Story: UY First Impressions

 

 "On reflection, being near a freaky portal while all manner of alarms blare through the facility is making me seriously rethink my strategy to survive this game," Shinobu mused. She patted herself down and checked herself out. "Maybe they'll let me - er, force me to wear something as demeaning and overtly sexual as this bunnygirl outfit?"

Do note that she had said that like it would be a good thing. This girl might be getting laid as much as she wants, but she's got issues, man. Not least of which was the inexplicable alarm warning her that she was in all kinds of trouble, as if she wasn't already. This left her with only one sensible, responsible and mature course of action.

"You take the blame for this!" she yelled at her Oni pet. "I'm hiding elsewhere before a multifanged hellbeast emerges from that portal!"

"Oh, don't be silly, it won't be a multifanged hellbeast," the Oni said. "Those things wouldn't last five minutes on that planet. They'd be eaten alive."

Funny, that did not make her want to slow down to see what came through. That didn't mean she wasn't keeping an eye on it as she very quickly backed out of the room just in case. It opened wide, it shimmered and glowed a terrible blue light -

"-uuuuuuuuuuuuuck!"

And then it spat out a total babe like an intergalactic wish granting machine. Oh! Ohhhh! It was that pretty pink haired doll-like chick! Shinobu rushed over to her, glad to meet what was obviously and clearly another human that got caught up in something over their head.

Shinobu quickly checked her out. For signs of injury, obviously. "Hello! Are you hurt? Should I check your muscles? Take your pulse? Perform CPR? Ah! Maybe your clothes are too tight and you're having trouble breathing!"

Truly, this is Ataru's woman. Through and through.

"Setsubuuuuuun!" a familiar looking Oni baby yelled while flying out of the portal, breathing fire from its mouth and dragging out yet two more babes alongside him. It was... Kurama and a really cute tomboy.

"Oh, if there is a divine spirit in charge of this universe, know that I am grateful to you for this bounty," Shinobu muttered to herself, staring quite intensely at the now three total babes that had appeared in the room with her. "It more than makes up for the hell of being forced to participate in this game."

"Hrmph, pervert!" the pink haired girl hissed. "Hey, you two! Might as well let him go now, you've already been dragged to this place - wherever we are! Oh gosh! Poor li'l Ran is lost on a planet without any idea where she is!"

“Setsubun Setsubun what’s the goal!?” Ten shouted.

"No way sis!" the boyish cutie grunted, digging in her heels in a desperate attempt to reign Ten in. "We let go of this little guy, who knows who he'll challenge to a contest next!"

Fortunately he couldn't keep breathing fire forever, and that's when the two of them were able to grab him. Though he was still kicking and screaming and biting quite a bit. Luckily, that tomboy had a pretty solid grip, and was able to tie him up with her shirt.

Which, hey, free show, Shinobu wasn't complaining at all. In fact, this was her opportunity to get to know them all better.

"Hi, I'm Shinobu, nice to meet you," she said, shaking their hands. "What's your names? Your addresses? Phone numbers? Three sizes? Turn ons? Turn offs, just in case?"

"Oh no, not you again!" Kurama groaned. "I am not in the mood for lesbian come-ons from an inferior species."

"You sure about that?" Shinobu asked. "Give me five minutes and I can change your -"

"Aaaaargh!" Ran screamed, and not in the fun way. She pointed accusingly at Shinobu's Oni bitch. "You! We're on Setsubun V, right?!" He nodded. "That means we're at the last place in the universe we want to be!"

"Hey, don't worry about it," Shinobu said, hopping over to Ran to rub her shoulders. "I know a way we can all feel better. Once we find somewhere to ditch Ten..."

"Sounds good to me, I'm in for it!" Ryuunosuke yelled, still struggling with Ten. "Whatever it is, it's gotta be more fun than this!"

Shinobu grinned, imagining the fun they would get up to together. "Oh, don't worry, by the time I'm done the three of you will be one hundred percent satisfied!"

"Ahem."

Now, Shinobu knew Ataru well enough to recognise that disappointed cough. It usually sounded whenever Ataru had done something especially stupid. Which was often. Not daily so much as thrice daily, on average.

“Mr. MorosboshI!” Shinobu said, “What are you doing here?”

“Watching these teenagers. I’d ask why you’re wearing that but I imagine it’s some ridiculous chain of events of which that outfit is only the final step. I'm only glad your father isn't here to see you in it, he'd probably keel over from shock.”

If anything could throw cold water on her intention to hit on these three babes, it would have to be that. Bah! She could have gotten her pet Oni to take care of Ten for a while, but with Mister Moroboshi around, he'd be a Responsible Adult and not allow any canoodling at all!

Which was enough to snap back her thinking like a released rubber band. Tears welled up in her eyes and she rushed over to him, letting them flow freely off her now.

"Mister Moroboshi, it's so unfair!" Shinobu wailed. "I was randomly selected to be the target for these aliens in their dumb game!"

"What?!" Mister Moroboshi gasped. "You? Not Ataru?"

"I know right, what gives?! Now I have to avoid being pelted with beans or one of these Oni - "

“Setsubun!” Ten shouted, and hurled several beans towards Shinobu at machine-gun speeds, who deflected them with her index finger while still talking to Mr. Moroboshi.

"-Will have me as their slave" Shinobu continued. "A meek, ordinary girl like me will have to - Cut that out already will ya!" For a moment it looked like she had fangs and her head was larger than the metal ring the group had gone through.

"Setsubun!" Ten yelled again, launching himself across the air in an attempt to grab onto Shinobu that relied upon the idea that she would not hit something so small and helpless. Granted, the 'helpless' aspect was a little ruined by the fact he could breathe fire, but it was the impression that counted.

Even Shinobu could only gasp at the brilliance of this strategy. Ten let a wicked grin fall upon his face. It was flawless, perfect, he'd win for sure! She'd never raise a fist against him, and with beans in his hands he'd be able to hit her with them for sure!

Problem was, when he wasn't breathing fire his flying speed was kinda slow. Like, tortoise-like slow.

"Setsubuuuuuun!" Ten yelled, and Shinobu simply walked in a circle around him. Not even a big circle. Like, you could just about fit a regular hula hoop inside this circle.

"Huh..." Ryuunosuke grunted. "Guess she's got this under control."

Ran smacked her sister across the back of the head. "Didn't you learn anything about tempting the universe?" she asked.

Sure enough, the walls began to crack and crumble and spark with yellow and white energy, right before bursting apart and revealing - what else - Ataru, Lum and Benten flying in with reckless abandon (as if there's such a thing as prudent abandon).

Oh yeah, and the sky was for some reason on fire.

"Your cute little butt is mine, earth girl!" Benten yelled, drool and spit flying from her mouth, her eyes as wide as dinner plates, fixated on Shinobu's chest rather than her butt. For those, too, would belong to Benten if she won this game. She pulled a bazooka out of nowhere and unleashed a hellstorm of beans onto the room - but an arc of lightning shot out from Lum's fingers, bouncing between the beans and causing them to ignite.

When they landed, Ryuunosuke was already gathering them up. No sense letting them go to waste, you understand.

"Thanks Lum!" Shinobu called out.

"Not a problem, future personal maid!" Lum yelled back, every bit as crazed as Benten. The fever had her too. The temporary truce had already broken. She flew out and tossed beans out while laughing so maniacally that every incarnation of Doctor Frankenstein in fiction felt a little jealous. It wasn't helped by the fact that this girl could literally make her own lightning.

Shinobu, for her part, now had to actually focus on running away because Lum was actually quite agile in the air, and Benten could pilot that bike blindfolded through an asteroid belt with no problems. Not least because in actual asteroid belts the distance between the individual asteroid is kilometers, many, many kilometers so they're not nearly as dangerous as usually portrayed in sci-fi. Luckily this setting <i>is</i> sci-fi so we can pretend that she can travel one of those belts, and you get the idea of how nimble she is.

"Eeeeek! Stop picking on me, you stupid aliens with your fancy powers and tech! I'm just an ordinary Earth girl!"

Which is when she smacked the ground hard enough to cause a shockwave, knocking Ataru off the bike and to the ground, but merely delaying the aliens a few moments before resuming their bean throwing chase.

Father strolled across to son in the eye of the storm, while around them Lum and Benten and Ten chased after their prize with increasingly wacky desperation, which was in turn countered by increasingly ludicrous feats of raw, mindless strength.

"So is this the kind of strangeness you've been getting into recently?" Mister Moroboshi tsked. "Can't say I approve. Surely your youth would be better spent preparing for your future."

“To be fair Dad, I’ve slept with all three of them.” Ataru said, “That’s <b>like</b> preparing for my future!”

Mr. Moroboshi’s eye twitched.

"Have you at least been using protection?" he asked, not really wanting to know the answer, but feeling compelled to be the responsible one here.

“Err they have some kind of alien technology thingy that keeps them safe. Shinobu has one too now, that’s how we found her...”

Right. He'd done his duty in being responsible. No need to probe further than that. He casually picked up a bean from the floor and stared at it for a long moment. Such a waste. Without thinking about it, he tossed it over his shoulder as if warding off evil spirits.

"Well, from the sounds of it Shinobu is in quite the pickle," he said. "Son, you're going to need to do the right thing here. Pick up some beans, hit Shinobu with them, win her as a prize and then -"

<i>"Ladies and gentlemen, that's it for this year's Setsubun!"</i> a voice called out. <i>"And in a great surprise, we have a winner! One bean, striking the back of her head when he threw it over his shoulder without even looking! Quite the trick shot, it bounced off a console right into her, while she was powerbombing Princess Benten on top of Princess Lum!"</i> The announcer paused for audience reaction, “This has been perhaps the biggest upset in Setsubun since the Setsubun of 5012, where the participants of the Setsubun of 8011 traveled back in time to compete against their own ancestors.”

Oh no. Someone else had won? It had been Mister Moroboshi's intention to allow his son to win, so that they could at least keep a closer eye on Shinobu and not let anything bad happen to her. An idea he was more at ease with considering that Ataru had already slept with Shinobu at some point or other. But someone else? One of those girls perhaps? Or Ten? That Oni squatting on all fours looking like a kicked puppy?

"Hey, congratulations?" said the literal devil. Ah. This was actually Lum's father. A walking stereotype of an oversized Oni. Mr. Moroboshi had met him once, and knowing who he was did not make him any less terrifying. "Man, you were a real dark horse."

"Tell me about it, Invader!" said another large terrifying man wearing an eyepatch. “A last second appearance. Then, to win so casually, like it barely even matters! This will go down in the history books. Our historians will surely detail every moment, catalogue and study every miniscule instance of that legendary throw!”

"What?" Mister Moroboshi silently whimpered. "What are you -"

A hand fell upon his shoulder. It was Shinobu. Her grip was like iron, but when he turned to look she had a placid smile upon her face. "Do not. Worry. Master. I, Shinobu Miyake-Moroboshi. Will be your. Servant. For the next week. Can't wait to tell my father that you won me."

And in front of him, his own son started to engage in sarcastic applause.

“What!? Now I can’t make Shinobu serve me soda wearing nothing but a maid-headdress!?” Benten whined.

Well, that was an image that he didn't want in his head about his son's girlfriend. One of his girlfriends. Oh, this was causing a headache.

"Pst, Mister Moroboshi?" Lum whispered. "Could you please, um, order Shinobu to help me 'adjust' to Earth life? Using any means she deems necessary?" The cute Oni girl that was also one of his son's girlfriends waggled her eyebrows, making her intentions clear.

"No, no, can't do that, no!" he insisted. He was determined now. He had to keep this girl out of their perverted hands. No matter the cost!

"That's the spirit, you claim that prize for your own!" the giant Oni said. "Come on, let's go out for drinks to celebrate!"

"You got it Mister Invader!" the giant Lucky God guffawed. It sounded like a hurricane. " Hah! Now we got this out of our system, I no longer feel the urge to drink you under the table!"

"As if you could!"

And now he was being dragged away between two bickering giant aliens, while Shinobu meekly followed after them, still clad in her bunnygirl outfit and with no change in sight. Guh! This week was going to be a long one. What was his wife going to say?!

He’d probably feel disappointed that the thing she would mostly likely say is “Let me borrow her.”

1. Ataru immediately hits on Ran, Ryuunosuke and Kurama the second the fathers have left.
2. Benten and Lum start plotting ways to acquire Shinobu anyway.
3. Meanwhile, Sakura is building up a lesbian harem. How's that getting on?
4. The next day, Shinobu starts her 'duties' at the Moroboshi residence.
5. Something else