Stories: Konosuba Starters

I decided to put a bunch of Konosuba starts for that fatesplit all in one post. Enjoy!


Konosuba: Friendship Orb

In this strange and useless world, people are divided into classes. No, not classes of wealth. Well, yes actually that <i>too</i> but the intended focus is a different kind of class. That is to say, the sort you would find in an RPG. Much like in real life, some classes made life easier than others.

The lowly Adventurer class offered no stat discounts, no free armour or skill specialities and had but one unique trait: If taught, the Adventurer may learn any skill from any class. Even monsters. In Kazuma's case, a lich had taught him Drain Energy, an amazingly useful skill.

Higher up the food chain were classes like Arch-Priest, masters of healing and purification magic. There are Crusaders, whose defense and strength made them akin to walking mountains. And of course, one could ever discount the mighty Arch Wizard. A single spell from them could reshape the landscape, alter weather patterns or obliterate whole armies. Yet power was far from the only thing that made them dangerous. It was the versatility in how that power may manifest. It could be a lightning bolt from the sky, a burst of freezing cold air, a fireball, the very earth splitting open between your feet. Primordial forces were at the Arch Wizard's command. Confronting one when they were prepared was to your own folly, as the potential methods they may employ to eliminate you were bound only by their imagination!

Or they could cast a really, really big explosion. That was also pretty neat.

"And another thing that is amazing about explosions is their versatility," said the crazy Explosion fanatic. Megumin the Arch Wizard. She was a chuunibyou if Kazuma had ever met one. The only difference being that she did actually have access to magic. That seemed rather unfair from where Kazuma was standing but what could you do? "Not only can you use them to kill a lot of enemies, but you can also clear away obstacles, or use them as a means of propulsion!"

"Yes, of course," Kazuma dryly said. Really, he was much more interested in getting to Wiz's magic shop without breaking the potentially magical item they'd recovered. In this useless world having some income was absolutely vital. He'd badly underestimated that when he'd first arrived, but no longer! "Truly, you have opened my eyes to the glory of explosions."

"Oh, I'm only just getting started!" Megumin enthused. Kazuma sighed. Why did he have to have the weirdo party members? The locals really did call this girl the crazy Explosion fanatic. Why? Spend five minutes with her and you'll find out quickly. "You've heard of fireworks, right? They're a special kind of explosion that people like to watch! And on a cold night you can use an explosion to start a fire to keep yourself warm! Hey, Kazuma Kazuma! Isn't that cool?"

"Yes I'm Kazuma..." he sighed again. Thank goodness, here was Wiz's shop. Maybe Megumin could lecture Wiz about explosions for a while? Better yet, before she became a lich - long story - Wiz was a powerful Arch Wizard herself. Maybe she could shut Megumin up? No. Nothing in this world could do that. This was a girl who spent all of her skill points on two things: Creating larger explosions, and cutting down on her explosion casting time. If she had half a brain about it she'd have increased her MP so that she would not fall over and become utterly immobile every single time she cast that blasted spell.

Ugh... If he wasn't carrying something breakable Kazuma might have slapped himself for that accidental pun. As it was, he entered Wiz's magical shop with a heart "hello!" and fell into yet another weary sigh when he caught sight of the patron being served ahead of them.

"Um! Fancy meeting you here!" yelled a cute girl with red eyes, just like Megumin's. Her name was Yunyun. No really, that was her name. She was apparently a 'rival' of Megumin with a bad habit of challenging her out of the blue. "It must be fate that we met here! Now I can challenge you to a rematch! If you're not too busy?"


Both Kazuma and Megumin stared at the girl with blank eyes, a slouched back and the same thought running through their heads, a thought that Megumin put into words; "You've been waiting here all day, haven't you?"

"Eh?!" Yunyun jumped. "N-No! I mean, I did hear that you did tend to frequent a certain magic shop, but I never ever imagined it was this one!"


"Oh?" Wiz tilted her head. "Thank goodness. I was worried for a moment that you'd spent all day asking me questions about things in the store without intending to buy any of them. It's always refreshing to see a young Arch Wizard showing interest in magical items!"

She totally did. She spent all day inventing questions to have an excuse to wait around the store for Megumin to show up.

"Well, it's obvious you're busy with a customer," Kazuma said, turning towards the door with a wave and a flourish of his cape.

"Right, right!" Megumin nodded and repeated his exact gesture. "It would be irresponsible to have a duel between arch wizards inside a shop like this, so we shall leave for home."

"Nooooo, please don't goooo!" Yunyun begged. She'd dove across the shop to snuggle Megumin's cape. It was quite the display of athleticism. If he wasn't starting to get a little irritated, Kazuma might even have been impressed. Undaunted, Megumin continued on her way, pulling her cape out of the other girl's grip "Look! Look! I made you those cupcakes you like so much!"

Megumin stopped. She peered over her shoulder. "Sprinkles?" she asked.

"The shop was out..." Yunyun admitted, looking like she might burst into tears.

"Kazuma, let's go back home right away!"


"Waaaah! Please don't gooooo! There must be some way we can duel that won't be hugely destructive!"

It was sheer dumb chance. At the instant she asked that question Kazuma's glance happened upon a small blue orb, resting on a pedestal and under a glass case. If you asked him later on why he looked at that rather than anything else in the shop, he couldn't actually tell you. Pure dumb luck is all he could say, which made sense given how high his luck stat was.

"Oh? Does that interest you?" Wiz suddenly asked, for once being a sensible merchant and trying to make a sale. "That is the Friendship Orb. It's really quite simple. Two people charge up the orb with as much magic as they can manage, and it strengthens their bonds of friendship."

"Really?" Yunun asked. "H-hey, Megumin! This might be a worthwhile test! Whichever of us can charge this orb up the most wins!"

"Whichever of us charges the orb up the most?" Megumin asked with her back turned. Then, suddenly, she whirled around with her crummy looking eyepatch across her left eye, and a hand across her smirking mouth. "Surely you mean me! For there can be no doubt about - Kya! Kazuma, Kazuma! Let go of my ear!"

"Yes yes, I'm Kazuma. And not if you're planning to cast explosions inside of a shop full of magical artefacts."

"Oh no, she wouldn't need to cast explosion or anything like that!" Wiz corrected him, frantically waving around her arms. "She just needs to channel magic energy into the orb. Really, it should be completely safe. Why don't we let them try it?"

And so here he was. Witness to a duel between two arch wizards as they charged up their magical resources, causing the air to sparkle with power. The air around them seemed to be shifting in power, you could feel it radiating off of them and why, oh dear heavens above why was he standing within five feet of this when he could be fleeing for the hills?!

"I call upon the ethereal energies that bind all matter within this world: The boundless light, the bottomless shadows! The raging flames, the billowing storms! I call upon you to charge this orb with all of your might!"

It was too late. His feet were rooted to the spot. He could no more flee than he could fly. Besides which, where do you run? Ah, maybe he was overreacting. Yes, yes! That was it! He was not a practised mage or wizard like the other three in the room, and he'd never really seen anything like this before. So it only made sense that he'd be a little bit nervous.

"Ah, oh dear! I've never seen anyone charge up the orb so much before."

Wiz, why would you say something like that at a time like this? Kazuma closed his eyes so he didn't have to watch. It turned out the light was now so bright he could see through his own eyelids. Ah, and was that a cracking noise he heard just now?

"That's enough!" Wiz suddenly yelled. "Oh no! You're going to break it! I have no idea what will happen if you -"

Every day is a learning experience. Today, Wiz would learn what happened when two enthusiastic Arch Wizards supercharge and shatter an Orb of Friendship.

1. Everyone in the city is suddenly everyone else's best friend.
2. Everyone in the city is suddenly the best friend of the four in the store.
3. Megumin and Yunyun learned a new spell! Induce Friendship.
4. Suddenly everyone in the city has been shown their own most embarrassing moment in their life.
5. Something else

Konosuba: Aquafication
"Ah... Ah! Ahchooo!"

"Bless you," Kazuma said on reflex, then pondered the sheer absurdity of saying it to a Goddess. "I do hope you keep that cold to yourself, Aqua. Living in a stable is hard enough without passing a cold back and forth."

"Foolish mortal!" Aqua suddenly declared, rising to her full height. "I am a Goddess!" Sniff siff. "We, unlike you NEETs, do not get sick! Ohoho! That is why I am a truly superior being who really needs to lie down."

And just like that the superior Goddess collapsed down onto the bale of hay, and tugged her paper thin blanket over herself. Kazuma shook his head. If even someone as haughty as Aqua could be brought so low by the cold weather... "I'll bring back a hot drink," he promised while stepping out of the stable. "We'll forget about getting a new quest today, give you some time to recover."

"No new quest!" Aqua suddenly yelled, then broke out into a coughing fit that could be described as anything but godly, nor dignified. Disgusting was a better word to use. Kazuma moved his handkerchief to around his own mouth. "That's intolerable! The longer we stay here the less our chances of beating the Demon King! I won't let that happen! I can't let that happen!"

Five seconds later and she was shivering under the blanket again. Kazuma shook his head. No quests today. Only him and Megumin? Not a chance! A group like theirs needed a healer, even one as quirky as Aqua. If only they had a fighter they'd be a bit more rounded out...

"You stay right there," he warned. "I won't be gone for long. I'll bring you a hot drink to heat you up, and that'll help heat you up as well. You'll feel a lot better if you don't move around too much. Okay?"

"Aaaacho!"

He'd take that as a yes. Where Aqua was concerned you had to take the victories where they lay. Still, it did rather put an exclamation mark on their current living situation didn't it? This was untenable. They needed a better place to stay than a stable. The hygienic issue was pretty obvious, especially since his own world's understanding of diseases was a little more advanced and nuanced than this world. Then again this one had magic as an advantage.

Even so. It seemed that healing magic was no match for the common cold.

He made his way directly towards the guild, making a lot of motion with his arms. It felt like he was fighting off an army of cold demos all by himself! Really, this was a rare occasion where he felt a little sorry for Aqua. It sucked having to deal with a cold when you have better things to be doing. Still, he should have at least enough cash in hand to get both of them a nice hot drink. That should help heat her up in no time at -

"Megumin, Megumin!" a loud messy sniff filled the guild hall. "Dis mission sounds nice and easy! Achoo! Achoo! Achooooooo!"

Kazuma peered across the guild's main hall in disbelief. He blinked twice. He blinked a third time, just to be sure. Standing in front of the quest notice board was a wobbly looking blue haired beauty who had a raggedy blanket wrapped around her shoulder. Standing next to her, in turn, was a girl wearing a large pointy hat who was wiping down her face which was covered in - actually, best not to think about it - using a material that looked suspiciously like -

"My tracksuit!" he yelled, grabbing the only thing he had taken from his other life out of the cheeky arch wizard's hands. It was drenched. With what, he really did not want to think about! "Aqua! What are you doing out of bed when you're so sick, and also how did you beat me here in the first place?"

"I know a shortcut," Megumin announced.

"I literally walked a straight line!"

"Fufufu, just like a non-mage, you are a slave to euclidean geometry!"

Must... resist... urge to throttle young arch wizard! Remember, she knows Explosion and is the opposite of shy about casting it! "We can't go questing today," he announced. "Aqua is sick, she'd be a liability." More of one than usual, at least.

"I'm not siiick!" Aqua whined. Which would be all well and good if you didn't have a snot bubble the size of a fist dripping out of your nose. She sniffed, then lunged for his tracksuit with obvious intent. "I'm... Just... A little bit... On the damp side! I need to dry off! Lend me your tracksuit, I need to borrow it for... something unrelated!"

"Something unrelated my eye!" Kazuma yelled back, tugging the tracksuit desperately out of her grip. "Megumi! Get her back to the stable! Pronto! And you can forget about that hot drink!"

Ugh! Honestly! The two girls trudged back towards the entrance and Kazuma collapsed into a nearby chair. He needed something a bit stiffer than tea right about now. His head rolled over to the side to watch the two of them head back towards the entrance. In their own way they were both such troublemakers, but Aqua was easily the worse of them. Yeah, thank goodness they were trouble in different ways! That much was a lucky break! Kazuma was pretty sure that if he had to deal with more than one Aqua, he'd go completely off his rocker!

Although, funny thing. He could almost swear there was a tiny sliver of blue hair sticking out from under Megumin's hat. Must be just a trick of the light. Must be a trick of the light. Nothing he had to worry about.

Right?

1. Kazuma meets up with Darkness.
2. Megumin takes Aqua back to the stables... and slowly begins to act more like Aqua.
3. Megumin doesn't take Aqua back to the stables. She has somewhere else in mind.
4. Emergency mission! There's a swarm of giant winged rabbits hopping towards town!
5. Something else

Konosuba: Darkness Approaches
This was not working. Kazuma had his head against a table in the guild hall. His other two party members had just left to get themselves something to drink, but it was pretty clear they were simply ignoring the truth for the sake of their own pride: Their party sucked.

It should have been simple, having an Arch Priest and an Arch Wizard in his party. But the Arch Priest was a total idiot, and the Arch Wizard could only cast one extremely powerful spell a day. Throw in an Adventurer, the worst class of them all, and literally the only reason their party was still standing was because those giant frogs were even stupider than Aqua, and stayed totally still while eating. Namely, eating his fellow party members while he attacked them.

How were they supposed to get stronger like this? How were they supposed to be able to buy better equipment? Move past the first settlement, and onto the gradually more potent challenges on their way to the Demon King? A pipe dream! Ten lifetimes with this party would not be enough! They were a watch made of gears that did not fit together. He stood up and pounded the table just at the same moment someone said "Excuse me."

"Useless!" he yelled, causing the heavily armoured woman in front of him to jump back a little. "They're all totally useless! We will all die long before we get anything done! It's a joke! It's all over, it's -" and that, dear reader, was the point at which he noticed the stunningly beautiful woman staring right at him. "It's rather rude of me not to introduce myself, my name is Kazuma."

"Yes, I know!" the woman said. She puffed out her chest, and oh even under that armour Kazuma could tell that was a chest worth puffing out! "My name is Darkness. I have heard about you from some of the other parties. I understand that there is an opening in yours?"

There are times in this world where prayers are answered. When he'd first had his stats checked Kazuma had learned he had a high luck value. Given how things went for him it hardly seemed like it, right until this moment! She was gorgeous! Sure enough his other two party members were kind of pretty in their own way, but this was something else entirely.

"Ah, okay," Kazuma nodded. "So, what's your class?"

"Crusader," Darkness answered with a smidgen of pride. A Crusader?! That was a high tier class, equal to his other party members! No, wait a moment Kazuma. There must be something wrong with this person as well. Why would a Crusader want to join a low level party like yours? "While my accuracy isn't especially good, my defensive abilities are out of this world."

"Is that so...?" Kazuma stroked his chin. "In other words, you can't hit anything at all but can tank damage like a champion." That could be useful. However... "Why do you want to join our party?"

"Because... To be honest, no other party seems to want me around."

He knew it. "And why is that?"

She leaned across the table, putting her face close to his. It was strange, but the closer she got the more beautiful she became. Really breathtaking. Sure, Aqua had that whole supernatural beauty and radiance going on but this... it felt like something else. And so Kazuma did the only thing he could do in a situation like this.

He fish-hooked both sides of her mouth using his thumbs, and pinched her cheeks.

"Oy, oy! Don't dodge the question," he said. Darkness responded by squirming in place. "I asked you why other parties don't want you around, I don't want you trying to distract me with your pretty face. What kind of easy girl are you anyway, trying to get by on just your looks." He pinched harder. For some reason he felt really... Good right now. "In fact, I bet that is why the other parties didn't want you," he continued. "They could sense that you were the city's bicycle. Everyone gets a ride, right? They didn't want a dirty girl like you." She whimpered. It was the sweetest symphony. "Because you're filthy. You're trashy. And just like trash, they threw you -"

Which was right about when someone bopped him on the head from behind. Aqua, it turned out.

"Just like a NEET!" the Goddess mocked. "Always harassing women! If you'd just left the house more often you might have better manners!"

"Horrible... simply horrible!" Megumin was shuddering in disgust. Kazuma opened his mouth to defend himself from the pair of them, but very quickly found himself without anything to say. That was a weird thing for him to do. Why did he...?

"Ooooh!" Darkness rubbed her cheeks. "I... I knew I had made the right choice. Mmm, yes! Definitely the right choice!" Huh. There was something about that smile that made Kazuma feel a little on edge. She... Enjoyed that? Wait, it couldn't be. This Crusader was actually -

Aqua leaned over Darkess and smiled brightly and apologetically, while simultaneously reminding everyone else in the room that whether they believed in Aqua or not, she did not believe in underwear. "Hey there, I'm sorry about him. He's lived such a lonely virgin life. Try not to judge him too harshly, for the fates have already done so. I mean, Kazuma certainly is pitiful enough to randomly attack a strange woman with a wildly perverted grin, and he does have a history of usig the Steal ability to acquire women's underwear..."

"Hey! What kind of rumours are you spreading about me?!" Kazuma yelled.

"THe worst kind," Megumin nodded sagely. "Completely true statement of fact!"

He tugged her hat down over her eyes. "You're not helping! Anyway, Darkness! I'm sorry, but I don't think you would make a good fit for this party. I'm afraid I'm going to have to refuse your offer."

Uh oh. It seemed as though he'd badly underestimated her masochism! She was even getting off on a refusal?! How badly did she have this issue engraved on her soul?!

"Yess," she hissed. "Say no to me some more! Make me beg! Make me squirm! Make me so desperate to join your party that I'll do anything, anything at all!"

"Oy, oy, Kazuma..." Aqua glowered at him. "You didn't cast any strange spells on this woman while we weren't watching, were you?"

"What kind of weirdass spell would do this to someone?!" he yelled. "And who would even teach me that kind of thing anyway?"

"Oh no, he's already plotting and scheming..." Megumin shuddered. "The perverted nature of a NEET virgin is terrifying to behold!"

"Ah, so that's your game?" Darkness asked on her hands and knees. "You're going to break me down, aren't you? Then you'll cast a wicked spell to ensnare my will and turn me into your puppet! No, please! Spare me that wicked fate!"

That was it! He couldn't take it anymore! Kazuma reached down and grabbed her nose, ignoring the fact that she was enjoying every moment of it, and led her out of the guild hall. "The last thing we need is some dirty minded Crusader who gets off on being humiliated!" he yelled. "This is why the other parties didn't want you! Someone like that is a total liability! Find another avenue of work before you destroy my reputation as well! Goodbye!"

And so Kazuma returned to his table having left Darkness outside, where she was rubbing her poor nose with an expression on her face that could only be described as perverted euphoria. "Oh yes, you'll do nicely," she said to herself, licking her lips. "The truth is, they didn't kick me out. I left them when it became obvious there were limits to their sadism, no matter how much I drew out. But with just a little bit of work..."

Her breathing took a funny turn. Deep, sucking breaths. Darkness bit her lip hard enough to draw blood on someone else, but on her it wasn't even a tenth hard enough.

"I'll draw it out!" she declared. "Just like the others I will draw out Kazuma's sadistic perversion to its fullest! Oooh, yes! He'll make such a wonderful master! I cannot wait to see how far he'll go!"

1. The next morning, Kazuma wakes up to find Darkness serving him breakfast.
2. Darkness starts by becoming friends with Megumin and Aqua.
3. Kazuma encounters one of Darkness's old parties. They've become total perverted sadists!
4. Kazuma hears rumours about Darkness from other parties that have not had her in them.
5. Something else