Weapons drawn. "let's see... based on that outfit, you were a little too excited, weren't you? Perhaps... happiness filled your body? Does this sound about right, young lady?"

What else could Cari do but nod and say "Sir, yes sir!"

"I thought so, a military fangirl," the General sighed wearily. "I always have trouble with your sort, you tend to overly romanticise the job. Still, I dare say that the portal reacted to that excitement of yours, and now you're infected with a <i>positive</i> invading EmotiDemon rather than a negative one. Do you feel like draining any of us dry, young miss?"

"No, sir!" Cari replied right away. Actually, now that the initial shock and panic had worn off, she was feeling... pretty good about herself.

"Good. Then, how about you work with us?" the General asked. "For the good of your country - if not the very plane of existence in which we all reside? We would like you to work with us..."

"For the sake of my country?" she smartly saluted. "There is nothing I would not endure!"

<hr>

Hrm. You know, Eden had played a fair amount of tennis in her time, but there was something kinda weird about this ball. It felt a bit off to her? Though she couldn't place what it was. The weight was fine. It seemed to be made of the right stuff. Not just props for show, but actually seemed like a ball. Experimentally, she bounced the ball a few times off the racquet. Catching it after bouncing it once. The bounce seemed fine too. What was it that was bothering -

"Could you please not?"

"Sorry!" Eden replied, then bounced the ball again without thinking. Then her brain caught up and made her ask the all important question - "Who was that?"

"Here, dummy! I'm the ball!"

Oh god the ball had eyes. Oh god it had a mouth. And arms, and legs sort of folding out of it, like an old cheap plastic toy that changed from car to robot in the blink of an eye.

"Urgh, I couldn't take that even one second longer," her ball - that is to say, the seemingly ordinary tennis ball complained. "I figured I'd be safer hiding in this studio than at a tennis court, but <i>nooooo</i> little miss sports earthling here decided she wanted to bounce me around a little! Can't an alien even disguise themselves as everyday objects anymore without being bounced and tossed around like that?"

"Hold on, hold on, alien?!" Eden squeaked. Okay, she wasn't really the sort to go in for aliens and shit, but that was kind of a big deal right? "You're an actual alien, right? From outer space?"

"No, I'm from Croatia," the alien replied. "How about you, are you one of those magical girls we've been seeing so much of in your broadcasts?"

"Uh, no?" Eden replied. "Those are, uh, all fake?"

"Yeah, I was starting to figure that out myself," the ball sighed wearily. "We thought they were news articles about superheroes, turns out you were telling tall tales. You guys really go in for this 'fiction' thing, don't you?"

Eden stared at it, and then after a long moment poked the tennis ball's face with her pinky. "Woah, I'm holding an alien in the palm of my hand! That's so cool!"

"Cut that out too! Urgh, this was such a waste of time. Now how are we going to beat - "

"The answer to the question you were about to ask is - you won't!"

All of a sudden, there was this tall handsome yet also extremely dark clothed alien guy standing right in front of her holding a futuristic railgun. Well! That had escalated fast! All she'd wanted to do was test the racquet a little!

"Hand over the Prince, if you know what's good for - "

Eden tossed the racquet at him, and then gaped as it got shot out of the air long before it could reach. The alien simply shrugged, then pulled the trigger a second time - Eden reflexively turned away from it, and the beam of light struck her arm, turning it completely limp in the process. It was like she'd woken up after sleeping awkwardly, no feeling at all. Oh come on, all she wanted was some easy money from being part of a dumb focus group! Why was her life suddenly in mortal peril?!

"Take this!" the tennis ball alien yelled, and shoved something into Eden's hand. Huh? Another tennis racquet...? The instant she was holding it, her arm felt better! "I was going to give this to a hero to help them fight against these creeps, but you're the best we're likely to get, so..."

"Yeah, I'm not letting you guys talk as a free action," the other less friendly alien said, and fired again. Too late! Eden whirled around, and struck the laser with her new racquet, returning the shot right back where it had come! "Noooo!" the alien yelled as it inexplicably disintegrated from a blast that had, apparently, only left Eden's arm numb.

But no time to think about that! Eden twirled her racquet around in her hand, posing cutely with it. She gave a wink to a non-existant camera and declared for all (that is, just the tennis ball alien) to hear - "Here's Love Point to serve you up a slice of justice! Game, set, match!"

<hr>

Asmodeus applauded as the last three reached the end of their 'origin' scenarios. "Magnificent," he said. "Francis is overwhelmed by tropes she finds tiresome, and is forced to play along. Cari gets to play soldier, and Eden is pulled into straddling the line between tomboy athlete and girly girl. Each of them magnificently suited to their personalities, each of them a show they would actually watch and find some enjoyment in - even if Francis would likely deny it."

"I liked the crossover aspect between Francis and Cari, too," Baphomet said. "And where exactly did Francis end up, anyway?"

"A studio set to seem like a future where we 'win'," Asmodeus chuckled. "Got to give her a good villain to fight against, huh? Oh, she'll be back in her changing room before too long. Once they all have a taste of their new powers, we should be set to go to the next stage. Global saturation, here we come!"