Ever have one of <b>those</b> days? You know the sort. Rains as soon as you leave the house, stops when you duck inside? Pour out some cereal, then realise the milk is a day out of date just a fraction of a second too late? Or how about walking into the kitchen right at the very moment one of the girls you live with actually slipped while picking up a banana peel and wound up landing in an awkward position atop your face?
“You… pervert!” Naru yelled, hurling Keitaro out into the corridor in a fit of humiliated outrage.
Yep. Just another one of those days. He rebounded off the wall once, twice, three times and slid to a halt along the wooden floor, doubtless leaving some splinters somewhere along the back of his legs. All he could do was sigh wearily. It wasn’t like that was even the worst thing to happen to him today.
“Oh, is that where you are?” Mitsune said, leaning on the wall like she hadn’t just seen or heard him being tossed around like a ragdoll. “Good. I’ve been looking for you. There’s something very special only you can do for me.”
“You want me to clean the hot spring,” Keitaro said. She’d done this to him before, so he wasn’t surprised in the slightest when she gave him a thumbs up. He sighed. “Alright. I don’t think I was going to get any studying done today anyway.”
“Attaboy! You go and knock yourself out. I’ll tell the others you’re cleaning it so there aren’t any mishaps.”
Maybe she even would do that, but let’s play it safe and put a sign outside the changing room. Inside it as well, just to be doubly certain. Keitaro watched the water drain away in complete silence, in the process feeling his mind wandering back over the events of the day. It had been… Eventful at the very least. All he wanted to do was make a withdrawal from the bank, and then all hell broke loose.
<hr>
The back wall of the bank was replaced with an explosion which - miraculously - didn’t actually hurt anyone. Two figures strode out through the resulting hole with large bags hefted over their shoulders towards a third that was standing a safe distance away with his arms folded across his chest.
“Were there any problems?” the third of them asked. He was an imposing figure with a long black cape that flowed around him as though it had its own will. A jet-black expressionless mask lay upon his face. This was the Wandering Immortal, criminal mastermind and leader of the dreaded Rising Demons.
“Not a single bit,” the taller of the two henchmen answered. It was the only way to distinguish between the two of them when in costume. Otherwise, they were both clad in dark red bodysuits that covered them from head to toe with patterns of fire or screaming faces etched carefully upon them. “Everything went precisely as you instructed.”
“In which case you should have accounted for us as well!” cried a female voice from a nearby rooftop. All three of them cast their eyes up towards a single sight. There were five of them, all female with light yet sturdy helmets upon their heads. You could tell they were female because they wore their uniforms like a second skin, but those features were all their uniforms had in common.
At the front of the group was their leader, clad in red. She was rather a curvaceous figure, and her hands-on-hips pose rather emphasised this point even if it was not the intended purpose. Her helmet had two decorative curved tusks drawn up either side of the opaque visor and a trunk emblazoned immediately below it. Upon her chest - once one stopped staring at her rather magnificent and barely concealed breasts - was an image of a woolly mammoth’s head staring directly ahead as though it was rather eager to stomp all over whatever lay in its path. Her fists were the only other part of her body not left skin tight, as they were covered with gauntlets that had to be three to four times the size of her actual hands. This was Red Mammoth, a force to be reckoned with.
To her immediate left was another girl, leaning away from their leader with a blade drawn and pointed directly towards the villainous trio. Her uniform was a striking white that looked like it might shine in the darkness, and underneath you could easily see that her form was the most athletically oriented of all five girls. Her visor was surrounded by the image of a cat with its mouth split widely open and two terrible teeth protruding all the way down the side and ending in a point almost as sharp as her sword’s. Upon her chest was the image of a saber-toothed cat. This what White Tiger, scourge of evil wherever she found it.
To the immediate right of the first girl was another, this one clad in black. She had her back to the red warrior, and almost seemed to be deliberately thrusting out her chest for inspection. Almost as though she was trying to look sexy, even though she was possessed of an even more tremendous figure than any of them. Her mask had a similar design to white’s save for a much more canine appearance, and the emblem upon her chest was either a wolf or a fox. It was honestly difficult to tell, and could easily be either depending on where it was viewed from. A whip lay across her shoulder. This was Black Canine, who had a mind too complicated to predict.
To the furthest left was the smallest girl of the group, clad all in yellow. One arm was extended towards the villains with the other resting atop that shoulder, and within the extended arm was a bright yellow gun that shot very painful bolts of lightning. Her helmet’s visor was surrounded by a swarm of tentacles, and her chest showed an image of a squid. This was Yellow Squid, an inventor beyond reproach.
To the further right was the last of the group leaning to the right with daggers in both hands. This one was covered in blue, and had a large horn shape along the top of her helmet. Her emblem was a rhino with an expression that said it was about two seconds away from a stampede. This was Blue Rhino, the second smallest of the group with more bite to her than you might first expect.
“Halt, evildoers!” Red Mammoth yelled. “You shall not get away with such heinous villainy! So long as we are here, we shall protect honour, justice, friendship and the very planet itself from your wicked ways! We are the High Integrity Nature Alliance, and we are here to stop you!”
Beneath his mask the Immortal Wanderer rolled his eyes. Not that anyone could see him, but they really were so terribly corny. Instead he raised his hand and snapped his fingers, prompting yet more of his followers to emerge from the bushes, even as the heroes leaped from the rooftop to the ground.
“Keep them distracted,” the Immortal Wanderer demanded. “The two of you! Help me escape with the loot! We shall contend with them more properly another day, but for now! Let us flee!”
That was part of the trouble of being an evil overlord, really. Priorities. Today’s mission was not to defeat the heroes, it was to acquire a little extra spending cash for their operations. He didn’t think for a second that his warriors could stand the remotest chance against the team, but alas!
“He’s getting away!” White Tiger yelled, rendering two henchmen unconscious in a single swing of her blade. “Someone, get after him!”
The ground beneath Immortal Wanderer’s feet burst into life, and he risked a glimpse back. Yellow Squid was firing at him, clearly attempting to make him stumble. A clever attempt, but futile. With a gesture of his head three of his underlings swarmed on top of her, prompting the girl’s attention towards rendering them unconscious with her usual hyperactive activity. Though did she have to laugh as she went about it?
No sooner was this done than something wrapped itself around his wrist, yanking him backwards. “Going somewhere, hun?” Black Canine remarked. Her grip on that whip was pretty firm and steady. He didn’t think for a moment he could budge her. “The party’s just getting started! Why don’t you stick around a while?”
“Sorry, my dear, but this just isn’t my scene.”
With his spare hand the Immortal Wanderer unclasped his cloak and it soared through the air towards its prey. That prompted the accursed hero to look up at it and leap out of the way, releasing him in the process. That would keep her occupied for a while, now he just had to get past Blue Rhino and her attempt to sneak up on him.
”Hmph!” the villain chuckled as he ducked out of the way. “I thought you heroes were supposed to be an honourable lot? Where is the honour in attacking someone from behind?”
“Sh-shut up! You don’t know the first thing about honour!” the flustered hero cutely stammered. She dove forward with her knives once again, forcing him to sidestep and realise too late that this time she wasn’t aiming for him. She was aiming for his two most loyal henchmen, specifically the bags they were carrying, which she tore fully open and made the money spill to the ground. No! Dammit, no!
“Well done, Blue Rhino!” White Tiger declared, slowly approaching the trio with her sword at the ready. “Admit defeat! Your henchmen fall all around you!”
Before he could even say anything, White Tiger slashed for him and caused a tremendous gust of air that caused him to stagger backwards even though he was well clear of it. The villain reached for something to hold onto for balance, anything at all would do. His palm met something soft and kinda nice and warm, though what could it possibly be in a place like this?
He looked back. He saw red. He saw an emblem of a mammoth. Then he saw a giant fist heading very quickly in his direction, and then he saw the heroes very rapidly moving away from him as he sailed through the air.
“Not again!” he yelled, wondering just where it was he’d land this time! Now, let’s see if he could do this math correctly. At the rate he was moving and the angle of his ascension, given gravity and wind drag as well as his mass and a general internal map of the area, he should without question land somewhere absolutely not at all pleasant.
This theory was proven correct when he landed in the middle of the street, was hit by a truck and then sent skidding along the street directly through a sheet of glass being carried across the pavement… before winding up unconscious in a pond for about twenty minutes.
Any one of these things would have killed him outright, and indeed that’s what everyone expected had happened and why emergency services were called to deal with this horrible, horrible accident. However, to the surprise and horror of absolutely everyone that same villain simply rose from the pond completely unscathed and staggered off while everyone was too stunned to remember how to breathe.
“Damn High Integrity Nature Alliance!” the Wandering Immortal seethed. He clasped his wrist and caused the soaking wet uniform to vanish into nothingness, leaving only an irate, average-looking young man wearing glasses. “Why do they have to ruin everything?! All I want to do is find my promise girl! Is that so much to ask?!”
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Some day - he didn’t know when - but he would get it done. He would find his promised girl. He would absolutely keep that promise to enter Tokyo University. Even if he had to burn down Japan to do it. Even if he had to burn down the whole planet Earth! His fierce determination could not be overcome!
As the Wandering Immortal he could do things that Keitaro Urashima could not. He could intimidate and threaten. He could lie, manipulate, cheat and steal. He could do the things that were necessary to accomplish what he wanted! He could stand up to armies without blinking, even summon monsters to fight on his behalf and -
“Huh? Weird, I never noticed this switch before…” Keitaro mumbled to himself. He pushed it without a second thought, moments before his survival instinct - having been honed from living in the same building as Su - kicked in and made him leap about ten feet away. He let out an actual sigh of relief when all that happened was a staircase appeared in one of the larger rocks, leading down an impossibly deep height.
… Wait. What?! “Since when was this here?” he gasped. Without an inch of hesitation or a moment of doubt he strode forward into the darkness. It wasn’t as if anything down here could kill him or anything, though it would probably sting quite a bit. Keitaro stopped to think about that for a moment, leaning against a wall as he did so. “Eh. Screw it. I’ll heal up fine soon enough and then - Whoa!”
The wall he’d been leaning on slid open and Keitaro found himself staring up. Right at them. The five of them towering over him like giants with their arms folded and their - “Ah! I’m sorry!” he said, crawling backwards away from them. “I didn’t mean to intrude! I just… I - Hang on. Those aren’t <i>them</i>! They’re statues!”
Yep, on closer inspection there wasn’t much doubt about it. Giant statues. Of his mortal enemies. Right here under the hot spring. So. Had it finally happened? Had the countless defeats at their hands finally broken his mind? Or perhaps suffering through injuries that should have killed him many times over is what had done it. Perhaps that is what had driven him to this point. Perhaps. He honestly couldn’t say anymore. It was a strange thing, but he always felt that if he went completely off the rails he wouldn’t be so analytical of the possibility and simply roll with whatever derangement took hold without questioning it.
“Wait, wait,” he said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’m sane. I’m perfectly sane. I’m lucid. I’m standing in the middle of a hidden room that is decorated by those accursed, foolish heroes. There’s only one possibility:
“One of the girls must be a massive fangirl!” he concluded, nodding in sad resignation. “Such a shame. If only they understood what meddlers they were! Why, they even have some sort of computer right here that I bet they use to write fun little stories where they become a sixth member and stop the wicked Wandering Immortal with their rainbow eyes and shiny powers. Or maybe they reveal that they are the girl promised to that misunderstood villain, and work to bring him over to the side of justice!”
Now, he would leave it at that and just close up this shrine. Maybe work out some way to seal it forever and frame one of the others once he’d worked out whose it was. Trick being how he would even do that without giving the game away which led to him wondering what he’d even do to pull that off which led to him sitting his ass down in the chair in front of the computer and booting it right on up. Not even password protected. Once Keitaro had finished facepalming, he started to read. And read. And read. And -
“No. Way.” Wow, but it was suddenly hard to breathe. Just, all of a sudden his chest felt like it had a vice wrapped around it. The heart of enemy territory, and he was sitting right in it like a complete dumbass. He couldn’t have switched that computer off and bugged out faster if he’d been set on fire first. Only once he was out in the spring - now devoid of water - did he allow himself to relax. No sign of anyone, and the door was easily closed like <i>so</i>… Right then! Now was the time for him to start to panic.
It made sense in retrospect. Five heroes. Five girls. The body types fit. The personalities aligned nicely. All sort of tied together neatly, and now that he knew the identities of those accursed, foolish heroes, he could -
He could -
He could -
Dammit.
That’s the trouble, really. He couldn’t even think of them as foolish, accursed heroes anymore. Not when he knew their names and faces, not when he’d spent months living with them, getting to know them. It was a great deal more difficult to dehumanise someone when you knew them well enough, and though they had their faults he still kinda sorta like those girls. So… Here he was. In a position where he couldn’t reach his goal without killing his enemies when his heart was no longer even really in killing his enemies. They’d defeated him again in the process of their own defeat! How infuriating!
Unless he tried something else, of course. There was more than one way to defeat an enemy.
Keitaro stopped, quirked his head and blinked really hard. He rubbed his chin. He pushed his glasses up his nose. And with a wicked grin he grabbed a mop and set to his work. Yes, this wasn’t exactly what he wanted to be working on right about now but it was the perfect way to set his mind on a solution to the problem. The edges of the idea lingered in his mind yet the details remained indistinct. He would bring them over to his side. He would show them that his cause was noble and right and true. They would help him acquire the resources necessary to locate his promised girl, and they’d do it even if it meant handing him control over the entire Earth.
- Backstory time! How did the girls become sentai heroes?
- There’s more than one archvillain out there. Wait. Mutsumi is one of them?!
- Keitaro makes his move, downloading all the information from the computer for later analysis.
- Keitaro springs an ambush on one of the girls.
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