Story: Own Personal Shampoo

 

 The gym was packed with not even standing room available. For the gymnasts of St Hebereke, this was quite unusual. A little off putting, in fact. While they knew that Kodachi's, ahem, 'martial arts rhythmic gymnastics' contests were oddly popular, today it really seemed a bit absurd.

"Isn't it mostly boys?" one of the girls said. The question was rhetorical. Her eyes were working fine. She could quite plainly see that it was mostly boys in the audience.

"Pitiful wretches," sneered the leggy girl in the ring. Kodachi herself, clad in her leotard, ready for battle. "They come to gawk and leer, their intentions are so blatant!"

"That even she can't deny reality enough to make it something else..." one of the girls whispered. She promptly ate a club to the face, which knocked her over and bounced right back into Kodachi's waiting hand. The other girls thought she was lucky. Normally when she did that, Kodachi had the spikes out.

"Now, boys! I must ask you to settle your rapidly beating hearts!" Kodachi called out to the crowd. "On this fine day, you must learn the tragic truth that I, Kodachi Kuno, the Black Rose of Furinkan, have already given all of my love to a single wonderful boy by the name of Ranma Saotome!"

"Poor Ranma," another of the girls muttered, barely able to keep the words from escaping her lips. I mean, with a setup like that how could she not? The club to the face was almost worth it - and yet more evidence she was in a good mood. It hadn't been set on fire first!

"Though it's only natural that you would be enchanted by one as glorious as I, you cannot have me no matter what!" Kodachi continued. "Instead, if you truly adore me, cheer for me! Cheer my name! Let an uproar loose so that my enemy may know true fear before I cast her down to hell!"

Crickets chirped. A tumbleweed blew by. The horde of boys in the stands remained quiet. Which isn't exactly fair on Kodach, now is it? She is pretty! Nice legs, fills out a leotard nicely. Alas, she was a little too crazy for that to make up the difference. Besides which most of these boys knew Tatewaki Kuno and - Yeah, let's not date that guy's little sister, can't end well for anyone.

The curtain to the back opened up, and out stepped Shampoo! Wearing a purple leotard with a floral pattern, and followed by her two trainers Ranma (girl form) and Akane, who were clad in a red and blue leotard respectively!

"Why am I in girl form for this?" Ranma asked.

"Yeaaaaah! Now that's what I'm talking about!"

"Those three are the Goddesses of Furinkan!"

"Shampoo! Shampoo!"

"That's why," Shampoo chirped. Both Ranma and Akane let out weary sighs. "Tee hee, I want to sit in the bitch's brain rent free before the bell even rings! Shampoo will clean her clock toot sweet, make her leave Master and Shampoo alone for good!"

Indeed, there was an unsettling quantity in the intensity that Kodachi was using to stare at this foreign devil who had bewitched her beloved Ranma. It was the kind of angry gaze that could be easily mistaken for a bottomless chasm of burning, steaming lust if one was in the right mindset. Which Shampoo was after seeing Ranma and Akane put their leotards on.

"I will give you such a thrashing!" Kodachi seethed.

"Only Master and Lady Akane allowed to spank Shampoo," was the reply.

"Th-That's not what I - You filthy minded foreigner!"

The bell rang. The time for smack talk was over. All of Shampoo's training would come to this. In this contest, competitors were prohibited from attacking each other with their bodies. They could use literally anything else, but were prohibited from standard punches or kicks. Victory was obtained by knockout, surrender, or if your enemy leaves the ring. Shampoo hunched her back and twirled around a club, waiting for Kodachi to get a bit closer before making her move. She was too, too fast for Kodachi to keep up with, but her avenue of attack would entirely depend upon what sort of weapon Kodachi pulled out first.

A hula hoop? A club? A ribbon? What would it be? How would she open this match?

"Here!" Kodachi screeched, tossing something across the ring. "It's KittyCute the Tiger, from your favourite television show!"

"KittyCute plush!" Shampoo gasped. Indeed, it was! The main character of her favourite show! An adorable yet tough lion who didn't take sass from anyone, and always helped his friends out of a jam! Master said the show was for little kids, but that couldn't be right. THe themes and ideas being put on display would be far too complicated for their immature minds!

More to the point that plush. Those were sold out everywhere. Shampoo had tried and tried to find one to no avail. To see one heading towards her at this very moment meant that she had to do one thing, and one thing alone.

Punt it straight into the audience. Where it promptly spat out a nasty looking cloud of orange powder, which left them gasping for air. A few of them went cross-eyed and were left twitching on the floor.

Kodachi wasn't giving up, it seemed. "Here, your favorite brand of chocolate!"

Which Shampoo promptly caught with her ribbon, and tossed it into the audience as well, where it woudl surely not be eaten because -

"Ooh, free chocolate with the show!" one particularly stupid boy said. He opened the wrapper, took a bite nad then immediately keeled over while his face turned a rather unhealthy shade of green. Not that any shade is especially healthy on a human.

"Oh no, she's still flirting with Shampoo even in the middle of a fight..." Ranma grumbled.

"I'm not flirting! This is a serious attack!"

"Yeah, against the concept of flirting!" Ranma shot back. "All around the world, boys and girls in love are flubbing their pickup lines because of how badly you're sucking at this!"

"Ranma, don't be like that!" Akane elbowed her fiance. "I'm sure that Kodachi put a lot of hard work into figuring out Shampoo's tastes. It's up to Shampoo to smash her heart into a billion pieces and trample on the tiny fragments left."

"I- I said I'm not flirting with this stupidly hot, exotic, foreign piece of ass!" Kodachi shrieked. "I-It's Ranma Saotome that I like! No, really, it's just Ranma!"

"Doesn't that sound kinda like a beard to you?" one boy whispered to another. But not really, because he was in a school gymnasium's seats which didn't really provide much space to effectively hold a secret conversation. "You know, sorta like... pretending to be into the guy that hangs around Shampoo all the time, when she's actually into Shampoo?"

"Yeah, if she was really after Ranma then wouldn't she be challenging Akane or something? They're the ones that are formally engaged."

"It doesn't add up. Those seemed more like gifts you'd toss out at the start of a lousy romance game to max out your affection rating, right?"

"I keep telling you!" Kodachi yelled. "I. Am. Not. Pursuing. This. Hussy!"

"Oh yeah, for sure. It must be eating her alive that Shampoo's rejecting her."

"I'm not - What was that?"

"Yeah, well, I mean, it's clear that Shampoo's out of her league anyway. She could have anyone she wanted at the snap of a finger."

Kodachi began to let out a sound not entirely unlike a rabid dog. Flecks of foam began to form around her mouth.

"Remember when I asked out the head cheerleader at Seisyun High School and she shot me down super hard? And how you guys made fun of me for aiming so high? That's what this reminds me of."

Said an obviously. Overweight. Glasses wearing. Otaku. With crumbs on his shirt. And a rather obvious ketchup stain on his trousers. Which was at least three. Days. Old. Something in Kodachi's brain went pop, pop, pop.

"You think I couldn't seduce her?!" Kodachi then let out her signature laugh "Ohohohohoho! Why, it would be a simple matter for me to manage such a thing! Prepare yourself, you Chinese hussy! These legs you're staring at will be wrapped around your head before you know what's happening!"

"That would leave you disqualified from match - Oh, Shampoo gets it now. No thanks!"

Meanwhile, in the audience, Kyoko nodded in approval and wiped a tear from her eye. "That... would be the best possible ending to this match! Go Kodachi! Ride that blazing hot booty into the sunset!"