Sunday, 16 April 2017

Story: Demon Overlord Ranma


So, this was the point where Ranma had thoughts like "this must be a really bad dream", then quickly realise that much of the things he encountered in his everyday life were at least as weird as this so he should probably assume he's awake until proven otherwise. Then he moved onto how thoroughly cliche that line of thinking was, to the point that even complaining about it being cliche was in fact itself a cliche.

Incidentally, this was ten times the amount of thought he usually put in before saying anything. So with that in mind he opened his mouth to ask what the hell was going on, and then an ear piercing screech filled the air. It reminded him of the sound that pops made the time he accidentally ate a whole pie that Akane had baked, but somehow wasn't quite as annoying.

"Ohoho! An intruder!" Kodachi cackled. She pranced across the room like a kid on Christmas morning, over to a monitor that Ranma could have sworn blind wasn't there earlier on. "What a wonderful way to start the day! Taking down another would be thief or assassin."

"Urgh, those goody goodies always get my goat," Ukyo rolled her eyes dismissively. "Why do they have to get in the way when we're trying to get on with ruling the world?"

"Is fun, though!" Shampoo piped up. "Is best to let strong warriors challenge now and again. Keep skills sharp. No get lazy, nice break from routine."

"At this point the attacks are getting to be routine," Akane sighed. She angrily crossed her arms and started tapping her feet impatiently "Hmph! And it was my turn to use my body to service Master Ranma following the meeting! I even had a honey drip that I was going to stand under so she could lick my body clean. At this rate it feels like you girls are setting this up to deliberately mess with my part of the schedule!"

"Intruder?" Ranma blinked. "Ruling the world? Since when did we -" Ranma trailed off and then slowly turned towards Akane. "What was that about dripping honey just now, did I hear you right?"

"Oh, blast! That was meant to be a surprise! I'm going to roast this intruder alive!"

Aha, alright then. Maybe this <i>was</i> a dream. Akane would never act that way. Neither Shampoo Ukyo nor Kodachi would willingly share Ranma among them like that, and sure that paled in comparison to the part where they went all supervillain and took over the world but Akane? Standing underneath dripping honey and allowing Ranma - of the tomboy's own volition - to lick it from her naked sweet tasting and, again, utterly naked body? That was a thought which would definitely keep Ranma up at night!

What had she been thinking about just now? ... Man, something sweet would really hit the spot.

Ranma earned herself a harsh reminder when a wall exploded and a familiar voice yelled out "Ranma Saotome! Prepare to die!" But this time, this time Ryoga Hibiki very much sounded like he meant it.

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Truly, this was a cruel and thankless world they lived in. Ever since the dreaded day when Ranma Saotome and his/her four Generals of evil descended upon the land there had been no peace. They demanded constant tribute of some kind or another. Food to satiate their endless appetite. Statues built in their image. Entertainers of all kinds to keep them amused. Or, the worst wretches of all, those brought up to spar and train with them.

"Oh, please let me go back!" they would whimper, while their entire body was cast in bandages from head to toe. "Please let me go back! I beg you! It was so good, the things she did with that ribbon/spatula/mace/closed fist... I want more! Please let me go back!"

Minds and bodies broken by the delightful torments of the four Generals. There were whispers across the land that they had mastered the art of turning pain into pleasure, that this was the method they had used to ensnare the world in their iron grip. Others whisper their hold was more insidious than even this, and that they projected an aura of ultimate intimidation across the land to keep all but a foolish few placated.

Then there are those who said that they had seen the weakest of them, Lady Kodachi, juggling tanks during their unstoppable conquest. Whatever the case they ruled the world and nothing seemed capable of standing up to them.

Yet where evil persists there must be a true hero born ready to rise up and fight it. This is the balance of the world, is it not? Wrongs existed to be righted. In times of strife, those with strength and courage inevitably rise up to challenge evil and set the world to rights!

And so, standing outside the front gate of a certain pig farm, Ryoga Hibiki carried a rucksack the size of himself and his favoured weapon tucked underarm: A humble looking umbrella that was heavier and tougher than most swords. Behind him, a cute green haired girl clasped her hands together as if pleading for him not to leave.

"Please Ryoga, please don't go!"

Ah, never mind that last metaphor. Akari Unryu bit her lip and quite literally pleaded for him to reconsider, with tears in her eyes. "At least let me come with you. I'm sure you'll need someone who can cook and clean, and of course I can bring along Katsunishiki! He's a prized sumo wrestling pig, I'm sure he'll be able to help you beat up the Demon Lord/Lady's Minions in no time at all!"


In response Ryoga puffed out his chest and sighed a weary sigh. "I can't do that," he told his girlfriend. "I can't risk taking you on this perilous journey. Besides, before he died your grandfather said 'I worry about the future of this farm if you leave, Akari'."

Off a few feet behind Akari, an old man was lying in a bed. "I worry about the future of this farm if you leave, Akari!"

"You see?" Ryoga nodded. "And besides, who will take care of him if you're travelling with me? I'll confront this demon alone. Just you watch, Akari! I'll defeat him/her before you even know it!"

And with that done, Ryoga charged off into the east with hot tears streaming down his cheeks. This was for the best. No, this was for their future! He could not look back, no matter how much she cried out.

"Ryoga, please look at me!" she cried out, waving a handkerchief after him. Ah, but maybe that was just his own imagination. He dare not turn back lest he lose his will to proceed with this dangerous mission. One glimpse at her smiling, pretty face would be enough to turn him to jelly, and then he would crawl back to her, live out a comfortable life on the farm. They would be happy. They would be content. But out there, other people would be suffering under the iron boot of Ranma Saotome and the Four Wicked-But-Seriously-Hot Generals. "Please Ryoga, stop running!"

But before long he was out of earshot. Akari sighed and looked towards the west, up at the back of the dreaded Tendo Dojo Tower. "But Ranma's base of operations is <i>right there</i>..." she whispered. "Oh Ryoga... That's why I wanted to go with you, to make sure you could find your way."

Incidentally, this conversation happened three months ago, and Ryoga would wind up turning up at the Unryu farm for a delicious roast dinner every Sunday without ever meaning to.


  1. Back to the battle already in progress. Ranma tries to calm Ryoga down.
  2. Alternatively, Ranma is now extremely motivated to quickly put Ryoga down. Girl's got a sweet tooth!
  3. Or we could continue with Ryoga's quest and see him recruiting party members.
  4. Meanwhile, it turns out the Evil Ranma is now in Regular Ranma's body...
  5. Something else

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