Story: Tainted Cube: Still Unlucky

It's weird that even though I make the point that he's still very unlucky, I don't particularly feel too sorry for Ataru.

---

It’s a funny thing, really. Of all the things to get under his skin, of all the petty or significant problems plaguing his increasingly complicated life it was not Angels nor his father or anything of the sort that was getting Shinji Ikari’s goat. It was the constant interruptions. Just as he was making his move, just as he was about to get laid, someone else would pop their head through the door and unknowingly cockblock him.

That is the sort of thing that rather gets on one’s nerves, as you can imagine. It certainly infuriated Ataru Moroboshi. Imagine it: Inexplicably enlarged dick that inspired fascination in anyone that saw it, yet whenever he got the chance to get some there would be an interruption. Every single damn time he would get so close, so very close, only to have it yanked away at the last moment!

At least until Lum had the sense to take him to a place where nobody on Earth could possibly interrupt. Her spaceship. Now, he wasn’t exactly all that keen on her ideas of getting married or anything, but when she starts tossing her bikini away from her body and in his general direction… Well, a hot alien chick like that doesn’t need to say a word to make a persuasive argument.

“Oh, darling! You’re so big!”

That had been a week ago. Her argument had been no less persuasive on each successive night during that week.

“It feels so good! Don’t stop! Please, don’t stop!”

Her body was so warm and soft to the touch. So full of passion and affection! Ataru doubted that any man to whom she turned her eye could resist the sight of her naked form longer than a minute. Well, okay, fine. Let’s be reasonable. Anyone with a hint of attraction towards women would melt into a puddle as soon as they realised what she was offering.

“More! Darling, I love you!”

And boy, was she offering something special. Her preference was to ride him cowgirl style in the main seat, which reclined all the way back so he could lie down and appreciate the view almost as much as he could appreciate the warm, wet feeling of his giant dick pounding her eager and hungry pussy. The sight of her bouncing up and down like that, throwing back her head to moan in pleasure was probably enough material for his idle daydreams for years to come. At any time he wanted Ataru could reach up and cup her naked breasts and be rewarded with a kiss instead of a slap. This was indeed his version of paradise.

“Almost there… Almost there! Oh, darling! I - I - Can’t take it anymore!”

There was just one problem. And that problem was simply that Ataru Moroboshi had the <i>absolute worst luck in human history.</i> Yes, it can still be said to be true even while he was getting some rather enthusiastic sex from an amazingly sultry alien. His luck sucked just that much.

“I’m cumming!”

Ever been struck by lightning? Depending on how grounded a person is, the experience is anything but fatal. Unpleasant, certainly, but not fatal by any means. Now, Lum was a rather excitable girl at the best of times and Ataru had learned one thing over the course of this week rather readily. When she got emotional, sparks flew. As in… Literally. Sparks would literally fly through the air around her. It happened when he tried spending time with Shinobu rather than her. It happened when she was frightened. And of course, it happened whenever she came.

Suffering an electrocution through his dick was not an experience Ataru ever wanted to experience, never mind experience seven times a week. But every night Lum would appear in his room, shoot him the bedroom eyes, and then the rational part of his brain would switch off and his memories would rapidly bury any hint of recollection about that whole “lightning passing directly through his genitals” thing.

“Oh, darling. Did the galaxy move for you as well?”

Ataru opened his mouth and released a billow of smoke while internally thanking the heavens above that he lived in a universe ruled primarily by comedy laws, so that the constant electrocutions weren’t having any long-term effects upon his reproductive organs. Or, for that matter, on his libido.

Of course, had he the real capacity for self analysis he might realise it was his libido that was leading him into being fried every damn night, but Ataru would much rather analyse what a female was up to than a male. Even if that male was himself.

Lum extracted herself from his rapidly softening member, then leaned forward to kiss him on the forehead. A small spark shot from his forehead into her lips after the contact was broken, and she gave a playful little giggle.

“I’ll return you home in a minute,” she said. It always seemed so weird to him how she could hover through the air like that. Ataru doubted he’d ever get used to it. “Just let me get my bikini on, and then you’ll be home. Right as rain!”

“Thank you,” Ataru said. “I’ll be looking forward to tomorrow night.”

Yes, tomorrow night. More pleasure. More pain. But for now all he really wanted to do was sleep, sleep and sleep. Quite unlike his usual self, but even the laws of comedy couldn’t protect him from feeling completely drained after an extremely thorough lay followed by a climax-induced electrocution. Well. It was more the electrocution that was doing him in, to be honest. If it had hit him anywhere else he’d be fine. A few minutes later and he was outside his home. Fully dressed, of course; Lum wasn’t scatterbrained enough to send him back without a stitch on him. He staggered on towards the front entrance, rolling his eyes as a streetlight dimmed when he walked by. At this rate he’d be banned from electronic stores the world over for being a walking magnet. Or something.

“I’m home!” he called. No answer. Parents probably too busy to care. Or that was his thought, until he found a note that explained their absence. “Out for dinner without me? Cheapskate parents, leaving me alone to bone a hot alien chick!”

Again with the lack of introspection. He crumpled up the note and wandered upstairs towards his room.

“There you are! I was so worried about you!”

“… Shinobu!” he gasped. This was quite the surprise. He hadn’t expected to be bowled over by his girlfriend as soon as he entered his room. His ex-girlfriend. What was their relationship these days, anyway?

“You were with that alien bimbo, weren’t you?” Shinobu sniffed. “I won’t let her take you away from me!”

He was intending to ask what she meant by that. Really, he was. It’s just that before he could even ask the question, she’d answered it by pulling him rather forcefully into a rejuvenating kiss. Yes, yes! This was the spirit! This was why he was alive! He could already feel that old electricity spill out between the two of them - ah wait, maybe that was actually literally electricity?

“You’re my boyfriend,” Shinobu said while furiously unbuttoning her blouse. “Earth guys get Earth girls! It’s not right letting those alien whores steal our boyfriends! An Earth girl is fine too!”

Okay, the (situationally justified) xenophobia was a little bit of a turnoff, but Ataru Moroboshi wasn’t the sort of person to turn down a cute chick wanting to get laid. Which is why his balls got fried every night for the last week, but that’s a digression.

There really wasn’t much question about which of the two of them was in charge: Shinobu was way stronger than she looked, and frankly Ataru was certainly willing to let her take the lead if that’s what she wanted. He whistled in appreciation at the sight of her naked. She blushed, and then he dropped his trousers. That embarrassment quickly became distracted arousal. Almost like she was remembering why she was doing this in the first place.

Shinobu kissed him again, and Ataru had to compare the two girls. Where Lum was electricity, Shinobu was flame. Both burned with passion, but each flavour was distinct and different. The energy they gave off had its own advantages, but had to be handled carefully lest it turn against you.

The two of them were drawn towards the bed, Ataru seated with Shinobu in his lap. The two reluctantly seperated, her taking several deep breaths before lowering herself onto him, and the entrance felt just as wonderful with her as it did with Lum.

“”Ah!” she gasped, seeming a little surprised. “It… It feels even better than I thought it would!”

“Babe,” Ataru rocked his hips, causing Shinobu to moan a little louder. “We’re just getting started!”

“Oh, Ataru!” she cried, throwing her arms around his neck. “I love you! Take me! Please, just take me! I can’t stand it anymore!”

“Shinobu… Can’t breathe! Let go!”

“Yes! Yes! Oh god, yes!”

So let it be known that even when he’s getting lucky regularly… Ataru Moroboshi is <i>still</i> the unluckiest bastard in the whole damn universe.

<hr>

It was just an ordinary cafe in an ordinary street. Full of ordinary customers on an ordinary day. Except for that one girl sitting in the corner of the room, hunched over a bowl of pork chow mein with a peculiar grin on her face.

“Our program today will give families the opportunity to reach out to those loved ones who have left them,” the television declared. The girl glanced up at the screen and chuckled to herself a little bit while greedily slurping down the meal.

“M-Mom? If you can hear me, Mom, please come home! I’m doing all the cooking now, Mom, and Dad just cries all day.”

Such a depressing television program to air in a public place! Not that anyone was watching it. Their attention was more drawn towards that strange girl, who was quite the messy eater by all appearances.

“It’s weird,” said one of the other customers, trying and failing to look like he wasn’t checking her out. “That girl is kinda cute, don’t you think?”

“I don’t think she’s even wearing a bra,” whispered his friend. “Real tomboyish sort. I don’t normally go for them, but there’s something about her…”

The girl was - of course - Ataru Moroboshi employing his recently acquired transformation ability. Still didn’t know what caused it. Didn’t really care. Right now “she” was taking “her” time away from those two girls so ”she” could recover from their expressions of passion a little bit.

Meanwhile out in the furthest reaches of space, scientists on several advanced worlds were baffled when the universe turned a full ninety degrees. It would be decades before they realised it happened because Ataru Moroboshi was hiding from free nooky.

Well, that wasn’t exactly true, not <u>exactly</u>. Ataru was pretty confident about getting laid with pretty much whomever was pretty enough. Splash of cold water, remind them who Ataru Moroboshi was, let their curiosity do the rest of the work. Trick was finding a chick and getting her alone long enough to work that magic, especially without getting recognised by anyone that might lead those two right to him.

“And here is another young person who is searching for a family member,” the television announcer, well, announced. What else was he gonna do, mumble it? Semaphore, perhaps? How about send it by telegram?

“Darling, where <b>are</b> you?”

Lum’s perfect body filled the screen, and Ataru very nearly collapsed onto the table in front of her. Okay. Okay. It’s alright. It’s perfectly fine. Nobody would recognise her like this. Nobody could possibly recognise her. Even if they put up a picture, nobody would look twice at her.

“It’s getting cold at night now,” Lum said, and the look in her eyes very nearly broke Ataru’s resolve. “But I could warm you up.”

“Hey, I remember her. It’s that alien invader, Lum!” one of the other customers said. No shit, that alien girl that wanted to take over the world and was a focal point of media for about two weeks. Well done, that asshole!

Lum vanished from the screen, with the focus shifting to his parents. “Ataru, we won’t ask any questions. Please come home,” Father said.

“Ataru!” Mother cried. “Please, you must make sure to take care of yourself correctly.”

“Ataru!” Shinobu yelled, pressing her face right into the camera. “Call me! It’s because that Lum girl is there, isn’t it? You don’t want to go home because of her! Then let’s run away! Let’s run away together, you and me!”

So cute, Shinobu-chan! Dry those tears, she wasn’t intending to stay away for long. Still. Ataru did want to comfort her in person. Reassure that adorable face -

“Wherever you are, I can feel it!” Cherry yelled. Talk about libido whiplash! “Today will be a bad day for you! A very bad day!”

“All lines are open. We’ll be waiting for your calls.”

Okay. Just calm down a moment. They can’t see through this disguise. It’s perfect. Completely wrong gender and everything. No way would they think she was Ataru Moroboshi. Not a chance! There was no need to panic, no need to rush out of here. Everything was fine and -

“Here is a picture of Ataru Moroboshi,” the announcer said, with the screen showing an image of his male form. See? Nothing to it! “And I’m being told he is an expert in appearing like a girl, so here’s a picture of that as well!”

“Oh… Oh god, that’s a dude? I think I’m gonna…”

… Well, at least all the male customers were too busy retching to try and stop her leaving. Ataru slapped the money for the meal down on the counter and dashed out of the door at full pelt. Damned luck! At this rate she’d never manage to find a chick worth changing back for -

Which was right around about when Ataru collided face first into a soft, welcoming valley that she really wanted to stay in, but for the fact that suffocation was the inevitable consequence of inaction.

<hr>

It was a difficult life at the very best of times for this particular woman. Born with a weak constitution, spent the entirety of her formative years unable to play with the other boys and girls due to constant and varied illness leading her body to be far too weak. Therefore, she had grown up feeling lonely and dejected, a sickness of the mind to accompany her sickness of the body.

But where her mind and body were not entirely healthy her spirit was more than able to make up the slack. She could sense the supernatural and had been raised to purify evil spirits. It was a talent that came naturally to her. Almost second nature. It was this - rather than her voracious appetite - that had led her into this particular shop at this particular time. A potent source of magic the likes of which she had never encountered before!

Sakura had not expected for that source to collide with her chest. If she had, she might have braced herself a little better. The sudden shock of colliding with such a tremendous supernatural force left her knees feeling like jelly and her body completely drained of strength. She collapsed into the young girl’s arms. Girl. That felt wrong somehow.

“What is it?” the girl asked while Sakura desperately gripped her shoulders to keep steady. “What’s the matter?”

“The shock of running into you,” she replied, almost shocking herself again with how weak she sounded. “Can’t breathe…”

“Hey, what’s going on out here? Is she alright?”

“Ugh… Dammit! Drawing too much attention! Hold on, I’ll get you outta here!”

The girl was a bit stronger than she looked, or perhaps Sakura was a good deal lighter than she believed herself? Whatever. Now that she was growing used to being so close to such a powerful supernatural source, Sakura could metaphorically step back and analyse this person. What did she see when she looked into the girl’s eyes?

Perversion. Lots and lots of perversion. As in, more than she’d encountered that one time a strip club was haunted by a particularly randy ghost. Wave after wave of perverted intention assaulted Sakura’s senses until she finally reached something else tucked away in this remarkably adorable young girl’s spirit. Kindness. Genuine kindness and concern, possibly for her wellbeing. It was etched all over her face once she got past the obvious inherent lustfulness of her personality.

Sakura felt herself being set on the ground. The sudden lack of human contact made it feel like she’d been given a small electric shock, and she almost sort of wanted more. The girl looked into Sakura’s eyes, felt her forehead and for a reason she didn’t quite understand Sakura shuddered.

“Are you still in pain?” she asked. “Should I rub your back? Ah! I know! If you’re having trouble breathing, we should remove your bra! Would that be okay?”

To Sakura’s tremendous shock, she almost said yes. It had sounded almost reasonable that this strange, perverted girl be permitted to remove her bra. She blinked and clutched at the side of her head. No, that wasn’t right. That wasn’t her thinking just now, it was that perverted energy! She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, concentrating for a moment before opening them once again.

In front of her was a big-breasted, tomboyish girl radiating perversion from every pore of her being. Except that was an illusion. She could see through it now, just a small glimmer. Beneath that cute, enticing exterior was a man that was nowhere near as attractive as the girl he was pretending to be. She could see him now. See the ill fortune smeared all over his face almost eclipsing his perverted nature, so Sakura drew back her hand and slapped the taste right out of his mouth.

“This is why you are haunted by evil beings,” she declared, scrambling to her feet. “Your dissolute character! One would think having the form of an attractive girl would teach a man like yourself what it is like to be lusted after!”

“Huh?” the girl blinked in confusion. “How did you know? I mean, about me being a guy and being haunted and all that?”

“I… I can tell just by looking at your features,” Sakura replied. Her breathing was still laboured. That outburst had cost her more energy than expected. She almost fainted again, but was slightly surprised to see the girl catch her and brace Sakura’s arm over her shoulder. “There has never been an evil spirit which I have not exorcised. I will exorcise yours as well. Please, help me reach home and I shall help you in turn.”

Help him, yes. That was one of the things she would do with this strange person. Help clear away these spirits, understand this strange overwhelming power she could feel bubbling away inside him. She would help him and satisfy her own curiosity at the same time.

<hr>

Look at her, sitting there without a care in the world. Not even on the floor. In the middle of the air, flaunting her alien powers like it made her <i>so</i> special.

“You realise it’s your fault he’s run away,” Lum said, sipping at her drink.

“My fault?!” Shinobu yelled back. “You’re the one that was hanging all over him at school!”

“You’re the one that threw the desk at him.”

“I was aiming at you!”

There’s little like it. Two women competing for the same man. Shinobu was trying desperately not to fidget. She’d never dreamed she’d feel so empty without the idiot around. Was it really him she was missing? Or was it his amazingly large -

“Wiener?” Lum offered. Shinobu reluctantly took it, then dropped the rest.

“Far too spicy! Please consider human tastes in future!”

“Hmph! Is that so?” Lum replied. “You humans must have such bland tastes if this is too much for you to handle. No wonder darling prefers me!”

“If we humans are so bland, then why stick around Ataru so much?” Shinobu sneered, even though she already knew the answer. It stood up in her mind. Tall. Proud. Erect. Filling a need she’d never even known she’d had. Satisfying her in ways she’d never even dreamed of.

“Darling is a much bigger -  I mean, better man than anyone I’ve ever met!” Lum declared. Both girls fidgeted from the same aching need. Neither noticed the other do so. “He has a flavour to him that you can’t find anywhere else.”

On that much she couldn’t argue. One taste wasn’t enough. She had to have more. Had to. The memory wasn’t enough. Her fingers weren’t enough. Shinobu bit her lip and tried to will that idiot to manifest right here, right now because she couldn’t bear another minute without -

“Hey, we should fuck.”

- Being knocked on her ass by an out-of-nowhere comment like that.

“Excuse me, I think I misheard you,” Shinobu stated with a very twitchy smile.

“I said that darling has simply awful luck,” Lum said. “It’s the strangest thing. As soon as we left school the other day, it began to rain and there were no umbrellas in the stand for some reason. Then it stopped as soon as we set foot inside the house.”

Oh, thank goodness, she’d been hearing things. Then again, that wasn’t exactly a good sign either. “He’s always been like that. One time, he bent over to pick up a coin someone had dropped and got struck from behind by a ball. He wound up falling right into an open manhole. Landed face first, and couldn’t taste anything for about a week.”

They both sighed in unison. “He’s so adorable like that,” Lum said. “It just makes me want to help him overcome it.”

“I know. He just can’t catch a break, and it makes you feel so bad for him. I only wish there was some way he could be cured of that bad luck. Then maybe he wouldn’t run away.”

<hr>

So this was where the mysterious, unwell beauty lived? It was such a shame to see someone so weak and vulnerable have such a cute face. This poor woman, having to contend with such a terrible stamina. How could anyone live like that?

“I-I’m home,” the woman said, stumbling out of Ataru’s grip and collapsing on the front step.

“Welcome back, Sakura!” came an elderly voice from within the building.

Sakura? Why did that ring a bell? Hang on a moment. Didn’t that mean -

The old woman appeared and Ataru felt his own breathing become ragged. “Oh, you’ve brought a guest with you,” said the elderly woman that looked like Cherry in drag. “Is something wrong, my dear? You look a bit pale?”

“No! Not at all!” Ataru declared. A quick sharp turn and Ataru was dashing out onto the street as fast as possible. “I’ll be leaving now, thank you for your time!”

“Mother, catch him - I mean her! Quickly!”

Something snaked around Ataru’s waist, and all of a sudden it yanked back hard. By the time Ataru realised what had happened, that hideous old Cherry clone in drag was the only thing in sight. “But oh my! Just look at those features!” the hideous sight croaked. “Such an adorable young girl, with such terrible luck!” She pinched Ataru’s cheeks, prompting a yelp. “It’s not possible to be unluckier than this.”

Ataru wouldn’t bet on it. Life kept on finding ways to dig out that hole and dump the dirt all over him. Or for the moment her.

“There’s nothing else for it, my dear. Once Sakura gets it in her head to do something, there’s no shifting her. Once that mind’s made up, that’s it! You’re due an exorcism, nothing else for it.”

It wasn’t exactly a reassuring thought when the exorcist could barely stand under her own power. Or was making noises indicating her apparent intention to cough up a lung. Never even mind the part where she was related to Cherry, having apparently completely bypassed the ugly gene!

“There is a great deal to do,” Sakura said. “To begin with, we should determine why this young man has a female body and return him to his natural form!”

“Hm? A young man in a young woman’s body?” the old woman asked, suddenly peering right into Ataru’s face at far too close a range. “Oh, yes. I see it now. My goodness, Sakura, well observed.”

“Cold water!” Ataru yelled. “Just a bit of cold water, and I’ll be a guy again! Please, just get out of my face!”

“Cold water?” Sakura said, before entering a sneezing fit. “Yes, that does make sense. Water has purifying properties. It may also help calm your libido! Mother, please take care of this while I prepare for the exorcism.”

Which explains why about a minute later a bucket of ice cold water was dumped all over Ataru’s body by the creepy old woman.

“Hm, I see that you weren’t lying about that,” the old woman said. “How shameful! A young man like yourself pretending to be an attractive young woman. With such an obviously lustful intent, there’s no end to the mischief you could have gotten into!”

Hold on. Hold on. So, actually, that was a very good point she’d just made. Why hadn’t he spent his time hiding out in the girl’s side of a public bath? Nobody would have noticed him, nobody would have picked up on his identity and, and - Dammit! He didn’t want to be rid of that weird and unexplained development!

“Let me go!” Ataru said, struggling against this surprisingly sturdy rope in an apparently futile effort.

“Now, now, just trust Sakura. That girl knows what she’s doing.”

Ugh! Stuff this! Reassurances of any sort coming from that face had the opposite effect, every single time! Ataru rolled to his feet and dashed towards the door, smiling to himself as it flew open! Freedom! He could escape this place and return home, where things were still pretty bad but -

“You fool! Don’t you understand yet!” But a paper fan sent him flying back towards the ground and staring up at Sakura oh god what was wrong with her face? “I am very worried about… About…”

There was a glimmer in her eyes that he’d come to recognise of late. Even if he hadn’t it wasn’t difficult to trace her gaze back to its source. Not at his face, but lower. He was on his back with legs spread open wide, and trousers completely drenched to the point they clung to his skin. Which meant the outline of his dick was plainly visible. Sakura licked her lips.

“Mother, you have used far too much water,” Sakura said. “Our guest may well catch his death of cold before we can purify him. Please find some replacement clothes for him.”

“Of course, dear,” Sakura’s mother said, strolling out of the room. Thank goodness she hadn’t taken a look at him. He doubted that the lustful glimmer in her eyes would leave a sane man behind.

<hr>

Sakura could scarcely believe what she was looking at. It was another peculiar enchantment placed upon the boy, no question of it. Even without her supernatural senses she could tell. It was too big to be medically feasible. He shouldn’t even be able to move around properly with that thing in his trousers, but there he was. No wonder those trousers had been so baggy to accommodate that monster.

What did it look like? No trousers or underwear in the way or anything like that. Since she was also a trained nurse - a necessary fact of her life due to her constant sickness was to develop the ability to take care of herself through a variety of ailments - this kind of thing was just too interesting to ignore. It would be an injustice to let this go unexplored. What were the medical ramifications? Was it having an effect on his health? Would the blood required to keep it erect have a deleterious effect upon the rest of his body? It would be so easy to find out. All she would have to do is wrap her hands around it as much as possible and allow his biology to do the rest. Then once it was fully erect, she could try to see what it felt like when it -

“Ow! Ow! My tooth! My infected tooth!”

Sakura clutched at her cheek where the swelling was taking place. Ooh! Best to get this taken care of quickly so she could visit the dentist! She turned back towards Ataru, and saw it. The waves of lustful magic emanating from him. Magic she had almost stepped into willingly and blindly like a complete novice. In which case speed was even more advisable than originally believed.


“Exorcise him,” Sakura began, placing a foot on the back of Ataru’s head while enacting a prayer. “Purify him! Exorcise him! Purify him!”

“G-Get off my face!” the lustful, misfortunate boy grunted.

“Exorcise him!” Sakura demanded. “Purify him! Exo- What? What is this tremendous aura?!”

A multitude of miscellaneous monsters manifested all around Ataru. What? But where had these come from? They were neither demons of lust nor misfortune, and had certainly not come from the boy. All signs of his unusual mystical elements were still intact, so where -

“Some priestess you are!” Ataru snapped at her.

“Well, at the very least you should give me a chance!” Sakura retaliated. She clasped her hands together and focused her powers into them. “With my spiritual powers, these evil spirits will be exorcised in moments!” It would indeed be trivial. She could easily contend with this many, then return to the properly intended purification. A mere distraction, a diversion. Just like the migraine trying to tear her brain in two.

“I will not give up on an exorcism half way through,” Sakura was raggedly breathing. “I shall - I shall -”

She blinked. Wait. Something was wrong here. She felt - What was the correct word to use? Strong. Powerful. No. Healthy. She was… Healthy.

She was healthy!

Sakura stared at the little imps and ghouls surrounding Ataru, tugging on his hair or dancing on his shoulders. There was no doubt about it. These were the embodiments of the diseases that had haunted her. This boy’s mystical pull - or his misfortune or maybe even both - had drawn them out of her and towards him. With a wave of her hand the ones that had manifested already were sent screaming into wherever it is wicked spirits like them wind up. Gone from this realm and no longer her concern.

Yet as healthy as she now felt, Sakura could still feel a touch of the cold. She reached out and brushed Ataru’s head, and out popped another imp. Gone in a second while Ataru jerked violently away from it, which had the knock-on effect of causing Sakura to topple over and land in his lap.

“Hey, what the hell is going on?” Ataru demanded, his angry face just inches away from Sakura’s. She glimpsed around the room. Even more of the little pests had appeared. Contact with him drew them out. Which meant that the more intimate the contact -

Ever get that feeling like someone walked on your grave? Sakura was just hit with it by the truckload, and it made her neck snap up towards the sole door into the room. There was a mystical force over it that would prevent anyone without an immensely powerful will from even trying to enter. A mystical force that she could feel had a strong connection to the boy she was lying on top of right now. More specifically: The member hardening underneath her. Sakura felt herself grow flush. No. It wouldn’t be right, what she was thinking. Even if that spell over the door did keep the two of them restrained in the room until they did. It just wouldn’t be right. Even if it did rid her of the rest of those illness demons. Even if it did feel absolutely amazing, and she should just give in to that lustful energy, and his lips tasted so much sweeter than she expected.

<hr>

“But in the end, the only one that wound up being hit by it was him!”

Both girls erupted in uproarious laughter -particularly Shinobu, who actually had the memories to draw from. Ataru, standing in front of class drenched from head to foot in curdled milk. A prank gone awry that had left him reeking of milk for weeks!

Lum wiped a tear from her eye. “Poor darling,” she said. “But he did bring it on himself. More ipin juice?”

“Please,” Shinobu said, holding out her nearly empty glass for Lum to pour out more from her pitcher. It was a little weird, this syrupy green mixture trickling out of the pitcher. It was certainly heavier than it should have been as well. In spite of that, it had a real kick to it. Sweeter than any drink Shinobu had ever had on Earth. In turn, Lum sipped at her milk and sighed.

She wasn’t so bad as all that after all, when you got down to it. Sure. She’d tried to take over the planet. Then tried to steal her boyfriend. But as a person? Lum was kinda fun to hang around with. If it wasn’t for the circumstances of their association, they might even have become friends one day.

“This was a great idea,” Lum said, swirling around her glass of milk. “A real cultural exchange. You try something I like, I try something you like. You’re a smart girl. Smarterer than me,” Lum hiccuped, then fanned herself down. “Whew! Someone set the sun down a bit, itsh really hot in here. Lemme jusht get thish off.”

And then, to Shinobu’s amazement, Lum very gradually and clumsily reached behind her back and a few moments later her bra fell to the floor. The alien beauty tossed back her hair, and Shinobu was struck by her almost supernatural good looks. Was it any wonder the boys at school lusted after her? Any wonder Ataru might want to spend time with her? It wasn’t fair, really. That long, exotic green hair, those perfect breasts. A cute smile that almost made Shinobu wonder what her alien lips tasted like…

Shinobu suddenly realised she hadn’t blinked in quite a long time, which in turn led her to realise she hadn’t moved a muscle in about a minute. She knocked back the juice and blinked several times in an attempt to catch up. “I feel funny,” she said, looking up at Lum. Who was sitting on the ceiling, and still fanning herself. It wasn’t even that warm. “Are you feeling alright?”

“Yesh, I feel goooooood,” Lum slurred. Ugh, being that sexy should be a crime! Shinobu forced herself to blink again. “I wish darling wash here. We could have shooo much furn together.”

Ataru. Yes, Shinobu felt herself thinking again about that idiotic pervert and his giant dick and how good it felt to have it inside her. The very heights of ecstacy beyond her wildest dreams, and - She was too damn horny for her own damn good. Not to mention drunk on some freaky alien beverage.

“Shay,” Shinobu slurred. She slapped herself and tried again. “Say, I’ve been talking about my past with Ataru. What about you? Any old boyfriends?”

Lum nodded and scowled. “Stupid Rei,” she said. “He’s such a nobody. Cute bod, nothing going on upshtairsh! Not to mention, he only ever thinksh about one thing!”

“How does that make him different from Ataru?”

“Not the same thing, shilly! He only thinks about -”

Okay, so Shinobu didn’t really think of herself as a particularly violent person, but if whoever was making that loud noise and light didn’t cut it out right now, there would be blood spilled upon this earth. Way too bright, way too shrill -

The sound of a crash filled the air, and Lum lazily drifted off to peer outside while Shinobu stumbled on legs that were really far too unsteady to support her. She stumbled a little at the last moment and had to brace herself over Lum’s shoulder. It felt kinda nice leaning on her like this, so she stayed there rather than risk falling over.

“Whosat?” Shinobu asked, boggling at the absolutely stunningly handsome man striding out of the alien vessel. His face was immediately striking, the sort of fiercely determined handsome expression that turned anyone’s attention in its direction. Whoever this tall drink of hotness was, he was clad in a full-body tiger-print suit that sorta reminded Shinobu of something she couldn’t quite place, and were those horns on his head? Lum made a noise like an irritated whine.

“That’sh Rei!” she yelled, tossing the pitcher of juice square at him. The boy caught it out of the air, then gulped it all down in the blink of an eye. Speaking of which, she should probably blink again. “Shtupid Rei! Go away!”

<hr>

Looks like his giant dick had worked its magic once again. He could even tell the moment that she decided to give in when her expression stopped being so fiercely gorgeous and just became determined gorgeous instead. A bigger clue was the enthusiastic kiss that tasted so very sweet.

“Very well then,” Sakura said, pulling away from him for a few inches. “If this is what it will take to purify you, then I shall undertake that task to its conclusion.”

Ataru grinned back at her, not even noticing how many of the little imps were all around them by now. Nor did he notice when Sakura waved her hand and made them vanish. Instead he said, “It’d be more fun if you untied me.”

“Not a chance,” Sakura said, tugging at his still damp trousers. “This is for purification purposes only. This is not for pleasure. It is for the removal of demons and nothing more.”

Something about the way she said that was still impossibly hot but he’d be damned if he could think what it was. Maybe the twinkle in her eye as she tugged his boxers down as well. Maybe it was the vague impression that she didn’t really believe what she was saying and was engaged in some kinky roleplay. Maybe it was the fact that she did believe it, but would probably change her mind very soon.

Or maybe it was because she was hot, hot, hot! Eh, analysing why he found a particular thing arousing was not the sort of topic Ataru felt would be worth approaching. If he started on that road he might never finish doing anything ever again.

Especially when that brainpower could be used to think about the grip Sakura had on his member. That woman needed both hands to fully encircle him, and all he could do was gasp at her surprisingly tender touch.

“Purify, exorcise, purify, exorcise,” Sakura repeated. Not for a single moment did her eyes wander from his dick as it hardened in her grip. Though her breathing did become a little more ragged and she did stop periodically to lick her lips. “Purify, exorcise, purify, exorcise,” she continued, seemingly unaware that her head was growing closer and closer inch by inch to his lower head. “Purify,” she kissed it. “Exorcise,” kissed it again. “Purify,” and this time she began to bob her head along its length, fitting as much of it in her hot mouth as she could manage. Would it be cliche to say that it was divine?

Between the magic of her hands down at the base of his dick and the warm wonders of her mouth and tongue, it could hardly be any wonder at all that Ataru came rather quicker than he might have hoped. To his tremendous surprise she didn’t even gag on the volumes he spurted out, instead somehow managing to swallow every single drop. Sakura withdrew and slid her robes off her body and in an instant Ataru was at full attention once again.

“I cannot hold back anymore,” Sakura said. “This is extremely potent magic after all! Therefore, I must take extreme measures to purify you of it!”

“Bring it on, babe!” Ataru exclaimedd, moments before Sakura pressed his head right into her breasts. No complaints on his end! Nor were there any when she lowered herself onto his shaft and brought him into a paradise that could only be heightened if his hands were free to roam her rather magnificent figure. Oh, for his hands to delight in the sensation of her huge breasts! Oh, to revel in the delights of her legs, hips and - well, to be quite frank she was a work of art all over! To feel that warmth! To feel that softness!

But to hell with those regrets: Feeling the inside of Sakura’s pussy was more than adequate. To feel her tight, damp walls rise and fall along his length made her amazing mouth and hands combination seem pitiful in comparison. It wasn’t even in the same league! He had to compare the girls now that he’d had a taste of three. Lum was lightning. Shinobu was fire. Sakura was all spirit. A little clumsy, but too determined to give up on anything!

“Ah! It feels amazing!” Sakura moaned. “I never knew anything could feel this way! I feel so alive! So healthy! So powerful! Please! I want more! More! More!”

And who was he to ignore the request of a pretty lady? Ataru didn’t hesitate to release inside her, causing Sakura to shriek so loudly he was surprised her mother didn’t enter the room to check in on what was happening. God. That face watching them having sex. That may well be the turnoff of the century! Ataru collapsed onto his back gasping for air and tilted his head back to look at the door. It was still closed, but there was something watching him.

Some sort of little imp.

“Gah!” he gasped, scrambling away from it at high speed. “What the hell is that thing?!” Or things rather, as he realised it had friends. Lots of them. All around the room, hopping or walking or floating towards him.

“Oh, those? Those are the spirits that represent my illnesses and ailments. Your poor fortune must be so enticing to them, that contact with me is drawing them out towards you.” The priestess stood up, completely naked and stalked towards him in a manner completely unlike the woman he’d entered the building with. “Sex is the most efficient manner to draw them out; however, there are still a few left. Once more ought to be sufficient, and then I shall be healthy.”

“And I’ll be sick,” Ataru finished. Damn his luck! Couldn’t he even get laid without suffering <i>some</i> mishap?! “No thanks! I’m not some quick and easy cure-all - Hey, what’re you doing now?”

“Letting your hands go free,” Sakura said, doing just that.

“What happened to ‘this is all about purification, not pleasure’?”

“By increasing the contact more spirits will be transferred. Please, help me become completely healthy. Only you can do this.”

Alright, think fast time. Get out of this one! “Uh, what about your mother? She should be back any minute with clothes!”

“Not at all. So long as you remain aroused, you have some form of personal forcefield that prohibits exit or entrance. Were you not aware of this?”

Nope. Not one bit of it. Must be yet another new inexplicable element of his life. “How long will I stay sick?” he asked.

“Only until I can properly purify the spirits,” Sakura said. “It is a fair trade. We enjoy each other physically, then cure one another of that which ails us.” Sakura reclined against the wall as Ataru crept towards the door - only to find himself repelled by an invisible force. Damn! There really was something here! Which meant the only way out was to accept her illness spirits, and hope she was competent enough to get rid of them! Given her relation to Cherry, that seemed unlikely!

On the plus side… He’d get to have some more sex with Sakura. Eh. Sometimes life gives lemons that already taste sweet without being made into lemonade.

<hr>

Five hours is how long it took, and Ataru still felt a small trace of a cold coming on. Just what he needed on top of everything else. Stuff it. He was heading home. If he was gonna be sick because Sakura got sloppy and missed something, he was gonna rest it off at home and hope the girls didn’t get a bit too frantic with him.

“Ataru! Help!”

Speaking of his girls being frantic, that seemed an apt description of their running as they went directly towards him. Gosh. It was kind of sweet that they missed him so much. Lum had even discarded her top in her eagerness to be with him again. Really touched his perverted heart. He spread his arms wide to embrace them both as they reached him, his long-standing friend/girlfriend and his alien fiancee.

Then the two ran straight past him, grabbing onto his two arms as they went. “Shtop shtanding shtill!” Lum drunkenly slurred. “We’ve gotta get away from Rei!”

Ataru blinked. Then he blinked again. “Who the hell is -”

Once there was a wall just a little down the street. Now there was not a wall. Just a pile of bricks and a few bits of dust that were once themselves bricks. How that happened was rather immediately apparent. Leaping and roaring down the street was a rather large lion/tiger thing with a really stupid-looking face. Big old eyes that showed all the intelligence of a goldfish, and could probably be outsmarted by a particularly stupid rock.

Oh. That was Rei. Ataru got with the program pretty quickly after that, and picked up his pace so that the two girls weren’t quite dragging him so much. They were still doing so, but largely because they were indeed both travelling much faster than him.

“Friend of yours?” he asked Lum.

“Ex-boyfriend!”

Wow. It was rather a rare thing for Ataru to be able to honestly consider himself a rather significant step up on the dating scene than someone’s ex. But he could feel good about that later on. There was a madcap chase to be had!

“We have to find a good hiding place,” Ataru said. “There’s no way we can outrun that thing forever!”

“Hish shense of shmelling ish too good!” Lum replied. “Nowhere to hide! He’ll find ush no matter where we go!”

No matter where, huh? We’ll see about that - There! Shinobu’s back garden! Perfect! He screeched to a halt and beckoned the two of them in the appropriate direction, and they followed his lead.

“Make out,” he ordered. They stared blankly at him while Ataru peered back down the street. They had maybe half a minute before the tiger thing caught up, and as stupid as it may look it also looked like it could tear them limb from limb without even thinking about it. “Dammit, just do it! Kiss like you mean it!”

“… ’Kay!” Shinobu drunkenly said. What had these girls been up to earlier? Shinobu tugged on Lum’s shoulder and threw her arms around the alien girl, who responded in kind. And let it be known that even after about five hours of hot, sweaty, sickness-inducing, spirit-transferring sex with a surprisingly energetic priestess there was still one thing that can turn any straight man’s engine on: Two sexy women locked in a passionate embrace.

“Lum?” a strange, stupid-sounding voice said from behind Ataru, but really that didn’t matter much anymore because he was watching two girls he’d been screwing lately making out. Meaning he was turned on. Meaning that nobody would pay them any attention even if they were standing literally two feet away. Similarly, you could drop the Moon onto the Earth five miles away and Ataru wouldn’t even blink. “Lum?” the voice repeated, a little further away this time. “Lum?” it said once again, still further away. Good riddance to it! Ataru rested his hand behind his head and made every effort to commit the drunken make-out to memory, though really they could probably stop right about now. Rei was already long gone, so they could stop making out if they really wanted to.

Not that he would say that even if the thought had occurred to him. Not in the least.