Story: Akane + Shampoo 2 to 1

"Hey Uchan!" Ranma called out, waving happily at his friend who was leaning over her grill. "Say, is this greeting your new way of selling okonomiyaki?"

"I love you!"

Akane seethed at the sight of Konatsu snuggling up against Ranma like that. Oh, she knew that Konatsu had no interest in Ranma (and might also be a boy anyway) but that didn't mean she had to like it when someone that cute was all over her man!

"Well Ranma, it looks like you've seduced another one!" Akane sniffed, turning up her nose in typical tsunderish fashion. But then, the Shampoo side of her took hold, and she grabbed hold of his arm and snuggled against it with fierce jealousy. "I guess I'll have to work harder to make sure you only look at me, yes?"

“Who wants to look at you!”

"I can get you a list if you want..."

Ukyo slammed her spatula down against a block of wood that was behind her grill for some reason. "Quit flirting in my restaurant," she said. "Konatsu, don't take cues from Akane about how to greet customers, it will get my restaurant a reputation."

"Surely a reputation is a good thing."

"Not this kind of reputation!"

Konatsu slunk away, quite uncertain about what s/he had done wrong. Ranma ignored this and took his seat.

"That smells good," Ranma said. "Is that a new okonomiyaki rec-"

"I love you!"

This time Ranma was tackled off the seat, and now both girls were shooting daggers at Konatsu for this quite inappropriate behaviour. Objectively speaking, if she was completely emotionally detached from this sight they would look really, really cute together. Huddled on the floor like that. Ranma having reflexively caught her. While Konatsu had his/her hand on Ranma's junk.

Nobody touches Ranma's junk but her! Akane reached down to grab Konatsu's wrist, and pulled the kunoichi up to his/her feet. "It's not polite to touch what isn't yours," Akane said.

"Please miss Akane, forgive this poor Kunoichi!" Konatsu said. "I don't know why I am doing this, it's quite unbecoming of me."

"You know, I don't think it's your fault," Ukyo said. "I think you've been hypnotised to hug whoever says a certain word."

Crap. She was onto it! Akane scoffed and rolled her eyes, then twiddled her thumbs for good measure. Yeah, the picture of innocence. "Oh, don't be ridiculous. You're reading into things too much!"

"Hey Ranchan! What kinda food is my favourite?"

"Okonomiyaki, duh!"

"I love you!"

This time Konatsu had somehow wound up hugging Ranma's waist so it looked like s/he was blowing him. This was not helpful to Akane's temper right now!

"There, you see?" Ukyo nodded. "Every time Ranchan says that word, Konatsu's all over him."

"Huh? Which word?" Ranma asked, sitting up and pushing an increasingly confused and bedraggled Konatsu away. "You don't mean okonomiyaki?"

"I love you!"

"What did you do to Konatsu?" Ukyo pointedly asked.

"Me?" Akane countered. "Honestly now, you blame me for everything!"

"Remember that stupid tunnel where you tried to set me up with Ryoga?" Ukyo asked.

"That was a misunderstanding! I thought it looked like a fun tourist destination, that's al!"

"Or how about when  you tried to give that freaky enchanted umbrella to Tsubasa. The one that causes people who stand under it to fall in love?"

"It was raining and he didn't have one!"

"Then, on my birthday, you gave me the magical spatula that makes two people soulmates and you tried to give Mousse the other one."

<hr>

Within the world of this fused girl's soul, both Akane and Shampoo looked at each other puzzled.

"I don't remember that," Akane said.

"Me neither," Shampoo said. "I mean, I do remember hearing about the tunnel of lost love and the love umbrella, but..."

"Hold on, wait a minute," Akane said. "This isn't anime continuity here, the writers are not using the OVAs as inspiration, you weren't anywhere near any of those manga chapters. How did you know about that?"

"You are related to Nabiki, and you ask how someone else knows things about your personal life?"

That was a better answer than Akane liked, so she dropped the subject there before finding out what other things her sister had sold out about her. It would just upset her.

<hr>

"Hey, girls! Calm it down a bit," Ranma said. For once, being the voice of reason as he stood in between the two girls about to argue. So you just know he was going to say something stupid any second now. "Listen, regardless of what's happened to Konatsu -"

"Akane hypnotised him into hugging anyone that says a certain word," Ukyo interrupted. Akane stuck her tongue out and tugged on her eyelid.

"Regardless! It's a really bad idea to have Konatsu hanging around an okonomiyaki restaurant if she's gonna hug anyone that says okonomiyaki! She'll be hugging customers coming in and saying 'hey Uchan, gimme your special okonomiyaki', and it'll be really awkward for everyone because they just came in to get some okonomiyaki, and now they're being hugged by a cute girl who's been brainwashed to hug anyone that says okonomiyaki and I'm about to get glomped into oblivion which is why the pair of you have stepped back."

<i>"IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyou."</i> It seemed like once you started hugging a person enough it looked a lot like you were trying to dry hump them.

"... You know, I'm kind of starting to get into this a little bit, now that he's brought it onto himself..." Akane muttered under her breath. "Not in a perverted way, but... You know what I mean?"

"Huh?" Ukyo asked, rather obviously staring at Konatsu's thrusting butt. "You say something?"

She looked away, but too late. Ohohoho! Akane slid right up into Ukyo's personal space. "Where were your eyes focused?" Akane asked, wiggling her eyebrows. "You are into Konatsu, aren't you?"

"Shut up, no I'm not!" Out comes the spatula. "I'm into Ranchan, not some kunoichi chick!"

"A chick, is she? That's a telling choice of words."

"W-well, I can see she's cute without liking her!"

Sounds like some gay panic to Akane's ears. Honestly, these Japanese people were such prudes sometimes. "Nothing wrong with being attracted to a girl."

“No no no. Just because I dress up like a guy sometimes, you.. Aggh! I know this is all part of your evil scheme!" Ukyo accused.

"Oh, no, Ukyo." Akane said putting a reassuring hand on Ukyo's shoulder. "This is far from an evil scheme."

<hr>

“You’re corrupting me.” Akane said, “I can’t believe you’re corrupting me.”

“Come on Akane. Nothing wrong with a slightly evil plot for fun.” Shampoo said.

<hr>

This might come as a great surprise but being fundamentally mistreated and abused and treated like a slave by your hateful hideous stepfamily doesn't do much to build up anyone's social skills. Konatsu was a genius Kunoichi, that much could be certain. However, she didn't really have much knowledge of the way real social interactions worked. Like, at all.

But... she was a genius Kunoichi. Which meant an ability to adapt. To observe. To learn. Konatsu dearly wanted friends, you see. She had been denied them growing up because, again, abusive step-family. The trouble was that she didn't know how to <i>make</i> friends.

So she watched. And she watched carefully. She watched Ranma and Akane's interactions. They seemed really close. Everyone commented on how they very obviously wanted to engage in something called 'intercourse' and 'banging each other like hammers on an anvil'.

Then there was the relationship between Ukyo and Akane. Another close pair of friends. Konatsu had heard mention that they were like cats and dogs. The cats and dogs that Konatsu had seen were very close, and snuggled together all the time, so that was extremely promising sounding to her ears.

“You scheming little succubus!”

“Says the flatchested chef!”

<i>”It’s because of the binding!”</i>

Yes... Yes, that was it. Konatsu had a breakthrough! She understood now, exactly what it means to become a person's friend. Right, right! She nodded. Now it was time for her to apply those lessons and make her very first friend!

"So, uh..." Ranma nervously tugged on his pigtail. "Listen, about this whole hypnosis thing?"

"Don't worry about it, stupid!" Konatsu said, slapping the taste out of Ranma's mouth. "It's not as if I wanted to hug you or anything, got it?" There! Now they were friends!

"Oh hell not another one!" Ranma threw up his hands. "Why do I keep attracting this type of chick?! All I wanted was some okonomiyaki!"

"I love you!" Konatsu yelled at her new friend before snuggling up against his surprisingly comfortable chest. Though not quite as comfortable as Ukyo's looked. "Oh, you stupid fool! Saying that word again. Hmph!"

Ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the everyday life of one who lives the hellish existence of a harem protagonist. The lucky bastard.

The conditioning wears off, just as Konatsu ends up in a very compromising position with Ranma
The next day at school, Ranma somehow <i>keeps saying that stupid word.</i>
That night Ranma has to deal with the other weirdly affectionate tsundere in his life.
Ukyo is so angry with Akane over suggesting that she's into Konatsu that, in a fit of anti-logic, she has sex with Konatsu just to prove that she's not into her.
Something else