Story: Genma the MILF

 

 There comes a time in everyone's life where they must ask a difficult question of themselves. Such points are the crossroads in everyone's life - are you happy in the job you're in? Perhaps you should change your eating habits? Is it time to move out of this house? Questions of that ilk. They are momentous questions. Deep questions. The sort that requires very careful consideration before a single step is taken.

Today, on her way to school, Akane Tendo was faced with such a question. The target of that question was up on the fence next to her. 'Balance training' he'd called it. Then apologised that she couldn't join him owing to the school uniform she was wearing, and offered to let her try it out when she was wearing, say, shorts or trousers rather than a skirt. Naturally, Akane glowered at him. Then returned to her question.

Was she into Ranma Saotome?

It would be easy to see most girls saying 'yes' to that. Objectively speaking he was kinda handsome. Well built. Polite in a weirdly kinda rude way. He obviously respected women. On the other hand that curse was kind of a turnoff, and the odd things he'd say sometimes were very... Not quite condescending, but it could be easily seen that way, she supposed?

He was certainly into her! He'd made no bones about that. That was both extremely off putting to learn and yet also oddly refreshing in his honesty and willingness to give her space to figure out if she reciprocated. She didn't really know the answer to herself.

"Pardon me for interrupting your deep thinking, but I am curious," Ranma said. "What is Furinkan High School like?"

Oh yes. That's right. Somehow - and don't ask her how - Ranma's mother had managed to arrange for him to attend Furinkan High School the day after he'd arrived at their home. That shouldn't be possible. I mean, that kind of paperwork needs time to be processed. Maybe done in advance? Snugly timed if so.

"It's a school," Akane said. "Just an ordinary high school." Up on the fence, Ranma nodded. "I mean, there are your typical rumours of love enchantments. The principal hasn't been seen for quite a while. The vice principal is rumoured to be a crossdresser - "

"Nothing wrong with that," Ranma interrupted, but with something in his tone that indicated he wanted her to continue.

"-With his own personal army of crossdressers."

"Plenty wrong with that," Ranma said. "At least, taken out of context. In context it might be reasonable."

"Oh yeah?" Akane asked. "What kind of context might make that reasonable? Having a personal army of crossdressers at your beck and call is reasonable when...?"

Ranma mulled it over and shrugged. Couldn't think of one either.

"But yeah, aside from all that - and the rumour there's a magical spring under the girl's locker room, oh and occasionally a secret passage is found in some completely random location, and last week there was a ghost sighting..."

"Yep, a perfectly ordinary high school," Ranma concluded. Then, for no apparent reason, he backflipped off the fence. "Ta-da! How do you think I'll fit in?"

Cue the splash. An old woman tossing water out on a ladle had just hit Ranma dead on. Drenched him, activated his curse, turned him from a kinda handsome well built boy into a cute busty shortstack with a round little face and very nice pair of - Uh, anyway!

"Oh gosh, you can't go to school like this!" Akane said.  Trying very hard to ignore the way that wet shirt was clinging to Ranma's very nice -

"Why not?" Ranma shrugged. "I mean, let's be reasonable here. It would be irresponsible of me to attend a high school and not let everyone know about this curse right away. That's the sort of place where a person's gender is quite important - what if I get splashed in the boy's locker room? Also, would you feel comfortable letting me attend knowing I could enter the girl's restroom or locker areas undetected? Clearly, special accommodations will be needed for my unique situation. Hiding it helps nobody."

That was exactly it. That was the sort of thing that was annoying her about him. How... reasonable he sounded. Or tried to sound. So he's just going to attend school as a girl today, and then show everyone his curse later on? And he was worried about fitting in?

"You're opening yourself up to teasing and gossip," Akane warned. "Remember, these are high school students. They won't be nearly as open minded as you."

"Well, it's a good thing I'll have my cute fiance backing me up, huh?" Ranma said, flashing a cheeky smile that, on this girl form, could likely make snow melt at the south pole. "Besides, from the sound of it this curse won't even be the weirdest thing they'll have heard about."

"But the other things are just rumours and gossip, nobody's really seen actual factual magic before."

"Maybe," Ranma said. "Maybe we should team up and investigate those other rumours?"

They were approaching the school now. Akane could hear it up ahead already. The steady rumbling. Her feet automatically picked up the pace. Right. She hadn't mentioned this to him for some reason. Why not? It was obvious he'd see it right away, as soon as they arrived. Had she been afraid of his response? Figured he'd try to take advantage of it? Didn't want him to feel sorry for her?

"Hey, what's going on?" Ranma asked.

"Keep back!" Akane yelled. "This is all mine!"

"Akane, I love you!"

"Akane, date me!"

"Ignore them Akane, let me defeat you!"

'Let me defeat you' indeed! Did they think she had no pride as a martial artist? Letting someone beat her in a fight? Only if she was fighting for something she really didn't want! Even then it would be a hell of a time rolling over and playing dead. Ahead of her a crowd of boys, the school's top athletes, were all charging at her with a true killing instinct. It was the same thing every day. Above, she could hear the whispered pity of other girls, her sister included, for having to put up with this nonsense day in and day out.

The first boy unfortunate enough to reach her got to meet her right first, then she used his falling body to provide leverage so she could deliver a crushing kick that knocked down the three behind him. After that, instinct took over. She spun around like a whirling dervish delivering kicks, punshes, sweeps and throws with nary a rhyme or reason. Ask any martial artist how it feels to fight multiple enemies at once, and they'll say the same - it's hell, unless you have a trick to manage them all. In this case Akane was taking advantage of the fact they were all getting in each other's way, each of them trying to beat her in a fight themselves rather than letting anyone else do it. Their goal wasn't just victory, it was their own personal win that counted. Therefore, they couldn't let anyone else get it, therefore no teamwork, and that made enough of a difference for her skill to deal with even this many at once.

Except, there were less of them today than normal. What gives?

"Hey, what's your name?"

"You're really cute."

"If I beat you in a fight, would you date me?"

In response, Ranma said: "Ranma Saotome. Yes, I know I'm cute. And I'll say to you the same thing I said to that backwards village in China: Prioritising a relationship on whether someone of the opposite sex can kick your butt is an unhealthy -"

One of the boys made a try to grab Ranma's shoulder, and for his trouble was left flat on his back with all the wind knocked out of him. Whatever Ranma had done, it had been so fast Akane hadn't even seen it.

Ranma sighed wearily. "See, this is why you don't have a girlfriend, you have absolutely no respect for personal boundaries... and, I doubt you have any respect for women either."

Suddenly, a flower shot out across the yard. Akane plucked it out of the air - then saw another fly past aimed squarely at Ranma.

"Such conduct and critique is unbecoming of a lady," said the bane of Akane Tendo's life. Tatewaki Kuno stepped out from behind the door. Watching as always. Waiting until she had already worked up a sweat before entering the fray, fresh as a daisy. "Ranma Saotome, was it? I would date thee, fiesty one. Come, meet me in combat, and the winner shall be permitted to date the loser."

Huh. Huh! So, this was kind of a eureka moment for Akane, right here. Thinking about the personalities of these two people, this was a meeting she really should have been anticipating. There was no way these two would be able to coexist at the same school. Calling this confrontation a powder keg didn't do it any kind of justice. Something big was about to go down here, and she had a front row seat.

No closer to answering if she was into Ranma or not... Though she had to admit, even though those trousers were pretty baggy her butt looked amazing in them, which defied all laws of fashion she was aware of.

If Akane was a bit more aware of herself she'd realised she'd just answered her question. But she'll get there. Eventually.

<hr>

Who is the most eligible batchelor in Ranma 1/2? Go ahead, take your time. Think about it a bit objectively and - you all answered Ono Tofu, didn't you? Most of you did, for sure. While you might have a crush on Ranma or Ryoga or Mousse or whoever, only one single man in the series has a stable job and is, broadly speaking, ordinary. Handsome. Polite. Incredibly likely to take care of all your needs for the rest of your life.

Doctor Ono Tofu. He seems perfect on the surface, doesn't he? Obviusly he has a quirk. They all have a quirk. But his seems... manageable. Right? He loses control of all reason and becomes a walking talking and occasionally dancing maniac who does things to your joints that neither man nor God would ever normally intend. Compared to getting lost in a straight corridor or a Jusenkyo curse, that's comparatively nice. Right?

Well, about that.

Today, he was looking at a panda that was standing in his waiting room. "I'm afraid this isn't a vet," he said. "They have more specific training that lets them treat animals. I am only trained to treat humans."

The panda stared back at him.

"I don't have bamboo either."

The panda continued to stare. This was becoming quite unsettling. Why was a panda here? He should probably call animal control, right? There was something almost human behind those eyes though. The way this panda carried itself was indeed quite humanlike. Then, the panda held up a sign that said something quite inexplicable.

"I'm here for a job," read one side. Flip. "I saw your opening for an assistant." Another flip, and the text had somehow changed. "I'm very good with my hands." Yet another flip. "And I've been told that I'm a people person."

A people person panda. Now he'd heard it all. Well, actually... If he was being honest he was having a hell of a time finding an assistant. No new applicants had come since he put out the advert. A panda able to do all of that could hardly be bad at the job, so - "You're hired. Now, shall we go into the office to discuss pay?"

The panda nodded. Then held up another sign. "May I have some hot water?"

"Ah... yes, there is a kettle in my office. Go ahead, use it as you will."

Alright, let's see now. A panda had come into his workplace to look for a job. He'd given that job to the panda. What should he call the panda? Did it have a name? It didn't have a collar. Calling it Mister or Missus Panda seemed a little strange, but so long as it could carry things, clean up and help with patients that's really all that -

"Ooh, that's much better!" said a woman's voice from his office. "Thank you for hiring me, Doctor Tofu. Soun sent me, by the way. He said that you were looking for someone to employ, and I really don't want to be seen as a freeloader..."

What had stepped out of his office was, in fact, an older woman. Large breasts. Wide hips. A slim waist. All but radiating ara ara energy from every pore on her perfect body.

Now, this creates a problem yo usee. Because Ono Tofu has... a type. Until today, he had only met one woman that fit that type. Kasumi Tendo. And so, he had become smitten with her. Not that anyone could blame him. It was almost impossible to not become smitten with Kasumi Tendo after spending five minutes with her. The trouble was, as mentioned before -

"Oh, no, tralala, it's so nice to have you on board!" Doctor Tofu said to Betty, his skeleton. Do note that Genma was about five feet to his right while he was saying this. "I have to say, you've lost a good amount of weight, hahaha, that can't be healthy! You took it too far!"

Genma coughed, and Tofu pulled himself back from the brink of madness. "Pardon me, my sense of humour you understand," he said. Deep breath now. Deep breath. "I'll get you the uniform you'll need to wear while you're here, so that everyone knows you're my new assistant. One moment Miss...?"

"Mrs Saotome," Genma chirped.

Alright then. With grim determination and slightly trembling hands Tofu made his way to his office, found a slightly damp patch on the floor which was a little odd but not important right now. He went to the closet at the back of rhe room and flung it open, revealing an assortment of uniforms. No, not that kind of uniform! Ordinary uniforms. The sort you'd see nurses wear around a Doctor's office. Scrubs and the like.

Well.... Okay, fine. There was one uniform. His mother had sent it to him for his last birthday. It was sized perfectly to Kasumi Tendo. It was exactly what you're likely imagining. Deep cut neckline, hugged the hips as if the clothes were a parent, and the hips a missing son, only now returned to them after a year. In his estimation it would easily fit Genma's body. She would easily fill it out. She would probably wear it, too....

But no! He must resist! He must not give into temptation! He had a reputation to maintain! Self control, self control, do not give in to base lusts, hand over another set of scrubs and then -

"Ah, that reminds me," Genma said. "I was asked to bring back this book that Kasumi borrowed. She greatly enjoyed reading it, and was wondering if you had any other recommend-"

"Here you go!" Tofu said, handing over the sexy nurse's uniform. "Aha, I do hope this is alright!"