Story: Anime Bimbo Outbreak

 

 
The things that the Tohsaka Mansion's basement must have beheld in its time. Magic of all kinds, studies of all stripes, rituals and incantations both perverse and comparatively benign. The training of young magi who would grow up to become masters of the craft in their own right. A secure sanctum, protected against all manner of atrocities that those unknowing of this secret world could only conjure in their worst nightmares.

Rin had been using it as her personal gym. With weights. Dumbbells. A punching bag. Anything she could afford.

What? The modern magi must be adept at martial arts as well. Such things are to be expected! There might come a time when you have to fight with your fists and feet instead of throwing fireballs, and there are certainly times when such mundane methods were more effective. Especially when trying to conceal the existence of magic in the first place, which was growing all that much more difficult because of the rise of technology!

At the moment though, she was having to use it to house two unconscious suspicious bimbos. She stood by with her servant, Archer, and the two of them eyed the pair intently.

...

"Archer, I do hope you're not using those enhanced eyes of yours to..." She trailed off. Her tsunderish nature found it difficult to put into words what she wanted to say.

"Worry not," Archer said. "Though I cannot recall my own past, I do remember that I gained a lot of experience in not looking somewhere inappropriate on a woman's body."

That was more of a clue about his identity than anything else he'd told her. So, let's see. Did that mean he'd been in a harem like situation? With women throwing themselves at him left and right? Checking him out a little, Rin did feel a little flush. He was definitely her type. Something about that face was ringing her bell a little bit, and that was before mentioning how tall and muscular he was. Lean, but those muscles...

Ugh! What was wrong with her? Having those thoughts about her own Servant? What kinda pervert lusts over their own Servant? Rin forced her attention to turn towards the two airheads in front of her. One of them was apparently a potent swordswoman, capable of fighting a Servant for long enough to call it a fight before crumpling. That alone is impressive. Not many Magi could manage it. The best thingfor her to do right now was keep them in stasis, down here in the basement while she studied and poked and prodded and -

Yawned.

"Hrmp, my Master is probably the type who works tirelessly through the night until she has the answer to her query," Archer commented, making it seem like it was to himself but in truth it was very obviously intended for Rin to hear. "Of course, even a Magi must rest. Come at this problem with your wits fully about you. I dare say that problem solving is more your forte, and you'll be more effective at it if you're wide awake."

Rin yawned, but still felt like she'd been insulted. "I could solve this in an hour if I really put my mind to it," she sniffed haughtily. "However... They should be safe down here. Whatever freaky energy they're putting out is being contained by my own spells. So I will get some rest. In the meantime, keep a close eye on them in case they do try something."

"Ah?" Archer quirked an eyebrow. "What if Assassin comes in the night? Whatever traps you have set about your home, an Assassin is always superb at bypassing them."

Tsk, she'd forgotten about Assassin. Maybe he was right? Her head did feel kind of hazy. Forgetting something so fundamental to the Grail War as the need to keep your Servant nearby at all times, in case you ran into Assassin... Still. This was an unknown element. It needed further study, but she had the feeling if she had said to Archer "leave them alone and watch me while I sleep" he'd have made fun of her for saying that instead.

"Dummy, I didn't order you to, like, stay down here all night!" Rin said. "You can wander the mansion to check on me, but keep a close eye on these two as well! Surely a heroic Spirit is capable of monitoring two nearby locations at once!"

"Yes, but they're usually not on different floors," Archer replied. "These eyes of mine are superb, but they can't see through most solid objects."

It took Rin an embarrassingly long time to figure out he was meaning things like 'windows' as an exception. Like, duh, that was totes obvious.

"Well, Mister Servant, if you want to really impress me, you'd better find a way to keep me safe, and keep these sluts from trying anything. Draw from your vast array of experience as a Heroic Spirit to think of a way to manage both at once."

There. That should put him in his place. Without waiting for another word from him, Rin went upstairs and crashed in her bed, grumbling darkly to herself about cheeky servants, airheaded ditzes dropping out of the sky, but soon fell into a deep slumber snoring up a storm to the point that buzzsaws would be envious. And during this slumber, she had quite unusual dreams. Centered around a certain boy, who had once spent literally hours trying and failing to jump over a bar. Dreams that involved very little clothing, a great deal of sweat and - Mana transference.

Also... For some reason, a buttload of dolphins. So many goddamned dolphins.

<hr>

Rin was not a morning person. Normally, she would take action to obliterate the alarm clock the moment it dared to rouse her. It was to the point that, as a precaution (and to prevent herself from having to purchase new clocks) she had set up a protective barrier around it that would cause the clock to merely go into snooze mode when she reflexively hit it with something. In fact, she had also set it to around half an hour before she had to get up to make sure that she woke up on time. Merely one snooze activation wasn't enough for her.

Usually.

This morning the alarm clock hit, and she was sitting up in bed. Alert. Feeling weirdly energised. Ready to go, go, go. She practically jumped out of bed and scooted around the room singing a happy little song, to the point that anyone who saw her would be completely freaked out. They would assume there was something wrong with her.

They wouldn't be wrong either. Something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong.

"Darn, did this shrink in the wash?" Rin mused while trying on her uniform. "Feels a bit more snug than usual. Oh, or maybe I've grown a bit?"

She patted down her chest, but... Nah, it couldn't be that. She considered measuring herself, but - nah! She could do that after school and stuff! For now she'd settle for snapping her fingers, and hoping her Servant got the hint.

After a minute of tapping her foot impatiently, Rin's pep sort of vanished. "Archer!" she yelled. "Status report!"

"As you command, my Master!" Archer said to her telepathically. That's right, Master and Servant can do that, can't they? There's a strong connection between them, mentally and spiritually, so it makes sense that would work. Oh, wait a minute, was he being sarcastic there? "Our two guests are still in stasis. Close your eyes, and you may see them."

She did so, and... Yeah, there they were. Sleeping like logs. Horny, busty, dumb logs. Kinda hot though. Rin found herself staring in rapt attention at the rise and fall of their swollen boobs. Nice. Very nice.

"From what my superior eyesight could gleam, their bodies have undergone subtle alterations over the course of the night," Archer continued. "It's not the sort of thing that a human would notice, but they are developing bodies that are more stereotypically appealing to the straight man."

"Stared at them all night did you? Pervert," Rin said. "Alright. In that case, it might be best if you kept an eye on them for now. Try to figure out what's going on with them. If I need you, I'll call for you. If an emergency happens that I can't take care of, I'll use a Command Seal."

Still, nothing should happen in broad daylight... So long as she was careful. Most of the action would happen at night time, and Rin was aware of her surroundings enough to make sure that she was never, ever alone, or even in a place where only two or three people were at a time.

Of course, what Rin hadn't realised quite yet was that she was now a carrier of contagious bimboism. She'd figure this out later on before her brain turned fully to mush - but not before spreading it around the school. And her first victim would be -

"Ah! How unusual! You're pretty chipper this morning!"

Her good friend Ayako Mitsuzuri.

<hr>

So this wasn't exactly how he'd imagined this going. Standing here in Rin's basement, watching carefully over a pair of ditzy naked girls who were under a bizarre enchantment. He'd never seen anything like it before. It was clearly influencing their bodies and possibly their minds in some way, trying to make them more appealing to the opposite sex.

There's a funny thing about Heroic Spirits. All of them that are summoned to participate in the Holy Grail War want to win the Holy Grail for their own reasons. Except him. He had a different motivation for participating that would be extremely shocking to anyone that learned it, but... One does not become a Heroic Spirit without certain inclinations. If something is a substantial enough threat, then the instinct to oppose it overcomes one's own personal shortcomings, one's wants and aspirations.

Archer was feeling that twinge now. His back muscles were taut and ready. While he could take either of them in a fight, and he suspected that his Servant status made him more or less immune to - whatever this was, he still had a sense that this was a Danger to Humanity. Normally he would kill such dangers, but his instincts were telling him that it would not resolve the issue.

No... Rin's research was the best way to manage that. She was much smarter than him in the ways of magic. A little spoiled at this point, not quite as street smart as she might like to portray herself, but she was very much a book smart sort. What was confusing him would be no mystery at all to her.

There was only one thing for it. As much as he did not like the man, pulling in Kotomine seemed inevitable as well. Use him to alert the other Masters. Thinking about it, whatever gaps in knowledge Rin had both Kotomine and Illya should be able to fill in. If they could be convinced to play along. Getting those two to take something like this seriously would be difficult, from what he remembered of them. Not to mention Rin's pride getting in the way... But he felt that it should be possible to get them all to play ball in spite of their various flaws. With a little planning, and some careful guidance he should be able to -

The swordswoman's finger twitched. Archer readied his daggers. Was she breaking free from the stasis?

"I wouldn't try anything funny," Archer warned. "Your level of skill is impressive for a human, but you can't beat me in a fight."

"I don't wanna beat you in a fight," the swordswoman said, teasingly, seductively. He'd heard the tone enough times to recognise it right away. She rolled over, again seductively. God, thinking back to all the times the girls in his life had tried this exact kind of body language against him, made him feel even more resentful of the stupidity of youth than he was already feeling. Which was, it should be pointed out, already to the point where he was ready to literally kill his own past self for being such a dumbshit. "A hunk like you -"

"Yes, yes, but you'd have to get in line."

This time, he was more aware of what this woman was capable of. Her sword fighting techniques were obviously designed with spirit sealing in mind, which was a kind of sword fighting that could let her hurt him. However, with that element of surprise lost he could see holes in her skill level. Holes that he could easily exploit!

"I won't hold back this time," Archer warned. "If you try to leave this basement, I'll be forced to hurt you."

"Mako-chan! Let's not fight!" the other one said. Archer kept his eyes on both of them at once. The other one, he didn't know what she was capable of. Rin was able to take her down fairly easily, but that didn't say anything. "Tee hee! Hello handsome. My name is, like, Mikuru Asahina. We're sooo, like, sorry that we've been causing trouble for you."

"Keep your distance," Archer warned. Their body language was aggressive, but not as if they were planning to go into battle. More like, they were sexually aggressive. They wanted to fuck him, to put it bluntly. Tsch. He wasn't in the mood for that kind of thing. Hadn't been for a long time.  Now. This was a good opportunity for some fact finding. "Are you aware of what has happened to you? It seems as though something has changed you."

"Oh, well, to be honest I'm a CLASSIFIED INFORMATION from the year, CLASSIFIED INFORMATION. We like, totally noticed this weird sorta bimbo thingy going on in the CLASSIFIED INFORMATION so I tried to, um, what's that word, investigate Makoto here. So I CLASSIFIED INFORMATION her, and she, like, infected me with some sorta contagious bimbo effect, and then we accidentally CLASSIFIED INFORMATION ourselves here. Teehee!"

Contagious bimbo effect...? That might explain the aura around them. Everything else spoke of some kind of deep cover post hypnotic effect. But there was one other issue.

<i>"Rin! Get away from everyone!"</i> Archer telepathically warned while in front of him - ugh. The two 'bimbos' started to make out. <i>"There's a good chance this effect is contagious! We have to quarantine you and anyone you've been in contact with immediately!"</i>

Alas, if only it was that simple. As Rin was already well on her way to make this the dumbest and sexiest Holy Grail War yet.