Story: Pride and Joy

 

 The sight of a winged bull soaring over these Furinkan streets, out over the greater Nerima district and off towards a nearby mountain range was surely a majestic and awesome sight. Well, let those weaklings stare up at his brilliance, for he had finally obtained his lifelong goal. The hated old man who had bathed him, Happosai, was within his grasp. A mighty and powerful martial artist, strong enough that even this cursed form would not be enough to deal with him.

Off behind him were that cross dresser and the pig, jumping from roof to roof in hot pursuit. Bah. They were quick but no match for straight flight. He could accelerate freely straight towards his destination. They had to stay down on the ground below staring up, while also watching for obstacles in their path.

In short he was well ahead of them. It would take them at least a few minutes to get here, and by the time they had it would be too late. To be on the safe side, the mighty beast entered the cave, where those girls were trembling at the sight of him. A wicked grin crossed his features. He had no reason to keep his word, now did he?

Ah, but... Let them go free now and they would surely flee from the frightsome monster that had kidnapped them. This would stall those two boys even more.They'd want to make sure their women were unharmed before continuing on to battle. So he let them go.Using one hand, he yanked that rigid pantyhose from their bodies and -

"Oh my god he's every bit as big as we were thinking."

For some reason the three of them - that's two girls and a cat, by the way - were staring at his junk.

Uh?!

"Oooh, I wonder how it would feel inside me," the chef asked, licking her lips hungrily. "Would it taste like beef, or man meat?"

It would taste like a broken jaw! Seriously, that thing hanging between his legs was very much not made (or evolved) with human women in mind! Come to think of it, owing to the curse he wasn't sure there was any female species on the planet that could safely - Gurh, that was a thought he didn't want to continue.

"I can so easily see myself breaking over that dick," the supposedly tough martial arts chick sighed. "Oh no, Ranma better get here soon, or he's going to catch us cheating on hi~im!"

"Meow!" the cat yowled, then turned around and lifted both its tail and hind quarters. C-Come on now, miss warrior woman! This thing was bigger than your cursed form's entire body! Stop presenting like that!

What was with these girls? They were all behaving like sex crazed maniacs!

"Ohohooho! I thought so, I thought so!" Happosai said, bouncing around the cave, patting the chef and the tough chick on their butts. Neither of them seemed to notice or especially care. "That magical penis of Ranma's has turned these girls into nigh-on nymphos! They've gone a little too long without a taste of the D!"

Huh? Hadn't he been tied up? How had he gotten away?!

"You didn't really think I'd come along so quietly did you m'boy?" Happosai cackled. "Really now, I saw an opportunity here. A chance for revenge! Bwahahaha! So that pecker thinks he can cockslap me into submission and get away with -" The old man staggered. "Oof, just remembering that makes me feel all faint. But nonetheless! That big swinging monster of a member is exactly the thing these girls need. Go ahead, give Ranma a good hard does of NTR. Bwahahaha!"

While the old man had been ranting, the beast had patiently acquired a kettle full of hot water and poured it over himself. Turning back into his regular human form. The cat as well. The girls all let out a great big sigh of disappointment, which didn't bother him in the -

"Oh mean, he's smaller than average too," Ukyo grunted. The other two girls took a good hard look at her. "What, I attended a boy's school, you think I'm avoiding seeing dicks in the locker room?"

"How did they not see you was girl?" Shampoo asked.

"Rolls of socks, judicial use of bandages, and a whole lot of psychological manipulation," Ukyo replied. "It wasn't easy, but I managed. Somehow."

You know how sometimes you're watching a movie and a character says something about their background that's more interesting than what you're seeing, and you wonder why that's not a movie? Oddly, those in the cave were having that experience right about then.

"Anyway! You're all free to go!" the former beast said. He clapped his hands and gestured towards the exit. Happosai tried to join them. "Not you! We have business to discuss!"

"If you ain't cucking Ranma, then we have no business!" Happosai sniffed.

"Oh, you're gonna want to stick around for this," the boy said. "I got a really sweet deal for you. All you gotta do is listen to my story."

That got the old man's attention. For the girls though, they didn't seem too pleased at this development. It looked like they were fixing to rub his nose in the dirt - until he pulled out a thermos and held it over his head.

"Sorry, sluts! I'm not giving you the pounding you want if you don't fuck off!" the boy said. "Your boy toy is on his way, right outside the - Huh, they kicked up actual clouds of dust shaped exactly like them. Never seen that outside an American cartoon before."

"So what's this all about, m'boy?" Happosai asked. Staying out of curiosity more than anything else. He twirled around a pipe and sat down. "To my understanding, you want revenge for dunking you in that pool."

"What, are you kidding? That's the best thing to ever happen to me," the boy said. "Actually, I'm really grateful you gave me that much of a power up cheat. Heh! It takes someone at your level to get by it, most other people get squished flat. Can't fly, can't handle the size difference."

"So... gratitude then?" Happosai asked. "How wonderful! My students show me no gratitude at all! In fact, they make occasional quite lame attempts to end my life! So lame! As if mocking my training of them! Boo hoo! It makes an old man feel sad for his - "

"Change my fucking name!" the boy yelled. "The first ot bathe a child fo my village gets to name them! And you named me Pantyhose Taro!"

Outside, on the mountain trail leading to the cave, Ranma felt a spontaneous urge to stifle a laugh and had no idea why.

"What? Why would I do that?" Happosai yelled. The pipe hooked the back of Pantyhose's neck and slammed him to the ground. "It's an awesome name! I'll never cha-"

""I.... Brought... Spring of Drowned Playboy water with me!" Pantyhose grunted. He gestured to the barrels at the back of the cave, carefully stored away, most of them out of sight of where the girls had been hiding. "One of those barrels has it! The rest of them have quite nasty curses like 'Cockroach' or 'Virtuous Man' or even the dreaded 'Spring of Drowned Prudish Crusader Who Cannot Believe Nobody Is Thinking Of The Children'! Open the wrong barrel and the rest will automatically empty out!"

"Noooo, that last is the worst of alllll!" Happosai screamed. "S-So you'll show me which barrel it is if I change your name? How will I know you're on the up and up?"

Hehehehe, Pantyhose had thought that through as well! He produced a box full of rodents. "I'll toss one of these in and let you see the results yourself. So? You wanted me to cuck that Ranma guy by getting his harlots to spread their legs for you? How about <i>you do it yourself</i> with the power of the Spring of Drowned Playboy?"

"Yeah, how about no ya pantyhose jerk!"

"Such a vile bargain... Ranma, for once we are on the same side!"

Oh dear. It seemed that he'd run out of time. That pigtailed crossdresser was a little bit faster than he'd been hoping for. Still... Just him, Hibiki and those sluts? Pft! Up against him and the old man?

We'll soon see who the big swinging dick is around here. It won't be Ranma. Nor will it be Pantyhose Taro. No... By the time this day is done, the alpha dog around these parts will be none other than Awe Sum!