Story: Quadranma

 

 Appearances are so often deceiving. What lies on the surface is often betrayed by what lies beneath. They say you should not judge a book by its cover. Well, you also should not judge the subject of a magazine article by the pictures taken of them.

This is especially true of the Golden Pair. A devastating team of martial arts figure skaters known as Mikado Sanzennin and Azusa Shiratori. Terrors on the ice! Talented geniuses of their craft! Take a picture of them on the ice and you will behold a handsome gentleman holding hands with a cuddly bright-eyed babe.

Off the ice is a quite different story.

"Hmm~hmm!" Shampoo happily hummed one morning while out and about on the streets of Furinkan. Riding her brand new bike on top of a fence like it was no big deal. "Shampoo too too glad they hire her as waitress! Nice to work right under home, no travel time!"

"Papillion! Come back Papillion!" a cutesy voice called out from somewhere behind her. Shampoo ignored it.. Because of course she did. She didn't even know what Papillion meant, but it sounded like a name. One she was unacquainted with. Therefore, not her problem. She was on her way home to her loving husband Akehito, daydreaming of their future together and the adorable cafe that they were setting up. Of course, she was also in a good mood because last night he had been like a wild animal in a very nearly literal sense owing to his bizarre cat -

Danger! Shampoo hopped a little in her seat, making her bike bounce. A girl leaped by, landing a little ahead of her with poise and grace. Then pirouetted effortlessly and bounced right back, her grabby hands aimed squarely for Shampoo's bike.

"Give Papillion!" the crazy girl yelled. Shampoo narrowed her eyes, old instincts from her forgotten life kicking in. This girl was annoying. She should eliminate this obstacle before... before!

"Azusa! Stop bothering this delightful woman!" yet another stranger interfered, stepping in between them before violence could occur. Which, honestly, Shampoo was a little disappointed in. "Curb your klepto tendencies for once in your life! I am terribly sorry about her, if she finds something cute she simply cannot help herself."

"Is okay," Shampoo said. Oooh, she had an itch in need of scratching. That crazy girl needed her face ground into the pavement.

"To make it up to you, how about we get together over coffee? A pretty girl like yourself - "

"Is far too gorgeous to be seen with someone of such average levels of handsomeness," her beloved Akihito said, smoothly walking past them. "Ah, sweetheart, what a delightful bicycle. It'll be ideal for takeout orders, for our <i>husband and wife</i> cafe."

That should be the end of it. It really should. In any reasonable, sensible conversation between a man and a woman where the man is hitting on the woman, if another man comes by and all but goes 'this is my wife, back off' that really ought to be all there is to it. However... That's the trouble with this pair. They're both quite single-minded about their collection. Even though it annoys the other half quite a bit.

Mikado coolly ran his hand through his hair. "Hrmph, calling me average? Sir, that's an insult I cannot - Will you leave that bike alone? I'm trying to challenge this cretin for impugning my good looks!"

"But Mikey!" Azusa whined. "If you get to hit on a married woman, surely I'm allowed to take one little bikey wikey!" She tilted her head as if realising. "Hey, that rhymes with your name!"

"My name is not Mikey! It's - Wait, they're already walking away!"

Not quite the perfect team off the ice, are they? Indeed, the married couple were already wandering off, all but forgetting the weirdos behind them for the annoyances they were.

"So I wound up getting a job at the ice rink," Akihito said. "They want me to set up an event, a showcase of some kind for some hard-to-work with group called the Golden Pair."

"Oh? What sort of event?" Shampoo asked.

"Excuse me! Stop ignoring us!" Mikado yelled, storming over to them. The pair up ahead moved faster.

"A martial arts showcase of some kind," Akihito said. "Something to do with martial arts figure skating. Apparently they want a good opponent for them, ideally a happy couple."

"Papillion! Papillion!" Azusa yelled, skipping after them, and yet again Akihito and Shampoo picked up the pace a bit. She scowled, reached into her bag and then pulled out a pair of roller skates, tossing another pair to Mikado. A moment later, the two of them were zipping ahead of Akihito and Shampoo, neither one of them able to let go of the potential addition to their collection. "You give Papillion over, or Azusa will cost you your job!"

"Now, now Azusa, let's not be rash about this," Mikado said. He looked them over. "After all, would it not be far more satisfying to take them on in our area of expertise? How about a little gamble? Find a couple that can take us on -"

This, of course, is where Shampoo got to let out that urge from earlier on and clocked Mikado right in the face... Sending him flying back on his roller skates, apparently unharmed. He rolled around on them with arms crossed, before sticking out an arm to grab a passing lamp post, which he used to change his direction in a flash while maintaining the momentum gained from Shampoo's strike.

The eerie part was that he had made that all look quite effortless. Though his face had to be stinging from Shampoo's blow, he was still smiling, and still upright. That made them both realise that this guy must be tougher than he looks.

Azusa rolled up to him and grabbed onto Mikado, whirling him around and forcing both of them to duck his kick, then roll over when she whirled around with a nasty looking leg sweep. This pair really weren't a joke!

"If the pair of you look to threaten my job over my wife and her bicycle, then I might as well resign immediately," Akihito said. Too proud to let them use that threat to get to him, or let him use it to gain even an inch of leverage over the two of them. "Who would want to work under someone who could threaten such a thing on a whim."

"My husband is too too great, he get another job in no time flat!" Shampoo stuck out her tongue.

"Quite so," Mikado said. The twinkle in his eye was quite manic. "My partner is a little overeager." As if he wasn't. "That's why I would like to place a little gamble instead. Your wife's lips, and her bicycle. Up against double your salary. All you have to do is bring in a team able to beat us. Do you think yourselves capable of doing that?"

"... How stupid do you think I am? I'm not taking that gamble! My wife's lips are more precious to me than any sum of money. Good day, sir."

Akihito and Shampoo grabbed the bike, then jumped onto a nearby rooftop and scarpered before this crazy pair tried anything else. Anyone else trying this would never get away. The Golden Pair were like a dog with a bone, they wouldn't let go easily - but these two were fast. Crazy fast, and roller skates aren't exactly made for roof jumping.

Still, Akihito had the bad feeling that this wasn't over. He still had to deal with those two lunatics for his new job. If they had really pushed the matter, he would have rather resigned than make the trade. The gamble was also a foolish idea no matter how you sliced it. However... There was something deep inside him telling him that he wanted to see them both made much less pretty than they already were.

Heh. Perhaps there was, regrettably, a little trace of Isamu still inside his soul. Ugly though it might be to think of such a thing, that level of pettiness did seem like him. Nonetheless, the question remained of what he should do. Who should he have confront those two lunatics on the ice? No, think of it this way. What would be the absolute most cruellest thing he could possibly do to either of them?

Put it like that, there was only one answer. Rather than Isamu, how about their sister?

<hr>

Tatewaki Kuno felt like the luckiest man on Earth. Here he was, strolling down the street arm in arm with his new girlfriend. Correction! One of his two girlfriends. Ranko Saotome. His live-in girlfriend. An adorable little minx who made him feel... so alive! By her very presence he was invigorated.

Also she annoyed his twisted sister something fierce, which was always a plus. A very, very big plus in his book.

As to his 'other' girlfriend, that was regrettably Nabiki Tendo. The two of them had always had a strange chemistry about them. He thought it hate. It turned out to be... hateful lust. The sort that could only be felt between two people who couldn't stand on another's personality, but were keenly aware of the other's sex appeal. She was not currently present as she did not want their relationship known. An easy agreement for him to make. He had two girlfriends, and it wasn't even two timing!

"So? Where are we going today?" Ranko asked, biting her lip and fluttering her eyes at him. In truth, he had not yet decided himself. Merely basking in her companionship... or even better still, showing their relationship to the public was enough for him to feel content.

"Ah, pardon me, but your lips are in dangerous need of kissing!"

"Urgh, no T-H-A-N-K-S, you're not my type."

"To be turned down twice in one day? I, Mikado Sanzenin, shall not hear of it!"

Something shot up Tatewaki's spine upon hearing this. Indeed, he turned to look and saw a man standing in a field next to a cheerleader. It very much looked like she wanted to do something about him right now, but some other girl was trying to run off with her pompoms, insistently screaming something about 'Benedict'.

This... would not do. Drawing himself to full height, Tatewaki Kuno detached himself from Ranko and marched over towards them, ready to save the damsel in distress - only for Ranko to dive in and deliver a flying kick to the man, sending him rolling backwards on what appeared to be roller blades. This was followed up by an overarm throw on the would be pompom thief, which evidently knocked the wind out of her sails something fierce.

"You okay?" Ranko asked, and the cheerleader looked up at her with starry eyes.

"So C-O-O-L!" the cheerleader muttered. Huh. It felt as though he'd been about to pick up a flag of some kind, only to have it stolen right from under his nose. "I'm Mariko, M-A-R-I-K-O,that's my name! My gratitude I can't contain!"

"Uh, Ranko Saotome, nice to meetcha?" Ranko scratched the back of her head. "Say, why don't you join us on our date? That way, if those guys show up again, we can kick their butts!"

"Indeed, to gang up on a helpless maiden is quite a shameless act," Kuno nodded. It was disappointing they could not spend time together, but caring for the needs of the helpless must come first. Of course, there were a few things that he'd failed to realise.

Firstly, Mariko was probably about ten seconds from kicking their butts herself. Secondly, and more crucially, this was the start of yet another weird incident involving the Saotome siblings.