Story: Chilly Harem

 

Needless to say, dearest diary, Mercury and Neptune are quite different kinds of planets. Where Neptune is one of the larger planets in the solar system, Mercury is among the smallest. Where Neptune is among the furthest from the sun, Mercury is the closest. Taking these facts into account it's only natural that they would be quite different in, for example, climate. Neptune is a brisk snowy place, perfect for yuki-onna like myself. Other species find it less habitable.

Mercury is, of course, uncomfortably warm. The opposite extreme. It is entirely possible for our kind to tolerate its climate with a little preparation, though it is not an especially advisable visiting location. Still, it does have a number of resorts that cater to all manner of clientele - residents of any planet may find accomodation there, and will find the locals friendly and polite.

Naturally, I had no trouble at all in booking reservations for associates of mine. They'd never had anyone from Earth visit, so it would provide them with a greater chance to expand their business. With certain restrictions, of course. I had insisted on being able to observe them discreetly at all times - to better protect their interests, you understand.

Oh dearest diary, I can hardly wait to witness - remotely, from the comfort of Neptune - how this date unfolds. Shall this be the first true success I have? Will Ryuunosuke join Darling's harem? The anticipation may cause me to summon a blizzard if I'm not careful. I shall be sure to fill you in on what transpires!

<hr>

The first thing Ataru noticed on Mercury was the same thing everyone noticed. My goodness the sun is big and bright up there. If not for the environmental shield, he was pretty sure he'd have been cooked the second they'd arrived. The second thing he'd noticed was, of course, his travelling companion taking off layers.

"What happened to 'I've worked hard in hot weather, I'll tough it out'?" Ataru playfully asked, and for his trouble got hit in the face with a sweat drenched pair of trousers. He peeled them off his own face - itself dripping with sweat - and took in the glorious sight of Ryuunosuke standing there, tying up the bottom of her t-shirt to expose a bit more of her healthy skin. It was a bit weird seeing her there in boxer shorts, but kinda hot in its own way. Maybe about as hot as this weather? He'd have to think about that. It was really hot in here!

"None of your nonsense," Ryuunosuke stuck out her tongue. She started to fan herself down, her demeanour - as ever - extremely boyish. Enough to make Ataru briefly forget on occasion that this was a date with a girl rather than hanging out with a boy.

"Here, Oyuki let me borrow some ice from Neptune," Ataru said, offering her a bag.

"It's still weird how you just know all these aliens," Ryuunosuke said, snatching the bag away.

Kukuku! What a master stroke this was! In an effort to keep cool, Ryuunosuke would surely take out that ice and rub it in fun, sensitive places. Like her neck, craning it up and letting the water drip down her body, a thin line of water trailing under her collar. Or perhaps she'd rub it across her now exposed tummy, or up her legs? Yes, press it into your thighs! Oh, they were all such good options! He could hardly wait to see what she did with -

"Phew, this is just what the doctor ordered!"

Or she could press the bag against her head like a normal person would do. Not nearly as sexy as he was hoping for, in fact the way she was going about it was so boyish he could barely believe it.

"Ah, welcome, welcome Earthlings!"

Ataru turned around to say hello to the greeter - and balked for a moment when he saw a giant, red skinned man with smoke where his legs should be, and the smoke was trailing off into a little oil lamp on the floor. Also his hair looked like it was made of fire, but that lamp thing was really weird and almost made the hair seem normal by comparison.

"Your first time seeing a Mercurian?" the greeter asked. "Ah, the joy of experiencing new peoples, cultures and species! It is a distinct pleasure of ours! Earth may be a nearby planet but we know so little about it due to its rather limited technology compared to the rest of the galaxy. It will be so exciting for us to discover your tastes! Might we recommend our tanning salon? The finest in the cosmos! Or perhaps a deep tissue massage? A nice meal for two? Your wish is our command."

Ataru rubbed his hands with glee, eager for the chance to rub down Ryuunosuke in a massage or three - but the girl pushed his head down and yelled excitedly. "Hold on! I can have dinner up here? When we're 82 million km away from Earth? Where my old man hasn't a chance in hell of finding us and stealing my food?! Where I don't gotta fight off his chopsticks if I want a decent meal?! Where he can't lie to me about what tastes good and what's poisonous?!"

"Sir, do forgive me for saying so, but you should desperately seek to legally separate yourself from your parent via any means available to you on your planet, for the sake of your sanity and future well-being," the Mercurian greeter said with a rather alarmed expression on his face, and literally everyone that knew the Fujinamis (but wasn't one of them) nodded in agreement with that statement.'

"Not until I kick his ass!" Ryuunosuke flexed a bicep. "I'm getting close! Any day now I'll be strong enough! Pack me up with protein, I'll be good to go!"

"Very well." The greeter pulled out a device that shone a light on both Ataru and Ryuunosuke's mouths. "A palette scanner. We wouldn't want to accidentally poison you, or give you something that is, for example, delicious to Oni but disgusting to Earthlings, now would we? This will be analysed, and a dinner prepared shortly thereafter. Might we recommend a touch of pampering first?"

"Yahoo, pampering!" Ataru cheered, and began to dance around excitedly. "Pampering! Pampering, pamper- " And then he fell over because physical exertion on Mercury was a really stupid idea. Which is largely why he did it, really.

<hr>

So far, so good. Oyuki did feel a little uncomfortable watching them in that horrid, hot environment, but she could certainly distract herself from that feeling by looking over the bodies of her two targets. Ataru Moroboshi was, perhaps, not a conventionally attractive man, but it was astounding how many of her buttons he pushed. As for Ryuunosuke, he was a slab of beefcake in his own right. A bit rough around the edges, but if Oyuki couldn't have Ataru she'd certainly be willing to settle for Mister Fujinami.

Though, it must be said, something was starting to bother her. Tickling away at the back of her mind. She couldn't quite get at it, unfortunately. Oh well. Whatever it was, she'd deal with it. In time. She picked up her communicator and sent a quick message:

"Have them do something manly together," she instructed. The Greeter was under contract to help her in any way to facilitate the date towards a, shall we say, arousing conclusion. "Perhaps... an endurance test?"

<hr>

Why is it that so many men like to engage in dumb challenges that can really get them hurt? The idea that it's manly to engage in stupid things is really not a positive message that should be shared, you know? Games of chicken, drinking beer quickly - or, as in this case, the dreaded endurance test.

The idea was simple, yet also horrifying. The competitors sit in a sauna until one passes out or bugs out. This is a really, really bad idea for numerous reasons. True enough, studies have shown that a stay in a sauna can be as effective as most exercise regimes. However, that's to a point. Heat exhaustion is a real problem. You've heard of a Marathon, right? It's named for a place in Greece, where after a battle a messenger called Pheidippides ran to Athens to proclaim victory - and died immediately after doing so, because you can have too much of a good thing. In this case exercise.

So, don't do it. Just, don't. If you absolutely must do it, don't do it unsupervised. Staying in a sauna too long is a good way to do some real damage to your body. Use moderation, use intelligence. Traits that, it must be pointed out, neither Ataru nor Ryuunosuke were in abundance of.

Now, they didn't actually have saunas as such on Mercury. What they did have was a room that had a bit less air conditioning than the other rooms. A couple of benches, a security camera to observe and scanners to make sure they were keeping safe.

Ataru had sat down on the bench right away. Ryuunosuke? Started to do jumping jacks. Just in case you thought that I was joking about the lack of intelligence, or thought I only meant Ataru.

"Hah, come on! You gonna puss out and just sit there?" Ryuunosuke jeered while jumping up and down. "You call yourself a man?"

As a matter of fact, he did. That was part of the problem. Try watching Ryuunosuke, dripping with sweat, in those clothes, doing jumping jacks right in front of you. Try to not get erect. That's a real challenge of control over your own body right there.

And then, dear god in heaven, as if to torment him even more she stopped doing jumping jacks -and started doing lunges. Deep, striding lunges.

"Hah! You got no stamina!" Ryuunosuke continued to jeer. "You look like you're about to pass out even though you've just been sitting - "

And then he toppled over off his seat, because he was getting too aroused by the complete babe in front of him whose clothes were so thoroughly drenched in sweat and plastered to her body that the only thing left to his imagination would be, for instance, the colour of her kidneys.

<hr>

Dearest diary... I have made a dreadful mistake. All this time, I had believed that Ryuunosuke was a boy. Yes, I had believed that fervently. However, I have now learned how mistaken I was. Her behaviour and demeanour is, indeed, quite masculine - but her body very much is not.

You see, dearest diary, the two of them went into a room for an endurance test - and Ryuunosuke's clothes became quite see through and clingy. That made it quite clear - not only is she a girl, but she's more stacked than I! While I had been fully supportive before of Master Moroboshi's attraction to her when I thought that she was a boy, a better look at her body makes my desire for this coupling to be doubled in intensity.

It does require an adjustment of my plans, it must be said. So much of what I had intended to do with this visit had been predicated on my incorrect assumption of her gender. However, one does not get far in intergalactic business without being a touch flexible in your approach. And so shall I be…

Signed, Oyuki