He was going to be a father.
"Hrm, I think it's this way? If I'm reading this map correctly, then - "
He was going to be a father.
"Are you sure you can read the map with your level of eyesight?"
He was going to be a father.
"There's nothing wrong with my map reading skills!"
He was going to be a father.
"Then why were you looking at the back of the map?"
He was going to be a father.
This is a common malady that strikes those not expecting the amazing responsibility of parenthood. This was not especially helped in Ranma's case considering that, owing to his jumping around in time so much, he'd not actually technically had sex yet.
"Here, Ranma. At least you won't get us lost."
Ranma took hold of the map and immediately tucked it into his shirt like a bib. This earned him a sharp elbow from the future mother of his child, uncute tomboy extraordinaire, who was glowering at him with a face that would, by god, make sure their kid behaved themself.
"Ranma!" Akane Tendo growled. If the face didn't do it, the voice would. "Take this seriously! After all, we are doing this for your sake, dummy!"
Doing this for his sake...? Ah. The thought crept in on Ranma all of a sudden. He had jumped again. Actually, make that <i>she</i> had jumped again. For whatever reason Ranma was in girl form, walking through the woods next to Akane, with Ryoga and Mousse up ahead.
Come to think of it, this girl form was going to probably cause all kinds of confusion for their kid. Ranma sighed, set her backpack down and pulled out a thermos. There we go. The girl form had shorter legs anyway, so there was really no need for her to stay as a -
"Ranma, what are you -?" Akane began to ask as Ranma tipped it out over her head. Huh. funny. Normally when he became a guy again he had to adjust to the slight height difference between forms. Different centre of balance too. The only thing that seemed to change was that he was slightly damper and - Those were breasts. "Oh no, you just -" Akane began, then looked nervously over at Ryoga and Mousse. "You just jumped didn't you?"
"Better question," Ranma asked, her voice a touch higher pitched than usual. "Um... What's the best way to phrase this?" she pondered for a moment, tapping her foot until finally it seemed to hit her. Ranma snapped her fingers, then took a deep breath and then, quickly, rushed forward to seize hold of Akane's shoulders with the kind of panic normally reserved for that moment you discover the volcano you're standing on is about to erupt. "Why girl? Why still girl?! Answer me, girl! Girl!"
Nothing quite like getting the taste slapped out of your mouth by one of your future wives. It felt like there were a few jokes in there about the quality of Akane's cooking or married life, but Ranma was not in the mood for good humour (or lousy trollish jokes) at that particular moment in time. Which rather makes sense, really. Most men do panic a bit when, without warning, they find themselves lacking their penis, so one can imagine how Ranma must have felt when hot water had not, in any way, changed her back into a -
Ow. Ow! Actually, come to think that was really hot water she'd just tipped over her - Ow!
"Honestly, this whole thing is such a headache," Akane groused, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Okay, fine. I'd better get you caught up on what's going on while those two are distracted."
Looking past her, Ranma could see what she meant. Mousse and Ryoga were wandering around a tree in a big, big circle. Which is better? The blind leading the lost, or the lost leading the blind?
"Listen up," Akane snapped her fingers in front of Ranma's face. "It all started three days ago, when I was out for a morning jog..."
<hr>
In her recent experience, going out on a jog was a really good way for Akane to clear her head. A certain nameless someone could be so terribly inconsiderate. Why, he might even be the biggest moron in the entire universe. Either that or a genius at pushing her buttons. Either way, it was better for this perfectly innocent and decent and charming young girl to exert her energy by -
<hr>
"Wait, didn't this come up in school?" Ranma interrupted. "Uh... Unreliable narrator or something."
"As I was saying!" Akane seethed. "Expert at pushing my buttons, biggest idiot in the universe!"
<hr>
So here she was, out on her morning jog. It was a really useful routine for her to get into. It kept her muscles active, it was a solid warmup and it kept her from rising to that certain <i>idiot's</i> bait. Win, win, win!
Was it her imagination or was that wall getting quite badly cracked - Thinking quickly, Akane stopped in her tracks and prepared for the worst. Unfortunately her imagination could not have prepared her for what the worst would actually be.
It was... a woman. A very large woman. That is to say, not fat or anything like that. Muscular was the better word to use here. She'd torn through the wall as though it was tissue paper, and was now marching across towards a nearby bush. She reached inside and pulled out... What'shisname from class. The boy with the dark circles around his eyes.
"You!" the woman snarled. "You're a man, aren't you?"
"What else would he be...?" Akane wondered.
"You! Stay back!" the woman yelled, pointing accusingly at Akane. "Trying to steal this man's attention!" Well, she did have that effect on men. Curse her natural radiant beauty!
<hr>
'This woman will carry my first born.' Ranma was staring blankly at this girl who was, right before her eyes, swooning with melodrama oozing from every pore. Akane even had the back of her hand pressed up against her forehead. 'I am going to marry and impregnate this woman. This dork. This total, total dork.'
<hr>
Akane couldn't do much more than watch this odd display. "My name is Lime," the woman said.
"G-Gosunkugi," the boy said. Oh! Of course! Now she remembered. Hikaru Gosunkugi. The camera/occult enthusiast.
The woman began to cry for some reason. Normally the idea of any boy making a woman cry would bring Akane's back right up, and she'd be giving that boy a stern talking to. But... Well, look at the two of them. It was like seeing a mountain start to bawl over a stick, and Gosunkugi certainly hadn't said anything that could have upset her.
"This is the first time I have ever talked with a man!" Lime bawled. Gosunkugi looked nervously around and gave her a reassuring pat on the shoulder. Then she used his shirt as a handkerchief. Gross!
"I am going to try touching this man!" Lime suddenly said, hoisting up the boy with a single hand.
<hr>
"So, at what point did you realise you were in Gosunkugi's wet dream?"
And down she went. Boy, that girl could move when she was in the right mood! Right in the solar plexus, .
"Don't be gross, that's actually what she said!" Akane sniffed. "Besides which, it didn't seem as though Gosunkugi particularly wanted her touching him."
"Wh-what gave you that idea?" Ranma asked from her position bent over on the ground.
"There were a few hints here and there."
<hr>
"Oh gods! This woman's going to crush my dick!" Gosunkugi yelled, kicking out and thrashing in a rather futile - though in light of the nearby ruined wall understandable - attempt to get away. "Save me, Akane! Save me!"
Akane took a deep, deep breath and struck a brave pose with her hands on her hips. Of course! As a martial artist it was her duty to ensure that all citizens were safe from those who would abuse their power, abuse their strength and then, bring justice to the world! That was what a martial artist was for, even if the foe was clearly too strong for them to handle alone!
"Hmmm?!" Lime snarled. All around her was a demonic aura that only made Akane all the more determined to fight her. "Told you... Leave man alone! My man to touch! Get your own!"
Right, now she had her attention! There was nothing else for it. She had to create some distance between the enemy and the civilian. With a monster of this level of strength collateral damage was absolutely a concern, so she -
<hr>
"Copied the Saotome secret technique, didn't you?" Ranma interjected. Ah yes. The infamous technique of running away to give yourself time to think of a way to beat your opponent.
"No!" Akane sniffed. "Maybe... Maybe a little..."
If Mousse and Ryoga weren't there, and it were possible for Ranma to be a boy, he'd set about trying to impregnate her early. Don't ask her to explain it, but Ranma was really, really turned on right now.
- In the flashback, Akane runs into Shampoo getting into a fight with a really fast girl.
- In the flashback, Akane is captured by Lime so "she can teach how to seduce men."
- Cue interruption before things get any further.
- Something else
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