They'd said they weren't coming, right? They'd insisted on avoiding this event like the plague. There were so many people involved that irked them, that got under their skin, and there was no real reason for them to be here at all. And yet! Here they are! Sitting in the personal skybox of one Ryoko Mendo, the best seats in the house. Overlooking the very event they'd said they would ignore.
"I mean, at least up here they won't be able to bug us at all," Ranma mused. Akane turned to look at him and sighed. "Hey, blame your sister, she's the one that got us up here."
Bonk! That was Nabiki herself, sitting next to them in her finest, slinkiest dress. On the other side of her was Ryoko, who she was snuggling up to as if she was her brand new favourite teddy bear. Yeah, that relationship was kinda making Ranma feel super nervous for reasons he could not articulate. It's like, imagine if the Devil travelled to another universe and teamed up with another Devil. That's the kind of feeling he was getting right now.
Speaking of the Devil, out came Shutaro Mendo in a suit so high class it made Ranma feel bankrupt just looking at it. With microphone in hand, he addressed the waiting audience- "Welcome one, welcome all!" Shutaro Mendo called out. "To this great cooking contest, sponsored by the Mendo family!"
The audience broke out into thunderous applause. Oh great, Ranma could already see where this was going. The rich jerk continued, and the crowd stopped their applause so sharply you could cut yourself on it.
"Introducing first, a young girl from a far off land who is as dangerous as she is beautiful. Perhaps the last time she will be seen in our fair country before being forcibly ejected back to where she came from - Shampoo of the Joketsuzoku!"
As thunderous as the applause had been for Mendo, when Shampoo stepped out on stage it was even louder. At first Ranma thought there had been an earthquake, up until the first of the rotten tomatoes was tossed. Shampoo deftly caught it and sliced it up with a smile on her face. Then did the same with the next twenty, without breaking a sweat.
"Next is a team of chefs from Yakusai, these lovely geniuses have earned their stay in our country through their excellent work in horticulture which, why, it may well help in solving world hunger! Presenting, Pink and Link!"
The boos turned into cheers as the twins stepped out, basking in the attention. Especially Link. Her sister was too busy scowling at Shampoo, no doubt plotting something nasty during the contest. So long as they didn't summon another giant poisonous plant, no skin off his nose.
"And next we have the cross-dressing tease, a pervert who conceals her true gender with tremendous -" A spatula flew out, but was deflected by one of his bodyguards. "Natural talent, this small time chef's obsession with a single dish will make today's contest interesting for her."
Again, Ukyo was booed out of the building, and she had to use her battle spatula to keep the rotten food being pelted at her from coming into contact.
"Honestly, that brother of yours is such an immature jerk," Akane grumbled.
"I believe the phrase is 'preaching to the choir,'" Ryoko said. "Is that not right, Lady Nabiki?"
"Quite so, Lady Ryoko."
Uh, did they have to stare into each other's eyes like that? Especially when their faces were so close. If Ranma didn't know any better, he'd swear they were about to kiss or something.
"And our last contestant is a boy so beautiful and talented, he has to wear an octopus..." Mendo trailed off for a moment for some reason. "An octopus mask! Introducing, Hayato Myojin!"
In he came to cheers that were, honestly, starting to grate on Ranma's very last nerve. Look at the jerk, strutting in wearing one of those dumb masks, surrounded by little octopi wielding spatulas and knives and other cooking utensils. You know, now that he thought about it, this really wasn't a fair contest at all. A pair of twins, and a jerk who used a bunch of eight limbed assistants.
"Kukuku... The perfect venue to enact my revenge," Hayato cackled ominously. "To cement my absolute dominance, and prove the superiority of takoyaki to okonomiyaki!"
"So, how it feel to be lapdog of Japanese rich brat?" Shampoo asked.
"I don't know," Pink replied. "How does it feel to have a weakling for a husband."
"Settle down, big guy!" Akane warned. "This is their fight, not ours."
"Why are we here again...?" Ranma grumbled. Nabiki bopped him on the head, yet again. Right, right. Nabiki was making them come because she wanted to show off for Ryoko.
But there wasn't just banter among the contestants. The judges, too.
"Young man, I sense tremendous greed when I look upon your face," said Cherry, the monk, to Kinnosuke Kashao.
"Greed, is it?" Kinnosuke shrugged. "I would think a monk would appreciate the need for careful spending and general frugality!"
And next to them, Ryuunosuke's old man was playing cards with the Gambling King. The two of them cheating so blatantly that it honestly hurt Ranma's soul to bear witness to. You can see the cards sticking out of their sleeves and collar! At least try to hide it!
"If I hear about any dumb cat ghost, I'm out of here," Ranma grumbled. Blackmail material or not, no way was he sticking around if that guy showed up. "Or Happosai, for that matter. Or Rakkyosai, or Chardin, or that cheerleader bitch Konjo, or the Golden Pair, or any of the Kunos..."
"I get it, we know a lot of annoying people," Akane interrupted. "Urgh, that Mendo guy, he makes me want to - " Zap! A shock of electricity jumped between Akane to Ranma, making him jump a little. "Oooh! He's impossible! Throwing all this money around just to try to hurt people we..."
Akane stopped a moment.
"I mean, I like Ukyo, but I don't really like Shampoo that much, so it's kind of a wash? Even so! This is too much. If I'm not careful, I'll rain thunder down on that audience soon."
"Then, would you like to see my foolish brother put in his rightful place?" Ryoko casually asked. Both Ranma and Akane turned to look at her. Ah, they had a bad feeling about this. A really bad feeling. "Hrm, what do you think would be a fair deal, Lady Nabiki?"
"For those two...?" Nabiki mulled it over. "Let's say, have Akane sit in Ranma's lap for the rest of the show. Like... This."
Cue Nabiki moving into Ryoko's lap and snuggling into her. The rich girl didn't seem to mind even a little.
"Aha, no chance!" Ranma said. He shrugged. "I mean, I wouldn't mind having someone as heavy as Akane sitting in my lap if it meant that guy got what was coming to him, but there's no way she'd -"
Plomf. Oh. oh dear. It seemed as though his brain had switched off for some reason. It probably had to do with the fact that Akane had parked her butt right into his lap. She wasn't as, ah, heavy as he had been expecting. M-Maybe she was using this flight power to make herself seem lighter? O-Or not, he could plainly feel her butt pressing right into him.
Ah. How nice. He could see heaven. Were those his ancestors...? Then, no, it probably wasn't heaven. Let's see, let's see... Over there, that's more like it, billowing clouds and not an ancestor in sight. Curiously, all the clouds were shaped like tomboy-alien butt.
"There!" Akane sniffed, "And you can wipe that smile off your face, buster. I'm just doing this because I can't <i>stand</i> that guy and want to see him get what's coming to -"
Ryoko snapped her fingers. A bell appeared out of nowhere, right as Mendo was about to speak into the microphone again, and the next thing they heard was -
"It's dark! It's cramped! I'm scared! Waaaah!"
The smile on Ranma's face widened, oh yeah, this was definitely heaven. He wasn't saying that because he was enjoying the dulcet melody of Shutaro Mendo suffering. Not directly. It was because Akane had sighed contently and leaned back into him, filling his nose with her scent and letting him feel her warmth up against his body.
"Waaaah, let me out, let me out!"
Okay, and sure, Shutaro Mendo being utterly humiliated really did help. Maybe it was a good thing he came along after all?
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