Take Kauzaki had been a fan of magical girls since she was very little. Her earliest memories were reading magazines where girls, just like her, would save the world with the power of love, friendship, and really snazzy outfits. She collected figurines, she recorded every television episodes, she had binders full of every chapter of every major series stacked in her bedroom from wall to wall, to the point she couldn't even remember what colour her wallpaper was.
She would always remember her first sleepover. "Uh... Take, we knew you liked this sort of stuff, but isn't this going a bit overboard?"
"What do you mean?" Take would ask, while hugging her favourite magical girl plush, and wearing her favourite magical girl pajamas, and sitting on her magical girl rug. "Super Sparkly Love Love Candy, anyone? Let's dish about what series we like the most!"
After that dreaded night she was shunned. After that night she became really obsessed.
"No, Take!" her college roomie said. "I don't believe that your thesis on the real existence of Magical Girls will get you anywhere!"
"But they are real! They are!" Take had protested.
"They're fictional! Published in magazines, and broadcast as cartoons!"
"That's part of the conspiracy! It's a coverup! A coverup!"
Yes, quite a healthy attitude for such a pleasant young thing to take. However, her roomie had managed to persuade her of one thing. Broadcasting this realisation was not helpful to the cause of uncovering it. All that would happen is... those trying to keep the existence of magical girls secret from the masses would start to target her instead! She had worked hard. Kept her <s>obsession</s> fascination hidden from public view, and cultivated a sincere, hardworking persona. She'd studied, she'd exercised, she'd made damned sure that her body and mind were as pure and healthy as they could possibly be!
The result: A pretty, pink haired shortstack who had <i>never once had a boyfriend</i> even though guys tripped over themselves to ask her out. Bah! A distraction! What did they think she was, some shoujo protagonist come to life? No! She was... the plucky ally of the magical girl! Too old to be one herself, but not too old to be a mentor figure!
And so! She was sitting in enemy territory, waiting for her job interview. The dreaded entertainment industry. The top echelons of society, those who were responsible for the public at large not knowing of the true existence of magical girls and denying their very existence as a - As a mere fiction! Which was clearly impossible!
When Dream Scanner Emperess had confessed her feelings to Patroller Gladiator at the end of Season two, was that merely a fiction? When Summer Invoker found Battling Sorceress on the verge of death, and her power failed to revive her, was that merely a fiction? Those emotions, those feelings, they were real! They were as real as Take herself!
"Hello Miss Kauzaki, my name is Yumiko -" a lorry went by. A lorry with extremely suspicious timing. "You're here to interview for a promotion to my assistant, yes?"
"That's right!" Take said with great enthusiasm. She looked this woman up and down. Hrmph. The very model of an office beauty. This had been a bit of an obstacle for her. Kind of hard to use sex appeal to get anywhere when a beauty like this is around! Was it any wonder she hadn't found hide nor hair of conspiracy yet within this office? Merely gossip and rumours about real actual magical girl activity that the magazine didn't seem to be trying to hide in the slightest? "I am greatly looking forward to proving my worth with a higher position!"
"According to this, you've only worked here a month. Are you sure you are ready for such a responsibility?" Mrs Yumiko MysteriousLastName asked. Hrmph. A catch like this must surely be married by now.
"Well, yes. As my file will clearly state, I have been an extremely fast learner and quite productive."
“Well according to Hiros- ah Mr. Fudesaki you do seem to have the talent to assist me…”
Well, naturally. Kukuku, at this point Take was pretty certain she could handle Mrs MysteriousLastName's job itself, never mind being her assistant. Of course, since her job likely entailed 'keep Magical Girls secret' then it wasn't a job she particularly wanted to excel at!
In fact, this seemed like a good time to probe the waters a little. See how she functioned there.
"Hehehe..." Take giggled. "Oh, terribly sorry, I was thinking about some gossip I just heard outside. Some of the other members of staff were joking about there being sightings of Magical Girls in the city. That's ridiculous, right?"
"Y-yes, that's absolutely ridiculous," Yumiko hastily replied. A little too hastily. Aha! Ahahaha! Got you! "It's absurd. Ludicrous. The very idea, the notion, the concept that there might be girls running around in outfits far too short and skimpy for their own good, wavign their magic wands and saving innocent people is far too immature and unreasonable to possibly exist in reality. It's silly. It's daft. It's unrealistic. It's absurd -"
"You already said it's absurd," Take interrupted. Huh. That reaction was... way too over the top.
"Yes, ahem! You're quite right," Mrs MysteriousLastName coughed into her hand. Nervously. Nervously? Why nervously? "We really shouldn't spend any more time dwelling on those ridiculous thoughts. Ohohohoho! Magical girls! It really makes you want to laugh! How annoying it would be if they existed in reality! Ahem! Ahem! Cough, cough!"
Take tilted her head and tried to process this reaction. This really, really strange reaction.
"What do you know about my job?"
Apart from the 'hiding Magical Girls' bit? Well, to all appearances, her job involved...
"You're the go between for the marketing and the actual creators," Take answered. "You make the suggestions for manga to try and help make it more popular, thus ensuring more sales."
Thus ensuring it hits more eyeballs, spreading it further afield, propagating their lies and propaganda even further. While also taking everyone's money for the privilege! Draining the truth right out of them, like... Like... The same way that some enemy of justice would drain the life out of people!
Hrm? Wait, come to think that was exactly what it was like, wasn't it?
"Well, that’s a simple way of putting it. But it works well enough. So let's start with this hypothetical scenario," Mrs MysteriousLastName said while taking notes. "So, let's say that the villain of a series has been enacting a long term scheme, but it's proving unpopular with readers. The creator is extremely eager to push their plan through to completion, believing that the public will react well to the end result - but research indicates that they're taking too long to get there. What do you say to the editor?"
“A-aren’t i just your assistant?” She asked. What was with that question!?
“Well I’m not going to be here forever, and if you want to move forward with your career you need to think about your future. Besides, there may be times where I ask your opinion on a matter. I want to see your thought process."
Take thought it over. "Well, I suppose... The first thing I would do is get him to break down his process step by step to see where he was going. Then when he was done, point out ways he could improve the details? Try to work with him to make the work the best it can be. If you just dictate to him, then the creator will resent it. Won't they?"
Mrs MysteriousLastName scribbled furiously in her notes, and Take did mean furiously.
"You'd do that even if they called you a soul sucking harpy?" Yumiko tersely asked. "Even if you break your back trying to work with them, pour your blood, sweat and tears into coming up with little improvements, they still accuse you of something like that?"
Soul sucking harpy...? Take repressed agasp, but only barely. It was like - it was like leashing a dog about to rush out the front door headlong into traffic, that was how close it came to escaping. It couldn't be! Could it? Yumiko MysteriousLastName didn't even have a last name, did she?!
"Uh, I should have mentioned this earlier, but I completely missed your family name," Take sheepishly said.
"Oh, my full name is Yumiko -" and then someone broke a glass just outside the office. Loud enough to completely drown out what that name was. Which shouldn't be possible for something like breaking a glass! You'd need to stack a pyramid of wine glasses on top of each other and drop a bowling ball on them to make this kind of noise! It was almost like a magic spell was preventing her from hearing -
Suddenly it all made sense! Perfect clarity washed over Take in that instant, giving her horrible realisation over the truth! This is why the conspiracy exists. In her mind's eye, she replaced the back of the office with dark shadows, the notepad that 'Yumiko' was scribbling on with a crystal ball, the chair with an ornate throne made of skulls, the desk itself with a torture rack, and the computer with a human victim strapped to it. Oh, and of course the office dress was replaced with a flowing black gown that accentuated her attractive figure and made her sinister features all the more obvious.
This woman was, without a doubt... An enemy to a magical girl team! The head boss in deep cover! Take's heart jumped up to its mouth, then back down into her (impressive) chest at the epiphany.
It made perfect sense! Of course the Evil Magical Forces would work with the Manga industry to suppress knowledge of their most hated foe! How better to ensure they could feed on the innocent? How better to minimise the effectiveness of their foes? Yet they underestimated truth, they underestimated justice, they underestimated the power of friendship!
Now, if only Take actually had any friends, she could get to work unravelling this conspiracy! As it was... all she could do was gather evidence on Yumiko's actions and then - and then unveil the truth to the whole world!
<hr>
The interview ended, and the instant Take was out the door Yumiko collapsed face
down onto her desk. "Hehehehe! She's perfect!" Yumiko cackled. "She's so naive,
she'll take the brunt of the creators' ridiculous demands and let me have the
time and energy to deal with my brand new double life."
Oh yes. That double life. Where she would randomly find herself out and about in a
stupid too skimpy outfit thwarting evil instead of preparing for work the next
day. An assistant of this level of competence would ensure that she would be able to stay on top of everything while still having to put up with that bullshit! Haha! Why, she might even have time to pursue romantic partners! You know, instead of the assistant being the one to run off and leave her behind on the peak of Mount Single!
Ugh. What was next on her schedule?
- Thwart evil at 13:30
- That stupid live show to promote that dumb action series that's popular for reasons Yumiko doesn't get because it goes against all the data.
- The meeting with the market research executive who totally isn't secretly evil.
- Thankfully, nothing exciting until dinner time with Akari.
- Something else
Of course, we know that this has been a running gag since the start, but it amuses me to think that Take-chan is so deep in her own delusions that every time she hears Yumiko's last name she's going to dub over it with a scare chord.
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