Story: Ryunosuke Alone

Gosh, but Ran was such a good friend. She was completely on board with Ryunosuke learning about girl-like behaviour, and was paying constant attention throughout their dinner together. She felt like she'd already learned a couple things. Like, girls were more comfortable with close contact than guys were. That was interesting! She woulda never put that one together. Now if only she could work out the way chicks walked and talked and stuff, then she might be able to get somewhere.

"So, ladies, now that you have beheld the splendour granted this fair restaurant by the Mendo family fortune, surely you can see that your time is better spent with myself instead of a certain oafish skirt chaser. Come along, and I shall have your dinner delivered to a veranda which shall grant you the second best view you shall have tonight. The first, of course, being my -"

"Inflated ego," Ataru interrupted, and then moments later he had Mendo's blade caught in his hands. See, roughhousing was something Ryu could sorta understand. "Oh, I must've heard you wrong! You said best view, but who wants to see something so blown out of proportion?"

"Please, Moroboshi, speak a little louder. All the motivation you can give me shall be channelled back into your inevitable demise."

Which was when Ataru Moroboshi slipped on some spilled grease, sending Mendo flying out through a nearby window. Shortly thereafter a garbage lid flew up past the window, landed again with a metallic clamour, and the words "It's dark! It's cramped! I'm scared!" could be heard quite clearly by anyone in a mile radius.

"Shutarooo!" his entourage called, rushing out of a side door and leaving the four of them alone. Well, good riddance to that distraction. Somehow those chicks didn't seem the sort Ryu wanted to emulate anyway.

"Ya know what, I'm famished!" Ryu declared. "Let's go get our damned food already."

"That's a good idea," Lum said. "And while we eat, Ran can help you with that womanly experience you were looking for, tcha!"

Funny thing. The sight of Lum and Ataru smiling like that made her wanna bawl her eyes out. These really were the very best friends she'd made! They wanted to see her succeed! It tugged on the heartstrings something fierce. Trouble was her old man had driven that instinct into the dirt. Cry or get fed. Pick one.

"Y-Yeah, well..." she could feel her cheeks turning crimson. Ugh! She couldn't even maintain eye contact, had to look off to the side. "I guess I should be thanking you guys for helping with this. It means a lot."

"Think nothing of it," Ran said as she took her arm and rested her head on Ryu's shoulder. "Really now, you shouldn't let Lum tease you like that. She's awful for it, you know!"

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It's pretty safe to say that Ataru Moroboshi had the sensitivity of a rock. A big rock. A big stupid ugly rock covered in moss. He had honestly and earnestly come out on this double date because getting the chance to see two chicks going out was <i>so hot</i>, and how often could he do this sort of thing - not only with Lum's consent but her outright encouragement?

He seized the opportunity with both hands. Any man would in his eyes. Look at them. So cute together! The girliest girl and the manliest girl. What a couple. And hey, maybe this way Ryunosuke would stop getting all the confessions? If she had a girlfriend already -

Man, but this was so hot. So very hot. You know what the weird thing was? Even if Ran decided, hey, let's actually teach her how to be a girl? Still hot, with the added bonus of getting that chick into a skirt. Hohohoboy! That thought by itself was almost worth giving up the whole game and trying to help out with that!

Except for one small problem which he noticed right around the same time Lum whispered it to him while they were on their way back to the table.

"They're such an adorable couple, doncha think?"

"Yeah," Ataru agreed. "They kind of are."

Huh. That was weird. Usually he'd be pushing other guys out of the way to get to a chick, but for the first time he was finding himself actually kind of wanting to set the two of them up. It was weird. Like something just happened out there in the world that appealed to both his sense of perversion and... Basic human empathy? Since when did he have that?

I mean. Look at the way Ran was staring puppy dog eyed at Ryu while she ate her meal. Barely touching her own. More kinda picking away at it. Aside from the occasional sidelong glance at Lum, Ryu commanded her entire attention. It kind of got him thinking... Maybe he should do something to set these two up properly? Or something?

Well, the opportunity for such hijinks never arrived. Because at the very instant Ryunosuke finished wolfing down her meal - seriously, she did all but pick it up off the plate and jam it down her throat, that girl had absolutely no sense of table etiquette - Ran gave a cutesy little giggle and everything went straight to hell.

<hr>
A certain lid was lifted from a certain bucket, and Shutaro Mendo shot up from it like a recoiled spring. His back was straight. His face was stern. His hair was covered by a particularly large banana peel. His body began to tremble in barely restrained fury.

"Mister Mendo!" the girls whined in unison. "Are you alright?"

"Moroboshi..." he growled. Then, reaching into his pocket he produced a bell. A series of servants appeared as if from nowhere with a fresh suit and a portable changing room, which closed around him. "Right! That's it! I've had enough of Moroboshi's - Dark! Cramped! Scared! Waaaaah! Antics for one night! Make that a lifetime!"

"Oh, Shutaro! You're so handsome when you're positively boiling with nigh-impotent rage and wearing a freshly pressed suit after landing in a trash can!"

"Yes, well..." he sighed, allowing his entourage a moment to fawn over him. After all, they had earned the opportunity quite well. "It is only natural. Sadly, ladies, you must witness my absolute vengeance. If Moroboshi's ridiculous antics and stubborn attitude refuse to allow me to upstage him, then I shall have to contend with my backup plan. As loathsome as it is, bring me the one being most suited to ruining any good mood Ataru might enjoy!"

"S-Sir!" a suddenly terrified servant stammered. "You can't possibly mean -"

"But I do!" Mendo said, steepling his hands menacingly and making the girls swoon behind him. "Bring me... Cherry!"

1. Ran fed Ryu an extremely potent aphrodisiac.
2. Ran fed Ryu something to lower inhibitions.
3. Same as one, except there was a mixup in who got it.
4. Same as two, except there was a mixup.
5. Something else