Story: Chilly Harem

Hello again my dear Diary.

Apologies for the interlude, but it is a necessary one. I shall return to my misadventure with Ryuunosuke shortly, but this must be written out while it is fresh in my mind. The incident in question focuses on one of my oldest and dearest friends. Benten, of the Lucky Gods.

Benten has always been, to put it mildly, a very rough girl. She is pretty, make no mistake of that. Her body is also quite appealing as well, and she has little trouble in showing it off. I suspect mostly unintentionally.  However, her interests tend towards the more violent and troublesome. While this makes her enjoyable company at times, it can make things trying when she is involved. She also has an extremely powerful competitive edge.

Though that last is also true of myself. Which is why I had already resolved that Benten absolutely must be a part of Ataru's harem. She will prove to be quite the challenge as she has expressed no real interest in the opposite sex. Or the same sex for that matter. Even Rei cannot dent her apparent asexuality. Believe me when I say that this is quite the statement.

Still, I have been carefully planning on how to melt that ice. Forgive the pun, sometimes it is hard to resist. In this case the pun has a double meaning, because this particular event began when Benten had melted from the ice that I had put her in.

<hr>

The ice cracked, the ice heaved, and then the girl within made a stance like a bodybuilder who had the bright idea to show off by tossing their weights out into the audience while letting out a mighty "hyaaaaa!"

Oyuki supposed this was meant to be impressive so she politely applauded the efforts.

“Where’s the freakin’ pears!?” Benten shouted. Oyuki, as ever ready for anything, tossed a can of sliced pears up to her. Benten caught them, ripped them open, and let out a mighty (Oyuki supposed) laugh. "Aha! I knew it! No escaping me this time! Haha!"

"Pears do not have a tendency to flee," Oyuki calmly said. "Especially the canned variety."

Benten stuck out her tongue and strolled down, while Oyuki imagined what she might look like in an Earth harem girl costume. It would probably cover more of her body than that bikini. Perhaps Ataru would prefer the bikini? Questions to ponder, oh so many questions.

"So what was up with the cold reception?" Benten said. Oyuki repressed the scowl. She knew all too well how hard it was to resist the puns. They lurked. They always lurked. Ready to pounce at a moment's notice and slip free from your lips. One must especially watch for their dreaded cousin, 'er, that was unintentional' slipping out after. Which was quite the rude thing to do because it called attention to your horrible joke.

"You tripped our new security sensors," Oyuki lied.”I thought you were an evil counterpart from the mirror universe.”

"You see any goatee?" Benten asked.

"The last time, your evil double shaved it off," Oyuki said. "Which seems quite unsporting, if you ask me."

"Hah! Yeah... Trust that snake to think of something like that! Uh, hey, what's that thing by the ice anyhow?"

"A scanning device to ensure you were from our universe," Oyuki again lied.

"You sure?" Benten squinted. "It looks sorta like a supersonic broadcaster."

Because it was. "That's how it works. It scans by using supersonics. I'll explain the principles another time," Oyuki continued to lie. She then snapped her fingers, and had the device taken away by the ice before Benten could get the chance to properly investigate it. If she did, she might consciously hear the things that Oyuki had been broadcasting through the ice for the last three and a half days.

"What brought you to Neptune?" Oyuki asked. "I am a rather busy woman, you understand."

"Huh? Oh right! I came her for... the pears!"

Why, oh why, did she have to make a pear shape with her hands? While having that body? It looked like she was making a rude gesture about the female form. Honestly now this harem thing was giving her a dirty mind. Dirtier. It was actually already kind of dirty as was.

"Aha! My bike!" Benten yelled, practically (but not actually) skipping over to it. "Alright! This is why I came, you absolutely gotta see this shit, this is my latest invention!"

At which point she upended the sliced pears into the device with the kind of manic grin that Doctor Frankenstein is often portrayed with when the lightning strikes his creation. Oyuki took a step back. She might be a cold person, but she did have a survival instinct. An actually quite solid survival instinct, at that. Certainly better than Benten's, because those noises sounded quite... explody.

"And... hey... presto!" Benten yelled, holding the machine aloft. Suddenly, a bright light shot out of it at a mound of ice... Which very suddenly was transformed into a bowl of yellowish slush. Benten marched right up to it, dipped her finger in and said "tada! A delicious treat, courtesy of my pearinator!"

"Pearinator?" Oyuki asked.

"No, wait. Not cool enough!" Benten said. "The Ultimate Pearinator! Haha! It turns things into a pear version of itself when it shoots it! So, ice becomes a pear flavoured cold treat -"

Suddenly the device went off and struck her bike. Which spontaneously changed colour, and texture, and its shape became a little bit less bike like and a little bit more fruit like, yet was still readily identifiable as a bike.

"And a bike becomes a gimmick pearish bike," Oyuki nodded, mindful of where that thing was aiming.

"Ah, crapbaskets! My bike!" Benten yelled. "Hey, stupid thing! Turn it back! Turn it -"

Then she thumped the top of it, and Oyuki broke out into a flat run, which was probably for the best as a large burst of energy with a distinctly larger rounded bottom and smaller rounded top detonated around where she was standing. When the smoke cleared, Oyuki peered into the crater uncertain of what she might find. Had Benten been turned into walking fruit? Or perhaps a large mound of pears? She dreaded to find out what had happened to her friend.

"I'ma fruity tooty girl selling fruity tooty fruit, gonna munch upon this pear from my fruity tooty suit."

She had not expected to find Benten dancing there in the middle of the crater wearing nothing but fruit in place of her usual metal bikini.

<hr>

I must confess, my dearest diary, that the sight of Benten dancing like that may have raised her in my priority level for harem acquisition. After what happened on the beach (which I will get to, I swear) I had been sure Ryuunosuke was my number one target. But, well, something about Benten inspired me.

<hr>

"So when are you gonna finish my new clothes off?" Benten asked, sitting on Oyuki's couch in her new fruity tooty attire. "It feels like my skin itches when I ain't singing or dancin', and it's grossing me out."

"It's already ready," Oyuki admitted. "It has been for an hour. I have been punishing you for your lack of foresight in that dangerous invention of yours."

"Why you -" Benten snarled, ready to jump on her - only to find her ankles frozen to the floor. What a wonder ice powers are. "Feh! Genius ain't appreciated in its time! My Ultimate Pearinator woulda sold like hot cakes."

"Hot cakes do not tend to sell well on Neptune," Oyuki said. Now. That was enough stalling. It was time to see if her little experiment had worked. "So, I was wondering. What do you think of Lum's Darling?"

"Huh?" Benten grunted. "What brought this on?"

"No reason," Oyuki said. "I've always thought it a little strange. Going from Rei to Ataru, what do you think of that?"

Benten shrugged. "I dunno," she said. "If he wasn't so handsy, he'd be kinda cute. I guess?"

Ice carries sound pretty well. Particularly sound being broadcast by a supersonic broadcaster.

For example, let's say that it was broadcasting something like... <i>"Ataru is realy cute".</i> <i>“Finding a guy with a girlfriend attractive is perfectly fine”<i> and <i>“Polygamy is fucking hot".</i> On a loop. For three days. Was it a long shot? Yes. Definitely. But still, it definitely seemed to have an effect.

"When did you first meet Ataru?" Oyuki asked. "What was your initial impression of him?"

Benten shrugged. "I dunno. Seemed kinda... excitable. I met him during that last big Setsubun, he hit on me you know? Like, right away. Kind of funny.”

"He hit on you during Setsubun?" Oyuki asked. "My, that seems quite adventurous. I've seen how chaotic those events can get. He must have really been into you."

Oh my, was that a tinge of red on her cheeks? "Yeah, well... He's... he's Lum's fiancee so it's not right, you know?"

"Really?" Oyuki asked. "You say that as though you might be interested if he wasn't already with Lum."

This made Benten’s face turn red, “N-no way!” She protested, but in that way you can totally tell it’s really “Yes-Way.”

"Now, now. This is just between us," Oyuki said. Oh, blast. If only she had thought to record this for personal use. In any event, she was almost there. She just needed to push a little bit further...  "In any event, I understand that Lum has a difficult time keeping him on a leash. If she is struggling then I cannot imagine anyone would have an easy time with him."

"Hah! Just goes to show she's not putting the effort in," Benten said, leaning back on the couch. "I'd have him licked in two days straight!"

"Oh really?" Oyuki absently asked. "And how would you do that?"

The trick with subliminal messages is that it couldn’t implant new ideas into a person’s head. The most you could do was draw out ideas they had already had. In other words, Benten had, at least at one point, thought about a relationship with Ataru. Even if only vaguely, and maybe not even taking it seriously.

Still, it was a foothold Oyuki could use.

"Oh, that's easy enough, no trouble at all. If I were to date a guy like Ataru, I'd just chain him to bed and not let him leave until he broke."

... Not quite the direction Oyuki imagined the conversation would take, but it was still a foothold she could use.

"Broke?" Oyuki asked. "I would advise that breaking someone would not be a good idea."

"Nah, nah! I mean like in those crummy hentai things that you get from Earth," Benten said. "You know, where some weak willed “slut” breaks 'cause the guy is fucking her so good? I'd do that, but to him, and for real."

That was… “I had no idea you had that sort of… interest…”

"Eh? Wait, no! I ain't interested in that kinda thing!" Benten insisted. "I found a couple of 'em lying around Moroboshi's bedroom while I was waiting for Lum to show up!"

Getting off track. She could use this as an angle of attack, but her goal was not to embarass Benten as funny as it was. It was to make her wet for Ataru. She had a vague idea that she was almost there, a little more of a push to get her to accept the idea...

"You seem to have put some thought into this at least," Oyuki said. "I thought you might need some time to consider a tactic. To think that you would have such a vivid plan for enticing Lum's man."

"Huh? Wait, what?" Benten grunted. "I ain't enticing him! This was all hypothetical."

"Of course it was," Oyuki said. Now... she wasn't aiming for total victory today. Oyuki was a patient woman. More than you could say for Benten, but... her goal was long term. Not short term. She couldn’t get Benten to spread her legs for Ataru today no matter what. What mattered was making her open to the idea once Oyuki’s improvised plan progressed more. "It would be quite unlike you to try something so vulgar as seduce another girl's man without her permission."

"R-Right," Benten repeated. Then, under her breath, mumbled to herself. "Without her permission..." And, voila, a faint smile played on her lips.

<hr>

I have never witnessed that kind of smile upon Benten's pretty face, diary. I believe that she might prove to be an easier target than I had intended. Perhaps there is something to this subliminal idea... Or perhaps she was already more attracted to Ataru than I had first believed? More experimentation is required. More data must be gathered.

For now though, it is time for me to return to my tale of the beach. After which, I shall resume my plans to recruit my first fellow harem mate...

1. “The contest went about as well as expected, Diary. Earth is surprisingly vulnerable to ‘wacky antics’ to use the scientific term.”
2. “Oh yes. I should mention diary, Ataru being attracted to Ryuunosuke made a lot more sense once I found out she is a woman.”
3. “There has to be a reason why Ryuunosuke’s attempts at attracting women are more successful than my dear Ataru’s. What do they see in him that they miss in Ataru?”
4. "All of a sudden, an unexpected visitor arrived at the beach."
5. Something else