Tainted Cube: Ranma Meets Sailor V, Warrior of Love!

Here it is, and I hope this meets your expectations. Looking at the way the poll currently is makes it very likely that Evangelion will be the winner for the coming week, so that seems like the safest place to put discussion and speculation on what will come next. Though I do not want to be seen as discouraging either further votes changing that direction, or from participants discussing other series following on from this. Merely observing what currently seems most likely.

Anyway, the story! I've tried to insert hammer related puns where possible for a certain character, but if anyone sees a prime opportunity to put in more I welcome them. I also welcome suggestions for different options or different wordings of those options. Have fun, and let me know what you think of it! I strive to improve where possible, and feedback of all sorts is necessary for this process.



“I want to meet Sailor V.”

Ah, hero worship. To look up to a person for their talent, cunning, bravery. Heroes are that which we most aspire to be. Greater than ourselves to the point whereby the very act of meeting them fills us with wonder and excitement. Do we perhaps believe that the presence of such celebrity will rub off on us? Give us that little spark of good fortune we need to really show the world what we are capable of? Or perhaps we feel inspired rather than humbled. Perhaps we feel as though we really can be better, do better with just that little bit extra effort. One final push towards greatness and then we shall be there… even though almost everyone that tries ultimately falters, for only a few stars can shine the brightest before they fade away.

“I want to meet Sailor V.”

A mildly ironic desire all things considered: After all! The one person Sailor V wants to meet over anyone else turns out to be Usagi herself. Not that she could know or even suspect this fact. Not yet. So this was a heartfelt desire to meet a hero, an idol, a celebrity and an inspiration that didn’t realise it would someday become true. Usagi’s portion of the cube heard this. It responded by attempting to draw upon the power of its whole to make it reality…

And all of that power then went to an entirely different portion, which glowed faintly within the unconscious grip of a gender-flipped martial artist being carried down a Furinkan street by a panda. A cube that rested within a world in which Sailor V simply did not exist.

So far as the cube was concerned, Ranma Saotome wanted to do something which was basically impossible: Meet a hero that did not exist within his/her reality. The obvious solution was to use its considerable power to alter that fact: Sailor V will exist within this reality, therefore Ranma Saotome will meet her.

What facts were known about Sailor V? Wore a mostly blue- and orange-coloured sailor fuku. Had certain magical powers. Wore a mask. Had long blonde hair. Fought baddies. Was kind hearted, brave, hard working… And there the cube’s knowledge ended, for it was basing this entirely on one simple source of data: Usagi Tsukino. Therefore the civilian identity of Sailor V was unknown, although Usagi was rather certain that she must have one. This meant that any existing person could easily become Sailor V. In particular it had to be someone Ranma would meet within the hour, for which there were four candidates available.

Soun Tendo was disqualified on account of having a penis. Sailor V was female. Nabiki Tendo was disqualified on account of her mischievous and selfish nature. Akane Tendo was considered briefly due to her kind nature and considerable athletic skill but her short temper made the cube wary… Ah! But then there was Kasumi Tendo! Sweet and selfless to a fault. Always putting others before herself. Worked harder and longer than anyone without a whisper of complaint. The perfect candidate.

Sailor V would soon be born!
<hr>
It was a slightly damp-looking Sunday morning and Kasumi could be easily found in the place she usually lurked during these hours, preparing breakfast in the kitchen. Cutting up vegetables with a faint smile on her face and a song humming through her lips. Just like yesterday. Just like the day before. Just like tomorrow. Just like every other day.

Except today wasn’t quite like every other day. Kasumi stopped cutting vegetables and looked towards the ceiling. There was electricity in the air. Something new and exciting. Something -

“Meow.”

- Like a cat staring at her from the window. It took a cautious step forward while keeping an unblinking gaze upon Kasumi. The next thing she knew it had lunged for a stray carrot, seizing the vegetable within its jaws in the blink of an eye. Kasumi’s eyes went wide.

“Shoo! Filthy kitty!” she yelled, suddenly wielding a broom in much the same manner that a samurai might wield his sword. “Out of my kitchen!”

To the considerable surprise of any onlooker (not to mention the cat) Kasumi was keeping up with it pretty effectively. Though the cat was hardly any slouch with the way it was bouncing around the room like a pinball, Kasumi was right on its heels every single step of the way with a well-aimed broom missing it by mere inches every time. Not to mention that there would be less inches between them on each strike.

But consider that all three of the Tendo sisters did indeed practise a little martial arts in their youth. Though Akane was the only one to stick with it in the end, all three did participate for quite some time. Though their reaction times did not remotely compare to Akane, both Nabiki and Kasumi had retained some semblance of the dexterity acquired in their youth. Trick was it never really came to the surface until they were pushed over the emotional edge. Like, for example, seeing a mangy cat leap into the kitchen and steal food.

Right now that cat was feeling a little bit panicky. Its muscles were being pushed to their considerable limits, its instincts regarding escape were being blocked at seemingly every turn and that broom not only sounded close but also rather a lot like a gunshot.

Ah! But then it stopped and an opportunity availed itself! The cat leaped outside, took one last look back and immediately regretted this action upon immediately thereafter learning exactly what it felt like to be a mound of dust. Its conclusion: Unpleasant.

“And stay out!” Kasumi said. She spun on her heels and took several deep breaths on her way back to the kitchen. “Oh dear, such a troublesome cat!” she sighed. “I do hope it hasn’t left fur everywhere. That would certainly set back breakfast quite a bit, and -”

She stopped midstep and drew back her foot. “That was close,” she said, bending down to retrieve whatever she’d almost stepped on. “I could have broken this. Now, whatever is this supposed to be? Some sort of pen? How did it get here?”

“Kasumi!” her father happily yelled, utterly distracting her from the question of this strange pen for the time being. “Wonderful news! Ah! But I should tell all of you at once… Please, help me find your sisters! This is truly wonderful!” Soun wiped a stray tear from his cheek. Not of sadness. Happiness. The sort of happiness she’d not seen from him in - probably ever, come to think. “The day has finally arrived! Oh, but this is such a joyous occasion! Nabiki! Akane! Where are you?”

Curiosity shifted from one target to what seemed at the time like a much more important one, and so the pen was absently shuffled into a pocket within her apron and promptly forgotten about. After all, one must keep to certain priorities….
<hr>
The real trick of being knocked out most people don’t quite seem to understand is that it’s the being unconscious bit that’s easy. Waking up again afterwards? That’s the hard bit. After all, being rendered unconscious typically means a moment or two of sharp, blinding agony but then it fades into oblivion as consciousness simply disappears. For you see, the capacity to recognise pain is only available to the mind while it is capable of functioning, which it frankly isn’t during a state of KO’dness. It’s like drifting in a void. No pain. No pleasure. No sensation of any sort at all.

Then you wake up. You become aware of pain. You become aware of the bruise on the back of your noggin. You become aware of the dull throb it has taken on without having the time to become consciously used to its presence, and thus it cannot be ignored.

“Ugh,” Ranma groaned, though what he was trying to say was “I hate you so much. Stupid panda.”

Luckily for Ranma he was made of sterner stuff than most people. Most people would have been too groggy for hours after such a blow even to spell their own name without the same sort of concentration normally reserved for calculus. But Ranma? Well. He - sorry, <b>she</b> was a martial artist. More to the point, she was a martial artist with a completely deranged, mildly sadistic trainer. By now Ranma had learned to shake off a potential concussion in the same way a more normal person would shrug off a disappointing haircut.

Except that for some reason her hand felt a bit tender as well. Almost as though she had been gripping onto something for dear life. Something that was no longer there at all. Something shaped like a cube.

No time to think about that now. Ranma twisted around as much as she could in the panda’s one-armed grip. This was rather less motion than she might have liked. “Let go!” she insisted. No dice. But Ranma could easily see that they were about to enter a building. No doubt the home of this friend that was supposed to become Ranma’s father-in-law.

Father-in-law. Wife. Marriage. It was all too stupid for words! “You idiot! Can’t you tell how they’re gonna react when we walk in there like this? At least find some hot water first, or -”

“Ranma’s here, here at last!” a voice called just on the edge of hearing.

“I hope he’s cute!” another voice called. “I wonder what he’s - Wild bear! Run!”

Then there was the sound of retreating feet down the corridor. “Well, what’d you expect?” Ranma hissed. “Look at us! Put me down! Can’t you see how scared they all are?”

“Daddy, is this your friend?” one girl inquired.

Ranma could make out the sight of his father’s friend rapidly shaking his head. “Oh, sure!” a different girl yelled. “So this panda decided to pay a visit! Happens all the time!”

The panda growled and shifted its grip upon Ranma. In spite of her struggle it was too strong to break free from and the very next thing that she knew, Ranma was planted feet first onto the ground in front of four complete strangers. A guy with a moustache that could probably win awards. Some surprised-looking girl in a gi. She hadn’t said anything yet, just sort of goggled in surprise at what was going on. Another girl towards the back wearing a dress and an apron, and another one that looked rather excited by the entire turn of events.

“You wouldn’t be…?” the man asked.

“R-Ranma Saotome,” she answered. “Sorry about this. I’ve been thinking of getting the panda neutered to keep him out of - Ow! Watch it, my head’s still tender after that… whatever you hit me with!”

The father gripped Ranma in a hug so tight it surely qualified as a chokehold. “At last! You’re here! “It’s so good of you to come! So good-”

“Ooh, he’s cute!” the excited girl squealed from behind her father.

But she had apparently failed to notice the silence trailing out of his mouth. The iron grip was broken and he backed away as though he had seen the very devil itself. Yep. Sure was a smart thing his old man did, dragging them in here in their cursed forms. Was gonna make this whole arranged marriage thing go down smooth, like a bottle of rusty needles.

That same girl poked idly at Ranma’s chest. All of her enthusiasm and energy drained away with each little poke. “Could you stop that?” Ranma asked, just wanting all of this to end so she could get back to what really mattered.

“‘He’ is a girl.”

<hr>
Fighting that guy that thought he was a Knight of Camelot. Repeating the anti-concussion training. Starving for three days straight. Fighting that team of fire-breathing acrobats. Repeating the stamina training with the bees and the sacks of rocks. Fighting the monkey trainer -

“Oh, poor Daddy!” the girl he now knew was Kasumi said, mopping her father’s brow with a damp cloth. “He’s so disappointed.”

“He’s disappointed!” Nabiki yelled back. “Some fiance this is!”

That time he ate the bad curry. Reliving the week immediately <i>after</i> eating the bad curry. Being chased across China by that psycho chick. That incident with the living Sacred Gold Statue his father had tried to steal -

“Stop it, you two!” the girl in the gi -  Akane - interrupted. “He… She is our guest!”

Ranma’s attempt to list all the things she’d rather do than sit through this <i>impossibly awkward conversation</i> was rather interrupted when Akane stood up and smiled down at her. “Hey. Join me in the practice hall. I’m Akane. Want to be friends?”

If he’d been asked that question by a pack of rabid dogs, his answer would’ve still been yes. Anything to get him out of here and away from little miss grope! Three times now! Three times! The girl was obsessed! In the face of that warm smile and genuine irritation for how the rest of the family was treating Ranma? There wasn’t enough ‘yes’ in the world, and she was rather afraid that if she opened her mouth to answer she might never stop. A nod of the head would have to suffice.

<hr>
Kasumi watched Akane and her new friend head off towards the training hall. Well, at least something good came out of this meeting. A friendship passed from fathers to daughters. Still. It was a little strange that Ranma’s father wasn’t here. What was the deal with that panda, anyway?

“Hello, Mister Panda,” Kasumi said in that same tone many people use when talking to their pets. “Are you hungry? I bet you are!”

She hadn’t expected the panda to respond. It looked at her, tilted its head, then held up a sign that quite clearly read “Just some hot water, thanks.”

Nabiki stood up. “If anyone needs me for further raising of hopes, I’ll be in my room! Maybe I’ll be told I’ve won the lottery, only to learn that it was last week’s ticket?”

“Now, Nabiki, can’t you see how hard Father is taking this?”

“He <i>should</i> be taking it hard. He engages one of us to his friend’s son, only he doesn’t even have a son! What kind of joke is that? He brought this on his own head.”

And with that she was gone. Honestly, that girl sometimes only seemed to show compassion or empathy of any sort when it suited her own interests to do so. Well. At least Father looked like he might be back to his usual self soon enough. He should be alright if left alone for a little while… and the panda seemed pretty docile. Shockingly intelligent as well. Maybe she should get it some hot water?

Half a minute later she was in the kitchen, remembering why the phrase “a watched kettle never boils” came into existence. Obviously it was not true. The water would eventually boil but the act of concentrating upon it would inevitably lead one to feel the passing of time much more keenly than they might otherwise. Attempt to concentrate on how much time is passing by and it will always feel that much longer…

“Interesting guests you have.”

“I suppose you could say that,” she absently replied. Wait. She didn’t know that voice. Kasumi turned around, fully expecting to behold the sight of Genma Saotome arriving at last… Except… He wasn’t there at all! The only sight before Kasumi’s eyes was - Oh! That cat again! She reached for the broom, and -

“Magical energy is positively dripping off them,” the cat said.

Kasumi promptly fell on her ass. Though it must be said that she did so in the most dignified way that one <i>can</i> conceivably fall upon one’s ass.

“You can talk?” Kasumi whispered, half fearing that she had perhaps nodded off while waiting for the kettle.

“I can?” the cat replied. It strode forward and leaped gracefully onto the microwave in two hops. “I didn’t notice! Ah! But maybe you have noticed something I left behind this morning when you gave me that delicious bit of carrot.”

“I think your memory is a bit faulty. You stole that carrot.”

“Stole, gave, it’s all the same to a feline.” The cat chuckled for a moment, but then scowled. A rather odd series of things to see upon a face that did not evolve these emotional expressions. “Oh dear. I appear to have boxed myself in logically. After all, I can hardly ask you for that pen under my own logic, now, can I? I lost it, you found it… And you hardly seem the sort to be swayed by being told it is monumentally important that I get it back.”

“Not particularly,” Kasumi said, having decided to just go along with this strange dream to see where it led. She had just read this fascinating book she’d borrowed from Doctor Tofu the other day on dream interpretation, and this seemed like a perfect chance to try it out on herself. “After all, I’m sure that to a cat anything that belongs to it is by default monumentally important.”

“True, true! But this particular pen does not, in the strictest sense, belong to me. I am holding it for another. If I do not find this person, why, many lives may well be lost.”

“Oh my! If it really is that important, then I should help you find this person. Who are they?”

“I don’t have the faintest idea.”

For the second time that day, Kasumi made a dignified fall upon her ass.

“Hm, I thought you had seemed rather more graceful earlier this day with that frightful broom of yours. Perhaps I was mistaken.”

“You don’t know? Then… I suppose you must have a way to find out if any given person is who you are looking for?”

“I don’t know that either. My goodness, you are tripping up quite a bit today. Two hindfeet, that’s you humans’ trouble! Try walking on four legs like the rest of the animal kingdom. It’ll sort out  your balance issues and other things besides. Like hernias.”

“My goodness, this is a silly dream,” Kasumi sighed. “I wonder what it means.”

“If you give me the pen, I’ll be out of your hair. You won’t see-”

The cat stopped in that way cats are prone to do when they know they are being watched. All of its muscles froze perfectly in place, leaving it as little more than a fur-covered statue. Its head turned. Slowly. Precisely. Once it was apparently looking in the correct direction its expression turned into what would look like a scowl on a human face. “I might be too late,” it said. “They’re already here.”

The kettle boiled, but Kasumi wasn’t watching it. She was more interested in the cat fleeing the kitchen like a bat out of hell.

<hr>
Akane all but stumbled out of the training hall. Her breaths were ragged, her brow drenched in sweat and her muscles… Oh, but her muscles! They ached that special sort of pain that only came from a good, long workout.

She rubbed at the back of her head in an absent motion, and thought back to the fight. “Ranma beat me,” she said to herself. “She could have kicked my ass in the blink of an eye. Amazing! I need to get her to train me.”

<i>Strongest wins, fastest wins, be the best, don’t let them keep you down just ’cause you’re a girl.</i>

Akane had put her all into that spar. At first not so much, need to test out how good Ranma was and adjust skill level accordingly. Ranma probably did the same thing but did it in a smarter way. Kept herself on the defensive, kept herself from leaving any openings. Judged Akane’s own weaknesses and limitations. Then struck through an opening to prove which of them had decisively won that spar.

Outclassed? Vastly. It was like sending the moon to fight the sun.

<i>At least not a boy! Hate boys! Immature! Perverts! If they beat you, they will take you!</i>

Yes. It was definitely so much simpler with Ranma being a girl. It meant that the engagement couldn’t happen, it meant that she could keep hold of the dojo (her inheritance!) and it meant that if Ranma ever found out about the whole thing at school - which she probably would eventually - then she wouldn’t try to take advantage.

<i>Just like any boy would.</i>

For now Akane would simply wait in her room. Catch her breath a little. Wait for the bath to be ready and then relax all of her aching muscles. In the meantime this was the perfect opportunity to reflect upon the spar in greater detail. The way Ranma had flowed around every punch and kick. Reading her moves like an open book, even the ones she attempted to conceal. Every combination. Every movement. She knew before Akane did. Hopefully Ranma would stick around long enough to teach that little trick.

And that thought got her giggling a little bit. A girl she could talk with about martial arts! A nice girl at that. Too good to be true! A real friend with common interests!

“Akane! Bath’s ready!”

“Thanks!” she replied. It was an automatic process gathering a towel, for her thoughts lay elsewhere. With a sparring partner like this, not only could she see real improvement in her own training but maybe something she could apply towards drawing more students? The dojo really needed some and this could be just the sort of help they needed. Have Ranma show off a little and people would surely come for miles around to learn from her. Akane stepped into the bathroom with a smile upon her lips and hope in her heart. She stripped out of her gi as happy as she could remember being. Ranma was just what she had needed for the longest time. A real honest and true girlfrie-

Boy. That’s a boy. That’s a <i>boy hate boys immature perverts</i>. A naked boy with his <i>dirty little penis that controls his every thought. Look at the way he’s looking at you, you know what he’s thinking know what he wants.</i>

Akane stumbled backwards with a towel clutched to her chest. No, no! Stay back! <i>I can help you. Let me in.</i> She could beat him up. She really could, but… But the fear was there. A strange naked boy in the bathroom! What was she supposed to think? <i>Pervert. Stalker. Like all boys. Know why he is here already.</i> Someone that bold, a pervert willing to sneak into a dojo naked… Akane let out a scream of complete terror.

<i>Thank you for letting me in.</i>

<hr>
“I’m afraid it’s worse than I thought,” the talking cat said. “Your sister has been possessed by the enemy.”

Kasumi continued folding sheets. No. She would not give the talking cat the time of day. It was just a hallucination. Obviously. Cats do not talk. Pandas do not wield signs. This was all just a silly dream she was having. Oh, but she’d suspected that ramen last night had not been assigned the correct sell-by date! See if she bought from that particular store again.

Her musings were rather rudely interrupted by the considerably heavy weight of a cat landing upon her pile of sheets.

“Do you mind, kitty? I’m trying to pretend that I’m awake, so that I’ll eventually snap out of this very silly dream you’re a part of.”

“This is no dream, girl! More like a nightmare! Any minute now, the enemy is going to seize control over that girl in the gi, and I don’t have the right girl to give that pen to! You and your family are all screwed!”

“Hm…” Kasumi mused, examining the odd little pen rather closely. “I suppose you wouldn’t tell me what the pen does, exactly?”

“I doubt that you could understand it,” the cat replied. “It is a transformation pen. What happens is, when I find the right girl she holds it up and says ‘Moon Power Transform’, and then she will become the beautiful, enchanting and powerful Champion of Justice, Sailor V!“

Kasumi frowned in concentration. “What an odd thing to say,” she said, tapping her cheek with the pen. “What sort of person would say ‘Moon Power Transform’?”

In that moment everything screeched to a complete halt. The world took on an oddly grayish property, before an explosion of light and colour surrounded Kasumi’s entire being. Though she could not see it, her hair changed colour. The former brown locks lightened considerably until becoming as yellow as the sun. The bow she kept within her hair flowed up towards the top and turned blood red, contrasting magnificently with the new colour of her hair. Everything around her felt like it was spinning around, spinning around faster and faster around and around until - until - until -

Her clothes were changing as well. Her dress disappeared, leaving a bright blue skirt - much shorter than she usually preferred - in its place. There was a white shirt now as well. The sleeves went but a little way down her arm, perhaps a quarter and no more. Shoulder pads, a red bow across her chest, gloves, even a mask over her face!

With a tremendous shudder, she was back in the real world again face to face with a rather shocked-looking cat.

“I am Sailor V,” she said. “I am the protector of love and beauty. I am -”

Struck by an overpowering sense of evil. She turned her head just in time to see a half-naked boy being hurled through the air. Mercifully enough he managed to land on his feet and then bounced into a defensive position.

“Hate boys…” a voice hissed. “Bunch of perverts! I will destroy all perversion! They will all fall before the might of Mareusu! Smash them into the ground like nails!”

Sailor V turned and gasped at the sight of a monster lurking in her home. Whatever it was, it had muscles the size of her head bulging all along its long arms.Whenever it clenched a fist, it took on the appearance of a colossal mallet in shape, texture and sheer weight.

“What is that thing?” she asked the cat.

“That would be your sister. The enemy has taken advantage of her insecurity and through it seized control over her physical form… Mutating it into that thing.”

“Hey, lady, get out of here!” the boy yelled as a giant fist crashed into the ground where he’d been standing until just a moment ago. “Whatever this thing is, it’s on a rampage!”

That would be the sensible thing to do. It also went against every single instinct in Sailor V’s body. She was aching to help but did not have the faintest damn clue what to do. How could she fight something like this “Mareusu” creature? How could she hope to hurt it?

“What’s going on out here?!” her father yelled, and soon enough he and some other old man Kasumi had never seen before were running out into the back garden. “My goodness! Saotome, we must help your son!”

“I dunno where the hell this monster came from, but I think it took Akane!” the boy yelled. “I’m gonna kick its ass and get her back!”

The three of them leaped into action. They surrounded the monster and began a futile coordinated assault. The boy went high, the two older men went low. All three were brushed aside by the massive arms of this evil creature, and then the two men were caught in hands the size of a doorframe.

“I have to help them… But how? Cat, tell me! What is that thing? How can I fight it?”

“Well, the enemy would require about half an hour’s worth of backstory to explain properly, but we don’t have that sort of time!” the cat hissed. “All you need to know for now is this: The enemy hates love in all its forms. Especially sex. They are seeking to destroy love, and intend to do so by possessing people. They gain control by manipulating a person’s sexual insecurities and sending them on a rampage.”

“I see,” Kasumi nodded in understanding. “Oh my. So, if I am able to help Akane deal with her insecurity it would free her from this ‘Mareusu’?” the cat nodded. She may never get used to that. “Alright. Then somehow we need to work out what her insecurity is.”

“I hate boys! Hate boys! Immature! Perverts! Hate boys!” Mareusu yelled, clonking her father’s head against the other man’s before casting them to a corner of the garden. Both of them appeared to be completely unconscious.

“… I think you’ll be able to puzzle it out. Get in there! Help that boy before he gets minced!”

If that ever did happen, it probably wouldn’t be any time soon. He was fast. Very fast. But then again, Mareusu had a very long reach and seemed very single minded. “But… what am I supposed to do?” she asked. “I’m no fighter! How can I possibly help?”

“You may not be a fighter, but you sure seemed like one earlier when you were chasing me around!”

At which point a lightbulb chose now to switch on. Kasumi nodded, smiled, and in a matter of seconds was running back out into the garden wielding a broom.

“Sit still a moment, you filthy little boy!” the creature roared. “What’s the matter? Don’t wanna get hammered? Don’t like - Whoa!”

It’s really quite amazing what a little pressure at the back of the knees can accomplish. All of those anatomy books she’d been borrowing were turning out to be rather useful after all! Mareusu tumbled forward like a cut-down tree. Its legs were quite appropriately swept out from under it by Sailor V’s stealth attack. Down it went, tumbling down until all of a sudden it stopped and for a rather obvious reason: It had planted its hands firmly onto the ground.

But that split second was all that Ranma needed to enter Mareusu’s defenses and deliver a stunning flurry of blows to its face.

“Give! Me! Back! My! Friend!”

Mareusu tumbled to the side, rolling across the grass with a snarl. Its arm clipped the boy just a fraction, causing him to lose balance and land in the koi pond. The sudden burst of magical energy caused Sailor V to gasp - and then bursting out of the pond with an incredible burst of determined fury was Ranma.

“I see…” Mareusu growled, still resting on all fours like an animal. “You were pretending to be a girl all that time! I have you all pegged! All boys are perverts!”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Sailor V responded. “Ah, terribly sorry. I forgot to introduce myself. I am Sailor V, guardian of beauty and soldier of love! I am here to cure your wounded heart, and show you that not all boys are in fact perverts at all.”

“Thanks for the assist,” Ranma said. “But watch out, that thing is really strong!”

“Siding with the boy?!” Mareusu roared. “ I guess that makes you a pervert too! Very well! Two nails for the price of one!”

“Wait! Didn’t you hear what he said a moment ago? ‘Give me back my friend!’ Ranma! Who were you talking about?”

“This isn’t the time for this!” Ranma yelled, shuffling slightly towards the creature with fists raised. “We gotta make this thing tell us what it did to Akane!”

“And who is Akane?” Sailor V responded.

“She’s the first friend I’ve had in years!” Ranma replied, ducking and rolling over another flung fist.

“What happened to her?” Sailor V yelled, surprising herself with a magnificently elegant leap over the other arm.

“She walked in on me in the bathroom, backed off and closed the door. Then she screamed, and the next thing I know this thing is attacking me! It must’ve knocked her out and hid her somewhere!”

“Lying! Lying liars lie! You’re not her friend! You lied to her! You pretended to be a girl, then ambushed her in the bathroom! You don’t want to save her because she’s your friend! You lust after her! You want her her for body and looks! You want to nail her, and that’s all!”

It was kind of cute the way Ranma turned as crimson as her shirt. This was not the only reaction Sailor V noticed. The monster’s arms had shortened. The muscles rippled and shrank. It was hesitating. Some part of Akane deep within was fighting back! Good girl! Just a little more of a push and this would all be put behind them. The only problem was that she could only think of one strategy to use here and it wasn’t exactly appropriate behaviour.

Between appropriate behaviour and saving her sister, the choice couldn’t be more obvious.

“Say, Ranma, you’re kinda cute when you’re a guy. Once we’ve beaten this monster and saved Akane, would you like to partake in a little love making?”

“… Is this really the time for that?” Ranma replied.

No. It really wasn’t. “Well, I’m just thinking. If you really are the sort of guy who would go for a girl he barely knows, why not go for the embodiment of beauty and love? It’ll be all sorts of fun.”

Unfortunately, the thought wasn’t finished. Two large, meaty hands wrapped around both of their bodies, and Sailor V gasped as she was lifted into the air. “Got you!” Mareusu cackled.

“S-So says you!” Sailor V said. “We’re still gonna win, and then -” She took a deep breath, unable to believe what she was about to say. “I’m going to pin him to my bed and ride him. Ride him like his name suggests. What do you say, Ranma? Sound like fun?”

“You’re crazy! Thanks but no thanks!”

“Why not?”

“Because!” Ranma blushed once again. Almost there. Come on, stop being so shy! Tell her!

“No, really,” Sailor V gasped as the grip tightened. “If - if you don’t tell me, I’m going to assume the worst and start to cry!”

“Because it has to mean something! I mean… Ah! I want my fi-first time to be special, you know? With so-someone that cares about me, and I care about, and I don’t even know you!”

The tight grip loosened.

“It’s working, Sailor V!” the cat whispered from the ground. “You’re almost there! Keep at it, and then I’ll tell you how to finish it off!”

“You’re a romantic at heart, aren’t you?” Sailor V said, hoping the creature didn’t also hear the cat say that. Last thing it needed was to believe they were deceiving it. “You really do want to save Akane because she’s your new friend, and she’s in trouble. Right?”

“Of course! Hey, wait a minute. This grip is loose. I think - Wait… is that a talking cat down there?”

“Uh… Yeah?”

“Just checking,” Ranma said. Her eyes rolled upwards into her head and she promptly fainted on the spot. Well… it wasn’t as though Sailor V could really blame that reaction, but given that they were just about finished beating a monster with elongated muscular arms she might have picked a better time for doing so.

“Ran-ma…” the monster cooed, its voice almost sounding concerned. “Not a pervert. Not immature. Friend. No! Boy! Boys all perverts! But Ranma… He…”

“Reach into the pocket on your shirt,” the cat said. “You’ll find a compact. Point it at Mareusu and say ‘Crescent Beam’. Had you done so before introducing this weakness, you would have destroyed both your sister and the monster controlling her.”

Sailor V nodded in understanding and appreciation. “Thank you,” she said. The compact was just where it was supposed to be. Good. She pointed it at the creature, drew herself straight and said the words just as instructed. Before her very eyes the creature vanished, leaving only her little sister, unconscious and half naked, lying on the grass.

“She’ll keep a part of Mareusu’s power with her forever,” the cat said. “But her insecurity regarding boys should be all but gone from now on.”

“That’s good,” Sailor V sighed. “Oh my. I should get these two inside and dressed. We have quite a lot to talk about.”

“You should keep your identity secret. Even from your own family. If any of them were to become possessed again, they could use that knowledge against you. Get them inside, and I’ll tell you how to change back to your normal self.”

“Will it change my hair back to normal as well?” Kasumi asked. “I don’t think blonde suits me very well.”

“That shouldn’t be a problem. I’ll tell you more later on, okay? Good work, Sailor V. Good work.”

<hr>
She was floating atop… something. Not water. She always sank into water. Like a hammer. This was something entirely different. More solid. Harder to sink into. Akane opened her eyes and looked around. This place was unfamiliar to her, yet it seemed like a place she had known since the very earliest of her early memories.

“Are you alright?” a voice said, and a hand followed it. Akane took it and came face to face with Ranma. “You had me scared for a moment there.”

“I’m fine,” Akane said. She blinked. In Ranma’s place there now stood a boy. A handsome boy. A handsome naked boy. Only then did Akane realise that she too was naked. Naked as the day she was born.

And this did not bother her.

“That’s a relief,” the boy said. “To be honest, I thought you’d freaked out a little when you walked in on me like that.”

“I… don’t remember,” Akane said. “It’s all a blank. I remember walking into the bathroom and opening the separating door to the bath, but everything after that is a blank.”

“As well it should be!” Kuno’s voice echoed from behind her. “It would be ill appropriate for you to be in a room with any other man but myself! Save yourself until I have bested you!”

She cowered away from the source of the voice upon turning to look. There was an army of him. All looking at her with filthy, perverted looks. Stretching out over the horizon. Ready for battle. Too many for her to defeat.

“Why do you cower so?” Ranma whispered in her ear. The boy had vanished. Ranma wrapped her arms around Akane’s waist and hugged her from behind. Safe. So safe here. Feels wonderful.

“T-Too many. Can’t fight them!”

“Yes, you can,” the strange boy said, suddenly holding her in much the same way Ranma had been. “You are strong. You are so strong! Don’t you feel that strength? There is nothing for you to fear.”

He released her and stepped away. The safe feeling remained. Strength flowed into her arms the likes of which she had never felt before. Her reach felt longer too, even though her arm appeared unchanged. She swung one fist and swept aside half of the army. She swung the other and knocked over the rest. They pulled themselves to their feet and charged around her, but Akane felt no danger. She laughed and knocked them aside, one by one by one and laughed and laughed and laughed until there were no more of them left standing. Only her. Standing naked and alone.

Applause. She turned to face the source. Ranma and the boy standing side by side. They looked so similar. So happy. So pleased with her. Akane bowed for them.

“You see? Perverts hold no power over you!” Ranma said.

“Continue your training and you will become stronger still!” the boy said.

“This is the power of love and friendship!” both said in unison.

Akane nodded in understanding and reached forward. The boy was within her grip. With a heady smile she pulled his head down and kissed him with all of her considerable might.

<hr>
Akane jerked awake and blinked dumbly as her eyes adjusted to the light. She looked around herself. She was in the family room, in her gi. But how did she get here? She saw her father and some old man pressing ice packs to opposite sides of their heads. She saw Kasumi checking up on their injuries. She saw Nabiki, with a mildly confused expression on her face…

And she also saw the most handsome boy she’d ever laid eyes on.

“What’s going on?” she asked. The room seemed to notice all at once that she was awake. “How did I get down here? The last thing I remember I was going to take a bath.”

“You were attacked by a monster, apparently,” Nabiki said. “I missed all of it. Was listening to music.”

“It was quite the beast, wasn’t it, Saotome?” her father chuckled.

“Indeed it was, Tendo! Why, it must have been twenty foot tall, with arms like freight trains”

“Shot laser beams from its eyes.”

“Fire breath.”

“And its skin excreted a strength-sapping poison! It’s a miracle it was defeated at all.”

The boy rolled his eyes and sighed. “Yeah, but you didn’t beat it, did you? It was that Sailor V girl that beat it.”

“Sailor V?” Akane asked.

“Oh, just some superhero Ranma here made up,” Nabiki explained. “Apparently doesn’t want to take the credit himself.”

“Come to think of it, there was some girl we ran past on the way to fighting the creature,” her father said, rubbing his chin in thought. “She was wearing quite a peculiar outfit. Sort of like a modified sailor fuku, with a mask that made her eyes seem much larger than they really were.”

“Ranma?” Akane asked. She pulled herself back to her surprisingly wobbly feet. Where was Ranma? Nabiki had gestured towards the boy, but… that was impossible, surely.

“Oh, that’s right,” Nabiki chuckled. “You slept clear through the explanation of their curses.”

“You might want to sit down, Akane dear,” Kasumi cautioned. “This may come as a bit of a shock.”

“Ah, that explanation can wait a few minutes! Ranma here is a boy after all, which means there isn’t any trouble with him picking a fiance. Kasumi here is 19, Nabiki 17 and Akane is 16. Pick any one of the three, and you’ll be engaged.”

There are several things that one does not need after waking up from unconsciousness. Being told there was a decent chance of being engaged to some guy you’d never met before (regardless of how cute he may be) was rather high up on the list.

“I think he gets on best with Akane,” Nabiki said.

“Hm… I don’t like pushing this onto her, but if we absolutely must make a choice I have to agree with Nabiki. Akane would be most suitable.”

“N-Now, wait a minute here!” Akane yelled. Damn these legs! Stay steady! “Who says I want to be engaged? I've barely even met him! Give me a minute to wake up here! I was apparently just knocked out by some slobbering monster and the next thing I’m being engaged to some boy I don’t even know? Give me time to breathe, at least!”

“Yeah, Mister Tendo,” the boy said. “I mean, she doesn’t even know about the curse or anything!”

“See? They really are perfect for one another!” Soun laughed it up. “They’re already working together in defiance of a common adversary!”

Off in the corner of the room, unnoticed by any of them was Kasumi staring rather intently back and forth between the two pinkies of the freshly affianced couple.

After a moment, she shook her head and smiled.

<hr>
A dramatic alteration has occurred to the universe of <i>Ranma 1/2</i>. With the introduction of Sailor V, what drastic future direction will this story take? What desires have been fuelled by this turn of events that will ultimately play out within another series? What lingering effects will Akane’s new power have upon her and those around her?

Why don’t we find out? One of these desires expressed by Ranma will come to pass within another setting.

1. A cure for his curse.
2. That his father would be less of a stubborn idiot.
3. The safety of his friend.
4. To be thought of as normal.
5. To be out of this awkward situation.
6. Something else